Doing this all wrong...

[briseus]

I know that I need to quit...
But things are going so well and I keep telling myself I deserve some booze...even though it is holding me back... it isn't messing up my life as it was before...so I think now that it is okay. I do know that it isn't.
Anyone else have this issue now or in the past?
It screwed up a lot of things before...but right now I am in the happiest place I have been in a while despite the boozing...

Advice?

[Nelz]

Doing this all wrong...

Well, I dont know that I can see a problem.........right now..........

If AL screwed you up in the past, but you are controlling it now, then you are part of the small minority that can go back......consider yourself lucky.

I think I would keep a VERY keen eye on our friend Mr. AL if I was you though, he can be extremely conniving.

Good to see you around, and congratulations!

[Kradle123]

Doing this all wrong...

briseus;1416995 wrote: I know that I need to quit...
But things are going so well and I keep telling myself I deserve some booze...even though it is holding me back... it isn't messing up my life as it was before...so I think now that it is okay. I do know that it isn't.
Anyone else have this issue now or in the past?
It screwed up a lot of things before...but right now I am in the happiest place I have been in a while despite the boozing...

Advice?

Hi Bri

When you first started posting you were super unhappy about your living situation and worried about your health.

Have those two things improved? Or have they become tolerable? I too have backslid the last week and a half and have been reluctant to post but I realize I must address this.

For me I needed to think about the reasons. Wanted to quit in the first place 1 My health which of course engenders my children 2. I know I can not accomplish my true goals in life while influenced by any drug...especially AL. Just won't work.

Anyway, I'm Thinking of you and the fact you are still here means you are still on the right path in your journey.

Hugs and heart

:h:l

[Sunbeam]

Doing this all wrong...

I drank moderately pretty successfully for over three years. Sometimes I still went over my limits, though I had significantly reduced my alcohol intake. I don't feel that the continued drinking improved my life in any way. Then I developed some health problems made worse by alcohol, and I was very tired of fighting myself to not drink. I am SO relieved that is all behind me, I am done for good. During my moderate drinking I did post here off and on, learning all the while. It was great to finally realize that I just don't want to drink any more.

[Byrdlady]

Doing this all wrong...

Bri, this is the power of addiction. It makes you think Black, when you clearly see White. It makes you think you don't have a problem when you know you do. You can take a step back and look at this objectively or you can continue a cycle. Probably no words of mine can tell you that AL is the problem....but if you go back and read your own words, you will see that when you drink there is a problem and when you don't, you feel so much better. What do you think is making you feel the best you've felt in a while? I wish that I could condense the years of posts I've seen into a few words for you....well, maybe I can....ALCOHOL IS THE PROBLEM and NOT DRINKING IS THE SOLUTION. Alcoholism is a progressive disease...if it isn't as bad as it was, it will be. Folks like us who abuse AL are always pushing the limits. Someone posted the stages of ALK a while back, and I thought, whew, at least I wasn't Stage 4! But if I had stopped 10 years before, I wouldn't be Stage 3, I'd probably have been able to stop before it got so dam bad. But I progressed thru Stage 1, on thru Stage 2 and well into Stage 3. If I hadn't stopped it would have become Stage 4. I guess what I'm saying is that if you have a problem with AL and continue to drink it will progress until you become a different person. I am living proof. If you weren't that bad you probably wouldn't be here. When I stopped bullshitting myself I went a long way towards helping myself. Sorry to be so frank...I could sugar coat it if you like, but the message will be the same. I'd like to welcome you over to the Newbie's Nest to hang out for a while...you will find that most of our nesters are people who have quit before...and come back in a worse place than ever. It might help you see yourself in their posts...I sure do. If you can continue your AF time, you will see that this is just Addiction Head talking to you (Dick Head, for short). Dick Head will tell you anything to get back in. But when you feed him you own him....stay the course and you will never be sorry. For us, ONE drink is too many...we do not DESERVE a drink...we must find other ways to reward ourselves. Drinking is NOT a reward it is feeding the addition and adding to the problem. Sorry to be the bearer of this news, but next year this time you will either be thanking me or kicking yourself for still being in the hampster wheel. I hope you are thanking me! Best to you...if I can do it, I know you can, too! Byrdie

[kuya]

Doing this all wrong...

Awesome post Byrdie,

briseus if alcohol makes you feel unhappy, even part of your life.....what is the point?

It is supposed to be something to use to celebrate or commiserate NOT to COPE with day to day life.

I KNEW I had a problem when I started celebrating/commiserating EVERY day!

[199days]

Doing this all wrong...

But things are going so well and I keep telling myself I deserve some booze..

This is just the addictive voice talking to you, it wants to control and own you it really does.

I hope you find a way, I use Rational recovery AVRT.

[Struggles 106]

Doing this all wrong...

Hey Bris

"Deserve some booze?" Interesting take on it.

I agree with others that the addicitve voice is speaking loudly, if you will.

You deserve a good healthy life. If that includes alcohol...well okay I guess.

I know that for me that kind of thinking gets me back into trouble, back behind the wheel of my car drunk,back on the couch recovering for 2 days after a binge, back to the shame, guilt and depression of addiction.

If that's not you then I guess you would be the one who knows that. I would say though-give it time. The shit will hit the proverbial fan eventually. Just a guess

I wish you well.

[K9Lover]

Doing this all wrong...

Hi Bri!

I agree with the others, maybe AL isn't posing a problem RIGHT NOW...but give it time. It will lull you into feeling safe and cozy, and then BAM! And since when is pouring poison down your throat "something you deserve"? I know all too well where this thinking can lead. Just be careful...and remember how unhappy it has made you in the past. It's lying to you right now, but the truth will come out.

Love, :h

K9

[paula]

Doing this all wrong...

Al fooled me again recently, told me I could just have one drink, but al is very dishonest. It took me days to get over one drink that turned into an almighty binge. If I want to live and be happy I must not listen to my addictive voice. It was certainly a wake up call.

[TribalRose]

Doing this all wrong...

Ms Bri,

May I just say that IF you look into the future you'll see yourself as some of us older women do...A wreck. I don't want you looking back decades from now Wishing you had taken another path. Be well.

[briseus]

Doing this all wrong...

You guys are all right. Even though things are going so well they could be way better without the booze. It still is making me fat and bloated. I can't seem to lose any weight and that makes me miserable too.
It is only going to get worse if I keep on going this way. I need to get away from it. I was doing pretty well but it was such a struggle sometimes to get away.
I just need to come back to this thread and reread it every time.
It is true. I was always so happy when not drinking but as I sit here thinking (actively drinking for a month now) my addictive voice is trying to tell me that that was a lie. I know it wasn't. Of course there were times where I was an emotional mess. But at least I had a clear head on my shoulders and lost 20 pounds.
I don't want to go back to a counsellor or anything. I wanna do this on my own.
Why are we addicted?! Ugh I hate this.

[briseus]

Doing this all wrong...

Oh and thank u everyone. As always. You offer me so much insight into the things I myself do that I couldn't even see when it's right there in my face.

[Shezzie]

Doing this all wrong...

Hi all
I haven't posted anything since I first found this forum. However, I read it every morning and every evening. Sorry for not contributing. Having said that... 30 says AF today. Thanks to each and every one of to you. I'm not sure if I will continue to count says, or just consider myself a non-drinker.
Things I have found: no hangovers, extra $$, clear head. One thing I never found when binging was who this moderation was that I was supposed to drink with... No matter how many times I went back to etOH. Bri, only you know. And I think you do know... take care of you, and just keep on keeping on.

[Alcoholic]

Doing this all wrong...

Shezzie: I'm happy for you and congrats!!!!