I am just a big mess

[Underachiever]

I tried to post this about a year ago and it never got submitted as i just signed up. I am a big freakin mess. Where do i start? From what i have read on here I am a different kind of drinker than most. I am a guy. My drinking has essentially lost me a professional job in the past and possibly preventing me from getting a new one yet it is the only thing in my life that relieves stress. I have had sex with many, many girls yet without alcohol, most likely I would not have had sex except 2 or 3 times. I am single. Most would say good looking. As a girl said last night, I am young looking for my age (mid 30's). I just came home from there. First time i have met her.

This probably seems like rambling because it is. I have to find a solution or a middle ground because the truth is alcohol hurts me but it also helps me. I want 2 major things in life right now. A great girl and a great job. Honestly, I may be good looking but without alcohol I am almost like Raj from Big Bang Theory for those that know that show. I am not trying to act like i am a super model or something because i am not but I am tall and attractive (not fat, not even beer belly). I drink almozst everyday and it has cost me in workplace.

Basically, I need to balance great job with girls.

Of course, esy to say "just drink on weekends" but in sales my stress reliever is alcohol.

I just don't know what to do. I have taken medication for anxiety and nothing effects me at all. I can't tella difference. I have mostly taken benzo's and they just do not work for me.

The truth is giving up alcohol would be both good and bad. I honestly think if i was happily married with kids and a great job, I wouldn't drink at all.

I am a half way intelligent guy but do not have a solution to this at all.

Help me get my shit together.

[Underachiever]

I am just a big mess

As you can tell by my join date, this has gone on for a year and a half at this pace and that was before it costs me my job.

Depressing

[Nursie]

I am just a big mess

Hi and welcome!
Sounds to me like alcohol is indeed a problem for you my friend. You are no different a drinker than any of us here. In fact I was a horrid alcoholic and it still didn't cost me my job! Not trying to make you feel bad, but I don't want you to feel like your situation is lost.

Losing your job and sleeping with many women while drunk sounds like it is stressful, not stress relief. It sounds like a full time job.

I don't think any of us have found our Mr. or Mrs. right in a bar or woke up next to a stranger and said "yep, YOU are the one I'm gonna marry, ya lush you!"

Try to think about what alcohol has taken from you, rather than the stress relief. That's just a myth my friend.

[lizker]

I am just a big mess

Your situation is very similar to mine but thankfully I still have a job.
You are filling a void with alc. You want fulfillment in your life but
sadly alc is standing between what you want and can have. Until you
come to this realization and start to see the beast for what it really is, you
are always gonna have an uphill battle. It will rob you of everything. That's
its nature. I chose not to date while starting recovery because the focus and
energy it take simply has no room for relationship drama. I will be
a better person when iam whole and not dragging some alc issues. You do
have it in you to give yourself a more healthy and fulfilling relationship. It starts with self-love.

[Hippyman]

I am just a big mess

Underachiever;1471906 wrote: I tried to post this about a year ago and it never got submitted as i just signed up. I am a big freakin mess. Where do i start? From what i have read on here I am a different kind of drinker than most. I am a guy. My drinking has essentially lost me a professional job in the past and possibly preventing me from getting a new one yet it is the only thing in my life that relieves stress. I have had sex with many, many girls yet without alcohol, most likely I would not have had sex except 2 or 3 times. I am single. Most would say good looking. As a girl said last night, I am young looking for my age (mid 30's). I just came home from there. First time i have met her.

This probably seems like rambling because it is. I have to find a solution or a middle ground because the truth is alcohol hurts me but it also helps me. I want 2 major things in life right now. A great girl and a great job. Honestly, I may be good looking but without alcohol I am almost like Raj from Big Bang Theory for those that know that show. I am not trying to act like i am a super model or something because i am not but I am tall and attractive (not fat, not even beer belly). I drink almozst everyday and it has cost me in workplace.

Basically, I need to balance great job with girls.

Of course, esy to say "just drink on weekends" but in sales my stress reliever is alcohol.

I just don't know what to do. I have taken medication for anxiety and nothing effects me at all. I can't tella difference. I have mostly taken benzo's and they just do not work for me.

The truth is giving up alcohol would be both good and bad. I honestly think if i was happily married with kids and a great job, I wouldn't drink at all.

I am a half way intelligent guy but do not have a solution to this at all.

Help me get my shit together.

:welcome: There are links at the bottom of this post that are meant to help get you started building a plan on how to get sober and stay sober. You can do it if you really want to. I KNOW YOU CAN!

[Underachiever]

I am just a big mess

Nursie;1471934 wrote: Hi and welcome!
Sounds to me like alcohol is indeed a problem for you my friend. You are no different a drinker than any of us here. In fact I was a horrid alcoholic and it still didn't cost me my job! Not trying to make you feel bad, but I don't want you to feel like your situation is lost.

Losing your job and sleeping with many women while drunk sounds like it is stressful, not stress relief. It sounds like a full time job.

I don't think any of us have found our Mr. or Mrs. right in a bar or woke up next to a stranger and said "yep, YOU are the one I'm gonna marry, ya lush you!"

Try to think about what alcohol has taken from you, rather than the stress relief. That's just a myth my friend.

And how long have you not drank for? Relationship status?

[mama bear]

I am just a big mess

Under
your post makes my heart hurt
I am so proud of you for recognizing this while you are young and strong. You sound lonely to me.
AL makes everything so much worse. Depression and anxiety, especially.
Maybe you could go the gym a few nights a week (if you don't already) and burn off some stress.
I am 52 and married for 23 years with two great sons. I almost lost all of that over booze.
Check out the newbies nest and start there
I take benzos as prescribed by my doc. They are a tremendous help...mostly for sleep. But I wish I didn't need them. The past few years have been turbulent for my family...hubs lost biz, house in foreclosure...but I finally got my shit togther and AL abuse was not part of the equation.
Much strength and support
Mama

[mama bear]

I am just a big mess

x post hispter

[Struggles 106]

I am just a big mess

Hi UNDERACHIEVER

Thank you for your honest post. I think a lot of us (if not all ) have been where you are and can certainly relate.
I agree with Lizker-the focus and energy required to get you well are huge, and maybe there is no room to fret about relationships right now. To be a part of a couple you need to be whole, and know who you are. Alcoholic thinking in invasive, and it will show up in your interactions if you don't address it first.

As Hippy said you need to get a plan. Having someone around can ne nice, and ou might be less lonely. But let's face it-it's possible to be lonely in a room full of people.
When you learn to love yourself and accept your limitations I think you will be a better partner to someone.

And you are young! It is wonderful to recognize this issue and reach out now, before you have more years of hell to remember. It's like the Pink Floyd song- "Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time, plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines, but you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find TEN YEARS has got behind you. Noone told you when to run
You missed the starting gun."
Don't let the years get behind you with tremendous regrets. Life may not be long so live it to the fullest while you can.

Sorry to ramble on but I hate to see someone suffering needlessly. It can be done. And NO it is not easy, but it gets easier with time. And the freedom that comes with sobriety is priceless. I'm no expert but I know what I know.

Hang in there and stick around here

[Nursie]

I am just a big mess

Underachiever;1471974 wrote: And how long have you not drank for? Relationship status?

I grew up in a family of alcoholics and drug addicts. I raised my brothers while my mother drank herself into a coma most days. We were molested and abused physically, mentally and emotionally. My brother and I became alcoholics. I was sober for a few months until my brother was killed in car accident. He was drunk. (This was 8 months ago.) My drinking became even more out of control and I don't remember much of the first few weeks after he died.
Ironically, my mother has been sober since he died, which is wonderful.
I have been with my husband for 8 years and have a son and step-daughter. We broke up for a year because of alcohol, and I believe the only reason he didn't leave me these last months is because my brother died, and he believed in me.

So this time around, it has been 14 days.

[Underachiever]

I am just a big mess

Well, no drinking today amd have 2 interviews for professional jobs tomorrow. I will have a job in 3 weeks but I don't know how to date without alcohol.

It is like 2nd nature to me. i correlate alcohol to sex. I don't like being single but can't date girls I do not like.

[K9Lover]

I am just a big mess

Hi Under,

Maybe at this point you should focus more on staying sober than dating. I am single too, and I use this time to focus on ME. You need to allow your mind and body time to heal. I wouldn't jump into any sort of relationship for a while. That's probably not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. Good luck on your interviews!

K9

[Siren136]

I am just a big mess

Underachiever;1473797 wrote: Well, no drinking today amd have 2 interviews for professional jobs tomorrow. I will have a job in 3 weeks but I don't know how to date without alcohol.

It is like 2nd nature to me. i correlate alcohol to sex. I don't like being single but can't date girls I do not like.

Great news on the interviews! Best of luck.

You can't date girls you don't like? - how do you you like them if you're drunk when you're dating them? I think you like you better when you drink and you don't like you when you're sober. That means you have a bit of work to do on you before you go looking for a serious relationship. Everyone deserves to like themselves. No good woman is going to seriously consider marrying and having children with a guy who gets drunk all the time.

I'm really sorry if that sounds harsh, though. There are many ways to relieve stress other than drinking. Drinking is just the easiest.

And I'm 43, married (barely, but not because of alcohol), and no kids. I'm on day 3 of my most current quit.

[Struggles 106]

I am just a big mess

Good point Siren

Exactly right-often we find that we don not like ourselves when sober.
That certainly applies to me.

I tried to tell myself I was more charming and sociable and all that when in fact all I was was drunnk and stupid. Nice to figure that out!