Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

What made me cry

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
    #1

    What made me cry

    I stopped at a place Friday evening for a burger, and just happened to see a man who I had brought home with me a few years ago.
    I cringed when I looked at him and thought of what a screwed-up mess he is and why I would have done such a thing. Leaving the bar where I got this sick person I hit a curb and blew out a tire. I parked the car and we somehow got a ride to my place.
    The next morning we took a cab and got my tire fixed and I took him home. The night he was here he had coke so we did that. At least I did; he was too drunk to do much of anything.
    When I left the place Friday evening after looking at him, having drink after drink, I just cried in my car for the loss of myself those years. I cried for the idea that this wretched person was in my house at my drunken invitation.
    It was an overwhelming sensation of regret, but also gratitude that I never have to be like that again. Ever.
    So.. other than that all is well. I've thought a lot about all this over the weekend. I will not go back to the irresponsible horrible mess.

    Thank you all for being here
    Tags: None
    #2
    What made me cry

    :l Aw Ann...done and dusted. Yup we're here....PPQP

    Comment

      #3
      What made me cry

      Oh Ann, that would make me cry too. I have found myself in the same situations and I cringe when I think of how low my standards were when I was such a mess.
      I have also come across people that I made a fool of myself of, and I cringe at that too. I just saw a guy at the gas station that I'm pretty sure I tried to molest at a bar one night. I kept my head turned hoping he wouldn't recognize me.
      Day 1 again 11/5/19
      Goal 1: 7 days :heartbeat:
      Goal 2: 14 days :happy2:
      Goal 3: 21 days :happy2:
      11/27/19: messed up but back on track
      12/14/19: bad doozy but back on track

      One day at a time.

      Comment

        #4
        What made me cry

        Ann Carolina;1472173 wrote: I stopped at a place Friday evening for a burger, and just happened to see a man who I had brought home with me a few years ago.
        I cringed when I looked at him and thought of what a screwed-up mess he is and why I would have done such a thing. Leaving the bar where I got this sick person I hit a curb and blew out a tire. I parked the car and we somehow got a ride to my place.
        The next morning we took a cab and got my tire fixed and I took him home. The night he was here he had coke so we did that. At least I did; he was too drunk to do much of anything.
        When I left the place Friday evening after looking at him, having drink after drink, I just cried in my car for the loss of myself those years. I cried for the idea that this wretched person was in my house at my drunken invitation.
        It was an overwhelming sensation of regret, but also gratitude that I never have to be like that again. Ever.
        So.. other than that all is well. I've thought a lot about all this over the weekend. I will not go back to the irresponsible horrible mess.

        Thank you all for being here
        Hi Ann Carolina. I don't have time to read/write much here these days but for some reason I checked in today, and boy did your post resonate with me. It reminded me of an early morning in June 2011 when I was taking a walk on campus at University of Akron. I was there for AA Founder's Day. As I walked across that campus, I broke down and cried my heart out over all the time and emotional energy I have wasted in my life by drinking it away. Everything in my life came second to AL. My education. My relationships. My body. My mind. You name it. I especially wished I had not been a drunk in college. I wished I had focused on figuring out what I was really interested in and pursuing it with passion instead of drinking and "going through the motions" of school and life.

        I went home from Akron and signed up for college. 4 semesters later I am finished with classes and almost 100 hours into my internship towards an Associates degree in Addiction Studies. I've applied to a Masters of Social Work program (fingers crossed for acceptance!) and hope to start working on that in the fall while working part time as an Addictions Counselor. I'll be 55 next month.

        I think I know how you felt when you saw that guy. I felt like my wasted life was flashing before my eyes. You are right. We don't have to live that way any more. Find your passion and go for it.

        DG
        Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
        Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

        One day at a time.

        Comment

          #5
          What made me cry

          Hello Ann, I totally get where you're coming from. I could tell you a zillion stories that I'd rather forget. I don't know how to grieve for my lost soul spent with so many whoevers and so many whatever situations. I don't remember them, who were they, who was I, what the f*** I was doing. Does my head in trying to forget or trying to remember. I reckon it's about 30 years down the pan. Wondering if I can just literally let it all go. Start over

          Comment

            #6
            What made me cry

            I've just seen your post Doggygirl and it's like music to my ears. Guess you're proof it's possible.

            Comment

              #7
              What made me cry

              I can certainly relate and it's not a good feeling. I've had some one come up to me one time and say to me "you don't remember me, do you" and I didn't. Turns out I met him at a local sports bar but I had no recollection at all. I also run into a cop who arrested me a lot as he works for the City and I work in the City. Its always a cloud of shame. The mind will try to remind you of what a useless piece of trash you have become but I now have a great come back. That piece of trash is dead and gone.
              Its for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then and DO NOT let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Gal 5:1

              Comment

                #8
                What made me cry

                Oh Ann, I can totally relate. I have more cringe take-home men moments that I would ever care to count or be reminded of. I had one just the other night, and I think I posted it on the "you know you are an alcoholic ..." thread. Please don't be too hard on yourself. I like to think of these 'smack' you in the face cringe moments as gifts from the universe. They help remind us of where we were and that we can become someone different. I also wonder ... if you are able to find some compassion for this person (rather than revulsion) then it may also mean finding some compassion for yourself. We live in a very judgemental world. He is still human even if he is screwed up -- and so are all of us. Hugs and love, LJ

                Comment

                  #9
                  What made me cry

                  that would make me cry too .....................we are only human.......
                  You've been CRITICISING yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try APPROVING of yourself and see what happens......

                  Comment

                    #10
                    What made me cry

                    I woud have cried too....it's good to have the past smack us in the face sometimes, so we don't get complacent and forget our fight
                    I am so proud of you for posting this......
                    YOU GO DOGGY!!
                    I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                    Live in the Solution....not the problem

                    Comment

                      #11
                      What made me cry

                      Thanks

                      Thanks for the responses
                      And LJ you are right-compassion for him would be a good sign. In the moment though I was just thinking about what a mess I used to be. That whole night and it's aftermath were really a low point. Lots of terrible stuff happened.

                      I suppose I was just marveling about the idea that this person would be even remotely appealing, certainly not when sober. Just another example of drunken nonsense.

                      I feel strong though, and every time I go by that pub (which is often-there's a store next door almost) I see the same people outside smoking. I am SO glad that I am not there wasting my life. Never again. The last time I was there I barely remember what happened. Just horrible.

                      BUT it's a beautiful day and I am working from home. HAPPY AND SOBER

                      Comment

                        #12
                        What made me cry

                        you go girl...........
                        You've been CRITICISING yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try APPROVING of yourself and see what happens......

                        Comment

                          #13
                          What made me cry

                          Ann - I'm really pleased for you. You seem to be in a great spot right now, and it shines through.

                          You certainly have been an inspiration!!
                          It is not what we do, but how much love we put into the doing.
                          Mother Theresa

                          Comment

                          Previous template Next
                          Working...
                          X