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**AAthlete** · March 13, 2007, 06:16 AM

Questions re guilt

Nattie, I think that I finally came to the realization that I had to let go of all those negative old feelings so that I could move forward.

You're right, those old memories are painful and hard to forget. It's amazing what kind of stupid things we are capable of doing when under the influence, isn't it. But as you mention, they are also a source of pain and almost certainly lead to you feeling depressed.

So, as hard as it sounds, you really do need to put them in the past. Use them as a source of inspiration if you need to, but don't let them dictate your life from here forward - there is no room in your recovery for negative thoughts.

Best of luck, and we are here for you.

**nattie** · March 13, 2007, 06:22 AM

Questions re guilt

thank you AAthlete - I find it very helpful to talk to people in a smiliar sitation. I feel I cannot discuss (at the moment) these incidents with friends & family as I am so mortified to have treated them that way & can't bear to discuss it with them. Hopefully that will pass in time. My boyfriend used to try to disect my drunken evening with me the next day but I felt it done me little good as I could feel the shame rise & try to get the conversation over ASAP.
Hopefully in time I can make it up to them in some way.

**betty blue** · March 13, 2007, 06:22 AM

Questions re guilt

I can relate to you completely: for years and years I have tried to deal with the guilt of my actions and the permanent search for absolution which when it came I couldn't accept. It was a permanent downward spiral which the alcohol only made worse since it is a depressant.

When I started speaking to my friend about giving up last week she actually congratulated me for being able to see what I'm doing with my life and to take action. And that's what you must realize, too: you are a strong person to admit your mistakes and wanting to right them. Eventually you will have the strength to talk about it and apologize for it but I believe that takes time.

I actually started taking anti-depressants and it has helped immensely. I've decided that I was not strong enough to deal with all of this by myself - I had tried for the past 25 years. I have hurt a lot of people, too. But the past is the past, and only the present and what you do with your life right now really counts in my eyes.

**Ripley** · March 13, 2007, 06:29 AM

Questions re guilt

Hiya Nattie

so sorry you are feeling blue. You are describing familiar feelings to many of us here Here are some suggestions that have helped me

call people up, out of the blue, and apologise for whatever it was that you did that you feel bad about. say you are having a bit of a mental clear out (or whatever you want to say), that this has been on your mind, that you want to take resposnibility for what you did, and apologise properly. Then move on. I can not tell you how good this makes you feel.

(NB don't feel the need to apologise for yourself as a person, or make promises about future behaviour, or talk about your drinking - it is just about moving on from a particular incident.)

Counselling can be really helpful if you feel depresed still. Open up and talk about your drinking if you go again. Don't be ashamed - it is not a character weakness. Your brain wiring is scrambled and needs reprogramming, which is why MWO is so great.

If you can confide in your boyfriend, best friend, sister or mother about this it may help you too. Once I had opened up to my husband it was a big relief. Things are still not perfect, but it was one less person I was deceiving...

AAthlete is right tho. It is hard, but you need to give yourself permission to forgive yourself. Reading the book and all the posts here will help you do that.:l

K

**Ripley** · March 13, 2007, 06:31 AM

Questions re guilt

oh and WELL DONE on your 1st dya AF!!!

**nattie** · March 13, 2007, 06:39 AM

Questions re guilt

thank you - this is all helping imensly. I think BF is pleased I have come to this descision myself as I think he had tried all routes, limiting my intake, giving me free reign, giving up himself in a hope I would too. Mum is also pleased as she herself does not drink and I think since the first counselling 6yrs back has always wished I had not gone back to it, although at the time she struggled to consider me an alcoholic & made varios other names for it !
I am trying to make plans for the coming weekend as it will be quite difficult for me as I cannot remember the last Fiday evening without a glass of wine. I had sometimes managed the week days succesfully but never the weekends. Maybe if the sun stays out it will help somewhat.

x

**Ripley** · March 13, 2007, 07:05 AM

Questions re guilt

Good on you Nat

I can't encourage you enought to download the book and get all the supplements tho - you sound British (apologies it you aren't!!!) and if so, they are all sold at Holland & Barrett. They are all natural and REALLY help with the cravings. I am doing the full MWO programme, but other people have had greatt success just using the supps and or hypnotherapy / excercise.

Whatever, in my opinion, don't just do willpower alone - really not necessary and a whole lot of pain. Been there, done it, failed. Tried this - it works. K xx

**weemelonhead** · March 13, 2007, 07:05 AM

Questions re guilt

Good on you nattie!!
I too have regularly beaten myself up about some of the horrendous, disgusting things I have done while drunk......I now take great pleasure in the knowledge that I will NEVER behave like that again, as I will spend the rest of my life in a glorious sober state, always knowing exactly what I have done and said the night before. This certainly makes those AF days easier and easier to add to!
Now I have been sober for a while, I have slowly been e-mailing and phoning people over the last few weeks to apologise for my drunken behaviour, and to talk about this program with them (they ALWAYS ask how on earth I have managed to stay sober for so long.....I don't think anyone ever thought it was possible!) and I find that with my honesty, and true acceptance of my actions, people have been VERY forgiving...it really has helped me come to terms with some of it in my head.
It IS hard to forgive yourself........but imagine it was a close friend of yours that was asking for the same forgiveness...you'd more than likely dole it out like a shot if you also realised how much they were doing to make sure that this was something they never repeated...Treat yourself as you would that friend.....go easy on yourself sweetie...guilt makes things very hard, you need to be able to put all your effort into sobriety, and try to use less energy constantly thinking of the past.
It will get easier!

Keep going with the AF sweetie, in the end, that's the thing that people will remember about you!!!
Weemelon xxx

**weemelonhead** · March 13, 2007, 07:07 AM

Questions re guilt

P.s...Try supps/anti depressants to help. I use quite a high dose of citalopram, which seems to have really helped take the guilt away and obsessive thinking in most areas of my life, nt just those that are drink related....give yourself all the help you can my dear.

**Ripley** · March 13, 2007, 07:13 AM

Questions re guilt

weemelon

you taking topa as well as the citalopram?

K

**Breez** · March 13, 2007, 09:07 AM

Questions re guilt

Hi Nattie~

My drinking had made me the most selfish person in this world. The verbal tirades, the lack of responsibility etc.-geez, I could go on & on. Yet hubby, my parents & my little ones still love me unconditionally. (hubby & my parents are still leary that I may fall off the wagon but are hopeful).

They know it's the disease-not me. I know that. They (and I) also know I choose to pick up that drink.
I can't change the past but can form my future. I can only show my family that I can now be the very best SOBER SeaBreez I know I can be ~ that they & I deserve.

I found that alcohol clouded my choices. Sobriety allows for clear, well-thought out choices. Choice is the opposite of being stuck. Choice is my new freedom. I choose to not drink any more.

**nattie** · March 13, 2007, 09:11 AM

Questions re guilt

thank you Seebreez - I just worry so much I will not be able to keep it up. At the moment they are supportive of me and I just hope I can prove them right. It is the unknown I think I am scared off. This week I am looking forward to nice nights sleep & a clear head but I have been drinking in the evening for a while now and I wonder if this is just my body saying give me a rest for a bit. I am trying to think of an hour at a time and am awaiting on my book from Amazon so I can get stuck in.

x

**YoungAtHeart** · March 13, 2007, 09:34 AM

Questions re guilt

Hey Nattie,

Someone once quoted on this site that it doesn't matter if you fall down seven times if you get up eight! Keep your eyes on your goal and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Make a game plan to cope with temptation. If you do have a slip, get right back up and keep trying (not that I am encouraging you to have a slip). My experience is that worrying about getting sober is much worse than being sober!

All the best to you!

**Breez** · March 13, 2007, 12:19 PM

Questions re guilt

Nattie-

I used to always get that awful "pit" in my stomach after an drunken incident. Often my mother wouldn't talk to me on the phone -so I knew I must of said something bad during my drunken episode. Hubby would remind me of things I said & did.

Eventually I took all that worry/remorse & turned it into "I'll show them I can do it". Now I get positive comments that I look good, etc. It's a wonderful feeling.

Give it time Nattie, loved ones around you will notice the difference & will forget the past quicker than you think-if they haven't already!

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