Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

[JingleJo]

Hi all - I'm just new today, so I hope you don't mind me posting so soon.

This is my 1st proper attempt at stopping drinking where I've genuinely meant and wanted it. 6 days AF today.

I've been mainly a sneaky drinker and doing it alone in my house etc to keep it under wraps, so friends/colleagues/family really don't know the full extent of my 'problem'. Other times were usually when I've been socialising with others and able to blend in with their drunkenness too.

Anyway, I decided to test the water about me quitting alcohol by putting a wee post up on facebook. I didn't make a crazy declaration to all about me being alcoholic and starting a recovery program or anything - I basically said I was thinking of cutting alcohol out to coincide with marathon training I'm about to embark upon over the next 6 months (I'm thinking a reason like this will at least keep people off my back with the whole 'why aren't you drinking' thing for a while until I get some sober time under my belt).

I was expecting at least some positive messages, perhaps a wee good luck here and there.

But, I was taken aback at the responses - in amongst the expected comments taking the piss (ie you? crack another joke etc), people were actually trying to DISCOURAGE me from abstaining by saying it would make no difference to my training or health (as they had tried it before), my life would be boring, I would have no fun, I would be better just drinking in moderation and some said they couldn't understand why I would want to do such a challenge in the first place. Another said that drinking in moderation takes more effort and demands more respect than abstaining lol. I was actually disappointed in some of the comments Kinda wondering what it's gonna be like in the 'real' world with comments from folk.

Did anyone else have similar experiences when they had made the decision to quit? Just wondering if anyone has any tips about how to deal with this kind of feedback.

I'm thinking if I had put a post up about quitting smoking the feedback would have been sooo different - well done, good for you, good luck etc.
xxxx

[satz123]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

Oh Jingles - I could have written that EXACT post. Same drinking habits.
I am a bit further into it than you - but still getting questions.
Tired of making excuses

[pixie]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

Hi JollyJo and welcome!

I agree completely with Molly - it's very likely that the ones saying things like 'it won't make any difference in your training' or 'you won't have any fun' are just expressing their justifications for why THEY are not giving up AL.

I have also found that at get-togethers where alcohol is served, rather than making a declaration that I'm not drinking that evening, I just quietly get myself an AL-free liquid and keep it filled - most people don't even notice. It keeps the questions and comments at bay. It's unfortunate that we get mixed responses to our efforts, but that's all the more reason to value your own opinion above all others. YOU know why you're doing this and why it's the best thing you can do for yourself.

[satz123]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

Yes agree with both.
Sorry was in a hurry & reading back I see my post was not very helpful.

Yes I got all of those responses. My sister-in-law looked appaled & kept questioning me on my first outing as designated driver in the 30 years she knows me .
To be honest i now take secret pleasure in watching them squirm 'cos as Molly said they are jealous !
I know this 'cos I was that jealous person 6 months ago when I saw people being 'normal' and able to enjoy life without a drink in their hand or having to always drink at home after work.

I am so happy now - I stopped drinking on July 2, 2012.
I gave in to my own pressure for a 2 day Irish wedding and a week's holiday in Greece - but you know I will not beat myself up over it. The way I look at it I have more AF time than AL time in the last 6 months.:goodjob:

You are well on your way Jingles with 6 DAYS - there are milestones you will meet and get through and it gets easier - honestly.

Keep posting here even if you are not getting there 100% in the beginning - you will get there !!!:l

[Raven2012]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

Hi Jingle Jo,

try no to think of it in a negative way. Have you ever had a friend say, "I'm thinking I'd like to drop ten pounds before summer" and what she gets back is, Oh, no! "you look fabulous!" "Heavens no, enjoy your life" no one would dare say, well Jingle, "you know you really could use to drop a few"

Because you've kept your drinking under wraps, and most of your friends drink, you will in a sense, no longer be like them, and they don't like that. Just laugh it off. Don't call attention to it. Make light of it next time. Talk about "your little health kick" order a cranberry juice if need be. If there's a toast. Take a sip. Put it it down, and go on drinking whatever it was you had (N/a) before. I'm sorry you had to find out this way but in a social group people probably don't think you have a problem so when you stop, they think you will look down on them. See? You don't want that. Nor do you want to have to tell them the sad tale about your own problem, unless you choose too with one or too close friends. So keep it light, blend in and just forget about it. They meant no harm.

[JingleJo]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

mollyka;1415890 wrote: I have found that the only people who really 'question' me are people who I would consider have an unhealthy relationship with grog in the first place. The true 'normal' drinkers in my life - you know the ones - they have a glass or two of wine now and again - and leave the second half of their second drinks ---- don't even blink.

Actually, now that I think about it, all those who had something negative to say are regular heavy drinkers, so you probably have a good point there. Maybe I hit a nerve or something lol :-)

[JingleJo]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

pixie;1415992 wrote:

I have also found that at get-togethers where alcohol is served, rather than making a declaration that I'm not drinking that evening, I just quietly get myself an AL-free liquid and keep it filled - most people don't even notice. It keeps the questions and comments at bay. It's unfortunate that we get mixed responses to our efforts, but that's all the more reason to value your own opinion above all others. YOU know why you're doing this and why it's the best thing you can do for yourself.

Ahh, funny enough I was at family gathering recently in a pub and I didn't know until the very end of the night that one of my cousins hadn't been drinking alcohol until she said she had brought the car. Everyone else was pissed mind you, but she hadn't drawn any attention to the fact she was drinking juice

[JingleJo]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

satz123;1416000 wrote:
I know this 'cos I was that jealous person 6 months ago when I saw people being 'normal' and able to enjoy life without a drink in their hand or having to always drink at home after work.

I've always been secretly jealous of one of my relatives who doesn't drink as she's always the life and soul of the party. Could never fathom out how she managed it. Well, hopefully that'll be me soon enough

Well done on how far you've come this year and thanks for the kind words. Everyone has been so welcoming on here

[JingleJo]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

Raven2012;1416061 wrote: Hi Jingle Jo,

try no to think of it in a negative way. Have you ever had a friend say, "I'm thinking I'd like to drop ten pounds before summer" and what she gets back is, Oh, no! "you look fabulous!" "Heavens no, enjoy your life" no one would dare say, well Jingle, "you know you really could use to drop a few"

Because you've kept your drinking under wraps, and most of your friends drink, you will in a sense, no longer be like them, and they don't like that. Just laugh it off. Don't call attention to it. Make light of it next time. Talk about "your little health kick" order a cranberry juice if need be. If there's a toast. Take a sip. Put it it down, and go on drinking whatever it was you had (N/a) before. I'm sorry you had to find out this way but in a social group people probably don't think you have a problem so when you stop, they think you will look down on them. See? You don't want that. Nor do you want to have to tell them the sad tale about your own problem, unless you choose too with one or too close friends. So keep it light, blend in and just forget about it. They meant no harm.

I hadn't really looked at it this way. Tbh, in hindsight, I think I took their comments particularly personally and got upset due to feeling really sensitive having just admitted the extent of my issues to myself. However, I still think there could have been a few more encouraging words rather than criticism. I was surprised at some of the responses.

Re not drawing attention to it and just blending in without fuss - good advice I think. Will be interesting to see how things pan out

[Mootsbill]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

Hi jingle it's so true, I was out with some mums who I only know a bit and they were talking about another lady who didn't drink at all, she days she doesn't like it and I believe her, but they all came to the conclusion that she had to have a problem!!
The funny thing is I think the western world especially here in the UK is that if you don't drink you are either in recovery or your a weirdo! If you think of people in the press if someone is in recovery then they are an inspiration blah blah but if someone is AF for other reasons then they are a fitness/health fanatic or a control freak! There is no in between.
So this is why i hate telling people i don't want to drink, because I don't want them to judge me, somehow it would be easier to say I'm an alcoholic but maybe I'm not ready for that??
My parents think I'm teetotal, they've seen me at my rock bottom and would not understand why I would drink!!!
I'm sure if my friends knew that I've had to have a drink at 7am before the school run they would be horrified ;0(
Isn't it funny how we lie about it, but then I do a great job lying to myself about it so it shouldn't surprise me!
6 days in though and your doing fantastic xxx

[Raven2012]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

Mootsbill;1416097 wrote: Hi jingle it's so true, I was out with some mums who I only know a bit and they were talking about another lady who didn't drink at all, she days she doesn't like it and I believe her, but they all came to the conclusion that she had to have a problem!!
The funny thing is I think the western world especially here in the UK is that if you don't drink you are either in recovery or your a weirdo! If you think of people in the press if someone is in recovery then they are an inspiration blah blah but if someone is AF for other reasons then they are a fitness/health fanatic or a control freak! There is no in between.
So this is why i hate telling people i don't want to drink, because I don't want them to judge me, somehow it would be easier to say I'm an alcoholic but maybe I'm not ready for that??
My parents think I'm teetotal, they've seen me at my rock bottom and would not understand why I would drink!!!
I'm sure if my friends knew that I've had to have a drink at 7am before the school run they would be horrified ;0(
Isn't it funny how we lie about it, but then I do a great job lying to myself about it so it shouldn't surprise me!
6 days in though and your doing fantastic xxx

So true Mootsbill,

Thats why the low profile approach is best. I'm guessing that no one has really paid attention to Jingles drinking because she's been pretty easy going in public and that's why she got that response. And friends are usually so nice to each other that even if she had been completely out of control no one dare tell her in a public setting like facebook. maybe, if she'd been really bad for a long time a close friend might pull her aside in private.

And there is just as Mootsbill says an all or nothing attitude. So if Jingles was really bad, people would just want her to cut back a little bit maybe but not stop because that would make her an alcoholic and thats scary for most to think about.

So it doesn't surprise me at all that people would respond the way they did. They are expressing that they like Jingles just the way she is, that's not being judgemental. It's being accepting. It's just like if you said "I want to lose weight" and they tell you, "Oh no, you're beautiful!!" or "I think I want to cut my hair", and they say. "Oh, no, I love it like that!!" what they are saying is they like the person you are.

Until you are ready to pull each friend aside and tell them the hairy details of what has caused you to make this decision, they won't understand. And that's ok. If you want your privacy, you've just got to keep it private. just be glad that so many people are so accepting of you and love you the way you are (or at least whatever you've chosen to show them) and it really is your own business!

[199days]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

Most people who drink on a regular Basis are in Denial.

Nearly everyone that drinks alcohell on a regular basis is dependant on it and cannot imagine life without it.

In other words they are all brainwashed and possessed.

Let the sheep poison themselves, sober really is the new cool.

Below is a line taken from from the OP

Another said that drinking in moderation takes more effort and demands more respect than abstaining lol

That is one of the funniest things I have ever read, yeh right, gonna spend all my week obsessing about when I have my 2 units of alcohell every night or whatever. Some people are just so addicted to this drug without even realising it.

EDIT. Maybe Iam a bit harsh in this post, But I am sick of people who pour poison down their throats 4x a week asking me why I do not do it anymore or am I finding life boring etc. Only when you get sober for a long while can you truly see how most that drink are in MAJOR denial.

[lucky 2.0]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

JJ,

Good luck in your training!

[kuya]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

I am known as a person who does not drink......so to take a drink would be wierd to them......which is awesome cos it acts as another help in staying sober.

I still have friends who offer me a drink.....funny cos no one would now offer another person a cigarette.......that has changed so much in a decade or less.
The social cost of alcohol abuse is rising everywhere but the power of the brewers and producers is phenomenal.

I live in New Zealand and the wine industry is a staple of the economy.

If you imagine that all the areas in the world that grow wine where, in fact , poppy fields for opium instead of vineyards you can see the extent of the world's addiction to alcohol.

[maddiemadison]

Attitude from others when you say you're quitting...

I'm facing this situation today, it's hot down under and my daughter want's to ask a friend over to swim, but this means the Mum will come too, she is a daily drinker and we often get very merry together it's a regular weekly thing... Do I say yes and know i'm putting myself in temptations way? there is no way she won't bring wine and want to drink... and if I say no to my daughter for a play with her friend I'll feel bad...

Been wondering how to deal with the situation, what to day to my girlfriend, I know she will understand, I feel she is in the same boat, we've just not spoken about it.
Honesty ?
Getting in shape for summer

The first test of social get togethers AF, no matter what I'm determined to stay AF and not fall into temptation no matter who's drinking around me.. Looking forward to reporting back tomorrow.

Thanks for everyone for sharing there experiences facing this, it helps to know we are not alone and how big the society issue is around Booze being so normal and how peopel see it as weird it is when we don't participate.