Where do I go from here?

[shelbysmiles]

I have been on this site since 2007. The year my son was born. I lurked for a bit and made some friends. I'm still an alcoholic. It hurts to say those words, but it is the truth. I have tried bacolofen and antabuse. Of course all ordered from India without an RX. And I have went to an AA meeting. Why the hell am I still still drinking?

[shelbysmiles]

Where do I go from here?

And why doesnt my husband give a shit?

[kuya]

Where do I go from here?

Perhaps if we knew a little more of your story it might help to advise you. You know where this leads and you obviously don't want that, so you are back.....good , let's try again

[shelbysmiles]

Where do I go from here?

My Story- for you Kuya
Drank a lot of booze. BIL molested me. Continued to drink. Got married. Had children. Run a fucking lot. Children still drive me crazy. Fuck it-I can not deal . But that is just me being weak.

[kuya]

Where do I go from here?

shelbysmiles;1417122 wrote: My Story- for you Kuya
Drank a lot of booze. BIL molested me. Continued to drink. Got married. Had children. Run a fucking lot. Children still drive me crazy. Fuck it-I can not deal . But that is just me being weak.

What is the most important thing for you to change right now .....your drinking or your life situation?

[shelbysmiles]

Where do I go from here?

I tried to send you a message, but it got lost.
I want to change. I have tried to change in the past few months, only to be met with "just have a little".

[kuya]

Where do I go from here?

Got your PM and replied. :l:l

[Raven2012]

Where do I go from here?

So your little boy is five or six I presume? Is he the only child?
First, I don't recommend baclofen. It is almost narcotic in the way it puts you to sleep. Sure, you won't drink, because you fall asleep so fast you are crashed out in bed. Completely unproductive for hours. Hardly a good solution for a mom with a little boy. I would try the topimax as Roberta recommends in the MWO book as well as the kudos supplements. Is your little boy in kindergarten yet? Do you work? Give us a little more info and we can help. Best to you.

[Wildflowers]

Where do I go from here?

shelbysmiles;1417117 wrote: I have been on this site since 2007. The year my son was born. I lurked for a bit and made some friends. I'm still an alcoholic. It hurts to say those words, but it is the truth. I have tried bacolofen and antabuse. Of course all ordered from India without an RX. And I have went to an AA meeting. Why the hell am I still still drinking?
Hi shelbysmiles & :welcome: back to MWO,

I use to lurk here to, than one day I joined & made a few friends. I'm still an alcoholic with 6 months of AF sobriety. I take a low dose Topamax RX by my PDr. for PTSD. I still go to AA just not as often. I also visit other forums as I need a wide plan that involves many recovery tools & skills. Just not as often anymore. WFS, SMART & AVRT= Rational Recovery. Tho MWO is my home & where I spend most my time on-line now.

You are still drinking imo because you have untreated alcoholism hun. :l If your serious about stopping the madness, willing to do the work it takes, you can get your life back. You can live a reasonably happy & healthy life to!!!.... )

shelbysmiles;1417119 wrote: And why doesnt my husband give a shit?

I don't know for sure. He may care & is just confused & in pain too. Alcoholism is a family disease imo hun. They get very tired of all of it & don't know what to do. Is he willing to get help to? He also needs it imo.

shelbysmiles;1417122 wrote: My Story- for you Kuya
Drank a lot of booze. BIL molested me. Continued to drink. Got married. Had children. Run a fucking lot. Children still drive me crazy. Fuck it-I can not deal . But that is just me being weak.

I to drank a ton of booze for 30 yrs. Sometimes I was able to modd or implement harm reduction. But, generally not. Also was molested. I finally at the age of 40 seeked out counseling. Went for two yrs. One of the best things I ever did for myself. Have gone to op-rehab, 100's of AA meetings to. This isn't easy, but drinking myself to death was much harder, not just physically, but emotionally & mentally hun. It's so much better today loving, liking me. I'm healthier, happier, content now most the time. I can deal with the bad times sober now. My marriage & two grown daughters are too. They are proud of me. I can look at myself in the mirror & I have regained my self respect & some of my confidence to.

You can do this honey, but you have to want it!!! Be proactive, do the leg work... Nobody else will!!!... If you don't have Ins, there are many free organizations available to help, including those F2F meetings. They all offer diff sobriety ~ recovery approaches, skills, all good imo.

Please don't let another day go by without getting help that you so richly deserve!!! I can't stress enough that you seek out a professional counselor. I know it can be scary, yet this other fear & anger is far worse!!!! You are so ~ so worth it honey!!!! You have so much to offer to yourself, your family & even to this world. You are beautiful & you are loved!!!!...

Please start taking care of you now!!!! Keep reading, posting, reaching out here, elsewhere. Seek our professional counseling for your trauma. You can heal & be a survivor like many of us!!!.. You can do this, you are stronger than you know sweetie!!!!

I have family coming home soon & much to accomplish, but I will try & support you if you want. Don't ever ~ ever ~ give ~ up!!!.... You aren't alone here!!!... You are beautiful & lovable!!!...:h:l

[Alcoholic]

Where do I go from here?

Shelby:

I agree w wildflowers that finding a counselor is a great idea, especially when it sounds like you have some other circumstances on top the alcohol issue.

If it was just alcohol alone without emotional stuff complicating the picture: Have you tried topamax, Campari, naltrexone, supplements , hypnotherapy?

[Wildflowers]

Where do I go from here?

Alcoholic;1418192 wrote: Shelby:

I agree w wildflowers that finding a counselor is a great idea, especially when it sounds like you have some other circumstances on top the alcohol issue.

If it was just alcohol alone without emotional stuff complicating the picture: Have you tried topamax, Campari, naltrexone, supplements , hypnotherapy?

Hi again Shelby,

I concur with Ally about possibly trying the above meds, supplements, hypno to. As I said you likely have untreated alcoholism, but also untreated trauma to hun. This needs to be addressed & treated by professionals. You aren't at fault about what happened!!!.... Yet, it's your responsibility to seek diagnoses & treatment from trained pros, so that you can begin your journey into healing & wholeness.

Much of my alcoholism was anxiety driven from my childhood traumas, but I also experienced adulthood traumas that I haven't spoken of much here.

Today I'm a very grateful, pretty happy recovering alcoholic. Tho I'm also many other things to. It doesn't confine, or define my whole being.

You can recover, be a survivor, be free hun!!!... :h :l

[shelbysmiles]

Where do I go from here?

Thanks all for listening and the advise. I was in a very dark place the other night. The past two nights have been absolute hell. Every time I quit the withdrawals are worse. And I'm going through this at home alone with my two little ones. I've muddled through it though :-)
I don't believe I have another quit in me. I'm looking towards having a sober holiday season with the kids and making memories (ones that's I remember).
Oh, sorry about the language earlier! I don't usually drop that many F bombs!

[Wildflowers]

Where do I go from here?

shelbysmiles;1418617 wrote: Thanks all for listening and the advise. I was in a very dark place the other night. The past two nights have been absolute hell. Every time I quit the withdrawals are worse. And I'm going through this at home alone with my two little ones. I've muddled through it though :-)
I don't believe I have another quit in me. I'm looking towards having a sober holiday season with the kids and making memories (ones that's I remember).
Oh, sorry about the language earlier! I don't usually drop that many F bombs!

I & many of us have been in dark places, hellish ones. It's so ~ so wonderful to not be living there anymore Shelbysmiles. A big ~ big reason is, because many of us found our ways out. How to get rid of the Poison ~ King & Queen ~ Feckin ~ Alcohol. I no longer bow to her evil poison. I where the crown & am the Queen in charge!!! It's great!!!.... Not a perfect life, but I'm not in prison any longer!!!....

You can too!!!... I know exactly what you speak of in regards to not having another quit in you hun!!!... Do whatever you have to that will keep you sober this time & protect it with everything. I promise you that you will see vast improvements in many areas of your & your families lives. Be patient, kind, gentle with yourself, esp in the beginning.

No worries about the Fbomb. There's even a dedicated thread under General Forums just for it. Sometimes its used to blow off steam & other times it's silly, wacky, crazy. :H

Stay close to us plzz!!! Don't isolate, that's what the dragon ~ beast wants. Especially in the beginning. Plzz don't forget to think about counseling sometime when your ready. Excellent job on your decision to get sober!!!... Woo Hoo...... You can do it girl!!!.... If I can you can!!!...

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas ~ Happy Holidays. :h :l )