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**bettygirl** · November 9, 2012, 08:39 PM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

everytime you want to drink, put 10 dollars in a jar...if you're wanting to drink everyday, you should have enough to move out in a few months.
doesn't help if you are an alcoholic, which i assume you are if you are here, so a more realistic thing to say is get some help with your drinking problem...maybe aa, or rational recovery...might help smooth some of the tension between you and lovely ole ma, as well. i'm not sure i'd want an active alcoholic girlfriend of my son living with me either (not to be mean, just realistic).

**kuya** · November 9, 2012, 08:47 PM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

You need to decide which you want the most. Sobriety would help achieve the second but there is no point if you use the stress of living there as the reason for not getting sober

**cpn1004** · November 9, 2012, 08:58 PM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

Drinking never helped me solve any problems.

**IAD** · November 9, 2012, 08:59 PM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

"I drank to forget ! For get what !?! Don't know, I forgot.....Ha!
Don't use Alcohol as a crutch........Face your problems head on. You'll get better results in the long run.

**dixon** · November 9, 2012, 09:09 PM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

Just can say drink doesn't help you out to solve the problem.It just keeps you undecided and in this measurable condition.You must be ready to face the problem in sober mind.:l:h
Dix

**paulywogg** · November 9, 2012, 09:49 PM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

hi briseus,sounds like a situation,man its one thing if work sux,at least you have home to go to,when your home life sux,where do you go?i feel for you,but the drinking doesnt help much does it?your still in the same place when you sober up,please keep us posted,im sorry

**TheSunFlower** · November 10, 2012, 12:32 AM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

Bri....glad to see you posting. Personally.....I never wanted to be reliant on another person even at a young age. I always wanted to make sure I could take care of myself....and now my family. It can be done.

**RunningCourage** · November 10, 2012, 03:18 AM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

Hey Bri,

Ok, so yeah, sounds like self-medication. But i think you recognise that. So you know that. You're wise.
But also, you've got a relationship with AL, you know AL, you can remember how you could run away into a bottle and how good that felt, how, for an hour or so, it took you away from everything... and the you likely woke up feeling somewhat shit and groggy with all the issues you were numbing still there... yep I know you know this.

Couple of Q's: How long do you think the living situation will last? Is it bearable enough to live there for so many more months until you and the beau get your own pad? Perhaps looking ahead, as opposed to being exasperated with the present might help...

Can you really not afford to move out? I live with a couple of roomies. They're 10 yrs younger than me and do what i did at that age - go out most nights drinking. It can mean strangers or their friends coming back to stay, sometimes in their beds, sometimes on the sofa. And sometimes i can't stand it. Sometimes, i sink into despair because i can hear everything (the walls are paper thin here). Sometimes I think at 3am that I'll just drive to my folks. BUT, it's darn cheap. It'd cost me an extra ?200/month to get my own pad and live by myself. And, if i do not drink, it might JUST be affordable. Perhaps. It wouldn't be easy, but if i really feel that my (or your) living situation is bearing down on you, making you unhappy, then you are in your right to sort it. And perhaps that simply means looking at how you might afford it.

Depends on where you live of course. Just seen the prices of accomodation in London and i'm like :wow:

Alternatively - have you spoken to your bf about the living situ, and perhaps more importantly about how his mum makes you feel? You say you have tried tackling these things head on, if he (let alone she) can't see things from your point of view, then why? Why's he pandering to his mum (if this is what he's doing)...

Bit of a long reply this one...!

Good luck Bri!

**LibraryGirl** · November 10, 2012, 09:22 AM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

Hi Bri.:l I'm sorry you're having a hard time. It doesn't sound like there's been any improvement in your living situation. I don't want to bash you for how you've been handling the situation because you already know. I do want to congratulate you on working and going to school...that's a wonderful achievement. If you could possibly look into moving into another place with roommates, and let the idea of moving with bf take a backseat until it's more feasible, then you might be able to move forward. It's worth looking into anyway. Good luck to you sweetie.:l

**Kradle123** · November 10, 2012, 10:18 AM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

I've got a spare room Bri!

You are always welcome... :l

**nancy** · November 10, 2012, 03:16 PM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

excuse?

It sounds like a very uncomfortable situation to be in. I can't remember why it's so impossible for you to move out. Is it that you're unemployed? That needs to be a major focus for you, to get out of that situation.

In the meantime, you aren't doing yourself any favors analyzing it over and over again though maybe that's linked to your OCD? You don't have to wonder why she treats you that way and ruminate about it to the point where you need a drink. You don't get along. Maybe you would if you lived in different houses.

This is a tough situation that maybe you can resolve if you work hard at it. But throughout life there will be other things that come up that are uncomfortable. Having the self-confidence and self-coping skills are important to avoid binges. Easier said than done.

Good luck.

**briseus** · November 12, 2012, 06:35 PM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

You guys are all right. I almost ran away from here again...
I can't keep using it as an excuse..and that is exactly what I am doing. I really honestly can't move away right now...but I also know that I need to cope with my issues in different ways and not by drinking. I am just overwhelmed with all that is going on.
And I want to get sober again, I mean if I keep doing this thing over and over it is only going to get worse.
And it is true, particularly with my OCD (you got it Nancy!) that I sit there and ruminate and I am always so concerned about what others think of me...I need to start taking care of number 1, me.

And again...if I don't get sober, then what is even the point of moving out into my own place...it is going to still be the same ol' song and dance. I just don't know how to deal with it when I feel like no one is in my corner and that scares me. Because I just want my boyfriend to have my back...and sometimes he just doesn't.

But I need to figure out a different way of dealing with this crap...

Thanks everyone for your insight...back to square one again. :/ At least it isn't square one one one...but square one part...2? 3? Better that I try then not try at all.

Thanks! HUGS.

**choice** · November 12, 2012, 11:56 PM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

I think your doing the right thing to keep trying. Being overwhelmed is a horrible feeling and if you think moving out isn't an option right now then the best option to focus on completely is your sobriety 100%. Once you move out.. there will always be a reason to drink anyway... so might as well stay put and learn how to cope with all the stuff that's tough right now.

Now is a great time to dig deep.. you'll amaze yourself with your strength. And moving out won't seam as daunting. Great job!! It sounds to me like you are really trying to sort your life out and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders!!

**fennel** · November 13, 2012, 10:54 AM

Relationship Issues...Leading Me To Drink or Excuse?

bettygirl;1408769 wrote: everytime you want to drink, put 10 dollars in a jar...if you're wanting to drink everyday, you should have enough to move out in a few months.
doesn't help if you are an alcoholic, which i assume you are if you are here, so a more realistic thing to say is get some help with your drinking problem...maybe aa, or rational recovery...might help smooth some of the tension between you and lovely ole ma, as well. i'm not sure i'd want an active alcoholic girlfriend of my son living with me either (not to be mean, just realistic).
kuya;1408773 wrote: You need to decide which you want the most. Sobriety would help achieve the second but there is no point if you use the stress of living there as the reason for not getting sober

These are two awesome replies. ^

Save up your money and move (sans boyfriend) even if it's to a studio apartment. Your boyfriend is spineless- even if the two of you moved out of her house, he will always and forever be a "mama's" boy and you will always be furious with him for kow-towing to her.

The situation sounds awful, but drinking won't improve it. Drinking is simply paralyzing you.

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