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    #1

    do you feel that your boring now?

    just wondering, Last weekend was really pretty and full of sunshine. My husband loves it.(I perfer a rainy gloomy day, but oh well) He said what a great day to go to the vineyards. There are several in our area, then he looks at me and say's " But you can't do that now" I admitted it was a temptation that I didn't think I was ready for.I am concerned that I am becoming boring for him; I am whittier and more conversational when I drink. i think he misses that. He has been nothing but supportive of me and my progress even telling me he's proud of me. I just feel I am letting him down, he is leaving Friday to Go to the Whistler resort in Vancouver( I didn't want to go because I have had the flu for about 3 weeks) I said "oh you'll be there for St. Patricks Day' a little while later he was on the internet looking for Irish pubs in that area. He is Irish and loves the holiday. He dosen't have the problem; I do. I just feel like I am not much fun for him anymore. I have asked him about this he tells me "don't be silly I love you"

    Trying to figure it out
    M
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    #2
    do you feel that your boring now?

    Simeybear, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, and I think to a certain extent it is due to our drinking. I as well wish that I was more fun and looked forward to going out and doing things more.

    My feelings are that we molded the person that we became through our drinking habit, possibly because we were trying to overcome something (abuse, depressions, overwork, etc.). By drinking, we were able to suppress whatever was bothering us, thereby loosening our inhibitions/masking our stress and allowing us to become that fun-loving person we really wished we could be.

    If we only remove the drink and not the underlying causes that drove our drinking we put ourselves back in the same boat. I realize this is a broad generalization but I know that it fits me. Only by dealing with my childhood issues and focusing on personal improvement have I SLOWLY started to turn into the person that I want to be.
    Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

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      #3
      do you feel that your boring now?

      I think it is hard when we have been with a partner and drinking is one of the "fun" things that we do together.

      AAthlete makes some very good points, and I also think that as time goes on, the two of you can look for things to do together that don't include alcohol that will be fun for the both of you. Maybe at some point down the road you will more comfortable socializing without alcohol.
      AF as of August 5th, 2012

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        #4
        do you feel that your boring now?

        AA & Young @Heart, thanks for the advice< AA my dear if I worked on all my childhood and life issues I might finish up in time to die. So much crap!! Young dear, I wish we could find similar activities he works very hard long hours and when he is off.I try to let him do what he want to do watch poker on TV or play poker in Alantic City. I don't feel I have the right to complain, He makes the money, i just play with my interior design business. Work whenever. I am just having a blue week, family issues, you guys know about. Got sister in law situated- MIL God only knows. But always Thanks for listening
        M

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          #5
          do you feel that your boring now?

          Hey Simey
          I worry about being boring all of the time. My husband fully supports what I am trying to do with the drinking, and yet it seems that he is not wanting to change anything in our lives in terms of social aspects/friends/lifestyle etc. I dont know what he really expects of me. I am feeling a little down today. I do worry about being boring or quiet without drinking....drinking makes me more outgoing etc. for sure...
          Jen
          Over 4 months AF :h

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            #6
            do you feel that your boring now?

            Hi Simey
            I feel the same. I met my husband and we went out to bars and had a great time (although he had 1 or 2 and I had many more....all his guy friends use to raz him that I could drink most under the table..proud of it then, not now). I become more chatty and laugh more when drinking and am much more serious when sober.
            It's an adjustment but in the long run will be so much better. I think once over the hurdle you can get a high off life that maybe you found when drinking because you will feel so much better.
            I have to say that was the most supportive, wonderful thing that your husband said to you. I hope you believe him.
            "Keep your eyes and heart focused on the end goal at all times, and never settle for less."

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              #7
              do you feel that your boring now?

              Thanks beaches, yes, I do belive him, I've always said you could put him in a room filled with naked playboy centerfolds and he would say "eh excuse me Miss but did you happen to see my wife?"

              Comment

                #8
                do you feel that your boring now?

                Okay, time for a little pick-me-up for those feeling blue today. BTW - I searched for funny animal pics and Irish's avatar showed up on the first page!

                This is how drinking makes me feel....

                Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

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                  #9
                  do you feel that your boring now?

                  When Hubby & I first started dating all we did was go to bars etc. Married we used to have alcohol around the house all the time. As time went on, I developed the problem, he didn't.

                  Now I don't drink. Out of courtesy he doesn't either. Now we are the biggest couch potatoes there are watching all types of reality TV-LOL! Seriously, we now have youngin's and do all sorts of day trips and have learned to share new interests.

                  I know what Beaches means when she mentioned that when I drank I would also be chatty but now am serious. Hate useless talk. Hubby tends to do that sometimes & it annoys me. So on the flip side, sobriety has made my husband's conversations boring sometimes-LOL! I tune him out. He has this habit of explaining things to me as if I was 10 yrs old.

                  Sobriety is a brand new life-a new learning experience. Enjoy. You are far from boring-you are re-born!
                  :flower: Change a life; make someone feel important. ................. ........................ ..................... ........................ ................. ....... sigpic

                  Comment

                    #10
                    do you feel that your boring now?

                    HI Simey,

                    My husband says i'm alot funnier now - in company and at home - and that i'm quicker witted ( doh!). I think i'm better company now than when drinking for sure - and I feel so much better about myself, the way I look, the way I can think straight etc....

                    You can go to a winery or wherever - you are not allergic to the smell of alcohol are you, or to other people drinking?? You can go and not drink.

                    I think of it like my husband eating something I don't eat when we are out - i'm not eating it so no problem on my part - there are other choices on the menu - just as there are for life

                    You are NOT Boring!

                    Cashy
                    xxx
                    "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans" - John Lennon

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                      #11
                      do you feel that your boring now?

                      Cashy, no I'm not allegic to the vineyards, It's just watching all the people around emjoying the wine and feeling like I can never be normal like them. a big DOWNER! As for the comparison with food I can take one bite of something that tempts me,and walk away not so much with wine. I have got it down to 2 spitzers a night. I would hate to see the face of someone at the winery if I asked for a mixer for my chardonnay. My favorite vineyard has this champange that is $115 a bottle for that price you want to make sure you drink it all. I understand your point I just have to get stronger to be around other people. In Dec. i had a social event very conservative (even though I'm not) but there was to be wine there. I know because I helped plan the event for a friend. I had a double amaretto & vodka on the rocks in the car, (I wasn't driving )and 2 valium just to keep me calm and I didn't touch the dinner wine. Thanks for your POV
                      M

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                        #12
                        do you feel that your boring now?

                        Simey, I'm with Cashy!

                        And although I am only on day 7 at yet another attempt at an AF existance, I have even surprsed myself at how enjoyable my evening conversations with my hub have been. I have been much less boring and offer more to the conversation and certainly remember what we discussed, :wd:

                        I was never a wine drinker, but I would think that they would make some pretty mean grape juice, right? To me it could be about the cheese, crusty breads, beautiful glasses, baskets, strolling, ambiance, conversation, romance---ahhhhhh :h . Sounds lovely, considering it's rainy and cold here - 46 degrees. If it were me, I would go. But I am very subborn and sort of an "I'll show you" type of gal. :moon:

                        You'll make the right decision and do what is right for you. To thine own self be true, that's all we can do.

                        Hugs, :l

                        Best
                        "It wasn't all I wanted, but all I could stand!":bigwink: Alcohol free since April 8, 2008

                        Comment

                          #13
                          do you feel that your boring now?

                          I think I am blonder now.
                          Gabby :flower:

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                            #14
                            do you feel that your boring now?

                            Lucky for me I have always been boring. I was just boring and really loud when I was drunk.

                            Sorry you are feeling down. When you are ready to face that situation, and it may take time, you will do it and your husband will be at your side.

                            hugs to you!
                            Learning to live life on the outside of a bottle. :flower:

                            Comment

                              #15
                              do you feel that your boring now?

                              What do do

                              Jenneh;106441 wrote: Hey Simey
                              I worry about being boring all of the time. My husband fully supports what I am trying to do with the drinking, and yet it seems that he is not wanting to change anything in our lives in terms of social aspects/friends/lifestyle etc. I dont know what he really expects of me. I am feeling a little down today. I do worry about being boring or quiet without drinking....drinking makes me more outgoing etc. for sure...
                              Jen
                              Hi, My drinking problem is my husband. Trust me when I tell you that you only think you are more fun and outgoing when you drink. The sober ones around you do not think you are more fun when you are drinking. I can tell the difference when my husband has had as little as one drink. His whole face changes. His handsome face takes oon the look of Deputy Dog. His movements become slow and just a little off. He does talk more but his speech is slurred. Something he doesn't think happens. He gets louder and to him he seems more outgoing but it is just more obnoxious. :new: Sometimes it is just the opposite. He gets very quiet and it takes a few minutes before he can gather his thoughts to answer the simplest of questions. In all othe ways he is a wonderful man and thankfully , he is not abusive when drinking. It just breaks my heart because I know he is killing himself. He says he wants to quit but refuses to get professional help. He says he can do it on his own. He had a bad drug problem when he was younger for many years adn quit all on his own and this is what makes him think he can quit alcohol on his own. So far he hasn't been able to for more than a day or two. It is very hard living with a person that drinks so much and it has gotten progressivly worse over the years. It used to be beer and an occasional shot. Now it is straight shots of cheap vodka. Several at a time. He can be sober and five minutes later be crocked. I am almost at my wits end and don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him because I love him very much and we have been married over 20 years. I just don't know how much longer I can take his drinking and stay sane.

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