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    #1

    IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

    Tonight the girls are going to their school talent show and of course, performing. I wouldn't think twice about this but my friend who last Summer drunkenly hurt my girls during a sleepover will be there with her twins. We havent spoken since August. Both our twins remain good friends though of course...no playdates.

    I saw her once during auditions and we didn't speak though her girls were hugging me and telling me about their songs... I'm really so conflicted here. Obviously we can't have a serious talk or meeting at this thing but what should I do...? Ignore her? Just say, "Hi. how are you?"... ' nice to see you, how was Christmas???

    I know this sounds dumb. It's just that my social life has collapsed as I get further away from AL and I am truly struggling here. I feel I can't talk to anyone about this. There are so many dimensions people won't get...but I know y guys do.

    So I am coming here for some perspective....because I always get that here...:h

    :thanks: :l
    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest
    Tags: None
    #2
    IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

    Kill them with Kindness!

    Kradle123;1467469 wrote: Tonight the girls are going to their school talent show and of course, performing. I wouldn't think twice about this but my friend who last Summer drunkenly hurt my girls during a sleepover will be there with her twins. We havent spoken since August. Both our twins remain good friends though of course...no playdates.

    I saw her once during auditions and we didn't speak though her girls were hugging me and telling me about their songs... I'm really so conflicted here. Obviously we can't have a serious talk or meeting at this thing but what should I do...? Ignore her? Just say, "Hi. how are you?"... ' nice to see you, how was Christmas???

    I know this sounds dumb. It's just that my social life has collapsed as I get further away from AL and I am truly struggling here. I feel I can't talk to anyone about this. There are so many dimensions people won't get...but I know y guys do.

    So I am coming here for some perspective....because I always get that here...:h

    :thanks: :l
    Honestly, Kill them with kindness.. Your super healthy, happy and confident now. (why not show it) No reason to regress into hidding.. Nobody can hurt you now.. Your in full control of your body, mind and spirit.. Why behave as if they CAN hurt you. Have no fear to talk to anyone.. What will happen?? A beer truck will explode over your head inebriating you with alcohol rain!?

    Comment

      #3
      IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

      I would bet that your friend is dreading running into you at all, knowing that she hurt your girls. I remember your story from last summer. Your friend's actions remind me of the movie, "28 Days." When you see her, calmly smile and say to her, SINCERELY, "I haven't seen you in a while. I hope you're well." Because you will say it with total class, grace, and empathy, she will feel even worse about herself, and maybe your example will evoke a change in her. Let us know what happens. We care.

      Comment

        #4
        IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

        Hi Kradle

        You could just start an innocuous conversation about the talent show or the girls' performances, and just see how she responds. Let her lead the conversation after that, or just politely end it if she doesn't seem responsive to it. At least that way you've made it clear that you're not avoiding her (if that's what you want of course).
        AF since 6JUN2012

        Comment

          #5
          IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

          In an ideal world, leave the past in the past and take the highest road possible. You already know that. Good luck.

          Comment

            #6
            IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

            To ask forgiveness is virtous to forgive is divine.
            It will release you both from a spiritual bondage to forgive(not necessarily forget).
            In your mind greet her mind, body, soul and spirit when you meet and simply smile and say hello.
            Psalms 119:45


            ?Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.?

            St. Francis of Assisi



            I'm not perfect, never will be, but better than I was and not as good as I'm going to be.

            :rays:

            Comment

              #7
              IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

              RingingCedars;1467531 wrote: To ask forgiveness is virtous to forgive is divine.
              It will release you both from a spiritual bondage to forgive(not necessarily forget).
              In your mind greet her mind, body, soul and spirit when you meet and simply smile and say hello.
              The best advice ever!!!
              Strange, I had a similar situation happen 18 months ago Kradle. Recently ( 2 weeks ago) I did exactly what RC is advocating. And Yes.. how much better do I feel and how much better does she feel? The relief is immense.

              Take care
              Patrice

              Comment

                #8
                IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

                It is VERY liberating Patrice. I recently had to employ this as well. Advice given me by a beautiful soul.
                Psalms 119:45


                ?Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.?

                St. Francis of Assisi



                I'm not perfect, never will be, but better than I was and not as good as I'm going to be.

                :rays:

                Comment

                  #9
                  IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

                  I don't know what she did to your girls, so I won't advise you on forgiveness. But I agree that being the bigger person is rarely the wrong way to go. You don't have to like her.
                  Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

                    Well, got home about 10pm and see all the wonderful advice from my wonderful people :l

                    I'm sorry that I ave some very weird shit that happended and it didn't involve my friend at all. In fact that went fine. We didn't speak but I smiled and hugged her husband and too the advise of small talk and forgiveness...but. Guess I took that a bit too because that horrible women from the Iit factor showed up...Yuk! Some of you know that story...she owned the studio my girls originally went to and she screwed over my kids big time...

                    Anyway, I guess she was there because one of the kids who stayed there was also performing and she ame and brought her flowers..well, weird but okay, whatever. So at the end of the Show I see her daughter and like you all suggested I said hello and gave her a hug..that's all I swear!! Then me and my hubs and kids start to walk out and this crazy bitch comes up to me, sticks her fricken face in mine and scream ,"don't you ever touch my child!! ' it was fucking insane and the girls were devasted. What a crazy fuck and I swear this came completely out of eft field...

                    All I Can really say here everyone is that I think I am just being punished..punished for all my bad decisions, all the crap I have done all the selfish mean acts I committed....it's karma, I know. I just wish to hell my kids weren't involved.
                    They did so well tonight. They just blew people away. They are super talented...

                    So that's almost the end of my story. If there had been rum in the house, I think I would have succumbed ...but there isn't. I try to heed that advice closely. I am in bed now between my daughters eating ice cream- well they are. I'm still sick to my stomach.

                    Love to all of you tonight, Siren, RC, Pixie, Patrice, lucky, Risty, Dimension...wonder what dreams may come tonight...shudder uch:

                    :l
                    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

                    Comment

                      #11
                      IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

                      Kradle - I'm so sorry. :l
                      "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                      ..........
                      AF - 7-27-15

                      Comment

                        #12
                        IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

                        Kradle123;1467586 wrote: Well, got home about 10pm and see all the wonderful advice from my wonderful people :l

                        I'm sorry that I ave some very weird shit that happended and it didn't involve my friend at all. In fact that went fine. We didn't speak but I smiled and hugged her husband and too the advise of small talk and forgiveness...but. Guess I took that a bit too because that horrible women from the Iit factor showed up...Yuk! Some of you know that story...she owned the studio my girls originally went to and she screwed over my kids big time...

                        Anyway, I guess she was there because one of the kids who stayed there was also performing and she ame and brought her flowers..well, weird but okay, whatever. So at the end of the Show I see her daughter and like you all suggested I said hello and gave her a hug..that's all I swear!! Then me and my hubs and kids start to walk out and this crazy bitch comes up to me, sticks her fricken face in mine and scream ,"don't you ever touch my child!! ' it was fucking insane and the girls were devasted. What a crazy fuck and I swear this came completely out of eft field...

                        All I Can really say here everyone is that I think I am just being punished..punished for all my bad decisions, all the crap I have done all the selfish mean acts I committed....it's karma, I know. I just wish to hell my kids weren't involved.
                        They did so well                         tonight. They just blew people away. They are super talented...

                        So that's almost the end of my story. If there had been rum in the house, I think I would have succumbed ...but there isn't. I try to heed that advice closely. I am in bed now between my daughters eating ice cream- well they are. I'm still sick to my stomach.

                        Love to all of you tonight, Siren, RC, Pixie, Patrice, lucky, Risty, Dimension...wonder what dreams may come tonight...shudder uch:

                        :l
                        I will change my advise a bit.. (In the case of totally negative people) who do things like scream in your face in public! (STAY THE H*LL AWAY FROM THEM) Don't let their bad Karma into your family life! But if they are not so negative.. You can kill them with kindness! (but no need to suffer for it)

                        Comment

                          #13
                          IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

                          You don't deserve that, no matter what you have done in the past. Some people just like drama. I blame reality TV. That sounds like something that would happen on Dance Moms. People watch that stuff and think it's how real people are supposed to behave.
                          Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

                            hugs Kradle
                            I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                            Live in the Solution....not the problem

                            Comment

                              #15
                              IN NEED OF SOME PERSPECTIVE...

                              WOW KRADLE!

                              And here you were behaving so graciously and you are slammed with her negative crap!
                              SHE is the one with the problem. Anger like that is debilitating and it will hurt her more than you. The best part is that you have it together, and can see this for the weirdness that it is.
                              It's a shame that her kids will be exposed to such negativity. I actually feel sorry for the woman, walking around with all that toxicity. Sad.

                              Youare great though and I love reading your posts. I'm glad there was no alcohol around, and I understand why the urge to drink it away would be there.


                              You're the best!

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