Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore :( Rant

[Change]

Hi everyone,

Like most people here, i've been battling alcohol for years now. The longest i have gone sober in the passed few years may be 9-10 days. The longest i have gone sober in the past few weeks is a night or two.

This morning, i reckon i almost hit rock bottom. I woke up and wanted to kill myself, i did not want to be here anymore. Last night, while drunk, i went out and bought another bottle of wine and some ciggerettes and i don't even smoke.

The problem is, i'm 43, single, no kids. I don't have many friends and the few that i do have live interstate, or use me when they're experiencing relationship problems. The other one or two that i have i don't want to be a burden on. I have just moved house and feel incredibly isolated.

The other thing is, i'm not enjoying my job and don't feel like i have any direction in my career or life in general. I want to be in a relationship, but i'm not meeting the right people, or enough people (and no, i don't want to join a club). I feel old age creeping up on me and feel myself slowing down. Whilst i still consider myself quite young in how i look and sometimes how i feel, i am increasingly experiencing the prejudices that come with age, particularly for women.

Anyhow, i don't know. Just putting it out there. For once i feel that alcohol won't fix this.

[Cleo63]

Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore Rant

Hi Change, sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I have been successful making friends by taking cooking or sports classes...tennis is a good one! I hope things get better for you! Keep your chin up. You will meet someone when you least expect it!

[patrice]

Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore Rant

Hi Change,

I honestly know how you feel... I'm in a different situation, single mum (older) with a 7 yr old.... all I can suggest is to give yourself a goal of going AF for as long as you can... add 2 and keep going.. It will make the world of difference

[paulywogg]

Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore Rant

hi change,in some ways i can relate to how you feel,im married and have kids,but i have no friends anymore,they were all just drinknig buddies

[bettygirl]

Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore Rant

what do you like to do? bookstores, gardening, walking, farmer's markets? anything where people interact will help you feel better...i feel like we are so isolated in this modern age and it depressess people more than we know...add alcohol and it's a recipe for feeling suicidal. if you can get out and do something around people and interact with them, things start happening.
i volunteered for an animal rescue and have met wonderful people...i also started going to aa where i meet great people everyday, and have gotten to know some of them really well (i don't want to sound like an aa pusher, i'm just telling you what has worked for me )

there are lots of places to meet people that you might have a connection with, if you are open to it and not forcing it. i found that the older i get, the harder it is to make friends, but also that the ones i do make, are the right ones (if that makes sense).

do you do any exercise? that helps me IMMENSELY!!! and you could take a class with other people and maybe make a friend or two there. at least you will be out and about and talking to people, you don't have to friend them all, or any at all, just the socializing will help.

i was just in the same boat as you, and have taken it into my own hands to get out there and live! we aren't getting any younger

[RunningCourage]

Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore Rant

Change - where are you based? Check out meetup.com Seriously. Weeks ago I would've poo-pooed such a thing, but since I joined 2 hiking/walking groups have to say it has been a good decision.

Bettygirl's right, we live in an increasingly isolated age. Meet like-minded people who do the things you enjoy - from walking to cooking to reading to knitting to convo with coffee to extreme sports. It's out there.

[Guitarista]

Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore Rant

Hi Change,

The isolation thing is a bit of a 'classic' for us. It is so easy for us to fall into. For me, isolation sometimes feels safe and comfortable, but in reality, i am hiding, running from something, and it does me damage, as i keep drinking and isolating more and more into that downward spiral that i sink deeper into daily until i take action and stop the madness.

First thing to do.....ditch the booze. You know grog is a depressant, and causes us to think negatively 24/7, including suicidal thoughts. This is not who we are. This is us under the influence of a substance, booze. Our thinking is not clear with booze in our system, or on our minds, and our thinking is not true.

How you get off the sauce is up to you friend. There are many ways, and this site has more than a few excellent, useable strategies, and people.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Have a crack at 30 days AF, which will give you some clarity

Go for it, seize the day, and do something.

Best wishes, G bloke.

[Change]

Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore Rant

bettygirl;1439234 wrote: what do you like to do? bookstores, gardening, walking, farmer's markets? anything where people interact will help you feel better...i feel like we are so isolated in this modern age and it depressess people more than we know...add alcohol and it's a recipe for feeling suicidal. if you can get out and do something around people and interact with them, things start happening.
i volunteered for an animal rescue and have met wonderful people...i also started going to aa where i meet great people everyday, and have gotten to know some of them really well (i don't want to sound like an aa pusher, i'm just telling you what has worked for me )

there are lots of places to meet people that you might have a connection with, if you are open to it and not forcing it. i found that the older i get, the harder it is to make friends, but also that the ones i do make, are the right ones (if that makes sense).

do you do any exercise? that helps me IMMENSELY!!! and you could take a class with other people and maybe make a friend or two there. at least you will be out and about and talking to people, you don't have to friend them all, or any at all, just the socializing will help.

i was just in the same boat as you, and have taken it into my own hands to get out there and live! we aren't getting any younger

Hey thanks Betty,

You're right. The thing that makes it worse is that i'm gay and get paranoid that people won't accept me for who i am, particularly women, who may feel threatened. It's such a great idea about farmers markets etc. I've let distance dictate what i do (as i now have to drive a long way to get anywhere). I'm also going to move closer to the city, which i love (in a few months i think), so that i can do more. I've really been feeling the isolation lately. It's amazing how geographical location can affect your life.

I will seriously consider AA, as it may be where i am at the moment (i've been saving it as a last resort and i think i am just about there). Exercise is good, although with a hangover yesterday, was a struggle. Today is a different story.

Thanks everyone, and Guitarista as well.

[NoraC]

Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore Rant

Hi Change - I do think that the geographical location can affect your life. It's easy to get out of the loop when you have to drive far to do something. I joined an exercise class at the city recreation park and that was fun. It got me out and around people but we were busy exercising so I didn't have to be nervous about making small talk.
I'm glad to see that you joined us on the Stepper's thread. Great support there and we're all taking it a day at a time. :h

[Kradle123]

Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore Rant

Hi Change and welcome back!

I hate to be a party poop but Change is going to have to happen from th einside out... Won't make any difference where you live, who you date, gay or straight...I have seen oodles of people here with great social lives who live in beautiful places who are completely fricken miserable.

Sounds so trite but it is absolutely true.
Your AVATAR hits home for you maybe in a way you didn't consider yet. I know I never I did. I kept telling myself that if only this this this and this changed than I would be just grand and I wouldn't be drinking and.... Never occurred to me it was completely the other way around.

You've started a wonderful journey :h And don't Forget: Wherever you go..There you are :l

[catch22]

Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore Rant

Hi Change, give urself time to get to knw the the sober you.
All the alcohol numbs the way we feel. Wheather where happy sad it hard to tell the differents thats how it was for me. All those mix up feelings.
Take care x

[catch22]

Seriously, i don't know what makes me happy anymore Rant

Hi Change, give urself time to get to knw the the sober you.
All the alcohol numbs the way we feel. Wheather where happy sad it hard to tell the different well thts how it was for me. All those mix up feels.
Take care x