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[Kradle123]

I am super super sick right now- one step down from pneumonia - and the school called yesterday to tell me Mathieu was found with marijuana and smokes in his pack....

We see his counselor tonight (,I'll be on speaker ) but my baby boy is going to kiddie jail :upset:
He is of course suspended and will be kicked out. Kicked out for Gods sake :upset:

Those who have read my struggles know he is ODD and so I believe that his spending time in the juvenile youth authority facility - as sick as this makes me- is the only avene left to us know.
Don't have an arraignment date et but it's already been reported...

And to make the knife twist further I was weeks away from putting him an alternative school which is a partnership between the public system and me so I could have greater control over him!!
Now I don't know if they will take him...

Please believe me when I say that my AL abuse has been out of the picture for years here, there's no DV and just the regular crap of a lot of families maybe a bit more. Mathieu even knows about MWO and he says how proud he is of me!!

I am sick physically and emotionally. Just wrecked.

Any advice I can use because I am really angry and frightened and need more info about wha to expect.

Dony worry about me drinking. I can barely drink water. If I don't respond for a bit please know I am reading but very groggy and my head is about to explode,

I'm so grateful u have you all to turn to.

:l:h

[FreeFly]

REALLY CHALLENGED

Oh Kradle, so sorry to hear your news. Not sure I have advice but sending you lots of healing thoughts. As you say, perhaps this is what Mathieu needs but you would only see that in hindsight. Get well and stay strong. Big, big hugs :l:l

[Mick]

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Kradle.....just like everyone else here I dont know what to say...but what I will tell you is my thoughts and prayers are with you...if you ever need a sounding board please give me a shout

God bless you x

[RingingCedars]

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Hang in there Kradle. Brain fart here, what is ODD? How old is your son? IMO it's only marijuana and cigs for God's sakes. If it was crack, cocaine, heroin I'd be putting him chains, or try my best to anyways. They've just made it legal in a couple states (forget which ones) and it's being considered made legal here in Canada once again. Sweet Jesus they used to force farmers to grow it for all kinds of industrial applications and it was used medicinally for many ailments as well. It is only because of it's competition with chemical this that and everything that is was vilified and outlawed.

There are many great documentaries on line if you want the truth about marijuana. Anyways, off the soapbox....personally I'd be questioning the invasion of his privacy. Did he cause anyone any harm??

Something, most people don't realize is that prisons are privatized for profit...petty marijuana busts of our youth is the real crime here. Just my opinion after digging under the surface of what they want us to believe.....

[RingingCedars]

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And further to that...(now that I've calmed myself)....Kradle I hope you feel much better physically so you can deal with whatever it is you feel needs doing. I was not for one second criticizing you in my above post. Just hoped to put the situation into a little more perspective. Peace:h

[RingingCedars]

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MESZh-_uyUQ[/video]]The Best Marijuana Documentary (Canadian) - YouTube

[Slaythefear]

REALLY CHALLENGED

Afternoon Kradle. I know what it's like to have a child that makes you crazy with their behavior. Considering you mentioned he's been diagnosed with Oppositional defiant disorder, I'll assume you've gone through the cooky psychiatric system. Has he been examined for coexisting disorders?

"A child presenting with ODD symptoms should have a comprehensive evaluation. It is important to look for other disorders which may be present; such as, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), learning disabilities, mood disorders (depression, bipolar disorder) and anxiety disorders. It may be difficult to improve the symptoms of ODD without treating the coexisting disorder. Some children with ODD may go on to develop conduct disorder."


Obviously there is a lot of anger in him and he is acting out for attention and control in his own way. The question becomes why? Is this a biochemical imbalance he has that needs stabilizing or is there deeper issues of low self esteem, past events, jealousy of the twins, etc. I've, also, seen kids that have food and environmental allergies that make them behave very erratically. Both myself and my daughter have had such problems. Have you spent some one on one time with him weekly to talk with him about how he feels inside and about life? (Sometimes, they are closed, but sometimes at the right moment things come out.) Kept a journal of foods, exposures and activities around him that may precede episodes or is he like this ALL the time? How are his grades? Does he struggle in school? Get bored? Any past tramas? A lot of questions, but you have to pick it apart.

Love,

Slay:l:h

P.S. - Try to remain very calm. (This is not the end of his life even though it may seem devastating. A calm head will get better results than a stressed worried mom.) Don't let him know he has gained control with this behavior. I would, also, try not to overreact. Try to think outside the box on why is this going on? Many kids with ADHD use pot. It helps them to calm down. Cigs, too. They may not fit in and then that makes them feel worse and dysfunctional/angry.

[Byrdlady]

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Kradle, I'm so sorry that you are in this predicament. I have no advice other than chicken soup and stay sober. Here's wishing you a clear head in every way...I wish I knew the answers for you...but praying for a good outcome. Distant but caring hugs (I don't want yer germs) Byrdie

[Wildflowers]

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Dear Kradle,

One of the most important things you can do right now is take care of your health. One thing you can do is take a little breath (if u can with your illness honey) & please know that other parents have been thru similar things with their teens!!! I promise you that you both will survive this & come out the other side most likely better than you realize one day It's normal for many kids to experiment. Can be part of their development.

It's going to depend on how much MJ was found in his possession & yes he will be suspended likely get an MIP. Hopefully, it won't be all year. But, not likely as it's a controlled substance. If he has a good record to begin with. I do remember the previous gym incident. Not sure about if he will be accepted into the alternative school now. Maybe with a written contract next yr?

My oldest daughter & her BF dropped out of HS. She was a junior he a senior. Yes, I was drinking pretty good in those days, worked full time. Still ran her to piano, taekwondo, as she only had her learners permit. The BF got caught with MJ & she followed him. He somehow wiggled his way out of it. She had a likely English scholarship too. First yr in HS placed in senior English classes.

Yes, I was a nervous wreck! (((((((

I became the Bf's power of attorney, as his parents didn't want him. I contacted the school district following yr & found a partnership between the school district & community college. They both attended. All paid by taxpayers. They broke up, but our daughter earned her HS diploma. She has had her problems, in & out of our home. Yet, like your son is super smart! She is at a Uni now & works full time too. Very responsible, hard working!....

Other girl, got suspended for 10 days almost straight A student. Her & gf drank a beer off campus, towards end of senior yr in HS. Or maybe it was middle part of yr. Feck I can't remember back that far. Me brain isn't just fried from the sauce. Being a parent isn't easy, but the rewards are so worth it!!!... ) She lost all her solos in choir, along with softball privileges. Also a working college student. Both of our girls are a success & are success bound.

We have a very open line of communication. They don't have drinking issues. Think they saw what it did to me & of course it effected our family to. Thank Gawd!!!! They are very kind, smart, beautiful spirits. I think I know you well enough to vouch for you that all of your kids will turn out well. You are an excellent Mom & are also as they mature becoming their friend to. Despite what's happening now & any limitations Matt may have, they certainly can be over come!.... With counseling, proper guidance, patience, etc....

I won't tell you about my hubs & our going away for 20th anni. The party at our house. The police showed up here!!!.. Good thing my youngest was sober & they followed most my ~ our rules. She didn't let them into house. She's smart little cookie. No body was arrested, but cops came back later. Outside across the st. crap happened. Sigh.............................................. ........ Yes, one of her best friends. MIP..............................................

Can you get a hold of your friend in the justice system? Also I know you don't talk to your sisters. However, this may be a time to call in the big guns & put old crap, diff aside. You have two attorneys in your family. They may help!!!...

I know this is very hard right now hun, very hard to swallow!!!!!..... No parent wants to go thru this shite!!!!..... I'm hoping it was small amount in the laws eyes. Diff classes of crimes. Thankfully, he's a minor, so it will get expunged from records one day.

I'm with you in spirit!!!... Still sick & off to Dr. this afternoon for followup. Not as bad as you tho hun.

Oh & then there was another matter with the law with 1st born too!.... She lied a lot to us!.... But, I'm telling you the truth today, she doesn't lie anymore that were aware of. She has some physical & mental issues too. Hey, don't most of us. Yet, she's really smart, super generous heart, just lovely. I love her so ~ so much. Of course 2nd born too. )

Wished I was there to make us both tea & console you!!! You chant away & I'll pray. It will all eventually work out!!! I promise!!!....


Love Always,:h
Your Friend,
Wildflowers :l:l

[NoraC]

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Kradle - I am so very sorry. I know you are devestated. You have received some good information here. I wish there was a magic wand to take this all away. Please know how much support & good thoughts are coming your way. We are all here for you. :h

[Kradle123]

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Hello everyone. :h

I am finally able to think a bit straight but still pretty sick so just wanted to thank you all for your help and posts.

My girlfriends are helping us here...everyone in my house has pneumonia except one twin - and Sedona is recovering....so you can imagine the chaos.

Not fun.

Will write more soon,

:l:h

[Wildflowers]

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I've been thinking about you a lot!... I'm thankful Sedona is recovering & your other twin hasn't contracted it!!!... Also grateful you have your friends there helping you hun!.... Please take care & continue to get healthy!...

I will be likely more scarce here myself, unless up late... Which isn't grrt for my health.

You & yours in my thoughts & prayers.

Love,:h

WF:l

[Kradle123]

REALLY CHALLENGED

WELL NOT SINCE giving birth or perhaps that root canal 4 years ago have I ever been in so much pain and helplessness. I feel as though I have been stepped on by a Dinosaur. uch:

But we are all on the mend over here, finally, and starting to sift through the wreckage. Tomorrow we meet with the principal, the deputy and other assorted official. I feel ready. I have a plan...but first:

MICK- Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. It's a lonely job over here a lot of the time.

NORA: I always feel your good energy hugs:h

RC - I know what you mean but Matt is only thirteen and he had it at school....whole new ball game I'm afraid

SLAY- I've spent a lot of time thinking about your post. I remember we have similar challenges. Matt was borderline diagnosis ODD/ADHD and three drs agreed he was more ODD and meds was a last resort because he knew the difference between right and wrong.

Yes, he is angry..and the WHY is rather bizarre but instep with this kind of child: his anger lies in his twisted belief that his dad and I are 'beasts' (his word) because we restrict him: no R rated films, no Dating, Iimited/monitored access to the computer/Facebook .... While most kids are annoyed with their parents boundaries, my ODD child is convinced that these things completely crush him, victimize him and he is totally susceptible to the free radicals floating around out there who are more than happy to agree with him and cement is completely twisted thinking.

My real upset ness is with that fucking performance studio owner and her husband who I am discovering encouraged Matt in this crap. I won't get into details but suffice to say the owners husband (I have since learned) leaned over to Matt during an audition last summer, i am told, and asked him if he was "ready to shoot her in the head yet." I was waiting with the rest of the parents for our children to go up and audition and I do remember that day. I remember the husband treating me very coolly and I wondered why..well, now I know. Matt explains to me that because This guy was an adult and basically hated me because his wife the owner of this iiT Factor also hated me. So Matt felt this was basically OKAY. :wow:
He is of course done with that sick situation and perhaps it has it's positives. He is looking at their gross inappropriate behavior and my coninued protection of him and his sisters and is finally seeing the true picture....we'll see

We are staying as calm as we can. Our basic strategy for the moment is to get him well, meet with them tomorrow, enroll him in this partnership school and go to court....His dad and I are not allowing him to get away with anything. I just told him he had lost time in my room with me and voyager because he was not following rule...again!!
Thank you my friend for your support. Wish you were next door...maybe could swap kids for a day or two for a change of pace!

BYRDIE : I don't blame you for not wanting anything to do with this sickness! but worry not. I am AF big time and even thinking of putting the Poisen in my body sends me into waves of disgust. :l

WILD- You are always so good to me. Thank you for sharing your own daughters struggles and that there is light at the end of this dark dark tunnel. My girlfriend the judge was my first call when I hung up with the principal. She gave me the lay of the land....Not as bad as it appears, more emotional because he is a first time offender and he basically had like a tiny bud on him... As far as my sisters are concerned, um, no thanks. They are not criminal attornys anyway.

I am also looking into that Partnership school for him big time and I feel confident this is the way to go with Matt. He will be under my constant supervision which is fine. I work from home and have great flexibility so I can design his extra curricular activities. Everything will be on an award/points system.

I plan on asking the judge to also become part of the county's so called DIVERSION programe which is designed for first time offenders. Basically the child signs a legal contract with us and the court regarding his expected behavior. If he violates any of the stipulations, it's off to youth lock up for a few days....he will have a probation officer check in once a week...if all goes well, this nightmare will all be but a happy memory in 2 years and nothing on his record. So well see. He doesn't know yet that this is my plan. Have to get him well first. Would like to hear more of course about your own experience with this dual school. PM when you are feeling better yourself, my love. :h

Well, I think that covers the plans and status for now. Love you all for helping. Knowing you guys are out there at a moments notice is really ...empowering.

Hugs and heart and will stay posted.

PS: Trust Me. when I get totally well and get Matt sorted, I am going to slam the shit out of that woman's business....subtlety of course... ((

[Mick]

REALLY CHALLENGED

Hi Kradle...hope you got through yesterday without too much crap

[paula]

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Hope things are a bit better today Kradle.