I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

[Quakegirl]

OK. Day 19 & counting. Giving up drinking for a whole lot of reasons. Because I have put on 40lb. I was unwell and wasn't getting better. I didn't like myself drunk. It was becoming an every-evening thing. I was a bad e.g my kids. I have a big job &
big plans for the year which need focus. Mission critical stuff. And for me not to be getting sloppy and mushy round the edges at work social stuff.
I don't miss the taste, the messy feeling of being fuzzy and off kilter or the waking up slightly seedy. Or the guilt and self loathing of waking up in the morning hating myself for caving in to the bottle again.
I love how strong and confident I can be socially, without a glass of wine. How much in control I feel. And that I am not drinking 450 - 900 empty calories a night. I really don't miss drinking at all.
Yet heading out for dinner in an hour...I am contemplating acing a couple of glasses of wine. The only thing that is stopping me is that my son will be there, and he knows I am not meant to be drinking. Why do I want to drink / when NOT drinking gives me so much, and I have do much to lose? It's almost like I am attracted to the IDEA of drinking, rather than the reality. Sigh. Give me the strength and wisdom to see the dead end on the other side of that glass. And the and clear, focused, productive path I can stay on by turning away.

[kuya]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

You are probably hungry. I always have to remember that going out tonight does not fill me today. Your HEAD may know you are going to consume extra calories which makes you feel guilty in advance but your BODY is hungry NOW.

Hunger is my main trigger .......EAT .......NOW

( and read your avatar )

[Alcoholic]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

Quake: how did it go? Hope all went well...

[Quakegirl]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

I didn't drink

Thanks Ally and Kuya (fellow Kiwi!) for the support. I am just impatient to be in a place where I don't flip flop so much & struggle with it. Feel like I am at risk of caving in at any minute. But that if it does become easy and no longer a struggle, I will forget why it was so important to me not to drink. Sort of like when you lose a lot of weight and it just creeps back on again

[Nelz]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

Day 19 is wonderful, however, what I would consider that still in the infancy stage.

You are on a roller coaster right now, your body is going through some changes to try and stabilize and return to normal. It will be a wild ride, It wont be easy, but it WILL get easier.

I can promise you, that if you can stay strong here in the early stages........the more you do it, the better you get at it.


Wishing you all the strength needed to beat the urges

[kuya]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

Quakegirl;1454110 wrote: I didn't drink

Thanks Ally and Kuya (fellow Kiwi!) for the support. I am just impatient to be in a place where I don't flip flop so much & struggle with it. Feel like I am at risk of caving in at any minute. But that if it does become easy and no longer a struggle, I will forget why it was so important to me not to drink. Sort of like when you lose a lot of weight and it just creeps back on again

Firstly.... Well done for not drinking!

When you start to forget just log back in and reread your posts, put up a post for help, go for a walk....just DO something til it passes.

That first month is hard but there are never two bad days in a row because your body and brain are healing so a bad day is always followed by a leap in recovery.

I started my quit in September when you joined, and in just a few months my life has COMPLETELY changed for the better. I would never go back to that drug induced hell.

This has not happened because I am stronger than you, because my life is easier than yours....it has happened simply because I stopped poisoning my self.

Wait for the magic and check in here OFTEN. Writing out your feelings and reading others really does help. Compare our posting count during the same period and guess why I am happily sober, and if you can't post here more often join a support group.

[aihflvt]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

Quakegirl, you hit the nail right on the head. At least for me, it IS the idea of drinking. Dinner out always meant wine, therefore I came to equate wine (or other alcohol) as a necessary part of dinner out. Anyway, it sounds like you successfully stared down temptation. The longer we stay AF, I believe our minds will eventually unlearn these associations.

[gmc38609]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

Years of brain washing to believe drinking is good take alot of undoing mentally

[damo180]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

Hi Quakegirl,

Really well done on not drinking today.
I know how hard it can be.
But I also know how great it is to feel when you get through it.
As you are probably aware, you will have more of these struggles, but trust me , it WILL get easier and if you stick with staying sober, your life will improve SOOOOO much.

I remember being sober for more than 6 months and I was such a stronger , more confident , healthier and generally feeling so good.
You have all that ahead of you so PLEASE stay here for support.

Wishing you all the best

Damo in Dublin

[paulywogg]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

hi quake,i agree with the others that its more of an association with the activity,for instance this sunday is the superbowl a huge drinking day for alot of people,its gonna be a rough one for me but im gonna think ahead,eat a million chicken wings and not drink! in reality i hate football anyways why bother?

[Sunbeam]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

I can remember wanting a drink, but then I didn't want it once I started drinking. I drank it anyway, so many times. Finally I stopped. Whew, glad that's over.

Posting thoughts like this could also make you stronger. It is very powerful seeing your AF thoughts written down.

[paulywogg]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

sunbeam,i remember opening a beer sometimes thinking "why did i do that?"but drinking it anyways cuz it was open,dumb

[Quakegirl]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? The idea is way more appealing than the reality.
I went out for lunch today and could SMELL the wine at tables all around me. I wanted one LESS as a result, it smelled awful. Last night it turned out to be really easy not to drink, once I got over that split-second decision making moment and went for a lime & soda instead.

[kuya]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

So good to see ya.....even better to see ya sober :l

[Mootsbill]

I don't want to drink. So why do I want to drink tonight?

Well dken quake, I'm the same always feel on a knifes edge waiting to drink, but I see it as habit breaking, you don't break habits over night, but the more I socialise, stay in, get stressed etc without a drink the brain will be learning new habits. Your doing great. X