I am not in a very good place.

[Wagoneer]

Hello all. I have been here many years and as my screen name indicates (Wagoneer) I have fell off the wagon many, many times. And I did again. And I am ashamed. Over the past few months, I have been drinking a few times a week. Not usually to excess, but drinking nonetheless. AND I DON?T KNOW WHY. My life is wonderful ? my husband, kids, family, friends, job ? it?s all good! But I have this compulsion to go and buy a small bottle of wine and just drink the damn thing. And hide it so no one knows. Maybe they do know. I am not sure. I never drink and drive, never drink before or during work. Don?t drink anywhere but home. Sure, my job is very stressful, but it is no reason to poison myself again. When I stop, I feel great! No withdrawal symptoms, nothing. Just good. Taking my supps, drinking tons of water, eating healthy?but drinking! So what the hell is wrong with me? This time seems different, and scarier to me. Like if I don?t stop, it could really get bad. I don?t want that. I really, really don?t want that. And that is why I am here. I wanted to ask, once again, for the support of my friends here. We are all struggling in one way or another and I really hate bothering people and asking for support, but I really need it. I can?t do this alone anymore and I want to stop this miserable beast in its tracks. Today is day one. Again. I pray that I can do this. I think I can. I will be staying close this time.

[Anjicia]

I am not in a very good place.

Hi Wagoneer so sorry to hear of your struggle but do keep posting and come back like Molls said. It does get worse as i found oit when i tried to modaerate some time ago and a few glasses became a bottle and then a 2nd with bad hangovers. A few of us in the army are starting over again and the usual struggles in the early days. So join us again the army we can help each other thats what the forumn is for. :l from across the pond in Dublin. Hey 2 Dublin wimmin responding to ye first lol.

[anon]

I am not in a very good place.

Oh Waggy so sorry but we have all fallen off that bloody wagon many times.

:goodjob:For posting and keep close. I may not have the gift of the blarney but want you to know I care

[madmans]

I am not in a very good place.

Hi Waggy , Molly has pretty much said all that i could say , the only thing i would add is to tell your husband the truth, not easy i know but it will make you accountable at home , i never wanted to tell my wife because for me it was like Columbus burning the boats, no way back, i had to make it work.
MM

[Sunbeam]

I am not in a very good place.

Hi wagoneer,
I was also a sneaky drinker and have a wonderful life. I drank moderately for three years or more, but finally got sick and tired of the struggle. I'm done now, it feels great. Do you have a plan for quitting?

[Wagoneer]

I am not in a very good place.

Sunbeam;1470141 wrote: Hi wagoneer,
I was also a sneaky drinker and have a wonderful life. I drank moderately for three years or more, but finally got sick and tired of the struggle. I'm done now, it feels great. Do you have a plan for quitting?

I always have a plan. I know what I need to do. This time, however, I need to stick closer to here. I was successful for eleven months a while back and thought I could moderate. Now that the moderating idea is WAY OUT OF THE PICTURE, I know what I need to do. Damn it, I will be successful this time!!!!!

[mama bear]

I am not in a very good place.

Waggy
I so feel where you are coming from. I still feel the siren's call and have given in in the past ,only to regret it. And it doesn't help that my hubs LOVES to drink.
I miss your upbeat, happy, encouraging posts...please come back home.
And I am proud of you for reaching out
much love!
Mama

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I am not in a very good place.

Waggy, that's addiction for you, there appears to be no rhyme or reason for why we continue to poison ourselves, despite everything that has gone before. We know the drill, I just want to offer my support.

[K9Lover]

I am not in a very good place.

Oh Waggie...please accept this big :l
I KNOW what you are going through...boy do I know. This battle is not an easy one, not by a long stretch. Alcohol reaches out and tells us that we are "not that bad", or we don't have a "problem". You mentioned how great your life is except for one thing...alcohol. You have to refocus. Find something else to do during your drinking hours. I never, ever thought I would get off this roller-coaster-from-hell. I literally could NOT imagine evenings without a buzz. Now...I can't even fathom how I had time to drink (oh yeah, maybe by letting everything around me fall apart...that's how!!!). Find a hobby. Exercise. Cook. Read books and watch movies. Do whatever it takes. YOU are a wonderful person and you deserve to be completely happy. Please stick close. You NEVER bother us. We want to know how you are...even through all the ups and downs!
Love,
K9 :h:h:h

[sunshine_gg]

I am not in a very good place.

:l Waggie... so glad you came back. I'm in the same boat as you... let's stick close to the support and wisdom here.

[K9Lover]

I am not in a very good place.

Sunni - Glad you're back beautiful lady! I've missed you. No more leaving, ok?? :l:h You too Waggie!!!

[Wagoneer]

I am not in a very good place.

K9Lover;1470245 wrote: Sunni - Glad you're back beautiful lady! I've missed you. No more leaving, ok?? :l:h You too Waggie!!!

Deal! Right Sunshine?? Thanks everyone. So glad to be back :h :h

[JackieClaire]

I am not in a very good place.

Waggers, me gorgeous girl. Just wanted to do a quick post before I read the whole thread.

[JackieClaire]

I am not in a very good place.

Now I've read back. Waggers.
I did that thing with the little bottles. Hid them all over the place. I used to gag them down like medicine. Started of 2 or 3 times a week, then every day, then 2 little bottles a day until I decided in my 'great' wisdom to just buy a big bottle as it saved money. I bet you can guess the rest.
Glad you decided to get to back on the wagon before it gets out of hand.

So back to posting everyday even if it's just a quick hello. OK.

[sunshine_gg]

I am not in a very good place.

Wagoneer;1470266 wrote: Deal! Right Sunshine?? Thanks everyone. So glad to be back :h :h

Yep. Deal, indeed