Again.. Yep, I'm back :(

[maddiemadison]

Every time I fall and things get bad again, meaning drinking too much and turning my life upside down I resolve to find new tools, work harder, make changes and I do. But life sometimes makes me forget I can't drink, I feel in control again and it's just not the case. We all know the story, just one, which leads to five ten etc.. Why is this so hard, what am I missing in me that makes me want to zone out, disconnect with the world? There has to be a key, I feel it's connected to self worth, guilt and all those other things that go with fighting with an addiction. Time to bring back all the tools, clean out my life and put myself back together. I feel like humpty dumpty.

I haven't been here in a while 5 months, but today is the day I resolve to pull myself back into line.

Lot's of love and good thoughts to all you memebers out there sharing this experience and this journey of learning to stay and be happy sober.

[Raven2012]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

Hi Maddie,

What happened Maddie if you don't mind me asking? I joined in August.I've had my ups and downs too!

[maddiemadison]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

Oh Raven where do I start, basically an unhealthy relationship, my husband is very critical and lives in a bubble of it's not his way its' no way. I don't feel loved, treasured or supported, often, more than not he says the most horrible things, that totally cut me in half and I feel so so guttered. I don't drink a huge amount compared to some stories I read, but for me it's binging, I will go on a bender and it can last for weeks. The big thing here is that I am the one who cooks cleans, looks after the kids, washes irons and works full time and earns more than he does, but it's never good enough. A reality check is needed for me, I have my issues that I am working really hard to move on from, having someone in the background telling you your shit and believing it, is something I need to eliminate from my life, it just hinders my progress. He is always my undoing.. Sorry if that is too much info. I live in an abusive type relationship non violent but very emotionally abusive

[Raven2012]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

Oh my Maddie,

I can see why you are frustrated.
You've been through a lot. Kind of like me. How old are your kids? Mine are six and eight. One boy and a girl. And it's a very bad stage to get frustrated in a marraige because the children are old enough to know what's going on and to have an opinion. Painful. I'm sure they love both of you. It would have been easier if they were smaller. But, you can't change that.

If you earn more than he does than you are in a very strange place. Is this for good? Is he looking for work? Hopefully so. You don't want to end up paying him spousal support. Surely his manly pride will guide him towards a new career and you can keep a lid on your plans in the meantime. Lets hope.

Stay close Maddie.

Best.

Raven

[kuya]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

Violence or no violence Maddie, the effect is the same. Low self esteem, anxiety, self doubt, self loathing and ultimately the need to escape. For you it is the booze, for others it might be food.

I have been in one extremely violent relationship in my life, but the next one was a narcissistic user. Give me bruises any day TBH, at least it is obviously wrong and you have visual signs to promote action.

Verbal abuse is awful and cowardly. Now you need to get sober, get strong and get him sorted or get him gone !

[maddiemadison]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

Raven thankyou
Kids are 11 and 7 and know what's going on in more ways than I would like them too.
My husband works good job but he's unhappy we had our own business for a long time and he hates working for someone which is part of the bigger issue.

What is it that makes you drink?

[maddiemadison]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

Kuya thanks yes I agree sober is around the corner done it before can do again and he is next

[Doggygirl]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

Hi maddie. Welcome back!!! You deserve to give yourself the gift of freedom from alcohol. (and freedom from anything else that may need to be cut loose....... )

DG

[Nelz]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

Hey maddie welcome back.

Im sure there is more than one person on here thankful for your "reminder" of why most of us are here in the first place. Every once in a while, I start thinking I can moderate because "its been so long". Even though I know there is no chance of that, my sneaky little brain tries to tell me different. It is posts like yours, and others that help me continue to stay grounded, and so for that.....I thank you.

I feel for you and your situation, it must be a terrible burden to try and carry alone. You will find plenty of support around here, and many people that can empathize with your AL struggles.

AL is a real pain in the rump, but it can be beaten when you are ready for it. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and I dont feel very qualified to offer suggestions on the other issue.

Just try to surf the urge to drink for as long as that urge lasts......in time, it will start to get easier.

Wishing you strength, support and knowledge to get you through and to be successful on your road to recovery.......hang in there

[maddiemadison]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

After ragging on my husband he blows me away, arrives home early from work, (he knows I'm not feeling well - detoxing) hugs me, appologies, tells me how amazing I am and how he's sorry for giving me such a hard time and promises to work with me and support the process of going AF, without judgement and criticism. Miracles do and can happen.

[maddiemadison]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

PS Thanks Nelz for your kind words.

[pingu1997]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

maddiemadison;1414290 wrote: PS Thanks Nelz for your kind words.

Your kids are a similar age to mine and my relationship is a bit up and down...and last thurs was my birthday and I was spoiled in a way like never before and it totally threw me...

I drank to cope with an uncommunicative partner, one kid with autism, another totally hyper, and family who kick the crap out of me at every opportunity.

Pm me maddie if you'd like to chat...

Pingu x

[Mootsbill]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

That sounds good Maddie :0) getting support it definitely the way forward. Xx

[maddiemadison]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

I would like to start a daily diary of the progress to AF. Today is day 2 AF, i've been though the shakes, sweating and feeling resonably ok today. Maybe the journey can help others, idea's on where this is most appropriate?

Your thoughts appreciated

[kuya]

Again.. Yep, I'm back

You have just posted on AF daily...... A good solid daily check in place.

Glad DH is being supportive, perhaps he senses a change in your attitude, I hope so :l