I had a really emotional evening last night. I guess I just let myself feel what I usually erase w/ booze. I started drinking 2 decades ago when I was dumped by a boyfriend, I can point to the very day I became an alcoholic (erasing the feelings). It was like a switch flipped on, one day I drank rarely and never thought about it and the next day I drank alot and obsessed over it all the time. Since then, I have dealt with every uncomfortable feeling with drinking.
15 years ago I married a man that is controlling, but fortunately, I've gotten much better at not taking it and he's responded positively. Anyway, we moved halfway across the country and I hated it, left everything that was familiar and had to start over. In 15 years, I haven't made any close friends and we rarely go anywhere with anyone. I am catholic, my husband is Jewish, We live in a mid sized midwestern town. People are pretty "clicky", they know each other from childhood and social activities revolve around the church or synagogue. We don't fit into either. My son is being raised Jewish, so I do alot of volunteering at the synagogue. He's doing his barmitzvah in 6 weeks. I have not been invited to any of the kids' parties (even though alot of the adults go to the parties). I wind up ushering at the barmitzvah services of the kids whose parties I'm not invited to.
Part of it is that my husband doesn't care to socialize at all, so it doesn't bother him. I, on the other hand, was raised in that same "clicky" environment that I describe, with a big family and community. For some reason, I really miss it. I miss big dinner parties and going out in groups, etc. So, for the last 15 years I've been suppressing it with alcohol. I finally let myself feel the lonliness and isolation yesterday and I cried. Drinking really sucks, but so does going through this stuff. Does it get better? How do you deal with sadness, lonliness, etc. when you've stopped drinking? I have my distractions (excercize, movies, books, clubs, etc), but they also just temporarily relieve the sadness and don't get to the root of the problem. Can anyone who's been through this advise? Thanks for giving me a chance to have my pity party! Samadhi
15 years ago I married a man that is controlling, but fortunately, I've gotten much better at not taking it and he's responded positively. Anyway, we moved halfway across the country and I hated it, left everything that was familiar and had to start over. In 15 years, I haven't made any close friends and we rarely go anywhere with anyone. I am catholic, my husband is Jewish, We live in a mid sized midwestern town. People are pretty "clicky", they know each other from childhood and social activities revolve around the church or synagogue. We don't fit into either. My son is being raised Jewish, so I do alot of volunteering at the synagogue. He's doing his barmitzvah in 6 weeks. I have not been invited to any of the kids' parties (even though alot of the adults go to the parties). I wind up ushering at the barmitzvah services of the kids whose parties I'm not invited to.
Part of it is that my husband doesn't care to socialize at all, so it doesn't bother him. I, on the other hand, was raised in that same "clicky" environment that I describe, with a big family and community. For some reason, I really miss it. I miss big dinner parties and going out in groups, etc. So, for the last 15 years I've been suppressing it with alcohol. I finally let myself feel the lonliness and isolation yesterday and I cried. Drinking really sucks, but so does going through this stuff. Does it get better? How do you deal with sadness, lonliness, etc. when you've stopped drinking? I have my distractions (excercize, movies, books, clubs, etc), but they also just temporarily relieve the sadness and don't get to the root of the problem. Can anyone who's been through this advise? Thanks for giving me a chance to have my pity party! Samadhi
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