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    #16
    A little depressing for Christmas...

    I wrote a big post and it deleted by accident. Or maybe not an accident?
    I may have fallen again into a deep depression.

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      #17
      A little depressing for Christmas...

      Bri my love, :l

      Please PM when you can. :l:l
      On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
      *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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        #18
        A little depressing for Christmas...

        Bri....hang in there.....you know you can do it....you did before. And yes, alot of people care about you. Tons!

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          #19
          A little depressing for Christmas...

          briseus;1433341 wrote: I wrote a big post and it deleted by accident. Or maybe not an accident?
          I may have fallen again into a deep depression.
          Bri,

          We all delete posts by mistake--we hit some stupid button, and can't undo it. Please don't make it more than it is.

          Do you see someone when you're depressed, a therapist or counselor? If not, please see your doctor immediately. Do not let this escalate. You do not need to suffer anymore than you already are.

          Here's a virtual, sincere hug for you. :l
          "Remember, you are responsible for creating your life by every thought, action, choice. Choose well." Oprah Winfrey

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            #20
            A little depressing for Christmas...

            Bri,
            Please Remember this is your journey, not your moms or your boyfriends or his mother or even mine. And you clearly are on it. It's always going to have twists and turns. No avoiding those I'm afraid. But our destination is all the same here: reclaiming our true selves. Health, happiness.

            No one here judges or condemns. We've seen a ton of that on the outside for sure....
            May I offer that in my Buddhist practice, when I screw up, my friends who have practiced a lot longer than I always congratulate me...which drives me crazy :H But their point is that my mistake or problems are always an opportunity to grow, to see success much more clearly than if I am tootling along without obstacles.

            Sounds trite, I know but inave found this true time and time again I rarely see success right away but when I get distance (I think Byrdie or RC said it was about 30,000 feet up! ) I see it clearly.

            Sounds like you re exactly in this place. Maybe if you can break down the obstacles which keep you stuck, it will be easier to get that view.

            Stay close. We are all still here for you. :l
            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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              #21
              A little depressing for Christmas...

              Hi Bri!

              Please check in when you can...we care about how you're doing. I have extra Antabuse too...let me know if you'd like me to send it to you. Just remember you are NOT alone in this...there are lots of people here that have your back!

              Love,
              K9
              :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

              Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

              Comment

                #22
                A little depressing for Christmas...

                Bri,
                I have extra too. My girl friend left it here awhile ago. She is now almost three years AF.
                THE date on it says 6/01/10 And there are13 left.
                Not certain if these are 2 old.

                Maybe K9 and others have more info on that.

                More than happy to send it. Would just throw it out anyway...
                :l

                PS. If someone else wants it, let me know
                On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                  #23
                  A little depressing for Christmas...

                  My pharmacy refills my prescription every 30 days even though the refill is for 90 pills...I literally have it coming out of my ears. Let me know if you want some!
                  :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                  Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                  Comment

                    #24
                    A little depressing for Christmas...

                    how are you today bri?i hope youre feeling better,let us know
                    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

                    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
                    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

                    Comment

                      #25
                      A little depressing for Christmas...

                      Sorry it took so long...

                      Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses.

                      Deep down I know what my obstacles are but I don't know how to overcome them without it being an even more stressful time in my life...mind you, I could be wrong...

                      I am very optimistic about the year 2013 but it seems like people all around {aside from you lovely people} are trying to bring me down to my knees. I am receiving comments from people that are supposed to be some of those closest to me.
                      My other half's family is difficult to deal with...you all know the situation...it isn't getting better.
                      Sometimes I just don't know what to do other then to drink and forget, but I know that it doesn't help, because the problem is still there the next day and not any better...maybe even worse.
                      I need to get my head on straight. I just want to show all these people that I am not some weakling...that I can attain my goals.
                      Not everyone knows about my drinking...but I am sure my other half's Mom has spilled the beans.

                      Where I am at, I am not comfortable, nor is it a safe haven.

                      I think this is what is bothering me most of all with regards to everything that is going because it is creating problems between my boyfriend and I and I don't know how to deal with any of it. We have been together for a long time. We have gotten into our habits and patterns and sometimes change is hard.

                      Hope that makes sense. I am scatterbrained today.
                      I do want to be better...and I do agree with the Buddhist way that you explained Kradle...I need to look at things a bit differently but it is hard to do sometimes.
                      I just want to not care what people think of me. I just want to be happy in my own skin...physically...mentally...
                      Right now I just feel like I am in limbo and I know I deserve more and better.

                      Comment

                        #26
                        A little depressing for Christmas...

                        :l Bri -

                        You DO deserve more and better! Now please don't take this the wrong way, but is your relationship giving as much as it seems to be taking? It seems like he and his family are draining you mentally, physically, and emotionally. Are you getting enough in return to justify staying in this relationship? I am no expert, as I have been alone for a LONG time, but my motto is (okay, one of my many...lol) "I'd rather be alone and happy than in a relationship and miserable". I realize I don't know all the details and I hope I'm not offending you...please know I want only the best for you.

                        Plus, screw "all those people"...do this for YOU! You ARE worth it...you deserve to be happy!!

                        Stay close to us ok?

                        Love,
                        K9
                        :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                        Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                        Comment

                          #27
                          A little depressing for Christmas...

                          Hi Bri:

                          I feel so unaccomplished in my life at 50 it is sometimes suffocating...Today I feel six feet under but after reading your post you got me thinking that despite the life I wrecked and tossed away at least now I can accomplish NOT DRINKING.

                          It seems small and obvious but we all know that it is ABSOLUTELY ENORMOUS. So maybe despite all the turmoil with you right now, the ambivilance, the confusion the ONE THING you can do is simply NOT drink and see how that one small accomplishment feels everyday... I swaer I have been waking up for weeks now at about 3am and though it's only for a few moments I htink, " I am not hungover! I didn't drink yesterday. Today may suck but I didn't drink yesterday and man did I want to ! Maybe today will be easier...And then I fall back asleep...

                          That's where I am at least. I had such grandiose dreams and talents and I mushed them all with AL. You are still so very young you haven't really begun to mush yourself yet

                          It might feel that way to you but outside looking in...I don't think so.

                          So lets just do this one small thing everyday and that is simply not to pour that glass of wine. You know the routine for replacement by now I think.

                          Thanks for being so hoest about your struggle. Your journey always helps me see things I didn't before.

                          To 30,000 Feet and beyond !:l
                          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                            #28
                            A little depressing for Christmas...

                            Hi K9 lover, gosh, I am not offended at all! I am glad that you kinda brought it up...because I do feel like I give more...and they keep taking, taking, taking...his family is draining me...I mean...it's a little hard to get our own privacy...and I am not sure what they keep saying to him. I think that they are contributing to our relationship being strained. I can't really bring this up to him, as I don't even know how I would approach the subject..and after all it is his family. It is just so frustrating....I am not miserable in the relationship per se, I love him so very much...but the living situation and what is going on with the talking behind my back is straining everything...I am emotionally and mentally being drained...and when things like this happen...I take comfort in drinking, as much as I shouldn't. Because it doesn't help anything...but honestly, as soon as anything goes on or someone says something, I just go and drink.

                            Kradle - I am sorry that you are feeling unaccomplished...but you are right, you can accomplish not drinking...
                            I am unsure as to why I am struggling again with day one...as I told K9...I feel like it "solves" my problems when in reality it doesn't. I am just overall scatterbrained and "swimming" through my days. Of course there are times I have a blast - not going to lie...but in the grand scheme of things, this isn't the way to live. I am not accomplishing anything myself except getting the occasional hangover or wasting money.

                            And I will always be honest. This definitely isn't easy peasy...I obviously haven't found my way yet...and yes, I am looking for excuses...because that voice in my head wants wants wants...my heart doesn't want booze...it wants love and people to be more accepting and happy for me. But I am not getting that anywhere right now...so that initial high is what I think makes me happy - it doesn't. I am only lying to myself...
                            I just need to get through day 1...I know I will do well if I can just get there.

                            I'm going to keep on going.
                            Thanks everyone for allowing me to vent and ramble...it might not make much sense but, thanks.

                            -Bri*

                            Comment

                              #29
                              A little depressing for Christmas...

                              Good morning Bri :h

                              Just wanted to say that if I had had your insight and your candor at your age- swimming through my days...sometimes a blast...no way to live in the big scheme of things...- I would not be 50 looking back on an unaccomplished life.

                              Please think about my wasted life up against your youth and determination to get out from. Under. I know you can do it because you SEE it... I did not.

                              Love you,
                              kradle :l
                              On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                              *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                                #30
                                A little depressing for Christmas...

                                Kradle is right Bri, you are "seeing" the truth about alcohol at a young age...I wish I had your insight a decade ago. I have a feeling you are going to get to a turning point soon...you're honest about everything, which is more than half the battle.

                                Kradle - Your life was not "wasted"...look at those beautiful girls in your picture...to me that's the opposite of wasted...that's quite an accomplishment! :h
                                :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                                Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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