Incompatible

[LibraryGirl]

What to do? I just feel so strongly that things are not right in my current relationship. Yet, I'm having such a hard time breaking free. I don't know exactly what to do. I am almost more afraid of being alone than I am of having a bad relationship. What a mess.:upset:

[FarfallaP]

Incompatible

Haven't a clue what to say that might be helpful, so am sending good thoughts and warm fuzzies to cuddle your heart long distance...FFP

[TheSunFlower]

Incompatible

I was in a relationship for 5 years.....one day I simply woke up in the morning....and said that "being alone for the rest of my life would be better". I broke it off that day for good. So thankful I had the strength to do that.

I then decided.....I just wanted to enjoy myself....no MEN!

I met my husband literally two weeks later. Have there been ups and downs....yes, but we have stuck together for 17 years...2 kids....my drinking problem.....and almost losing everything thanks to the economy.

If I had not rid myself of the bad boyfriend....I doubt I would have met my husband.

I want to divorce my husband about 1x a year. I think that is normal

[LibraryGirl]

Incompatible

LOL, sunflower. I don't expect to ever have a perfect relationship. I know it takes work, but it shouldn't be this hard. Every day I have to think about how I say things in order not to get a negative response. It seldom works. I can make the most innocuous comment and it turns into an all-out war. He's made me think that I'm the one who's unpredictable and I've been second guessing myself. I know, I know this is not right, and that I wouldn't be so sad and angry if it were.

EDIT: Let me preface all this by saying I am a very STRONG woman. In case you wondered. I do not allow people to walk over me, and that is what he tries to do unsuccessfully, and I do not stand for it. Therefore, we argue. Constantly. I am not normally this way, but I'll be damned if I just crawl meekly to a fucking corner when I'm being talked down to. Sorry for the language, it seemed to work best.

[daisy45]

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I don't know if you pray LG but when it got so bad for me it helped. I swore I would stay with him til my kids were youngest 16. I ended up leaving with 4 kids, 2 and a half to 6yr old. No regrets but lonely. My situation was extreme but I would urge anyone to try everything before they leave. At least then you know you've done your best.....
Mine was all mind games and mental abuse - second guessing came into it quite a lot because of that........I so hope you get some peace...I hear your pain

[Struggles 106]

Incompatible

Hey LG

Sounds like a bad dynamic there. If someone loves you they should be kind. Not argumentative and controlling or demeaning

[LibraryGirl]

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I hate even bringing this to light. It make me feel weak. He is not a terrible person. He has made me aware of my drinking and smoking, but it feels like he wants to run me into the ground with his superiority. Sometimes he is so sweet, and I never doubt his attraction for me (as I did my ex-hub)...but, I'm just so tired. I'm so tired of having to be careful of what I say to avoid an argument (and it never works).

[daisy45]

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that is hard work LG. You know the only person who can decide is you. See yourself in 5 years time with him and then without him. How does it look?

[FlyAway]

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LG I have so many thoughts running around in my head right now about your situation that I don't think I'll be able to organize it all into any sense! But I'll try.

You have talked for many months about your unhappiness with your relationship. Your SO's laziness, playing video games all the time, lack of reading, lack of interest in conversation, etc. I remember some of your early postings because you reminded me so much of myself.

So here are some thoughts. Everything in this physical world has a beginning and an end. A book, a relationship, a life. If your life were to end tomorrow, would you say that your SO improved your life or held you back? Or would you describe it some other way? Do you feel like you would be capable of more without him in your life? What positive things is he adding to your life? Would it be possible for you to look back and to see the positive things that happened over the course of your relationship and to be thankful for them, but to realize that the relationship has reached its end? Its end is inevitable, whether by choice or by death. It will end.

I think you know the answer to the question "What to do?" You already said the real problem; your fear of being alone. If Mr. Tall-Dark-And-Perfect were to enter the picture you probably wouldn't have a problem getting out of the relationship, right? The relationship that is hard is the relationship with yourself. It is fear of the unknown.

So how to handle fear? What I believe from many situations in my life is the only way to overcome fear is to embrace it. The thing that is hard becomes easy when you make it your passion. Feel the fear. Be alone. Commit to being single for a period of time. Make a list of small dreams or accomplishments you've always thought would be nice to achieve; learning a second language, taking a college course, taking ice skating lessons, flying, whatever! And do your list. Find out who you really are and attempt to find your life's purpose. And learn to love yourself. You can't really give your heart to another person when you haven't even given it to yourself.

[briseus]

Incompatible

God, you women are strong.
With or without men.
More then I can say for myself in general at times.

[LibraryGirl]

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:upset:I wish I knew. I don't even know how to evict him lol. He has no where to go. He has nothing of his own. Including a vehicle. I have a van now that I inherited from my father and he has been using my old Honda, but he never had his own car. His parents are dead and his extended family have nothing to do with him. I just don't know how to get out of this. We met and talked for a long time and eventually I went to see him a few times, and it led to me bringing him here to live with me. Unfortunately, he has nowhere to go and no way to leave. What the hell can I do????:upset:

[FlyAway]

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Just wanted to add that I was in a 5 year relationship with a man who I initially thought was my perfect mate. Things slowly evolved and it was so hard to see the truth at the end. But there was a lot of tiptoeing around to avoid setting him off. And ending it was soooo incredibly hard because it was so comfortable and our lives were very entwined with our extended families. There were several times after I told him it was over that I almost went back. But I am very grateful that I held strong and very soon after it ended I felt enormous relief. Relief that I never would have thought possible. Sometimes you need separation to get clarity.

[LibraryGirl]

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I agree Fly. I am at the point that I want a separation. There's just some ridiculous problems with that. How the hell did I get into this situation!! I swear, if this doesn't give someone pause about drinking, lol. I did meet him when I was newly separated and also drowning my sorrows....no wonder it's not the perfect match. duh. I am just stuck and really don't know where to turn right now.

[FlyAway]

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LG give him your Honda and let him figure out the rest. This is a grown man you're talking about. He was living somewhere when you met him. He'll find a way. This is not your problem. Honestly I think you'd be doing him a favor too.

[scottish lass]

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I am trying to get out of a 18 year marriage - I have seperated and filed, but trying to untwine everything, and keep my two children intact is so very hard - but I wish I had done it years ago - things are not good, financially tough - emotionally terrible, but it is still a relief to be doing this. I am also very strong and knew what I needed to a few years back, but wanted to stay for my kids sake - like Daisy I eventually chose the right path and will continue to work to get my life back......
Only you know what you need to do, noone can tell you, but do the right thing....it will bring you so much relief when you decide what to do....