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My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

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    #1

    My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

    Hi all,

    I just wanted to relay my recent experience with moderation.

    In some ways I have successfully moderated my drinking to acceptable ( ie within the recommended guidelines) levels over the past few months, however this journey has left me absolutely EXHAUSTED!! and now I think I know why

    Abstinence means making one BIG choice and sticking to it but moderation means making many small choices which requires SO much mental energy. First I had to define what moderation meant to me then I had to constantly prevent myself from having ' just one more'.
    Reducing my dependence has involved making different choices at different times, sometimes saying Yes, but mostly having to say No. This has been totally exhausting.. However, quitting and abstinence means ONE decision, you always know what to do and if you stuff up only another ONE decision to get back on the horse, saving that precious mental energy which can then be directed to something else..

    Just my little experience to add to the myriad here. I now choose complete abstinence and look forward expending my energy on other things

    Take care all
    Patrice
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    #2
    My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

    How ironic Patrice!

    Your post is almost simultaneous to a post I just wrote about grieving and farewelling alcohol.

    I never even tried to moderate since my capacity for alcohol was so great as to always be unhealthy.

    Today you farewell moderate drinking and embrace abstainance.

    Today I farewell quitting alcohol and embrace sobriety.

    Life is, indeed, a series a rites of passage.

    It would be my pleasure to share what little knowledge I have gained with you.

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      #3
      My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

      Interesting observation Patrice. And I agree. Quitting got easy for me when I wholeheartedly embraced and looked forward to abstinence. You tried and afterward made your decision. Thanks for sharing it with us.

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        #4
        My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

        I totally agree with you Patrice. Moderation may be a good starting point for many drinkers, it is not the best approach for everyone with a drinking problem. It certainly was not for me. People with severe drinking problems generally find moderation difficult to maintain and often do better with abstinence. That is a fact for so many here at MWO. For me at least there was no safe level of drinking. I too found moderation exhausting as it expended so much of my time and energy managing my consumption. I certainly did not enjoy two or three drinks. So my two to three drinks became straight vodka, scotch or brandy. I used large glass tumblers too. Yup, enough booze to get a small village drunk.

        Wishing you all the best and please keep us informed on your progress!
        Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

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          #5
          My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

          Thank you Patrice for sharing this. And thank you all who responded. I follow all of you in your posts and it is fitting that you all posted on this thread.

          I am still struggling with this one. Not ready to save never again. For whatever reasons, I still have that in the back of my mind. Maybe it will always be back there but I don't need to actually respond to it. It helps to read all of your wise posts. Thank you. :h
          "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
          ..........
          AF - 7-27-15

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            #6
            My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

            Thanks for your replies...

            I don't regret this experiment because I needed to really be sure before I could accept being AF and I needed to ascertain what kind of drinker I really was... My consumption has plummeted since I joined this site with many months of AF and a few binges.

            The constant planning of when to drink and when not to became a full time job!! The joy I felt when I decided I would have a glass of wine became a bit perverse and would quickly turn to disappointment when after the 2nd glass I realised that I couldn't have a 3rd ( my own rules ). I stuck to that limit and would then have a milo or a water but I constantly felt mildly pissed off....WTF? that's not the way I was supposed to feel.. I had hoped to feel proud and in control...I did become a truly 'moderate drinker' but it gave me no pleasure AT ALL because I had to constantly say NO and it really wore me down

            Thanks for your support friends
            x
            Patrice

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              #7
              My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

              After reading this I realise that my idea of "moderate drinking" wouldn't have been that at all...it would have been pre planned binges...that's messed up. Thanks for this.

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                #8
                My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

                Good post Patrice, glad you found your answer. I learned a while ago that it is always much easier to fast rather than diet. Diet still allows you to make choices. Humans don't do well with choices and all the research shows that choices do not make us happy.

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                  #9
                  My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

                  decided;1460609 wrote: After reading this I realise that my idea of "moderate drinking" wouldn't have been that at all...it would have been pre planned binges...that's messed up. Thanks for this.
                  Wow - you just put it in words for me! I need to copy this to remember it. Thank you.
                  "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                  ..........
                  AF - 7-27-15

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                    #10
                    My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

                    Supercrew= yes I agree, so many choices so much mental effort did eventually drain me of everything..
                    Decided = I did have pre planned Binges before this latest 4 months and it was messed up for sure

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                      #11
                      My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

                      Thanks Molly, yes I remember reading about your moderation and your thoughts on it are very clear...Through this experience I agree 100% but like you, I couldn't take Alcohol off the choice list until I had tried to moderate.. Really Moderate... But do you know what Molly, it gave me no joy because I could never get truly 'out of it', THAT is what I wanted, not to have a mild buzz, a bit tiddly kind of thing. NO.. I wanted to get hammered, EVERY time..

                      A big big Thanks to Kuya who helped me realise this major point xx

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                        #12
                        My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

                        Molly this is also what I didn't understand because I never really had a problem stopping too and doing my research and reading on here and this latest experiment tells me I just can't fucking drink.. end of... so best I get used to that!!

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                          #13
                          My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

                          Butting in - awesome posts you two. So good, I put as a reminder to self on the Stella thread. Thank you for sharing. I'm still very early days here - but I keep referring to the choice to abstain as a life choice - a path, as you say Molly. I'm wondering whether by reading and re-reading these posts that I might not actually ever need to experiment with moderation... (other than a disastrous failed attempt back in November!)

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                            #14
                            My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

                            mollyka;1460676 wrote: One thing I learnt in rehab Arsey was to listen to people and believe what they tell me IF THEY'VE WALKED THE WALK. As in the long-termers here - they DO know what they are talking about - but I didn't know to listen then.

                            If you did have a disastrous failed attempt in November, surely that 'qualifies' as your experiment?? If it didn't work then, it won't work in the future - that's a given. So yeah, why not use that as your benchmark so to speak??
                            And, this does worry me a bit, when I say I HAD to try it myself - doesn't mean everyone else here HAS to try it themselves - it's not a pre-requisite, it was just a very painful hard way that I chose to find out what in reality I should and probably did know already.
                            Molly

                            Absolutely. Suppose I still have two warring thought processes in my head - the one that grieves and wants to join everyone else... and the one that says "what's the point in having A                             drink?" and "maybe it's more interesting to be the one who doesn;t drink?" ...kinda like the rebel.

                            So just now I'm sticking to the path analogy... my yellow brick road... where I am very slowly learning about a new AF me, who doesn't drink. (And actually ignoring the warring in my head tbh!... I've decided to be AF today... that's all that matters)

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                              #15
                              My recent 4 month experiment with Moderation

                              Hi RC !!

                              Yes I think Molly is right..all of the research points to the same thing that once you have gone past the point and are into alcohol abuse territory it really is a herculian effort to try and moderate properly and appropriately.

                              However, for the last 3 years I have always had that nagging doubt that maybe? maybe?

                              And yes RC, I did it for 4 months appropriately and properly so YES it can be done... What I didn't figure was how soul destroying it was to say NO to myself 90% of the time, NO you can't have a glass of wine tonight, NO, not this weekend but how about next weekend, OK YES for next weekend... only to spend the next week looking forward to my measly 2 glasses of wine and again NO, you can't have another one.. Really draining and no fun at all
                              Now, as I mentioned I just have to say that NO once and stick to it

                              Take Care
                              Patrice

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