2013-LET'S DO THIS!

[FlyAway]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

Findingcara;1434687 wrote:

Thanks for the welcome, Flyaway. And I think truer words were never spoken!

That saying is an oldie but a goodie. I wish I could take credit for it, but you'll hear it said on MWO often. And it is so true! You'll never wake up wishing you drank and you'll never wake up wishing you drank more. But you will wake up wishing that you hadn't drank. The thing to do is to tell yourself when the Alcohol Voice is telling you to go ahead and have just one is to think about waking up the next day. What will you want then?

How are you doing BTW?

[Struggles 106]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

WISE WORDS MOLLY

You are right! My motive would not at this point be so pure...

Also I am happy to know that other people have siblings that they just don't talk to.
So I'm not the only one.
I have a dear friend who has 3 sisters and they really enjoy each other, and get together often. I have 3 sisters and it's just not like that at all. I wish it was but it isn't.

Thank you so much. I think right now I should just focus on ME and pursue the 2013 goal with all the energy I can muster.

And FLYAWAY-since my sister lives about 20 minutes away it is my choice not to go over there. It's complicated; I've abandoned idea of the letter. Molly is right-it could be more for me than for her. I can't change her, but I can recognize what I need to do to be healthy. And that includes staying away from toxic people-sister or not

[FlyAway]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

Ann Carolina;1434766 wrote: You are right! My motive would not at this point be so pure...

Also I am happy to know that other people have siblings that they just don't talk to.
So I'm not the only one.
I have a dear friend who has 3 sisters and they really enjoy each other, and get together often. I have 3 sisters and it's just not like that at all. I wish it was but it isn't.

Thank you so much. I think right now I should just focus on ME and pursue the 2013 goal with all the energy I can muster.

And FLYAWAY-since my sister lives about 20 minutes away it is my choice not to go over there. It's complicated; I've abandoned idea of the letter. Molly is right-it could be more for me than for her. I can't change her, but I can recognize what I need to do to be healthy. And that includes staying away from toxic people-sister or not

Sounds like you made the right decision. You're right, you can't change her unfortunately. The only thing you can change is you. I hope that she loves herself enough to want more from life. :l

[Tipplerette]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

Ann Carolina;1434738 wrote: Hey friends!

Beautiful day here in NC. I hope everyone is happy today.

Hey Tips-sounds like a good night for you. Isn't it great to wake up with a clear head?

So much to do this year! I have to move in September so I can spend a lot of sober time cleaning out closets and the garage. When the time comes I'll be ready!

Need opinions here-I am thinking of writing my sister a letter. Yes I know, rather cowardly compared to face to face talking but I know how she is. I was thinking of telling her that I miss how she used to be, and that I worry about her drinking and the way it makes her so hateful and mean. I really think that she feels that at 71 it does not matter anymore and she may as well continue as she is. She used to have friends, and knit, and do stuff besides drinking and bitching.
But then again who am I to comment? I'm no paragon of virtue now, am I?
As I write this out I think it would do more harm than good. And after all I no longer live right down the street from her so I don't really have to hang out with her much at all. Could be best to let it be.

Off to start making jewelry today. Last night I started a painting with acrylics. It is pretty bad but I like it so I might just try to get better at it. The paint has a very creamy texture and it's really fun. With the sun beaming in this morning the painting I was working on last night looks like a kindergarden project but that is OK with me at this point LOL

Have a great Sunday!

Sounds like you received plenty of good advice.

You have lots of projects on the go by the sounds of it. We tend to get our creative juices going when we don't drink. I have knitted all the women in the family sashay scarves, learned how to play a few Christmas Carols on the key board and did plenty of baking. Anxious to get back to my reading and writing though. I tend to come here to unwind as I need the support but soon I will make more time for hobbies.

[Alcoholic]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

I love this thread... I love what we are talking about here... But unfortunately I don't have answers about how to approach your sisters...

I was just thinking about the same thing... Asking my husband to do something about his drinking... But I can't think of any way at all that he will listen and not damage our relationship....

It is so difficult to sit back and not do anything yet knowing they may feel good after they stop drinking...

[Kradle123]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

Tipplerette;1434355 wrote: We can cringe now at the lack of respect we showed ourselves when we were young and hurting but now it's the time to treat ourselves with tenderness and love. Healing from problem drinking is a great start.

Since you are considering journalling, maybe a autobiographical account of your life leading to this would be really therapeutic. I am fulfilling a life long dream and starting a 'seniors' creative writing course in January and this is my plan: My Story.. with a happy ending of course.

Forgiving myself and treating myself like my best friend has always been my hugest obstacle. I actually can feel myself cringe inside when you guys talk about loving ourselves and treating ourselves with kindness...

But the good news is that the longer I stay here with all you wonderful people I am finding it easier to consider this possibility...:h

:l

PS: Really am likening this thread.:thanks: Ann :l

[Kradle123]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

Ann Carolina;1434380 wrote: Hey Scottish Lass-

All is well; we can do this. I forgot to get my calendar, and I'm hoping that I can find one like the one I am picturing-BIG-to go on my wall. Since someone mentioned it I might do stickers instaed of red x's. Goal for tomorrow-BIG CALENDAR

Hey Ann:

Where can I get a Calder that is the one page showing the entire year?? I have never seen them...not that's have really looked.

I love the Jerry Seinfeld idea!! Obviously worked for him. :new:

:l

[Kradle123]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

Findingcara;1434436 wrote: Hi y'all, count me in, I will be heavily visiting these boards for support, tip toeing in too, but I really want this.
:new:

Hi Findingcara and :welcome:

I really like your name as I am still looking for myself as well!!

:l

[Kradle123]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

Alcoholic;1434508 wrote: I'm so glad to be looking back at 2012 as the year I did something about the alcohol problem in my life! So 2013 will be a great year!

Thank you for that perspective AL

I have only been lamenting the things I didn't accomplish this year but you're right! 2012 was the year I truly began to take control of this problem...and really found the perfect place I can fix it :l:h

[Kradle123]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

mollyka;1434751 wrote: I dunno Ann - is the answer I'm afraid. I'm not one to give advice as I haven't spoken to my 2 sisters since my mother died over 4 yrs ago
It depends on your relationship with her - and how well you know her? I know that sounds a bit daft since she is your sister, but one of my sisters is so much older than me - I hardly really know her at all and would have no idea how she would react to something.
Next question I'd ask myself would be - is it for you or for her?
And then I'd turn it around and ask myself - if I was in the throes of my drinking - what would my reaction be to your letter? Would it help or just make things worse?
Sod all help that I s'pose, but I'm guessing it's very hard to know when to 'intervene' with someone in addiction and when to leave well alone. When my husband went through a stage of trying to 'control' my drinking - I just went undercover and drank more It was only since he became 'hands off' that I took the responsibility for my own life and my drinking and stuff began to make sense to me.
I often wonder will the day ever come that I will want to contact my sisters - to me they are still poison - and as long as I feel like that - I run a million miles from them in my head.
Whatever you decide - I hope it's the right thing for you and for her - tricky one for sure!!!:l
Molly

Hi Ann. Hi Molly...

Ann I'm in Molly's camp as I too have stopped speaking to my three sisters. The oldest one I did confront her about her drinking- which really was stupid as I think about it as I was almost as bad a drinker as she... Well that in 2005 so let's see...haven't spoken to her at all since then except for when my dad passed away in 2009...and that little scene doesn't bare remembering :upset: so I guess my suggestion is absolutely do not write the letter or at least don't send it. :l

Molly I too wish I had the kumbya sister relationship going but since I don't see that happening any time soon I concentrate on teaching my three kids to be kind and nurturing to one another so they will have a super glue bond when my husband and I are gone...that's really all I can think of to do. I know deep down that the primary cause of my sisters and my disintegrated relations is rooted in the way my parents treated us and each other. They weren't drunks but they were very cold and manipulative...not a great loving environment !

[Struggles 106]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

BIG CALENDAR

I'm with you Kradle-I want that kind of calendar-and I know I have seen one somewhere! I went out to Michaels for more beads but they have nothing like that.
I seem to recall it was perhaps a dry erase type surface, which would be great since you could write stuff on it as you go. I will keep looking. Probably available online but shoot! We need it ASAP LOL

As for the sister thing-you guys are right. Hell it's enough to just worry about me and my issues! I asked her daughter is she thought there was anything we could do; she said she thought her mother was just bitter, uh..yeah..I guess so. These are things that must be worked out individually, but then again you have to RECOGNIZE it first yes?
That's the thing about 2012-we may not have been sober for all of it, but we struggled. We recognized and TRIED. Now this year maybe we are ready!
I think we are

[RunningCourage]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

FlyAway;1434758 wrote: Well done! Way to kick Larry in the ass! The physical withdrawal will definitely be gone by the 7th, but count on the psychological withdrawal to stick around for a while.

Do you drive a car? If you do, have you ever realized that you've been thinking so hard about something that you zoned out and don't remember driving for a while? Seems like you got home and barely thought about the act of driving? That's because your brain builds new neurological pathways when you do a repetitive activity. Your brains looks for a shortcut so that it doesn't have to work so hard. Can you imagine how much energy and focus it would take if you had to think about every single move you make when driving a car every time you drive? Or is you had to think about every single move your body made every time you chose to walk? Or talk? So now your brain has a shortcut built in around your habit of drinking. This is what OnceAgain does at night/New Years/weddings. That calling is your brain telling you it's time to drink because that's what you do. Your job is to build a new shortcut in your brain. You do that by not drinking. Day after day after day. It can be done. Just don't forget that the old shortcuts don't go away. They may get overgrown, but that pathway can be quickly cleared if you resume drinking. Just like you may get rusty if you don't play a sport or an instrument or drive or whatever you do; your ability to resume that activity at the same level as before really wouldn't take you that long with a little practice.

Really nice analogy FlyAway. I think we forget that to learn anything takes practice and patience. Learning to live AF is akin to any form of practice - and as with your analogy of the brain creating shortcut memory routes, it is so similar to when we learn to play an instrument and muscle memory kicks in after repeated practice. It's like one of those magic moments when suddenly you can just play that particular passage that for ages you were struggling with... but you persevered and eventually - ping! - everything fits into place and all of a sudden you are playing without even thinking.

Or as it is with actors learning lines. I teach acting to kids and one of the things i try to instill into their wee noggins is not just to learn the lines but to be the lines - that is, to go beyond learning the words and begin to live the part. But that takes time, repetition and slow graft... a few minutes each day... and for those who do graft, the outcome is excellent.

[Alcoholic]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

Just had a thought.... I was looking at my wine rack getting full from wine bottles that my husband and friends still bring over though I haven't been drinking... And that's getting to be quite a collection.

Imagine how much I'm saving in health and in cash!!!

Let's be conservative and just estimate a cheap wine at $5 a bottle (most times it's $5 a glass!). For everyday I don't drink in 2013, I'll put $5 (preferably one dollar bills) next to the bar where the wines are stacked. It will be a good additional visual motivator for me to see what I'm doing to my bank account in additional to how much alcohol I haven't put into my body...

At the end of the month, I'll buy something nice for myself like jewelry or save up for a diamond necklace.

[Alcoholic]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

Kradle:
Sorry to hear that you came from such a negative environment... My parents pitted us sibling against each other as well...so totally can relate. Your kids are lucky to have you as their mom as they are learning to love each other instead! You deserve all the best!

[Struggles 106]

2013-LET'S DO THIS!

MESSED UP PARENTS

My parents were drunks, so no stability there. It is so terrible for a kid to be unsure about what is going to happen from day to day.
You quickly learn to be afraid, wary all the time. You learn that your feelings will be ridiculed and certainly not validated.
You learn coping mechanisms for this environment that do not necessarilt apply in the real world.
Yep-it was bad but the good thing is moving beyond it.