Why?

[Mootsbill]

The hell am I here again. Hungover after a major binge. I want so much for this to be over. It causes me so much pain x

[Catbuddy]

Why?

Moots, I'm sorry. That sucks. What happened? Wanna "talk?" Post and I'll respond.

:l Cat

[paulywogg]

Why?

hi moots,im sorry your feeling bad,i feel you though im on day 7 and my mind is so preoccupied with wanting to drink,its pissing me off! i dont know if ill ever be able to fix myself,sometimes im tired of trying.

[Mootsbill]

Why?

Thanks guys, last night was hell, you know the awful anxiety that comes with the hangover;0( I couldn't sleep was sweating etc. I was so worried about going to the school gates because I was pissed yesterday and although I covered it well I was anxious as hell about seeing people. Of course when I got there no ine even said or acted any different but as with most things with this disease you think everyone is thinking about you! Like they haven't got their Kevin shit going on!
Managed to get both kids to school and have been to a class at the gym, feeling nauseas, puffy and but jumpy but that's day 1 for you.
Going to keep posting and try and keep strong. X

[Mootsbill]

Why?

Catbuddy sorry meant to say I don't know what's going on, I had a social thing Sunday, started in the vino and just couldn't stop ;0( when will I learn that I cannt drink 'normally' for godsake! I get so angry with myself

[kuya]

Why?

Mootsbill;1414382 wrote: Catbuddy sorry meant to say I don't know what's going on, I had a social thing Sunday, started in the vino and just couldn't stop ;0( when will I learn that I cannt drink 'normally' for godsake! I get so angry with myself

Did you eat properly before you went?

[Catbuddy]

Why?

I agree with Kuya - my strongest cravings come when I'm hungry. Also, are you intending to moderate or abstain? Just wondering if drinking was part of the plan on Sunday. Hope you are feeling better; it's a rainy Tuesday here.

Cat

[Mootsbill]

Why?

I am really hopeing for abstinence but am struggling making that commitment, when a social thing comes up I think oh why not I won't go mad! And to be fair sometimes I don't but other times it ends up like this, hence the goal of abstinence. My life is great, nice home, kids hubby etc but I do have GAD and we've got a few financial worries at the moment (along with e everyone else!) and I guess its just an excuse to switch of, but then I spend money on al which makes me more angry!!

[Doggygirl]

Why?

Hi Moots. I can sure relate to the struggle and the mind switching between wanting to drink and wanting to stop. Towards the end of my drinking, I just felt like I couldn't live with booze, and couldn't live without it. It was really hard to get across that barrier in my mind.

paulywogg;1414192 wrote: hi moots,im sorry your feeling bad,i feel you though im on day 7 and my mind is so preoccupied with wanting to drink,its pissing me off! i dont know if ill ever be able to fix myself,sometimes im tired of trying.
When I first came to MWO, I got on the program (supps, diet, exercise, hypno CD's, forum support) and managed to get 60 days AF under my belt. (after having been a daily drinker for 30+ years). The 60s was hard at first, but I think I was on the "pink cloud." Anyway, at 60 days, I thought I could have just one. (fell for all the usual mind games) I figured out right away that I was NOT "fixed" - I was right back to my old patterns of drinking within a week. I thought I could just easily stop again.

Well...it wasn't so easy. I slipped and slided on and off the wagon for about 8 or 9 months. Countless Day 1s. The worst part about that stopping and starting was that it was ALWAYS HARD. Day 1, 2, 3 are HARD. As long as I kept falling off the wagon, the battle just remained HARD.

The good news is that if you can get past that hard part and just stay AF no matter what, it begins to get easier. Some days are worse than others, but I eventually reached a point where I'm just not a drinker any more. And if I do get an odd thought of drinking shooting across my brain, I remember Day 1 and how hard that was. I'm just not going back there.

Not sure if any of that is useful to anyone, but there you have it.

Mootsbill;1414508 wrote: I am really hopeing for abstinence but am struggling making that commitment, when a social thing comes up I think oh why not I won't go mad! And to be fair sometimes I don't but other times it ends up like this, hence the goal of abstinence. My life is great, nice home, kids hubby etc but I do have GAD and we've got a few financial worries at the moment (along with e everyone else!) and I guess its just an excuse to switch of, but then I spend money on al which makes me more angry!!

"Hoping" was not a successful strategy for me. If I went to a social event hoping not to drink, I drank every time. It was imperative that I 1) made a firm decision I wasn't going to drink and 2) made a firm plan as to how I was going to accomplish that. My typical plan is as follows:

1. Eat before I go (I am less tempted to drink on a full stomach)
2. Arrive late.
3. Decide in advance what I will drink. (this varies by situation - I bring my own sodas or whatever when I can, or plan what I will order if I'm in a restaurant or whatever)
4. Have an early exit strategy. If cravings get to be too much, I will LEAVE before I will drink. I decide in advance how I will do that.

I too had a nice home, husband, etc. etc. Alcoholism can touch anyone - no matter where we are in life. The people under the bridge didn't start there. I believe every alcoholic starts our "functional." We just become less functional over time. It's up to us to decide when we will step off the elevator. Some ride it all the way to the basement. I'm glad I stepped off before then.

FWIW and good luck!

DG

[Wildflowers]

Why?

Hi Mootsbill,

I echo what the others have said. DG gave you some very sound advice!!!.... I also had a 30+ drinking career & it doesn't get better with time.

What I see in you is the emergence of becoming more & more honest, stronger, stronger about your drinking problem. You are aware of it!!!.... Facing the truth!... The sooner you are able to accept & surrender to the fact, that alcohol is causing you more problems & that you don't drink in healthy fashion, the sooner you will be successful long term.

Getting off the merry - go - round isn't easy, but the sooner you do, the sooner you will be free!!! It takes what it takes. I wished I wouldn't have wasted so many yrs of mine & my families precious lifes!!!!

During this phase, for many there will be discomfort, & pain. Days of wanting to say feck it!... But, many of us have been thru it!!! Not only did we survive, we found peace, freedom & joy. The discomfort & pain of getting to the other side is less than being on the merry - go round imo!

Tho there are days that are hard living sober, I can now deal with them, without all the bad consequences of Ethanol ~ Poison. I can think, feel & deal with a clearer mind & conscious. There was time I thought it was impossible. I'm an alcoholic, it's natural for me to want to drink about everything & anything. :H But, today I don't have to & am grateful that I don't have other serious ailments like some people do.

Take Good Care. :h

[Mootsbill]

Why?

Doggy girl and wildflower thank you so much for those brilliant replies, the irony is I have had a terrible rock bottom before I had my children and didn't drink for 12 months also, but after having the kids I just went back to it, shorter binges but binges all the same ;0(
I definitely agree that I need plans in place to stop me drinking. Obviously December will now be a big test for me but I'm going to take it a day at a time and keep strong!
Got a 40th Birthdya party on Saturday, I am driving and arriving late as I have a course to attend in the day, so this will be fine.
Whats your thoughts on who to confide in, friends etc?

[kuya]

Why?

Don't confide unless you are CERTAIN you can trust them.......you have a place to confide.....HERE.
I have no one in my life, apart from my kids, that share this confidence. Even a friend who is a twelve year recovered alkie would abuse this knowledge unfortunately.

DGs post was awesome BTW........ A plan is vital, and the sense of power you get when you arrive home safe and sound and sober is better than the event itself IMO

[Wildflowers]

Why?

Mootsbill;1415080 wrote: Doggy girl and wildflower thank you so much for those brilliant replies, the irony is I have had a terrible rock bottom before I had my children and didn't drink for 12 months also, but after having the kids I just went back to it, shorter binges but binges all the same ;0(
I definitely agree that I need plans in place to stop me drinking. Obviously December will now be a big test for me but I'm going to take it a day at a time and keep strong!
Got a 40th Birthdya party on Saturday, I am driving and arriving late as I have a course to attend in the day, so this will be fine.
Whats your thoughts on who to confide in, friends etc?
It's good that you remember the positives of sobriety as you were sober for one yr. :goodjob: Your working towards this again & you will get it again!...

By: Kuya Don't confide unless you are CERTAIN you can trust them.......you have a place to confide.....HERE.
I have no one in my life, apart from my kids, that share this confidence. Even a friend who is a twelve year recovered alkie would abuse this knowledge unfortunately.

DGs post was awesome BTW........ A plan is vital, and the sense of power you get when you arrive home safe and sound and sober is better than the event itself IMO

I agree with Kuya that you need to be careful in who you tell especially in the beginning as our emotions can tend to be raw. Along with the gossiping factor. Not sure what you do for a living either, so it's best to keep private. I think it also depends on how close you are to the person. Really it's nobodies business either, unless you say so. I just wouldn't say so. )

I've told only very close people. I've lost some so called friends before. From varying reasons. Byrdie & others have offered suggestions when in situations to just say not feeling well, on medications, etc. Make an excuse my stomach is bothering me.

My hubs & I were out to dinner the other night & a diff person ran our food out. She said our drinks looked yummy. They were served in nice glass coffee cups. Hot cocoa with whip. She said she thought they were baileys & went on about it. I said not everybody drinks. She was at least in her mid thirties. She was I was polite, but maybe the public shouldn't just assume we are all drinkers. Hey, I'm normal for me. ) I'm not completely defined or limited by this either!....

[paulywogg]

Why?

hi moots,im now making it a habit not to tell people about being af,its none of their business anyways,plus in the past ive told people,then i slipped and never heard the end of it! made me feel like an even bigger loser,so i keep it to myself,my family,you guys and a.a.

[Mootsbill]

Why?

Kuya I know what your saying about enjoying getting home safe,sound and sober but I don't want social occasions to be something to struggle through, please tell me it gets easier. I have friends who go to things and don't drink and couldn't care less x