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Another one of those friends threads again!

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    #1

    Another one of those friends threads again!

    Meh. 64 days AF, a conscious decision to drink a little over the weekend. A friend who could not listen nor support my decision to quit. A friend that kept forcing alcohol on my when he was drunk. A friend that when i said i had quit, kept telling me "it's okay to have one or two" without listening that it's MY CHOICE AND MY BODY! I felt like i almost had to YELL at him to get him to stop!

    It seems i am going to have to get really ruthless, i thought i could manage these drinking friends of mine, but they're not goddam listening! Am feeling that if they do not support me, i am going to have to ruthlessly support myself, which means i will have to scrutinize almost every social interaction, eg, odds of alcohol being present, odds of people pressuring me, me having the will power to say no. You shouldn't have to fight off people who are supposed to be your "friends". I want a whole new friendship circle, people who are willing to entertain themselves without resorting to this crap.
    One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!
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    #2
    Another one of those friends threads again!

    Change;1476320 wrote: Meh. 64 days AF, a conscious decision to drink a little over the weekend. A friend who could not listen nor support my decision to quit. A friend that kept forcing alcohol on my when he was drunk. A friend that when i said i had quit, kept telling me "it's okay to have one or two" without listening that it's MY CHOICE AND MY BODY! So mad and feel a little violated. I wish people would listen.

    It seems i am going to have to get really ruthless, i thought i could manage these drinking friends of mine, but they're not goddam listening! Am feeling that if they do not support me, i am going to have to ruthlessly support myself, which is draining. You shouldn't have to fight off people who are supposed to be your "friends". Please God, give me a whole new circle of friends. Love my one or two non-drinking friends. I need more of those.
    It seems you are extremely vulnerable to people in your life and are "blaming" them for your relapses. When truly, your sobriety is nobody's responsibility but your own.

    Why are you putting the responsibility on other people in your life?

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      #3
      Another one of those friends threads again!

      It does get easier with time but yeah I've been there pressured to drink, go on one won't hurt, why are you so boring....
      Once I had to write down a list if the reasons I wasn't going to drink at a party when everyone else was off their tree
      I'd avoid people drinking at all costs but sometimes you just can't
      I have a drink problem, I have been AF since 15 March 2011 and I am working hard to stay that way

      They don't call me Pingu Purple Pants for nothing....

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        #4
        Another one of those friends threads again!

        birdseed;1476329 wrote: It seems you are extremely vulnerable to people in your life and are "blaming" them for your relapses. When truly, your sobriety is nobody's responsibility but your own.

        Why are you putting the responsibility on other people in your life?
        Yes, i understand it is my responsibility. If friends aren't going to respect me, then i'll have no choice but to aggressively protect myself as my no. 1 responsibility is to myself! I get that, i just didn't think it would come to arguing with people. I think i'll just have a "no" rule and not try to pad it out anymore.
        One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!

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          #5
          Another one of those friends threads again!

          I chalk it up to misery doesn't just love company, it loves miserable company. That person clearly wanted you to fall.....If you can't do it, then they don't feel so bad.
          Getting sober is an education in a lot of ways. Not all of them pretty. Sometimes we outgrow our 'friends'. I'd avoid these folks....they aren't good for you in any way I can see. If they are this way about AL, no doubt about other things, too. Just my 2 cents...Well done on protecting your quit at all costs!! B
          All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
          Tool Box
          Newbie's Nest

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            #6
            Another one of those friends threads again!

            Byrdlady;1476340 wrote: they aren't good for you in any way I can see.
            Thank-you Byrdlady, that's what i needed to hear (thank you for your supportive words), rather than being judged or blamed that i am blaming them. I'm not.

            The other aweful thing is listening to their rants when they are drunk. They're disgusting! I'm not doing it anymore. It's getting to the stage where i have to think things first before i pick up the phone to call a so-called friend. I think i will get healthy and the rest will fall into place.

            lOL @ 'miserable company' by the way! I didn't think it would be this hard to quit, but i am now seeing that you almost need to OVERHAUL your entire life to do this.
            One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!

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              #7
              Another one of those friends threads again!

              Change...I have heard the title of a book, but I haven't read it...'There's more to quitting drinking than quitting drinking'...no truer words. It is such a journey that when you begin you just wouldn't believe it. And it's all good as far as the journey within yourself....some of the other paths are questionable and you will really learn what's important to you. In the 100 day thread yesterday...Doubter said "From personal experience I know one thing for sure - quitting alcohol changes the fundamental direction and content of one's life". That's FOR SURE! I was in absolute hell...I also know that one drink is a first class ticket back. I'm staying on course! Well done to you! Carry on! Byrdie
              All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
              Tool Box
              Newbie's Nest

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                #8
                Another one of those friends threads again!

                Thanks Byrdie, i might check out that book.
                One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!

                Comment

                  #9
                  Another one of those friends threads again!

                  Change;1476332 wrote: Yes, i understand it is my responsibility. If friends aren't going to respect me, then i'll have no choice but to aggressively protect myself as my no. 1 responsibility is to myself! I get that, i just didn't think it would come to arguing with people. I think i'll just have a "no" rule and not try to pad it out anymore.
                  Indeed.
                  I have come rather late to life to the realization that it is OK for my needs to come first, and that people won't hate me if I say "no" (and if they do, well, eff them.)

                  Good for you! It really is OK and appropriate to put yourself, your needs, and even your wants first.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Another one of those friends threads again!

                    None of my friend think I have a problem, but all of my friends are alcoholics.. if I am then they are too I think is how they feel.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Another one of those friends threads again!

                      My friends don't get it eitehr because I was so sneaky and was never overly drunk. I could have had three glasses aof wine and no one would have known. I did though My friends are like that - just have one, it can't hurt. My husband is clueless even though I have told him. I just have to deal with it. Sometimes I just tell people flat out - "I don't want to drink. I have a drinking problem - no 'off' switch" then I just change the subject! I have dropped a few neighbors that I used to hang out with. You gotta do what you gotta do to stay sober.
                      February 27th, 2013. A New , Successful Start. :h

                      When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top!!

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Another one of those friends threads again!

                        Shamefuldrinker;1476367 wrote: None of my friend think I have a problem, but all of my friends are alcoholics.. if I am then they are too I think is how they feel.
                        I think this is very true.

                        Back when I was a social alcoholic, I realised that my heavy-drinking alcoholic friends were threatened when I attempted to quit drinking because it made them look at their own behaviour a bit more closely...

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                          #13
                          Another one of those friends threads again!

                          Change, I think your path lies within your own name - "Change" and the need to place yourself first.
                          This is what I have been learning recently and the so called "friends" do not understand or don't want to understand as I was part of their issues. Last few weeks I have placed myself 1st and has it been difficult of course, has it been worth it -ABSOLUTELY.
                          "Change" has and is working for me.
                          FT
                          AF with a few speed bumps during 2014 & 2015 but will succeed.
                          As of 4/12/2014 I have not smoked at all and feel great.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Another one of those friends threads again!

                            Frequent Traveler;1476557 wrote: Change, I think your path lies within your own name - "Change" and the need to place yourself first.
                            This is what I have been learning recently and the so called "friends" do not understand or don't want to understand as I was part of their issues. Last few weeks I have placed myself 1st and has it been difficult of course, has it been worth it -ABSOLUTELY.
                            "Change" has and is working for me.
                            FT
                            Thanks Traveler, great ideas.
                            One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Another one of those friends threads again!

                              I, also, have some friends I am not so friendly with any more. They are quick to drink, and then quick to critcize me for my decision not to join them.
                              And one of them, while drunk, made accusations that almost cost me a 35 yr marriage. THWH!
                              BHOG
                              BHOG

                              ?Alcohol removes inhibitions - like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: "Now bring on that damn cat!"-Eleanor Early

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