A 30 day diary to help myself

[damo180]

Hi all , really worried i will never beat this addiction .
After yet another slip , for 4 days , i am back feeling like absolute shite.
The only hopeful thing for me is i am immediately going to try to quit again .
In previous fails , i would continue to drink for months .
I even feel like i dont deserve this place as i have had so much support from really nice people here , and keep fuckin up !!

Anyway , i am going to start a 30 day diary attempt and write on this page daily to see how i get on . My plan from tomorrow is an early start with some meditation and a quick stint here and a healthy breakfast . My next few days are planned and hopefully i can stay clean .

Especially to people like mollyka , Jc , mario , k9 , madmans, guitarista , oney , and ktab who have been So supportive each time i log on , i feel bad for the trouble u go to and i continue to fail !! ( sry for leaving many out )

Saturday is really worrying as my wife is heading out and my son is staying in a friends so i will be alone to drink as much as i want :-(

I will train with a gaelic football team from 5 to 6 , make a nice neal and log on here for a few hrs maybe , early to bed and organise a long run woth a close friend .

Apologies for going on and i know i need a good bollicking for my repeated failures but i really need to beat this . I was so much happier when i was sober .

Thanks for listening , no need for replies , as just typing this seems to help and reading .

( just completing day2 of 30 hopefully ) and then hope to keep going .

Damo x

[pingu1997]

A 30 day diary to help myself

Good luck Damo. Think that's a fab idea. Stay close...

[JackieClaire]

A 30 day diary to help myself

Rightio, Damo, consider the bollicking over.

First things first we have all hoped (and prayed) at times that our drinking would just disappear overnight but you know and I know that isn't going to work.

Sounds like you're a man with a plan. Keep to that plan no matter what. For the next few weeks alcohol has to be completely swept off the table. You'll probably have to give up things and places you want to do or want to go, but it's only 30 days. Not the rest of your life. Take time to reintroduce these things into your life without alcohol.

Think about when we have children and they're screaming the place down when they're tiny and we think that it will never end. What seems like 10 minutes later they're at the school gates. It's not that long really.

And never ever think you don't deserve this place. Crikey if we all got it right the first time we'd be looking at blank pages every time we logged on.

[K9Lover]

A 30 day diary to help myself

You're not disappointing us Damo, we DO understand...we're all here for the same reason. Like JC said, nobody gets it right the first time (and quite honestly I'd be suspicious of anyone that did!).

I think keeping a personal log is a wonderful idea...it will help keep you on track, and it helps us keep an eye on you as well! :keyhole:

Remember how CRAPPY you feel right now...never forget...it will help you stay strong when you want to cave. Fast forward from the buzz to the hangover.

We're rooting for you!

K9

[sweetpea29]

A 30 day diary to help myself

Hiya Damo,

Just wanna wish you well. I found thinking too far ahead was daunting (and still do), breaking it down into smaller time scales seems to help me anyway. And checkin in here kinda helps me be accountable.

Best wishes x

[RunningCourage]

A 30 day diary to help myself

Hey Damo - just wanna say :goodluck: I always like the idea of a diary or journal to help keep yourself accountable. You know the drill - you've been here longer than me - so seems you've got the desire, I reckon you've got the courage and the will... and you too have the sage advice from JC, Molls, K9. Sounds like a plan's coming together

RC

[Persephone1]

A 30 day diary to help myself

Right there in the boat with you my friend...today is day 5 for me and a real challenge. Somehow I clung to some of the 'tools' in the 'box' and hung on for dear life and got through the day...just wanted to send you well wishes and let you know you weren't alone in this. Reach out anytime...:h

[madmans]

A 30 day diary to help myself

You did the Right thing coming back as soon as you could Damo , you have also helped a lot of people here with your posts, me included , so don't feel one bit bad about anything, we are all just one drink away....
There is one big step you could do ( and i am assuming here that you haven't ) tell your wife you have a problem and that you need to quit, i did and there was no real going back after that, for a long time i she knew i drank too much but i had to sit her down and show her this site so she could understand.
It was hard to do that, but made me totally accountable , no going back.
like others here have said don't look too far ahead, there is a lot too be said about ODAT, even now i won't look too far ahead. MM

[damo180]

A 30 day diary to help myself

Day 3 and thanks yet again for your support.
I will take all your advice on board.

I have just been thinking that I have spent about 2 years sober in the last 4 years.
I am feeling good today that I have come back so soon after my slip (unusual for me )

Like you say MM , I am not looking too far ahead, ODAT .
I was sober for most of January, but I wasnt WORKING at my sobriety. Very little time on here and in the past I would read a lot on tips on staying sober, Allen Carr etc.

I have told my wife in the past about my problem, she is very supportive , but dont like to keep repeating myself on trying to quit "AGAIN", so for now , she thinks I can just take a break from AL.

Not looking forward to the weekend but feeling determined to give it my all.
I have plans and made a promise to visit a close relative in hospital and will spend a lot of time on here Saturday night.

Off out now for some exercise with my local Gaelic football, so I will be staying sober TODAY

Your support really does mean a lot

Damo in Dublin
x:thanks:

[sweetpea29]

A 30 day diary to help myself

Well Damo,

Love the Gaelic football, Im a Down woman meself but one of me Grannies was from Donegal. I cried last yr when they won thinking of her and how excited she woulda been

You will get through this weekend xo

[damo180]

A 30 day diary to help myself

Tks mol , i will x

You are from a lovely county sweetpea , spent a nice weekend there last year , a sober one also :-)
And a class football team also x

Night all

[damo180]

A 30 day diary to help myself

Good day today , and sorted for tonight , helping out with training with my sons football team which btings me up to 9.00 and promised we ' d go get pizza on way home , so that keeps me away from off license for the night , happy days , I Will wake up tomorrow hangover free :-) hop u are all well xxx

[Guitarista]

A 30 day diary to help myself

Good stuff Damo,

It doesn't matter if it takes us 50, 100, 1000, 1,000,000 go's to finally get to where we want to be. Just keep at it like you are doing, and importantly, some revision, learning and reflection on what has been keeping us chained down can be useful.

Happy day's from this point on is highly possible.

Best wishes, G bloke.

[sweetpea29]

A 30 day diary to help myself

damo180;1454582 wrote: Tks mol , i will x

You are from a lovely county sweetpea , spent a nice weekend there last year , a sober one also :-)
And a class football team also x

Night all

Hey Damo,

Will see how 'class' they are tonight, just listening to their game against Tyrone on the radio now. Should really have went down to see it but being a lazy sod here!

Just thinking of you and hope your plans are working for tonight x

[Aussiegirl2013]

A 30 day diary to help myself

Good luck Damo, I read your post and it sounds quite like me. I'm starting over too after a recent relapse . . . one day at a time. I keep a personal diary too, to work on my feelings. Take care, Jane