Persephone's Ascent from Hell

[FlyAway]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

Persephone1;1453749 wrote:
Now that I am clean and fed, it has occurred to me that this will never get better, never get easier if I give in to the poison. Starting over, the way I felt 5 days ago will only perpetuate more of the same. I feel as though I'm trying to navigate through a storm. Going to go look through my 'emergency kit/tool box' that I began creating when I was in a better frame of mind. Thanks, BTW, to all of you who contributed to that. Will check in later and report how that went.

Yes, yes, yes. The only way for this to get better is to be right where you are right now; doing the hard work. If you drink you're going to have to go through this all over again. I'm coming up on a year and I swear to you it does get better. You are navigating into uncharted territory. "New" always takes a while to get used to. You need to learn what your new normal is. It takes time for anything new to become established as normal. The only way to the other side is to go through this. You are on your way. Just hold on for a little longer. :l

[kuya]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

Hang in there Percy.....it gets easier.....it would have to or nobody would quit if it stayed as hard. Day five is the WORST

BE BRAVE

[Persephone1]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

Haha Hippy, thanks for the song and dance

First of all, I have to share what a monumental difference simply eating a meal made for me. Seemingly unimportant when overwhelmed, but the whole HALT 'check box' really does help.

Yep, so did the Urge Surfing and that helped a bit. Although the waves are still surging, I'm riding them out for the moment…will keep sifting through the toolbox…

Ok, here's the one that's helping: Why am I thinking about drinking? and what's going on in my body and mind? I was so wound up that I decided to do a binaural meditation that I downloaded first to try and get centered. It's a ten minute meditation and I listened to it five times before I was able to empty my mind a bit. The interesting thing is that it wasn't the urge to drink I was actually flooded by, it was an issue that I have been actively avoiding for 2 days now. This situation keep filling my head up and presenting itself as the anxiety I was caught up in. So, the logical thing to do was stop avoiding and confront it head on. I might add, the person attached to this issue is also one of my biggest Triggers, so it all makes sense really. The outcome is yet to be seen, but for now I'm holding firm.


Cheers to another day, poison free! Barely...

[techie]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

thought you might like this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZrBRQn6K0A[/video]]Solfeggio Harmonics - 528 HZ - Miracle Meditation - YouTube

[FlyAway]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

Persephone1;1453881 wrote:
Ok, here's the one that's helping: Why am I thinking about drinking? and what's going on in my body and mind? I was so wound up that I decided to do a binaural meditation that I downloaded first to try and get centered. It's a ten minute meditation and I listened to it five times before I was able to empty my mind a bit. The interesting thing is that it wasn't the urge to drink I was actually flooded by, it was an issue that I have been actively avoiding for 2 days now. This situation keep filling my head up and presenting itself as the anxiety I was caught up in. So, the logical thing to do was stop avoiding and confront it head on. I might add, the person attached to this issue is also one of my biggest Triggers, so it all makes sense really. The outcome is yet to be seen, but for now I'm holding firm.

And this is part of the reason that getting sober is so hard. We (the universal drinker) are used to not dealing with situations/emotions/people. We avoid all of that by drinking and numbing ourselves out. Take away the booze and suddenly we have to deal like a grown up! It's hard and we have to learn how to do it. It's all part of the path.

You're doing great. You should be proud of yourself.

[Persephone1]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

day 6 Poison Free

:thanks:

Thank you Techie for the meditation...it's wonderful and added to my library...

I appreciate the kind and guiding words of encouragement Kuya and Hippie

FlyAway, yep...time to grow up, again! Funny thing is that when I was younger and raising my daughter alone I was SUPER responsible and almost never drank. Now, living a healthy life isn't motivated for another person, it has to come from within. And there's the kicker!

Rags, certainly right about over-thinking...however, my intention to start this on-going journal was to have a place to brain-drain, you know? On a realistic level I know that trying to unravel and find the true starting place may well prove to be futile. Thank you for your input.

I've been having terrible insomnia most nights, I suppose I'm lucky that it's really the only physical backlash to depriving my body of the poison, but sound sleep is important. I really don't want a prescription sleeper so I opted for melatonin. We'll see...

My alarm clock today was my daughter calling with a relational crisis and set me into immediate panic. I swear, there is NOTHING worse than your child being in pain and there is nothing you can do to change a damn thing. Fortunately, I didn't have a hangover and could be fully present for her, which is a true gift in itself. She's a remarkable person and will get through this stronger and even more beautiful inside than she is today, but it's hard to be witness to the process. Fortunately, I didn't drink when I was raising her, so there is no residual guilt or amends to be made, we have a fantastic relationship. I'm lucky.

Other than that, I'm in a relatively good place today. No desire to drink. I dealt with the issue that I had been avoiding that made me feel crazy yesterday. There isn't a resolve or conclusion as of yet, but I'm ok with that...I said what I needed to say and 'volleyed the ball' in their court. I have no control over what is done from there.

Going to buy the supplements today online I couldn't find in the store and possibly the hypno cd's. Does anyone have any feedback on those? They aren't cheap, so any thoughts on them would be appreciated.

Wishing you all a wonderful day free poison...here's to day 6!

[Persephone1]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

Day 8...doing ok. I had the worst migraine yesterday though. I did Qi Gong the day before and think it may be all the toxins trying to free my body...it was rough. Still no desire to drink though, I'm pretty sure I've finally come to loathe the shit poison. It's robbed me of too much time, health, happiness, etc...etc...already! Enough!!! It's just a liar that takes, takes, takes. After 8 days I can really feel myself. Thoughts are clearer, body feels cleansed, soul feels freer. It's nice, peaceful.

I'm finding it difficult to find a place to fit in here on this forum. I've tried several places to 'join in' and I feel a bit discouraged. I know that I shouldn't rely on this too heavily, and perhaps that is the lesson to be learned...? I've holed up in my cabin, alone for the last 5 days; my private UCI. Trying to eat right, exercise, read, write, study, talked to close friends/family and explore this forum and the many, many wise words that are shared & tried to chime in with words of encouragement to those in need. It's working for sure. I'm SO VERY GRATEFUL for this time and I don't want to waste it.

So, if anyone is looking for a friend, a companion on the journey I am available, so please write.

Here's to day 8 and beyond...poison free! All the best to all of you.

PS: Stay strong on Superbowl Sunday, you will thank yourself FOR SURE come Monday morning! You are worth it!!!

[NoSugar]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

Persephone1;1455632 wrote: Day 8...doing ok. I had the worst migraine yesterday though. I did Qi Gong the day before and think it may be all the toxins trying to free my body...it was rough. Still no desire to drink though, I'm pretty sure I've finally come to loathe the shit poison. It's robbed me of too much time, health, happiness, etc...etc...already! Enough!!! It's just a liar that takes, takes, takes. After 8 days I can really feel myself. Thoughts are clearer, body feels cleansed, soul feels freer. It's nice, peaceful.

I'm finding it difficult to find a place to fit in here on this forum. I've tried several places to 'join in' and I feel a bit discouraged. I know that I shouldn't rely on this too heavily, and perhaps that is the lesson to be learned...? I've holed up in my cabin, alone for the last 5 days; my private UCI. Trying to eat right, exercise, read, write, study, talked to close friends/family and explore this forum and the many, many wise words that are shared & tried to chime in with words of encouragement to those in need. It's working for sure. I'm SO VERY GRATEFUL for this time and I don't want to waste it.

So, if anyone is looking for a friend, a companion on the journey I am available, so please write.

Here's to day 8 and beyond...poison free! All the best to all of you.

PS: Stay strong on Superbowl Sunday, you will thank yourself FOR SURE come Monday morning! You are worth it!!!

Hi Persephone,

I was hoping you would find your home in The Newbies Nest. We are Newbies, after all. I have put some posts on the threads of some other new people (like yours) but feel most comfortable in the NN. I've read some threads of more experienced people but certainly am not in a position to comment, other than perhaps thank someone for a post that helped me.

I have been spending an enormous amount of time on MWO and I think that has been a good thing because it has gotten me through 10 days so far and I know I also won't drink tonight. I am committed to checking in daily and probably twice daily because I don't want to slip up and because I have started to really care about people here, including you.

Anyway, my point is, I am going to identify a few threads to read daily and will sometimes check out other threads. For now, my main home should be the NN, I think (as well as the roll call -- I love seeing my numbers and those of my new friends increasing). I imagine with time and getting to know others more, the migration to other threads is just kind of natural. I see on some of the threads how well the participants know one another and how supportive of one another they are in all aspects of their lives. I will be happy to be part of those communities someday but right now I think I have too dang much hard work to do!!

Perhaps us Jan/Feb/... 2013 newbies will someday be hanging out somewhere on MWO offering words of wisdom like those we are getting from so many people (that I'm not going to list for fear of leaving off a name but I know you know who you are!!).

[Persephone1]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

NSugar, Thanks for the post...I have been to the NN but just don't seem to feel as though I 'stick' there/anywhere, if that makes sense...I will keep trying a little longer.

So glad to hear of your doing so well...10 days YAY! Good for you...hope you have a wonderful weekend!

[FlyAway]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

Did you end up ordering the hypno tapes? I bought them and didn't find them helpful at all, although lots of people here did. The man has an odd voice and spends about 99% of the time telling you to go deeper and deeper and deeper. Then there's about a minute or two of positive suggestion and then he brings you out of it. It did nothing for me personally.

You may have some physical symptoms for a couple weeks. I found that my sleep improved after 2 to 3 weeks, although it's not great now. I too use melatonin. It took some experimentation to figure out what level was best for me. If I took too much it gave me crazy and vivid dreams and seemed to wake me up too soon.

If you're honestly having feelings of loathing for alcohol then you might be where I found myself about a year ago. The desire to not drink became more attractive than the desire to drink. Things get a lot easier once you get to that mindset.

I don't think you need to have a "home" post here. I posted in NN when I first started, but found that so many people posted there and so many started and were never heard from again. It seemed like a revolving door and it moved so fast that I couldn't keep up. You can certainly post there, but don't be afraid to drop in on any post and say hello. Feel free to move over into the General section and look at posts there too. If you identify with a particular poster, maybe check out what other threads s/he's been posting in and give that one a try. It's easier when you identify one or two friendly faces when you're first starting. And just keep posting here for a while too. It's all good.

[aihflvt]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

Persephone - a fellow MWOer has offered to burn and send me copies of hypnotherapy CDs by hypnotherapist Wendi Friesen (Hypnosis & Hypnotherapy | Wendi.com). If I like them and use them, I will buy a set of my own. When I get them I would be happy to do the same for you so you can test them for yourself. Just private message me.

[NoraC]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

I just wanted to add my support here. You are doing fantastic. You are really working to understand triggers and move forward. So happy for you. :h I think your journal here is amazing.

I saw that you were looking for a place to fit in. I did want to add that there is a supportive group over on One Step at a Time. So, please jump right in. We love having people join us as we go thru this journey. :h

[Persephone1]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

Too bad for my Niners Great game though, enjoyed watching it sober!

Hello MWOer's,

Hope you have had a lovely weekend...

Flyway, Thanks for the kind words. I'm finally finding my groove here, just had to be patient. Not my strong point I did not order the CD's, aihflvt has offered to possibly burn them to try out first (thanks for the offer!) They're expensive, so I appreciate the feedback. I think I will stick to the free binaural beats meditations on YouTube for now, they are working wonders for me.

Nora, thank you for your encouragement. I will check out the group that you mentioned very soon. Will see you there soon

Hope you're doing well NSugar and I am glad you are finding comfort and guidance here as well, it's a real gift.

Thinking of you all going into the new week. All the best & here's to another poison free day...tomorrow is DAY 10 FOR ME!:h:h:h

[FlyAway]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

Double digits! :goodjob:

[NoraC]

Persephone's Ascent from Hell

CONGRATULATIONS ON DAY 10!!!! Enjoy your day!