The Hit's just keep on coming

[Guest]

what is it today?!! Am I meant to drink. I already told you all about my Mother-in-law. Now my sister in law has me feeling bad. last week she called and the topic of vacation came up. Last Summer we rented a huge beach house and took both sides of family along . 9 adults and 2 children not a lot of people but we are a small family. That in of itself was tiring. My husband and I live alone and are not used to a crowded house but we sucked it up for the fun of everyone else. This year, our good friends just bought a beach house and offered it to us. So when my SIL and I talked about vacation I mentioned that we were going to go alone. I get an email asking if she and her 2 children can fly down and join us. She said that she would like to spend quality time with her brother and only sibling. My husband said email her back and say no. I feel like dirt; her kids like the beach and she would never have the means to go without us. She just went through a bad break-up. My husband says she is playing me. I don't know. It was supposed to be us and just 1 of the dogs. I CAN"T SAY NO! does anyone else have a problem with saying no? The only good thing is the husband has no more family to worry me today.
M

[Guest]

The Hit's just keep on coming

YES, I always wish I had though.

[betty boop]

The Hit's just keep on coming

Bless, I've only just read your mother in law thread, & now this .....

You need to learn to say NO, and mean it. I've got better at it with age, it takes practice ....

Hang on in there

[irishlady]

The Hit's just keep on coming

Hi simeybear, you are getting it all at the moment aren't you??. How long are you going to the beach house for??? If its going to be a couple of weeks, and as your SIL has just come through a bad break-up would it be possible to tell her she can visit for, say, 5 or 6 days but that you really want the rest of the time there to yourselves?? If she agrees to that, get her to visit at the start of your holiday, then at least you know you have the rest of the time there to enjoy yourselves..

Love, Louise xx

[foxglove]

The Hit's just keep on coming

I have learned to say no. It's very self empowering. You have to be selfish about your recovery. I know it's not easy, let me know how it goes.

Foxglove

[AAthlete]

The Hit's just keep on coming

Geesh - don't get on any airplanes today!

I'm not sure your odds of making it to your destination would be too good! :H

[Beaches]

The Hit's just keep on coming

Simey
WOW I just got done reading the MIL thread too. I know that saying No is hard but ya know if you don't say no now then you will never be able too. You can kindly explain that you and your husband just want to get away this time and maybe in the future you can do a family vacation. They can find their own beach.

[lushy]

The Hit's just keep on coming

I agree with Irish. Say that they can come for part of the trip but not all. Put it all on yourself and say you have just really been stressed or you and hubby have not had a vacation alone in a long time or whatever you need to say, and that you want to make sure you get some alone time with him. Really, the nerve of people to invite themselves.

But since they already did I am wondering, can I fly in as well? I love the beach and could use a vacation. I will leave my family at home though just to make it easier on you.

[Guest]

The Hit's just keep on coming

Thanks All, AA your right,nothing is going right today. Took my dog to the vet weighs 130 lbs like he always does. Today vet says make him loose 10 lbs or his liver could be in danger. Went to the grocery store said "oh what a cute baby boy". Mom repled it's a girl she has a pink stripe on her pants. Oh la dee dah!! the rest of the outfit was black. Sheesh. Drove throught the car was the window leaked on me. I am going to try to attempt to cook dinner. Don't worry it'selectric not gas so I can't blow the house up.
M

[Guest]

The Hit's just keep on coming

Hi Irish, Sorry I didn't catch your question in last post. we are going June 23-30. I have do admit she keeps picking loosers in men and I feel for her. she is 34 and been married 4 times; not 1 decent guy in the bunch.If I told you all that she has been through you would say I was making it up. Example: the last one was from Tunisia a muslim and somehow disapered and months later FBI pick her up and kept her 2 days. they let her come home at night but watched the house. She tries to emulate me which is flatering but I would rather her be herself. My husband who is great, just doesn't want to share his vacation.
m

[irishlady]

The Hit's just keep on coming

Ah simey, right, well as you are only going for 7 days anyway then the answer has to be NO, this time, but, perhaps another time... God, I don't mean any disrespect to your SIL but she sounds like a one person soap opera, no, you are definetly better off going just with your hubby...

[Breez]

The Hit's just keep on coming

s-
You have no obligation to her. This is your vacation. A treat to yourself. Tell her politely that you want this vacation to be a special one with hubby (a second honeymoon) and like Irish said "maybe next time".

[ScoobyDoo]

The Hit's just keep on coming

I'm with the others. Your health comes first!

"Maybe next time" sounds like a good approach to me. It's not a reflection on you, but on her. The gall of some people!

[wwbarb]

The Hit's just keep on coming

Tell hubby he has to tell her! They can make plans another time for "quality time". I, too, feel bad for people and tend to cave in. His sister, his responsibility. My hubby has found that when he has not "fulfilled" that responsibility and left it to me, I was not a lot of fun to be around :H .

Don't answer the phone or get on the computer except to check MWO - this just doesn't seem to be your day!

[Cashregister]

The Hit's just keep on coming

Learning to say no is the most empowering thing - and it seems especially so for women. I learned the power of "no" after I had post-natal depression - I thought i was superwoman till i had a baby - could do it ALL - then bang, crash etc....

I got taught by a wonderful occupational therapist to say no - and I have found out that it is a great tool. It gives you the ability to plan your own time (work and home), it stops you over extending and setting yourself up for failure and stress, and it is not at all selfish, it's looking after yourself that's all it is.

Hope you can do it - it's hard but oh so worth it. Plus you will be respected for it.

Cheers

Cashy
xxxx