Feeling very nervous.....

[Bluebell]

Hi everyone,

I have decided to throw my hat in the door with you guys to see how I feel about a plan I have. That might not make sense but it does to me.

Well, first of all, I have decided that I can't muck around any longer pretending I've got this drinking lark in hand. I haven't. After my daughter's Birthday Party yesterday, I proceeded to drink a bottle of Chardonnay and half of another bottle of Chardonnay. Naturally, I feel like crap this morning. I feel like a bad mother. I had to whisk my daughter into class this morning because I didn't want her teacher to smell wine on me. I am really upset as I write this. My daughter's face as I practically shoved her into her seat and tried to leave will haunt me. She kept asking me to stay and then she started to get upset. The teacher says "c'mon give mummy a kiss because mummy has to go to work now". My G! I am a stay at home mum for the moment so that I can be there for my children. What a hypocrite I am.

So, my plan.....

I want to pick up the phone right now and make an appointment to see my doctor to ask for something to help me not drink. I know it would take a moment to call. I just don't know what to say to the doctor when I get there.

Anyone got any advice?

Thanks.

Edit: I suppose I mean I don't know what meds to ask the doctor for. I have read and googled and read and googled all morning and still don't know which would suit me.

Also, will he give me meds?

What if he just refers me to AA? I will die a thousand deaths!

He has no idea that I drink.

I am getting cold feet already.

[Cashregister]

Feeling very nervous.....

Dear Bluebell,

That is exactly the point I got to - I'm 38 and have an 8 year old daughter Sophie. But, i did it for myself. not for anyone else. You cannot be there totally for you kids if you are not well - not matter what the illness - and if you want to be there then get yourself healthy. Look after yourself so you can look after your daughter.

I think you are doing the absolutely right thing - nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand. I grew up with an alcoholic mum and it was not pleasant - for me or for her.

Tell the truth - tell your doctor exactly what's happening in your life and that you want to get off this merry-go-round. Your doctor will only respect you for that. Your doctor may help you plan your recovery, and you may want to talk about the possibility of other (possible ) underlying causes for your drinking.

Good luck with this - it's a wonderful step to make, it changed my life (not overnight of course).

Lots of love and best wishes

Cashy
xxxx

[Bluebell]

Feeling very nervous.....

Oh Cashy, you made me cry all over again.

I was ready to sweep it all under the carpet........... again.

You have made me realise it is time to stop the crap.

Thank you so so much.

I am going to make the appointment right now.

[YoungAtHeart]

Feeling very nervous.....

Hi Bluebell,

It's hard to know what will help you medication wise without trying something. If one thing doesn't help, try another, then another! The fact that you are getting the ball rolling is the important thing!

[Bluebell]

Feeling very nervous.....

OMG!

I have made the appointment!

The strange thing is... I was nervous about telling my doctor (who I feel I have been deceiving over the years) and GUESS WHAT? He's not there! I have been given an appointment at 2.30 this afternoon with a lady doctor I haven't met before!

Talk about divine intervention!

Thanks again Cash for giving me that cyber boot up the bum.:l

I will let you know what happens.

Thank you YoungAtHeart, you are so right. I was trying to do the doctor's job I suppose. I am very excited about the appointment. Nervous and excited. I have been wanting to do this for a long long time.

[Guest]

Feeling very nervous.....

The truth

Hi Blue,

Here is the truth; As a past wine drinker myself, I will tell you that you need to stop this for your child. That baby knows what is going on and you need to stop this for she and certainly for YOU.

I, in fact am in this forum because my other was off line last night. They may boot me for this but I strongly suggest two things: 1. Go to the Rational Recovery website, and get the book. 2. Check out WQD (we quit drinking webstie)....Here's where I will get booted. Lastly, do not drink tomorrow, whatever it takes. If you can take 3 days off from work, and all responsibility, you should do that, stay in bed, it will feel like the flu, live with it, and then make a plan. WQD members can tell you how. I am not a proponent of WQD, RR, or anything, I just have tried moderation and I KNOW, it does not work! Be truthful with yourself.

For others, AA works. Anyway that works, is the right way.

I am way not perfect, I have a 7 year old here tonight with her friend while my wife is out of town. I have beaten the cravings (AV) all night and now I am well.

Most of these forums are anonymous, I understand that. I am going back to mine, WQD, but if you would like to talk without any registering, etc, you can find my thread at Samm's way, or just get on the shout line. No agenda here. Just trying to be right for my baby girl, I hope you will for yours......

On soap box too long, sorry.

Samm

[tawnyfrog]

Feeling very nervous.....

Go for it Bluebell.

What have you got to lose?

What have you got to GAIN??????

Do the sums.

Come on, 2.30! Sending you "stay strong" vibes.

[Bluebell]

Feeling very nervous.....

Thanks Samm for taking the time to reply.

I will, when I get the chance, have a look at those websites.

Yup, my children mean everything to me and what a funny way I have of showing it.

Hopefully, by putting my pride in my pocket and fessing up to the doctor, life for the children and the whole family will change for the better and all the crap will all be a distant nightmare.

I am so ready for this.

Thanks.

[Bluebell]

Feeling very nervous.....

Thanks Tawny......keep sending those vibes.

I know...so much good to gain and so much crap to lose.

I am shaking with nerves but by G-d I will do it.

[redrobin]

Feeling very nervous.....

Dear Bluebell

Best of best wishes from another Aussie mum.

Thinking of you,

RR

[Bluebell]

Feeling very nervous.....

Thank you so much Red,

I would not have the strength to do this without the support of the people on this site.

It means so much to me.

I mean, it's such a dark, disgraceful secret...... who could I tell?

By being able to open up here and feeling the sheer force of other member's caring, help, comments and advice is so wonderful and empowering.

Thanks again.

[ScoobyDoo]

Feeling very nervous.....

Bluebell

I know exactly how you are feeling right now. Especially the bit about talking to your GP. I saw my GP last week, and was horrified that I was having to explain it to her. We are reasonably good friends. She is another one of the mothers at my son's school... our sons were in the same class last year, so it was really difficult. We don't socialise together but we get along really well, so at least there was some distance.

I took a deep breath, swallowed my pride/embarrassment and just explained it calmly, that I was uncomfortable with my levels of drinking and that I wanted her thoughts on the Tapomax. I told her that I had been too hungover to take my son to school a few weeks ago... and then she finally could see that it was a problem for me. She is not an alcoholic herself, so she couldn't possible know, but anyway, it ended up being really good to get it off my chest and talk to her about it, regardless of the outcome. She was not overly concerned, but I told her about MWO and the supps, CD's etc and she suggested I give this ago and see how I manage.

I didn't mean to just talk about myself... I just wanted you to know that someone else (I'm in Sydney) has just been through the really hard task of telling the doctor about it... it ended up being a big relief.

Having said that... great news you're not seeing your regular GP! It's funny how we deceive.

After my marriage breakup 6 years ago, I went to counselling and over several months of weekly sessions I could not bring myself to tell the counselor that I was drinking too much at nights. I just couldn't do it but knew deep down that it would help me if I had have released the information of my nightly secret.

Let us know how you get on this afternoon. I'll be thinking of you.

Doo

[Bluebell]

Feeling very nervous.....

Thank you DooDoo....how unbelievably helpful it is to know that someone else has been through the exact same.

I am very nervous about, and this is going to sound silly, what will be my very first words to her?

Do I sit down and smile and say "good thank you" when she asks how I am?

Will I start blubbering and not get a coherent word out and end up looking like an idiot?

Can I have the strength and fortitude to just go in and shoot from the hip?

I am going through all the scenarios in my mind.

I want to be non-blubbery and have my wits about me.

I want to make sure I don't leave there without a script.

I don't want to be palmed off with St John's Wort or the like.

I just don't know how to start the conversation!

I am getting myself in a pickle just over that! I know I will be shaking like a leaf in the waiting room ................ I will want to run.

But I won't because I will remember my daughter's face and will know that I NEVER want to put her in that situation again.

Thanks again DooDoo.

[Breez]

Feeling very nervous.....

Hi Blue!

So proud of you!

Like cashy-I'm almost 38 w/a 8yo daughter & 5 yo son who do not need a drunk for a mother. This are the most important times in their lives. The last time my daughter saw me under the influence was when she had a day off school, I drank, took a nap & she called my hubby to say mommy was asleep & she was hungry. She never saw me drunk again.

By the grace of God I have a wonderful Dr. & together for the past 3 yrs have tried to work together to get me sober. Told him I drank too much & wanted to stop. Told him I felt I was an alcoholic. I thought that when I'd tell him that that I'd be the only one but he told me he was treating 6 other people as well.
Then we went over options. He knew AA was not for me. I flat out told him I was terrified to go. When Campral came out I handed him the paperwork & asked to be put on it (unfortunately I "really" wasn't ready to be AF yet & it didn't work). He then was the one who suggested Topa & when he did I did research & found Roberta's book but put it on the backburner. It wasn't until the end of last year that I said enough was enough & started back on Topa & would be 85 AF today but had 1 drink so I'm 28 days AF officially.

Here's to a very big step toward your new life w/o alcohol dictating it. Be straightforward & honest. If you had any other disease would you be embarrased? No. Be sincere & say that you know you drink too much, you want to be healthier, you find it hard to control your drinking etc. Oh, in the beginning my Dr. even put me on anti-depressants b/c I cried and said I was depressed all the time & eventually he took me off of them b/c he said my depression was due to my drinking & when I cut down on drinking so did my depression.

Just be honest. They are not there to judge but to help.

Good luck. You go girl!
You're an awesome mum!

[ScoobyDoo]

Feeling very nervous.....

Bluebell, I totally relate to what you're thinking and feeling about the first words etc. This is what I think helped me to remain in control, and that is that I was there for... I had made the appointment because I was concerned about my drinking. So really, the ball was in my court. And when I think about it now, I realise that the alcohol problem (alcoholic or whatever you want to label it with) is just another of many health issues in our society. Docs see them day in day out. You are there because you've decided to do something about it yourself, and that might give you some strength.

My GP's reaction was to almost side swipe the whole notion (she's very practical) and she almost convinced me that I was over reacting... until I told her that my son has missed a day of school due to my actions the night before.

You want the Topa, so I would go in, armed with literature printed off the resource sites here, in case she is not familiar with the studies. I'd go in with as much information as you can, and this might also give you a feeling of empowerment, so you'll be able to open up the topic and start.

Isn't it just the pitts, when they say "so how are you?"... I really do know! That's what happened with my appointment and I can't actually recall what I said, but once I explained "I'm worried about my level of drinking" it just seemed to flow out after that.

I mentioned it to another GP in the past (from the same practice) ie that I was drinking a bottle of wine a night, and he told me to not worry about it. BB, don't take that for an answer. I think a lot of Doctors see some pretty horrific things, and might wrongfully dismiss your concerns as trivial in comparison to a full blown alcoholic. Don't let your GP do that. You are concerned for a reason, and rightly so. Take it by the balls and give it to her

You are obviously a great mum for taking this brave step. I absolutely applaud you for your honesty and courage!

Have you spoken with your partner about your MWO, the appointment and your plan?

Doo