Questions re guilt

[ScoobyDoo]

Questions re guilt

Nattie, I can relate entirely to what you're describing.

I just want to touch on one thing, and that is in relation to your mum's attitude. I spoke with my mum last week also, and mentioned the programme and this forum. My father had a drinking problem for about a 10 year period, which my mother didn't cope well with. My dad now moderates successfully. So when I mentioned all of this to her, she had a similar reaction to your mum ie "You're ok. Just be sure to have 2 AFD's a week and you'll be ok". This was not really the reaction I wanted. I wanted her to reinforce that I should give up the booze for life (sort of. lol).

She has seen me drunk at parties, and dinner parties... she can surely see that I am following in my fathers footsteps.

My theory is that our parents (probably especially mum's) want to think of their children as perfect, and coping well.

Keep posting Nattie! I'm really enjoying reading your insights and experiences to date.

And well done on your first day AF! Be kind to yourself. You sound like a really good person to me.

Doo

[ScoobyDoo]

Questions re guilt

YoungAtHeart;105718 wrote:

Worrying about getting sober is much worse than being sober!

How true is that!
Doo

[sri]

Questions re guilt

Welcome Nattie and congrats on your great start. Guilt is something I've struggled with. For now (am only 33 days AF....) I am just concentrating on staying sober. That is the most useful thing I can do with my full energy. Guilt consumes energy I could be putting into staying sober. As opportunities present themselves to apologize, I will but I am trying to stay focused on the present and future -- those things I can control. Those who love me will acknowledge my progress and the new me -- and someday may forgive the old me...but I'm not going to go there -- I am just going to do my best to never hurt them again by drinking. I may do it sober just not drunk.

Best of luck to you on our journey......

[morrison]

Questions re guilt

The guilt will go away

Nattie, the guilt will go away. Just stay alcohol free. I tried moderating, but would always slip, then hate myself for acting like a jackass. Now I know for sure, I'm done drinking. I don't even think about it. It's like a miracle, and I feel so lucky, cause I see some people on here are struggling. I think I just got so sick and tired of it. I mean, REALLY, REALLY sick and tired of it. 99 percent pain, and 1 percent, I don't know what, but not fun. I got in such a cycle cause I hated myself so much. Now that I know I'm done with the booze, I can forgive myself. I could never do that before, because I wasn't truly committed to quitting I guess. Your health plays a massive part in the way you feel upstairs. If you aren't in tip top shape, you can get depressed. Depression and guilt are twin brothers. If you get depressed, and guilty, you'll drink and prolong the agony. My advice would be to make the commitment to quit drinking forever, cause it sounds like you are not having fun. You'll start to feel less guilty over time, until you can completely forgive youself. Take it from me. I was suicidal at times because of my actions. I am waaaayyyy too embarrassed to write down some of the stuff I did while intoxicated. It was so hard to get beyond some of it. And, if others won't forgive you after you forgive youself, you won't care. Because if people love you, they'll forgive you. If people are going to hold a grudge against you, you don't need them. As far as I'm concerned, people who hold grudges want to hold some power over you because of some problem of their own. Hang in there. You'll find a lot of people on this site that have been alcohol free long enough to where they have rejuvinated their bodies, mind, and spirit. I'm only on day 28, and I feel like I'm in the best shape since I was 18 (I'm 34 now.) I'm off booze completely, working out a bunch, lifting weights, b-ball, getting sun, taking vitamins, eating right, you name it. And that's nothing. Some of the folks on here have accomplished so many goals they were putting off because of booze, and then just went out and did the things they always wanted. Wouldn't you want that too? You can have what you want. Just keep your eye on the prize. Like training for an athletic event, remember, no pain, no gain. You have to go through a little detox period(some guilt will be involved unfortunately,) but then it is all so much easier. Trust me, its sooo worth it.

[julie001]

Questions re guilt

Hi Nattie,

Like you and so many others, the guilt of how I behaved while drunk and guilt over my apparent weakness of character was a hard thing to live with (which usually led to more drinking to alleviate the guilt). That's such a horrible feeling. I tried to curb my drinking by myself, but could not get a handle on it, of course.

My best advice--like many others is don't try to do it alone. Read the book, read the posts on MYO, use the kudzu, the CDs, the supps, and consider an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety prescription, and maybe even a sleeping pill for those first several really difficult nights.

I've been back at MYO for a few weeks, and I've been doing so much better at moderating with all of the resources I listed above--especially listening to all of honest advice and experience of the people here. Day by day each success that you have (even if you don't go AF days in a row) will give your self esteem a boost. Consider going back to counseling. I just recently did. It really helps because by doing so you are trying to help yourself.

Good luck. Life will get better!

Julie

[morrison]

Questions re guilt

Also

as mentioned above, there are things that can help with the mood swings, sleeplessness, etc. that come with the first couple weeks of sobriety. Oh, and sorry if I came off preachy in my post above. It was not my intent. Just trying to motivate you, and encourage you by letting you know that if you beat this thing, which I know you can, you will be so happy.

[nattie]

Questions re guilt

thank you all for the great advice & I really appreicate the time you are all willing to give each other. I was itching to get into work this morning so I could log on & chat !
I had a good night last night - BF had cooked dinner, washed up & done the shopping by the time I got home. Lovely, he kept asking how I felt etc, could he make me a tea. This is all great & he is in a far better mood than I have seen him in in a long time, even this morning he told me I looked radiant ! I am sure I need to get him down to the optican sharpish ! Iam hoping his excitement at my non drinking will spur me along.

I need a bit of help for my first AF weekend - I am doing ok this week & not drank since Sunday and feeling positive - it is just that mid week feeling looking forward to the weekend but how hard that will be come Friday evening with no drink.
Any suggestions of how you all get/got through it would be great. I don't want to end up sulking or going to bed at some stupid hour so I don't have to think about it.

xx

[paula]

Questions re guilt

Hi Nattie and welcome,
I have always had problems with feelings of guilt.
Have you tried writing down how you feel,i did and
let my husband read it, it was really helpful to both
of us.I felt better and he understood a little more.
Good luck.

[Ripley]

Questions re guilt

Morrison

that was a FANTASTIC post earlier. said everything I needed to hear to day. bless you.

Kate x

[morrison]

Questions re guilt

kate7173;106189 wrote: Morrison

that was a FANTASTIC post earlier. said everything I needed to hear to day. bless you.

Kate x

Wow Kate. Thanks. I'm afraid I came off preachy. Like now I'm AF for over 4 weeks and I have all the answers. :H It's been so long since I've felt this good naturally, I'm just so psyched for others to hop on board:happy: .