Army Thread Friday 11th January
FUCK! first time for losing a long post!
Try again... Satzy, :l in repsonse..
3 things:
1) It does sound like hypocrisy if one person says to another they have a drinking problem PURELY because they drink at a different time of day. That is ludicrous. I know french and spanish people who have a drink with their lunch, then a drink with their dinner. And that's it. 2 drinks. No more. It's just their custom. Are they alcoholics/got a drinking problem? Hardly.
2) Satzy, why did you join MWO in the first place? I remind myself of this when I am struggling... or when a voice says, "FFS Arsey, stop being so fecking pious and virtous, have a god damn drink" ... and remind myself that i came to MWO because I couldn't - or found it very hard to - have just one drink. Remembering where I was BEFORE i came and WHY i came here helps me understand what I was doing to myself and why I needed to stop.
It doesn;t matter if your husband or family and friends continue to drink as they did before, it doesn;t matter whether they are alkies or heavy drinkers or otherwise... it doesn't matter. It's about you... don't try to be others. Wear your Satzy hat, not your daughter's or your husband's or anyones. Wear your own. I'll ping up an e.e.cummings quote after sums this up succinctly.
3) "Am I an alcoholic?" Up to you what you describe yourself as. The problem with the term alcoholic is it is a highly contaminated word that brings with it unpalatable connotations and associations (even if theoretically that is what we all are). I wouldn't worry about calling yourself an alcoholic or otherwise. I don't think that's important. I think what is more important is being honest with yourself about your relationship with AL. How you describe it is up to you. I think today the term "alcoholic" covers alcohol abuse and alcohol dependency. I did the former 100% and in terms of the latter was certainly showing very clear signs of dependency. So, according to some diagnostic info out there I'd be classes as an alcoholic, even though that word and term sound foreign to describe me.
There is no such thing as "normal drinking" I don't think. There is drinking that is accepted in certain social spheres, but depending on who, what and where that can all be different. Listen to this link from a recent Radio 4 programme - it even questions whether government guidelines are healthy - indeed, whether AL is healthy AT ALL.
Here's the thread and link - go to about 20mins in. Radio 4
:l
FUCK! first time for losing a long post!
Try again... Satzy, :l in repsonse..
satz123;1442281 wrote: Need advice Army. I was AF for 6 months with 2 small breaks and bounced back.
I did not miss it AT ALL ! Seriously not a bit.
I KNOW if it was a normal Christmas I would have gotten through - but holidays are too intense for me and out of my comfort zone.
But when I go on hols I love cold beer or 2 at lunchtime, evening time and wine with dinner. Then I'm done. While the rest of them drank late into the night - shots and all ! Not once was I drunk or falling down.
My DD decided to confront me and said it was problem drinking to want a drink at lunchtime.
WHAT is normal drinking ? Go all day then at a certain time in the evening it's ok to get blathered ?
Now she is a cow sometimes when SHE has a few wines too many - picks on us all about various things - our weak spots sort of thing but ...... is she right ?
Now I KNOW I had a problem when I was drinking every day - small amounts too but EVERY DAY. I knocked that on the head & then kept going and did not drink at all.
Mr Satz said I was in a boring routine 'cos I wouldn't go to pub. It's ok to drink and get pissed but only when he is drinking and in the pub.
What do you think Army ? Is my sitting with my family late one night after playing cards in Oz gettting told I have a problem 'cos I have a different drinking pattern to them - my rock bottom ??
Mr Satz joining in - the traitor - telling about 'bottlegate' last May! And saying in next breath he didn't realise I had a problem
HIS idea of the problem was that I drank at home and wouldn't go to the pub to get pissed with him.
I'd love your advice. Do I need to draw a line now and stop completely ? 'Cos if I do I know it will be a huge change in our marriage - 'cos I won't be going to the same places any more where drink is the focal point - and he is already complaining I am in a 'rut' 'cos I don't mix in boozy pub circle any more - but I needed that to stay sober last 6 months
Am I an alcoholic ? There I've said it ? :upset:
Answers on a postcard please
I did not miss it AT ALL ! Seriously not a bit.
I KNOW if it was a normal Christmas I would have gotten through - but holidays are too intense for me and out of my comfort zone.
But when I go on hols I love cold beer or 2 at lunchtime, evening time and wine with dinner. Then I'm done. While the rest of them drank late into the night - shots and all ! Not once was I drunk or falling down.
My DD decided to confront me and said it was problem drinking to want a drink at lunchtime.
WHAT is normal drinking ? Go all day then at a certain time in the evening it's ok to get blathered ?
Now she is a cow sometimes when SHE has a few wines too many - picks on us all about various things - our weak spots sort of thing but ...... is she right ?
Now I KNOW I had a problem when I was drinking every day - small amounts too but EVERY DAY. I knocked that on the head & then kept going and did not drink at all.
Mr Satz said I was in a boring routine 'cos I wouldn't go to pub. It's ok to drink and get pissed but only when he is drinking and in the pub.
What do you think Army ? Is my sitting with my family late one night after playing cards in Oz gettting told I have a problem 'cos I have a different drinking pattern to them - my rock bottom ??
Mr Satz joining in - the traitor - telling about 'bottlegate' last May! And saying in next breath he didn't realise I had a problem
HIS idea of the problem was that I drank at home and wouldn't go to the pub to get pissed with him.
I'd love your advice. Do I need to draw a line now and stop completely ? 'Cos if I do I know it will be a huge change in our marriage - 'cos I won't be going to the same places any more where drink is the focal point - and he is already complaining I am in a 'rut' 'cos I don't mix in boozy pub circle any more - but I needed that to stay sober last 6 months
Am I an alcoholic ? There I've said it ? :upset:
Answers on a postcard please
1) It does sound like hypocrisy if one person says to another they have a drinking problem PURELY because they drink at a different time of day. That is ludicrous. I know french and spanish people who have a drink with their lunch, then a drink with their dinner. And that's it. 2 drinks. No more. It's just their custom. Are they alcoholics/got a drinking problem? Hardly.
2) Satzy, why did you join MWO in the first place? I remind myself of this when I am struggling... or when a voice says, "FFS Arsey, stop being so fecking pious and virtous, have a god damn drink" ... and remind myself that i came to MWO because I couldn't - or found it very hard to - have just one drink. Remembering where I was BEFORE i came and WHY i came here helps me understand what I was doing to myself and why I needed to stop.
It doesn;t matter if your husband or family and friends continue to drink as they did before, it doesn;t matter whether they are alkies or heavy drinkers or otherwise... it doesn't matter. It's about you... don't try to be others. Wear your Satzy hat, not your daughter's or your husband's or anyones. Wear your own. I'll ping up an e.e.cummings quote after sums this up succinctly.
3) "Am I an alcoholic?" Up to you what you describe yourself as. The problem with the term alcoholic is it is a highly contaminated word that brings with it unpalatable connotations and associations (even if theoretically that is what we all are). I wouldn't worry about calling yourself an alcoholic or otherwise. I don't think that's important. I think what is more important is being honest with yourself about your relationship with AL. How you describe it is up to you. I think today the term "alcoholic" covers alcohol abuse and alcohol dependency. I did the former 100% and in terms of the latter was certainly showing very clear signs of dependency. So, according to some diagnostic info out there I'd be classes as an alcoholic, even though that word and term sound foreign to describe me.
There is no such thing as "normal drinking" I don't think. There is drinking that is accepted in certain social spheres, but depending on who, what and where that can all be different. Listen to this link from a recent Radio 4 programme - it even questions whether government guidelines are healthy - indeed, whether AL is healthy AT ALL.
Here's the thread and link - go to about 20mins in. Radio 4
:l
Keeping it simple. Keeping it real.
This time 4 SURE!
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