Feeling very nervous.....

[eustacia]

Feeling very nervous.....

Dear Bluebell,

I'm just another mom saying YAY, BLUEBELL! GO FOR IT!

Try not to worry about what the doctor thinks. She's only human and if she's old enough to be a doctor she's probably stared down a demon or two of her own.

If she suggests only AA, keep in mind that she is not an addiction specialist and possibly does not know about other routes. Make up your own beautiful mind.

:heart: Eustacia

P.S. Ditto what Seabreez and Doo Doo just wrote.

[ScoobyDoo]

Feeling very nervous.....

PS BB, I just thought of a trick you could pull on yourself. How about visualising this;

As you're walking into the room, you could imagine the scenario in your 10/15 min when your appointment is over and the doctor casually throwing your file to the receptionist and calling out "Next!"

lol... makes me laugh thinking about it.

[Bluebell]

Feeling very nervous.....

Crying again.

I am so touched by your words and support.

G-d I don't want to be a blubbering wreck.

I'm worried about my level of drinking

I'm gonna write that on my hand.

No Doo, I have not told my husband I am going to see the doc about my drinking. The reason? Well, when I have mentioned it before, he poo-pood the idea saying I was over-reacting. The reason for that? He drinks just as much as I do and my guess is that he is frightened of losing his drinking buddy and our routine.

BUT, I know that if I get this thing in hand .... he will too. I just know it.

When I have had AF days before he did too.

I want to tell him AFTER I have seen the doc. That way he cannot talk me out of going.

Thank you Eustacia.... I know I shouldn't worry about what the doc thinks... I know it...... but at the moment, I am. She will have a couple of dozen patients today, no doubt, but somehow I am imagining that she is going to be especially interested in my case because I am a respectable mum and OMG! SHE DRINKS! She will fall off her chair with shock and point her jaggy nailed finger at me and say HOW COULD YOU! Okay, my imagination getting the better of me there. Must be feeling better, I'm making myself laugh.

DOO DOO! That is sooo funny and may be used.

OMG! What if I go in laughing? She will definately think I am a nut.

[Bluebell]

Feeling very nervous.....

Just be honest. They are not there to judge but to help.

Seabreeze.... this will be written on my other hand. Thank you.

Fan, thank you. I have run out of hands but will keep that one in my head. Thank you.

[ScoobyDoo]

Feeling very nervous.....

BB.... YEAH, you're smiling!

Fan hit the nail on the head. She will respect you for your strength and courage.

I also completely relate to the loss of drinking mate mentality. My partner doesn't drink as much as I do, (he doesn't have a problem with it and can stop at 2) and he's moderating/abstaining along with me as a show of support.

You will be just fine BB. I'm looking forward to hearing your update

[Cashregister]

Feeling very nervous.....

Oh Bluebell, good luck!

I am so pleased to read that you are going to the Doc. Like I said the Doc will respect you for it - and you will benefit so much. Like Tawny said - what have you got to lose?

And it is so wonderful when you child looks up at you (this happened to me last night!!!) and says "Mummy I am so glad you are better". It was a magical moment. She's happy because i'm happy.

Of course she went straight on to say "now we just have to fix daddy"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he does not drink, he's wonderful, but he's the "disciplinarian" of the household (due to me trying to make up for my behaviour by overcompensating) - so she wants to fix that!!!

Love you heaps and keep us posted. PM any time you want to.

Lotsa love and hugs and kisses

Cashy

[tawnyfrog]

Feeling very nervous.....

Oh ... and one more thing...

Just to remind you of something you prepared earlier:

" But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness."

[Bluebell]

Feeling very nervous.....

Tawny......thank you.

Sometimes it's unfathomable how, things strike us subconsiously and we notice it but don't really take in the message it's giving. That piece jumped out at me at a cafe I was in yesterday and, until you reminded me of it, I just thought it was a great insightful piece of wisdom. Now, I think it was something that I was supposed to notice and take strength from. Thank you for bringing it back to my mind.

OMG, now I am going all deep. Oh well, I have visited many facets of my personality today.

I'm ready to make that change.

To all of you, thank you so much. I'm blown away by the feeling that all of you will be holding my hand at the docs.

I'm leaving in a short while but will be back on the keyboard as soon as I return.

:l :l :l :l

[Guest]

Feeling very nervous.....

Samm Again

Blue,

I would speak frankly to your doctor, tell him/her the TRUTH about the amount of your alcohol intake. You must be insistant, many doc's try to believe that alcohol is not the problem. Trust me it is. I could go on and on about my cholesteral, pancreas attack, etc about alcohol; you need to get real with the doc, get some blood tests and ask him about the new meds for cravings.

I can't emphasize enough, if you don't think AA is for your, I understand. Google the Rational Recovery website. It is free and will give you an insight to the cravings (the addictive voice which has now included your midibrain cravings to include alcohol with the need for the basics of life: food, water, shelter, etc). It further helps you to use your intellegence to combat these cravings (again, the inner voice: the one that tells you to breath at sleep, to take your hand out of the fire, to drink wine, etc).

I read and reread the book. I ignore the AA bashing in it and take what is right for me. Please do this for yourself and that sweet child. I'm pulling for you cause you can do it!

Samm from the South

[Determinator]

Feeling very nervous.....

Bluebell, I spoke to my doctor in detox and they actually recommended a GP to me that was not only on my health plan, but also a respected chemical dependance expert....so shop around! You are the customer so be picky. Call some clinics that specialize in CD aftercare and see who they recommend...a phone call is totally anonymous. rooting for you!

[Bluebell]

Feeling very nervous.....

I've Been!

It was all you all said it would be.

It was nothing like I thought it would be.


After a shaky start to the appointment (I started by saying how hard it was for me to be here and how I have wanted to ask for help for a long time, I, of course, burst into tears.)

The doc couldn't have been any nicer. She let me calm down and then my story came out, gently prompted by her. She was fantastic. Understood the whole shebang. Was not phased by anything.

Okay, the upshot is I am having blood tests done to determine any liver damage. Then, on Tuesday morning I am seeing her again and the plan is for me to go onto valium for a few days and then Naltrexone. I will see her WEEKLY to see how I am going and she has asked me, in the meantime, until my appointment on Tuesday, to keep a journal of each glass of wine I have, why I want it and my thoughts as I pour it. She wants to get others involved ie phsyciatrists (sp?) to get to the bottom of why I drink. She, rightly, said that everybody drinks to escape or blot out feelings. She wants me to find out what I am escaping from.

I am so happy. I am so filled with hope and encouragement. I will not have to waste the next 40 or so years on alcohol after all.

I feel as if I have been touched by an angel. (soppy yes, but I am learning to say it as I feel it, okay?)

So, initial feeling - I want to tell anyone who has delayed this docs appointment for years like I had.....DON'T ANYMORE. MAKE THAT APPOINTMENT and feel as relieved and as grateful as I do now.

[tawnyfrog]

Feeling very nervous.....

:happy::happy::happy::happy:

[Popeye]

Feeling very nervous.....

:good:

[redrobin]

Feeling very nervous.....

Bluebell,

That's wonderful!! It sounds as if you really feel as if you've got your feet on the starting block this time. I know that feeling, for me it was when I first organised my topa prescription, and it's quite a wonderful feeling , so hang on to it.

You've got some positive actions to take, some people to help you and some powerful assistance coming your way - you're going to beat this thing.

I'm so happy for you - and your family. Must rush home to mine now, but I just had to hang about the site long enough to find out how things went for you this afternoon,

RR

[Bluebell]

Feeling very nervous.....

Thanks guys.

Samm.... I was very honest with my doctor. I even took myself by surprise. I thought... well, I've been the humungus effort to get here.. I may as well just tell it as it is.

The FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I HAVE TOLD ANYONE (apart from you guys). What a feeling! It just lifts the lid off your "secret" life. Ha Ha! I can be me! Just me! I am going to get fixed!

Tawny, you know the bit in that Desiderata poem that got to me the most was ....

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


It brought home the fact that, yes, I am entitled to ask for help and that I have a right to get healthy.

Determinator - I hope you are well. I'm so glad you got the doc you needed. Sincere thanks for your support.

Popeye - thanks.

Red, thanks for hanging on. I really appreciate your words.

In fact, sincere thanks to you all for this tremendous, unbelievable, powerful, life-changing support.