Personalities

[Bella]

I am writing this thread as I would like to know if anyone else feels like I do. 34 days AF. Feeling pretty damn proud. I went out for an early evening meal with husband as son still away. Smoke-free restaurant which i hate, that old Adam and the Ant song always comes into my head....'Don't drink, Don't smoke, What do you do?" Anyway, we are happily eating our delicious food and I really don't have much to talk about! I'm quite happy, if a touch bored. Yes, I am aware i sound ungrateful for the luxury of going out but you see.... When I was drinking I found everything more fun and interesting. I found my voice after a few wines down my neck. I was chatty and bubbly. Now I just sit there feeling terribly grown-up and mature and bored! I can't quite work out whether husband is just a very boring person or I am boring. My personality feels dull and flat. Don't get me wrong, I think it is alot more boring falling over and unable to have a conversation due to being intoxicated BUT I am beginning to think that the reason I started to drink all those years ago was because perhaps i am just void of an interesting personality and alcohol makes me feel happy and enerjetic,(initially). Now I'm not drinking, It's like I need to find another me, coz this one is dull. I need to find another buzz. I went hand-gliding off The Remarkables in New Zealand years ago, that was a tremendous buzz. Does anyone get a buzz on a daily or weekly basis from anything else(thats legal!!!) Maybe that should be a new thread. WHAT GIVES YOU A BUZZ? Would love to know.
Thankyou for listening to this. Thoughts and ideas most welcome!! Bella xxx

[traderged]

Personalities

bella just reading your posts is a great buzz.

[irishlady]

Personalities

Bella, I agree with Kate on this....In time the new you will emerge, you just have to work at it....You see, at one time the alcohol was my personality, I relied on it to be funny, outgoing and to get a buzz.... But my god, what a price to have to pay for that buzz, its much too high....

Over the last few years I was drinking, not because I wanted to for enjoyment or pleasure, but, because I had to, just to drown out those cravings....

Now, my biggest buzz comes when I wake up each morning with a clear head and no regrets about the night before.... Also the thought that I don't ever, ever have to drink alcohol again makes me feel so happy.... When I look back and see how much of my life was ruled and controlled by alcohol I get the biggest buzz of all at the thought of how lucky I am to have managed to escape...

I can honestly say, that since I gave up drinking, although at times I have had really massive cravings, I have never looked back with regret, I just look forward now, with optimism, to living this new life waiting out there for me....


You'll get there, just don't give up...

Love, Louise xxx

[lorisunshine]

Personalities

Hi Bella,
I get a buzz every morning, when I wake up without a hangover, without a headache and with full memory of what I said and did the night before. I get a buzz because I can let the day happen as it was meant to be. I don't have to plan my outings giving consideration to the inevitability of being to sauced to drive. I can go to the store and not worry that somebody might smell that I am 10 sheets to the wind.
This buzz is so liberating and so enduring, it surpasses all else. My brain is starting to function in fractions of nano seconds again and that gives me a buzz.
You are never boring. You just feel a little lost, because you threw away the crutch, that you never really needed in the first place. It's like switching from a standart gear shift to an automatic. You don't know what to do with that extra foot for a year.
You will be fine and just think how special you are, there is only one of you in all of the universe.
xoxoxo Lori.

[Bella]

Personalities

thankyou thankyou thankyou! You are so right and I needed to hear that. I will keep going and find the new me. You are all such amazing inspirations to me. B xxx

[aquamarine]

Personalities

Bella, I can't tell you how much your post hit home with me. That is exactly how I have felt. It's that nothing really gives you happiness or joy. It is a crushing sense of boredom. I learned something very helpful the other night. Did you watch the HBO show addiction? One of the doctors actually explained that people trying to abstain from alcohol go through a period of anhedonia. ( I believe that is the word.) They are unable to feel pleasurable , or real happiness from anything. They feel just very bored. He said that this is difficult period to get through mainly because it can last so long. Many people go back to drinking for this very reason. However, the good news is that it is not permanent. If you can get yourself through it it does go away and as he put it - it is much greener on the other side.
I thought that was very enlightening and it really helped me . A couple other things. MikeUpNorth (I believe it was him) wrote a wonderful post on boredom awhile ago. ( maybe a month ago.) I think it is under monthly abs or long term abs. Good Luck Bella , hope this helps a little. Aquamarine

[Bella]

Personalities

Wow... I wish i had seen that programe. What you have said makes me feel a little less ungrateful for what i have got, if that makes sense? Its good to have someone else who feels like me. I will try to get through it and onto that greener side! I will read mikeupnorths post now. Thanx aquamarine, you have been helpful. Bella

[aquamarine]

Personalities

Bella, If you are interested and don't have HBO you can go to their website and I believe that you can purchase CDs of the entire program. I thought it was worth watching. I really learned a few things. Aquamarine

[weemelonhead]

Personalities

Hi Bell....

Yup, been there, actually had about a month away from the site during my worse period as I felt I had nothing to write...nothing to say...no message no,....well......nothing!!!
Just felt flat as a pancake...thoroughly delighted with kicking the booze, and feeling that all else should have been a weekly Mardi Gras...wot was wrong with me??? Didn't want to be with anyone,........ everyone and everything was uninspiring...just shut myself away in my bedroom with a book night after night apart from work as I really couldn't seem to relate to anyone, or think of a damn thing to talk about.
I feel your fear...it's a big worry thinking that THIS is the real you, the one that alcohol was helping to cover up all those years.....The social equivalent of trigonometry!!! hahahaha

BUT....after a few weeks of real deep ME finding...it has got MUCH better. Everyone here is right. You lose the real you, and it's hard to find that person again under all the empties and the vino glasses...but they are there!
I got a course of anti d's....have MADE myself go out and spend quality ME time EVERY weekend...beach walks, shopping at thrift shops, meals on my own...and after talking to the Melon on her own during these pleasant times, have just realised that she just needed time to find her sober feet again...she had rather lost her shoes for a LONG time..

It does come gradually...you really learn to see and appreciate the little things when you are sober, you must just get used to the fact that nothing is going to be quite so manic anymore. I never used to be able to 'feel' much unless it was an extreme....extreme highs and lows....maniacal booze fuelled 'happiness' and 'good times'....Now, I relish the sober peace that my mind experiences everyday...it's far more restful...at first, I confused it with boring,..... but peace, contentment and a sense of self pride cannot possibly BE boring .......just unusual...

It will come Bella...trust me...and you'll enjoy it more than you ever believed you could!!

Much love to you my friend...Weemelon xxx

[MKR]

Personalities

Bella dear,

You are spot on with those thoughts. Guess it is to say that is normal. For awhile there, I was thinking the same about Hubby and me. How boring type stuff!

It will go away and Lori matched what gives me a buzz these days! Finding hobby time again is a really nice thing too!

I watched some of the programs on HBO with different addictions they mentioned Aqua is right, worth watching.

Hugs to you - you know you can make it past this, patience with yourself. Mary

[Determinator]

Personalities

Bella, everyone is right on the mark. Are you doing the supplement regimen? that is really important at this time when our brains are being re-wired to our former wonderful selves.
glad you're keeping it up,
D

[Guest]

Personalities

Hi all as some of you know I posted last week that I thought I was becoming boring now. Your nice emails saw me through. I do have to admit after 15 years of marriage my husband and I seem to have less in common. but he is very commited in supporting me in MWO as I am with him in anything he undertakes.Maybe not poker. I hate gambling. But he loves poker. A small price to pay I guess, and he does give me a "rake" for my shoe fettish. I am starting to think boredom is just settling in, laughing at the same old jokes talking without saying words.He is a Borat Guy and I am Little miss Sunshine. 2 different movies but both comedies. Thats us 2 different people; both comedies. As long as we can laugh, we'll be together! And there is humor in EVERYTHING!!
Smiles
mary

[nattie]

Personalities

I am too a "Little Miss Sunshine Girl" - BF prefers anything war or boring related !!
I was feeling boring earlier - he has opened his bottle of vino saved for tomorrow night when I am on my maiden voyage of "drinks & dinner with girlfriends".......
I feel good though - he can wake up tomorrow feeling hungover & "intereresting"........I am sticking to my sober & boring.....saves on the bill for Nurofen !



xx

[betty boop]

Personalities

Hi, I went through something similar, I even had myself convinced that I drank because I was unhappy with my 'boring' life .... but that is really not the case, I now enjoy waking up and remembering going to bed, locking the door, etc ......

I do still enjoy a drink but can stop before oblivion sets in.

Love to you all

[Theo]

Personalities

Bella, I hope get There, 3 day AF, long ways to go.

I used to love scuba, until a accident in January in Aruba. No diving now, unless I have spectactular recover. Not only was the scuba so great, buy I followed the rules of no drinking the day before and a few hours after very happily, so I never missed it. A one week holiday was a 7 day very limited drinking holidays.

My passion is motorcycles, and I really tried to be sober when riding, so I lost alot of riding time. I;m planning bike trips on the net to do next summer to keep my mind active, plus it's alot of fun also