Incompatible

[daisy45]

Incompatible

Flyaway - wise words; wish you'd been around for me all those years ago.
Stay strong LG.....really think about what is best for you....you cannot be responsible for anyone else......some day he may thank you

[LibraryGirl]

Incompatible

Thank you, all of you. I have been so depressed and upset about this. I have been AF most of the time now, and he did help with that but I cannot overlook the daily struggle. My poor dogs run all the time to the bedroom or wherever they can go to avoid hearing us scream at each other. I told my bf, this is NOT NORMAL for me. I do not ARGUE constantly like this with people. There is something wrong with US. (maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with me, but I'd be willing to take a fucking chance on that)

I guess I could give him my Honda. I could get around 2000.00 for it, to make up for a teensy bit of the debt I've gotten into since we met. However it would be a solution. I am thinking on this.

Thanks everyone for listening and contributing. It means so much. I have been so reluctant to say anything about my situation because I was embarrassed and also because if I didn't do anything about it, I felt like I'd be ridiculed.

I am working on this. It may not be tomorrow, but I will work it out, one way or the other.

[BPH]

Incompatible

Not sure I should say anything since I'm so new to this site but here it goes anyway! :new:

I was once in a similar situation and a friend I was commiserating to hit the nail on the head for me with one question:

Imagine yourself in the future and ask: What option, looking back, will you NOT regret in 2 years?

Will you regret staying? Will you regret leaving? The answer is up to you and you need to act on it. Life is too short.

Bad relationships are the worst. They suck so much energy out of you and all you get back is negative, which is even more draining.

[LibraryGirl]

Incompatible

FlyAway;1404775 wrote: LG I have so many thoughts running around in my head right now about your situation that I don't think I'll be able to organize it all into any sense! But I'll try.

You have talked for many months about your unhappiness with your relationship. Your SO's laziness, playing video games all the time, lack of reading, lack of interest in conversation, etc. I remember some of your early postings because you reminded me so much of myself.

So here are some thoughts. Everything in this physical world has a beginning and an end. A book, a relationship, a life. If your life were to end tomorrow, would you say that your SO improved your life or held you back? Or would you describe it some other way? Do you feel like you would be capable of more without him in your life? What positive things is he adding to your life? Would it be possible for you to look back and to see the positive things that happened over the course of your relationship and to be thankful for them, but to realize that the relationship has reached its end? Its end is inevitable, whether by choice or by death. It will end.

I think you know the answer to the question "What to do?" You already said the real problem; your fear of being alone. If Mr. Tall-Dark-And-Perfect were to enter the picture you probably wouldn't have a problem getting out of the relationship, right? The relationship that is hard is the relationship with yourself. It is fear of the unknown.

So how to handle fear? What I believe from many situations in my life is the only way to overcome fear is to embrace it. The thing that is hard becomes easy when you make it your passion. Feel the fear. Be alone. Commit to being single for a period of time. Make a list of small dreams or accomplishments you've always thought would be nice to achieve; learning a second language, taking a college course, taking ice skating lessons, flying, whatever! And do your list. Find out who you really are and attempt to find your life's purpose. And learn to love yourself. You can't really give your heart to another person when you haven't even given it to yourself.

I really like what you've said. The truth is, he DID help me get sober. I have found that I am more energetic at work and I have a new found interest in my career, as opposed to just "going to work" as I once did (for years!). However, I think we are just truly incompatible. I will have to make a decision.

[Struggles 106]

Incompatible

Hey LG

Clearly you are a smart strong woman. Being a part of a couple is supposed to be a situation where your joys can be doubled and hour sorrows halved. Two to share everything, ups and downs. It's not supposed to be hard . It's not fair for one person to carry the total emotional commitment to the deal.

Women ten dto think ( and I have too ) on some level that we must be with a man-its not normal to be alone, its worthy of ridicule etc etc. Fuck a bunch of men
We are OK just the way we are. Things happen for a reason.
This doesn;t sound like a recipr for a calm and centered life together.
But who am I to say ?? Just my 2 cents. I think you are too good for that shit

[FlyAway]

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LibraryGirl;1404792 wrote: I really like what you've said. The truth is, he DID help me get sober. I have found that I am more energetic at work and I have a new found interest in my career, as opposed to just "going to work" as I once did (for years!). However, I think we are just truly incompatible. I will have to make a decision.

Of course there were good parts to your relationship and probably many happy memories. You'd be a masochist to get into a relationship with someone who offered nothing all along! :H It took me a while of being out of my relationship before I could even clearly remember the good times. Embrace the good times and the personal growth and be grateful for having them. Then let the relationship, which appears to be at its end, go. Its end is inevitable. Neither one of you can move on now and keep growing until you release the shackle holding you right where you are.

[LibraryGirl]

Incompatible

One thing I have to admit to, as horrible as it may seem, is that I threaten him all the time. I say, this WILL NOT continue. I will go on without you, and our relationship will be over. He just takes it and says I love you with all my heart.:upset: Is it really Me?:upset:

[kuya]

Incompatible

LG, I often joke that there is only one word I need to teach my daughter, and that is


NEXT



Seriously, you are afraid of being alone, yet a bad relationship can be a lot lonelier.

'In love' is a chemical imbalance created by biology to propagate the species. The seven year itch occurs because that is how long it takes to raise a human child to a state of survival. Beyond this you may be lucky and still like your partner and have become friends and have a partnership.

If you have no children and don't get on GET OUT, NOW! (IMHO :H)

[LibraryGirl]

Incompatible

Wise words. I have no children. I am an anomaly of sorts...never wanted children, but was one of seven...have countless nephews and neices and grand nephews and neices. I still to this day do not miss having children. I know it is a remarkable and beautiful thing, but I don't regret not being part of it.

It is funny because I actually finally got married to my ex hub with whom I lived with for almost 8 years. We married at the courthouse for some silly reason, and it lasted all but a year. I am just completely against relationships right now, lol.

Thank you everyone! You've been so supportive. It means everything.

[Alcoholic]

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LG:

People rarely change. Just imagine the same complaints you have about him today being there 10 years from now. My husband is 44 years and guess what he's doing? Playing video games downstairs! the same thing he's been doing for the last 30 years since he was 14 when video games came on the market. (He does work but only because I threatened divorce.).

I agree w others, if you close one door, another sure will open.

[LibraryGirl]

Incompatible

Good Lord. Just imagining 10 years is bad enough. I respect my bf for many reasons. I think he has the capacity to do remarkable things. However, he has used me and negelected bettering himself, because he thought I would always have his "back". Enough is enough. He is playing the latest $60.00 game ( a bargain!) right now, and has yelled at me a couple of times tonight when I tried to distract his attention from the game.

[kuya]

Incompatible

Ah I think I see it now..... You fell in love with POTENTIAL! ........been there, done that, now a single mum with 3 kids. I always found little birds with broken wings, listened to their 'if only' stories and thought 'how sad, he has so much POTENTIAL.

Bullshit! If they are gonna do they would have done it......you are being used.

Yell at me while you are playing a video game I paid for .......GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE BUDDY.

My kids wouldn't dare, so no one else's GROWN kid is going to!

( and I am going to be cynical enough to ask you whether he helped you get sober so you would be well enough to go on carrying him .......just a thought love)

[Alcoholic]

Incompatible

LG:

My husband would stay home and not work if I let him. He's an attorney, has plenty of "potential," but would rather not use it unless forced.

My brother is a physician who never worked until he turned 44 when my parents finally kicked him out of the house. He then instantly found a job. (Another video gamer)

Btw, it's becoming very common that women are the income earners and men staying home doing... Not much.

When my son turns 18, I'm kicking him out and he knows it. (He's only 11 and just this morning I reminded him that again!). He will have college paid for, but that money is only for college.

[allswell]

Incompatible

Hi LG,

No profound words of advice, just letting you know I'm thinking of you and your situation and knowing in the long run you will do what's best for you.

I too was in a long term relationship that had to end. Going through the daily process of ending the whole mess was hard but what got me through it was thinking ahead to the burden free, argument free, life of happiness and independence that was within reach. Sounds like you have already made the decision, I guess it's time to implement.

Stay strong LG, there is a better life for you - now all you have to do is grab it!

[FreeFly]

Incompatible

I'd go with Fly's advice and give him the Honda and move on. I had one of these relationships and the arguing was so debilitating. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you, just that 'together' has maybe gone past its sell by date. If it?s not right for you, then it?s certainly not right for him either and yes, I agree, you?d be doing him a favour. I'm sure there are many good things to take from the relationship and I'd hold onto them as time well spent.

Took me a while to extract myself from the relationship and there are times I get lonely, but one thing I definitely don?t miss is him and the place I was in. And I certainly won?t live with a lazy arse again! God, the joy of not having that in my life (yes, read your previous posts too). Taking my time to get healthy and happy within myself now so I can attract a partner from that centre and not from a place I can?t trust my judgement .

I think you know in your heart what is right for you :l