Change in Personality?

[briseus]

Hey everyone,
As always lately, I'm laying low around these boards, keeping in check but I keep slipping up. I will be seeking help yet again. It's just that things are so frustrating and overwhelming lately. I work full time, am a student full time, I take care of myself, my boyfriend and dog, finances are crazy and I am getting calls from collections but can't do anything about it because I don't get paid that much in general and on top of that my boyfriend and I are getting "kicked out" and we have to find a new place ASAP and we have vacation coming up to see my parents and that makes apartment hunting that much more stressful and we have no money saved up!! And I'm fat!!! (
Okay okay - enough of my pity party rant...
Therefore, I go back to drinking...
I have noticed something more though. I feel like the last couple months I am a totally different person. I am ALWAYS annoyed with people. And I do mean always. And I get frustrated so easily. Could it be the booze? I am sure it could be. Someone just called me grumpy today and I thought to myself that I never used to be this way. I am under so much stress and hate the way I look and I am doing nothing to change it right now. I just feel like I have completely spiraled out of control and this time I don't know how I am going to get back on track. I am always tired and just becoming depressed and I know alcohol doesn't help in the grand scheme of things but for those couple of hours I feel content. Because I forget all my bullshit.

I'm sorry. I just needed to vent. Just needed somewhere to air this out because no one else knows that my drinking is a huge part of this and I was doing so well. I feel like my personality had changed. Like I have changed.

That's all. Thanks for reading.

[Byrdlady]

Change in Personality?

Alcohol IS the problem.

Come join us over in the Newbie's Nest, we have lots of folks in their first couple days of his/her quit. You will have lots of quit buddies. As you know, ALK is progressive.. and personality changes are part of that...check out the Tool Box below, Mario has posted the 4 stages of ALK, all that info is there. The Tool Box is actually full of 100's of tips and coping skills to help you....IF you are ready. As you know, nobody can force you to do this until you are ready yourself. For me, drinking became agonizing, my day was revolving around it....recovering from it, doing it, or how to get more of it. Exhausting. I hope you are ready. All the best, Byrdie

[Wagoneer]

Change in Personality?

Hey Briseus - nice to see you back. When I was frustrated with myself because of my drinking, I was annoyed with everyone. Guilt makes you that way. YLike a constant state of PMS. I gained back the weight I had lost when I was not drinking those 11 months, and I was generally pissed off and taking it out on myself (by continuing to drink) and my family. Alcohols certainly messes with your brain. I am so much happier after being off booze for these past 16 days. Why I continued with my nighly bottle of wine all that time is beyond me. WHen you are drinking/buzzed/hungover, everything is more dramatic, everying this more problematic, and everything just sucks. You need a few days off AL under your belt and you will see what I mean. I know you can forget all the bullshit for a few hours, but it comes back tenfold when you have a stinger of a hangover, doesn't it? You will have more time to set your priorities straight - I swear I had no idea how much time I wasted by drinking. It was freaking appalling. And I did not get falling down drunk, but always liked that light buzzed feeling. I am 100 time more productive and happy now. I am glad you are back and venting. You obviouly want to stop. Nobody knew I had a problem till I told them, and then I was responsible and held culpable. It made a lot of difference. Every time you slip, it is harder to get back on the wagon. I am living proof of that. Stay close and we are rooting for you!

[Byrdlady]

Change in Personality?

Briseus, I found the post....here you go:

The 4 stages of alcoholism
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alcoholism is a progressive degenerative disease that includes the following four symptoms: craving, physical dependence, tolerance, and the loss of control.

Alcoholism is a complex topic that can be better understood when it is studied and assessed via the four alcoholism stages. And keep in mind that when the term "alcoholism" is used, this also means "alcohol addiction," "alcohol dependency," or "alcohol dependence."

Alcoholism: The First Stage

In the first stage of alcoholism, drinking is no longer social but becomes a means of emotional escape from inhibitions, problems, inhibitions. Stated differently, during the first stage of alcoholism, drinking is, in many instances, a psychological attempt to escape from reality. For instance, early in the disease an individual starts to depend on the mood-altering effects of alcohol.

Another observable characteristic of the first stage of alcoholism is that a slow and gradual increase in tolerance develops, meaning that more and more amounts of alcohol are needed for the individual to "get high" or to "feel the buzz." For example, it is common for problem drinkers in the first stage of alcoholism to start gulping one or two drinks before attending a social function and then to increase social drinking to 3 to 5 drinks per day.

Alcoholism: The Second Stage

In the second stage of alcoholism, the need to drink becomes more powerful. For example, it is common during this stage for the problem drinker to start to drink earlier in the day.

As tolerance increases, furthermore, the individual with the drinking problem drinks not because of psychological tension or stress relief, but because of his or her dependence on alcohol. During this stage of the disease, even though the "loss of control" does not occur on a regular basis, it is, nevertheless, starting to become more noticeable by others such as relatives, family members, neighbors, friends, and co-workers.

Also during this stage of the disease, the problem drinker may begin to feel more concerned and embarrassed about his or her drinking. Often during this stage, problem drinkers are unsuccessful in their attempts to stop drinking.

In this stage, physical symptoms such as hangovers, blackouts, hand tremors, and stomach problems increase. Interestingly, instead of seeing their drinking as the root of the many problems and issues they experience, however, drinkers with a drinking problem in this stage frequently start to blame others and things external to themselves for their difficulties.

Alcoholism: The Third Stage

In the third stage of alcoholism, the loss of control becomes more severe and more observable. This means that problem drinkers are unable to drink in accordance with their intentions. For example, once the individual takes the first drink, he or she commonly can no longer control further drinking behavior, in spite of the fact that the intent might have been to have just "one or two drinks." It should be stressed that an important aspect of this stage of the illness is the following: the drinker often starts to experience more serious drinking problems as well as alcohol-related employment, relationship, financial, and legal problems.

In the third stage of alcoholism, it is common for the problem drinker to start avoiding friends and family and to show a lack of interest in activities and events that once were fun or important. Also typical during this stage are "eye-openers," that is, drinks that are taken whenever the problem drinker awakens. Eye-openers are taken mainly to "calm the nerves," lessen a hangover, or to quiet the feelings of remorse the individual occasionally experiences after a period of time without consuming a drink.

As the drinking increases the individual with the drinking problem starts to neglect most things of importance, even necessities such as food, water, personal hygiene, shelter, and personal interaction. And finally, during this stage, the drinker often makes half-hearted attempts at getting professional medical assistance.

Alcoholism: The Fourth Stage

The fourth and last stage of alcoholism is characterized by a chronic loss of control. In the earlier stages of the illness, the problem drinker may have been successful in maintaining a job. Due to the fact that drinking during this stage frequently starts earlier in the day and commonly continues throughout the day, however, few, if any, full-time jobs can be maintained under these conditions.

In the earlier stages of the illness, the problem drinker had a choice whether he or she would take the first drink. After taking the first drink, the drinker typically lost all control and would then continue drinking. In the last stage of alcoholism, however, alcoholics no longer have a choice: they need to drink in order to function on a daily basis.

During the fourth stage of alcoholism, benders are typical. More to the point, in the fourth stage of alcoholism the alcoholic frequently gets helplessly drunk and may remain in this predicament for a number of days or weeks. The unattainable goal for the drinker while engaging in his or her bender is to experience the "high" they he or she once experienced.

In the second or third stages of alcoholism the drinker's hands may have trembled slightly on mornings after getting drunk the previous night. In the fourth and last stage of alcoholism, conversely, alcoholics get "the shakes" whenever they attempt or are forced to refrain from drinking.

These tremors are an indication of a serious nervous disorder that now affects the drinker's entire body. When "the shakes" are combined with hallucinations, furthermore, the result is known as "the DTs" or delirium tremens. The DTs are a potentially deadly kind of alcoholism withdrawal that almost always takes place unless the alcoholic receives immediate alcoholism treatment. It may come as no surprise that after an attack of the DTs, more than a few alcoholics promise to never drink again. Sadly, most of them do not and cannot fulfill their promise. Consequently, they more often than not return to drinking and the alcoholic drinking patterns and drinking problem start all over again.


From the information discussed above, it can be concluded that the four stages of alcoholism paint a bleak picture for individuals who are alcohol addicted. Perhaps learning about the destructive and damaging outcomes and the unhealthy nature of alcoholism may not make a much of an impact on most individuals who are already chronically alcohol dependent.

It is hoped, however, that by exposing the facts about alcohol dependency and about the stages of alcoholism to our youth BEFORE they start consuming alcohol in an abuse and irresponsible manner will prevent many of our teenagers from experiencing the drinking problems and the unhealthy and devastating realities suffered by most alcoholics

Finding a quality treatment program can be a difficult process. That's why it is important to log on & post here daily and of course other forums or organisations like this,
copied from web.

[K9Lover]

Change in Personality?

Hi Bri!

I'm glad to see you back...I have missed you! :l

Sounds like YOU already know what the problem is. ALCOHOL. It takes away everything if you let it...money, time, self-worth, motivation. Having a couple of hours of "escape" from the bullshit is not worth all of that, is it? Because when you come to, the bullshit is still there. I was grumpy towards the end of my drinking too, because I was sad, mad and upset with myself!! Get the alcohol OUT of your life, completely...then work on the other things. I'm not saying that quitting drinking will solve your problems, but it sure as heck won't make anything worse!

You can do this, but you have to WANT to do it. Please stick close ok?

Love,
K9

[paulywogg]

Change in Personality?

hi bri,i was just thinking about you the other day,you had a thread about dealing with depression before and ive been wondering how you were,sounds like youve got alot of stress to deal with,but as the others have said drinking does make it worse,ive been slipping all over and things are definetly easier,less irritating when im sober,give it a shot,glad your back dont be a stranger girly

[spiderwoman]

Change in Personality?

Hello Briseus, nice to meet you. It was the mood swings that finally brought me to my senses. My partner could put up with it no longer and frankly neither could I. Was worn out with being angry with everybody, struggling to find the money to pay for the vino, the running round town to get the best price for the stuff, get it drunk in peace without remarks about me "drinking again". Was fed up of always being short of cash, fat and generally looking like a bag lady. Never having a good night sleep didn't help because I didn't sleep properly, went to bed and passed out then woke in the early hours wondering how the hell I'd got to bed, if I'd been out there was the relief of discovering I was in my own bed even if I'd no idea how I got there.

Then if I'd been ot the rat-race to get to Facebook to see what I'd done and/or who I'd upset, then there's the bit where you've no idea where your phone and bag are and where your money went.

The good thing about all of the above, its repairable, in a couple of months the difference is staggering and the biggest help to get there was from the people here, looking forward to getting to know you

[spiderwoman]

Change in Personality?

Oh and I forgot the bit about how I'd use the money put aside for bills to buy vino, that went down very well (NOT) with my non-drinking OH

Having the cash to pay the bills when they arrive makes for a much nicer life

[Kradle123]

Change in Personality?

Bri, my love. :l

I'm so proud of you for moving out of your boyfriends parents house. Huge move. :l

Been meaning to pm and thinking of you...it's late so I will check in tomorrow.

Love you :h

[Wildflowers]

Change in Personality?

briseus;1478144 wrote: Hey everyone,
As always lately, I'm laying low around these boards, keeping in check but I keep slipping up. I will be seeking help yet again. It's just that things are so frustrating and overwhelming lately. I work full time, am a student full time, I take care of myself, my boyfriend and dog, finances are crazy and I am getting calls from collections but can't do anything about it because I don't get paid that much in general and on top of that my boyfriend and I are getting "kicked out" and we have to find a new place ASAP and we have vacation coming up to see my parents and that makes apartment hunting that much more stressful and we have no money saved up!! And I'm fat!!! (
Okay okay - enough of my pity party rant...
Therefore, I go back to drinking...
I have noticed something more though. I feel like the last couple months I am a totally different person. I am ALWAYS annoyed with people. And I do mean always. And I get frustrated so easily. Could it be the booze? I am sure it could be. Someone just called me grumpy today and I thought to myself that I never used to be this way. I am under so much stress and hate the way I look and I am doing nothing to change it right now. I just feel like I have completely spiraled out of control and this time I don't know how I am going to get back on track. I am always tired and just becoming depressed and I know alcohol doesn't help in the grand scheme of things but for those couple of hours I feel content. Because I forget all my bullshit.

I'm sorry. I just needed to vent. Just needed somewhere to air this out because no one else knows that my drinking is a huge part of this and I was doing so well. I feel like my personality had changed. Like I have changed.

That's all. Thanks for reading.

Hi Bri,

I hope that venting has helped relieve some of your stress hun.... You know, we know that the dang alcohol is just a temporary fix. Yet, it seems to help to.... A catch 22.... It sorta sounds like the BF isn't working? I do hope he can help contribute financially & all this money worry isn't your responsibility. I'm sorry if I read this the wrong way sweetie!

I think your 26ish.... I don't want to sound rude, but if he's not willing to work, then um.............. Well, I'm not your Mom, but um...... I wouldn't be thrilled.... I believe in building up all people, but I especially like to encourage young woman. See them continue their education ( Which you are doing). Yeah Don't depend on a man, be an independent woman.... Woman are still under paid for the same job men do. Good ole boy network is still going imo.....

I know you've been with him a while, but if you took "Alcohell" out of the "Piccie" could look into a crystal ball, say 5, 10, 15 yrs from now you might consider coming up with a new life plan. You don't have to fix anybody. Its not your job. Your job is to take care of Bri Bri.

If you choose to look at alcohol & what it has done to you, what it's going to continue to do to you, your life, your future.... Then Now's the Time to get a plan of action & get it out of your life...... Save more money, maybe move home, focus entirely on your education... Take out more loans even..... You can do this & it will be worth the pain....... This pain will be good pain hun...... My kids have gone thru it & still are going thru it......

I'm really proud of you, your hard work. Just think when you first came here.... Focus on the positive gains you have made....

Oh & your not fat, your pleasantly plump, sexy lady...... Plz ~ plz don't talk about yourself that way..... I bet your a sexy girl.... My oldest daughter is over weight & you should see how she carry's her self...... Now granted health wise, heart wise she knows, but it will happen..... Works full time, school full time... I don't want to talk about her BF. LMAO...... He's a nice guy, but.... Yes, it could be worse..... Must focus one what we can do today. Have other goals objectives to meet those down the road.....

Kradle had an idea a while back about some kind of rant thread... About two wks ago I almost blew up the F*ck thread... Since I quit drinking it's my new bad addiction, now that the cleaning, shopping, coffee have subsided..... Oh & gourmet cooking, ok kidding about that.......

Promise to look in the mirror & say I'm beautiful........ Please be nice to yourself, love yourself! Just find one nice thing, like your eyes, or hair..... Then don't forget the inside which is even more important. I remember how sweet, caring, super smart, funny you were... Still are.. Your just grumpy cause you have cause..... Now maybe a bubble bath, find time to walk the dog & just breath, music.... Sing I'm too sexy for myself.....Say it even if you don't believe it. Yes, homework...... This is not time consuming & is healthy, builds your self concept. In turn your self esteem will be reflected to. Smile at people even if you don't fecking feel like it..... Eventually, somebody will smile back & it will make you feel good honey.. Also kicking alcohol to the curb helps to regain self confidence hun.

You have positive things happening in your life despite your drinking, money worries..... ( hopefully, the drinking will be eliminated as it will make your life more positive, more clear ). Things are changing....... Perhaps there suppose to...... This could be your opportunity to re-valuate, re-position your self for a better future.

Yes, your missed you are my girls age & plz ck in even if it's once a year..... Hope it's more tho. I wish only the best for you & your choices now will be a big part of determining that. :l :h

[briseus]

Change in Personality?

First of all, sorry for being MIA for a bit. I have been sick and just hiding before heading back to work and being swamped and stressed to the max. Thanks everyone for the encouraging words and support. You all know I completely understand; I mean, I've been there. I was sober for nearly 40 days straight! That's quite an accomplishment to say the least. I don't know where I went wrong after that.
Sorry Wildflowers ~ I guess I wrote out something kookoo, my boyfriend does work, but I feel like his mother sometimes. Cooking and cleaning for him. Doing his laundry. And he doesn't show that he appreciates it and it frustrates the hell out of me! Just the other day he got mad at me because I made shrimps and he is sick of shrimps! I am like, uhhh, I am the one standing here and cooking for you and all you can do is get mad?
I feel sometimes like I am going down farther into the rabbit hole. I had a good cry in the bath tub last night as I realized that I am displaying more and more signs and symptoms of depression and I have only alcohol to thank about that. It definitely is progressive as now when I think of life without alcohol I panic even more then ever. I know I have to stop. I have vacation coming up soon and it's at my parents house. They don't tolerate my excessive drinking so maybe this is my perfect opportunity to start over again and re prioritize.
But thank you Wildflowers for all the encouraging words.
Pleasantly plump, heheh that made me giggle.

Spiderwoman, I think my boyfriend is getting sick of my mood swings as well. I am so up and down lately it is unbelievable and I never used to be like this. I just wonder when he's going to snap and pull the plug. I obviously don't want it to get to that point but I am only allowing it to progress when I pick up that drink. Everything you said though rings true for me 110%.

It's nice to know too that you guys didn't forget about me. Lol. It does make me feel loved when in my day to day life I feel lost half the time. :/
I really need to pick myself back up and dust myself off and do this again because you're right K9, stopping drinking won't solve my problems, but at this point they won't get worse and I will be of sound mind to sort through my BS.

I have so many things to be happy about and sometimes I just sound like a broken record but I do try and put forth hard work and effort but addiction is not an easy thing, for anyone. I am also afraid that if I stop that I will go back to it or will forever think of it. Mind you, I forever think about my next drink anyway and that's just as bad.

I am getting sick and tired of the way I feel. Always trying to get more booze. Always tired. Never have a good sleep. Irritable all the time and annoyed and just plain old depressed. I think it really gave me depression now and I know by drinking more it won't solve it. It just makes it worse and I need to work on this. Baby steps.

I sometimes feel like giving up but there is so much more to life. So much.
Thanks for listening guys and allowing me to vent and for always being there for me. I appreciate it beyond anything. Maybe I will go and look back on some of my old threads. I used to even sound happier. Wow.

Thanks to all you wonderful people.
I am so glad to have you all in my little life.

Bri

[Blossoms]

Change in Personality?

Hi - I don't know you, bit it seems like there is a lot of tension in your relationship with your boyfriend

There is absolutely no reason he can't do his own laundry ....and why are you doing all the cooking and he is complaining?

We women fall into that kind of pattern all too easily . We then end up getting upset and the men get mad at us for our bad moods.

One incredibly effective thing I did once when things reached a crisis point with my husband (who is from a culture with pretty tradition male female roles) was simply to stop doing things.

I didn't stop doing anything that would affect me or my daughter (like I couldn't play a game of chicken with the dishes or child care) but I stopped doing anything that was just for him.
I didn't yell or threaten but quietly changed things - I bought another laundry basket and put his dirty washing in there, I didn't cook for him any more.... Although I made sure there was food in the fridge.
(I will cook for him now.... But sometimes I will answer a "what's for dinner?" With a "I don't know" and continue sitting on my butt. He'll get up and start figuring out something for dinner.)

I didn't want to be angry or resentful at him any more .... And if I couldn't do things without being resentful, then I wasn't going to do them.

[Blossoms]

Change in Personality?

Oh and again.... My husband is from a pretty traditional society .... And his father talks pretty harshly to his wife - but if my husband complains about something I cook I tell calmly him that he is welcome to make something different if he wants.

Calmly and helpfully say something like "there's chicken in the fridge etc .... You could make ....." and continue sitting on my butt and eating my food.

[briseus]

Change in Personality?

Thanks Blossom.
Just the other day I got my bf to do the dishes. He never does. I know he means well, that and he too comes from a background where the woman does everything. His Mom will say this to us while we are both standing there. That I should be cooking dinner or whatever. That is very frustrating.
I guess I should start changing things around quietly too. Instead of yelling and berating him and constantly saying how disappointed I am. The drinking sure doesn't help. It just adds fuel to the fire.
It's very difficult when living in his Moms house. It's as if I am constantly vying for his attention and so is his Mother. And sometimes he will side with her.
Boy, I sure do hope things start changing once we move.
My moods lately have been all over the place and need to figure things out.
Don't get me wrong. I love him a lot.
It's just that it would be nice to be surprised from time to time lol.
Getting booze out of the way should make a world of a difference too. It just makes me angry all the time and that's when we both lash out at one another.
Thanks Blossoms.

[Wildflowers]

Change in Personality?

Hi Bri ~ Bri,

Plz don't feel like you ever have to apologize to me! I realize you & everyone's lives can get quite busy!...

I do wish you'd politely stand up for yourself to your Mothers BF. Wow... What year is she living in anyway? What dang business is it of hers to tell either of you on how you should run YOUR relationship? Not.

She sounds very controlling, manipulating, to dependent on him in an unhealthy way. He sounds a bit like a Mama's boy or maybe he's afraid of her & disappointing her. She should let go of her apron strings. Nursing is long over. I hope this behavior will cease.

I once had a bf yrs ago ( others to )& it never changed. I told him to F off & go climb on his mommy's lap & suck his thumb. He could either grow up, be a man, or choose me, or mommy... Well mommy gave him a truck...

Why didn't I listen to the wiser more mature woman I worked with? Ah cause love is so allusive, & entrapping. I was insecure & afraid. Not confident. Didn't like or love myself! Didn't know what healthy love or relationships were. Your relationship may turn out just grand. Maybe you like & love yourself more then I did.

Relationships, I'd hope would be equal, esp when people are working, & going to school. Sharing in chores, errands, etc. Learning to talk & communicate in healthy, loving, positive ways. Being on the same team. This imo is how trust, friendship, love, liking each other is built & maintained.... Learning to be non dysfunctional is possible.

Glad your BF saw you needed help & that maybe you asked for what you needed in more positive words & tone. We can't expect people to guess at what we need either. I know it's hard when were tired as all get out! Patience, patience.....We need to make the effort by communicating perhaps in ways that perhaps technology has gifted us with.. I text, e-mail, or even hand write notes... with smileys & xo's...

No I don't do this perfect all the time. We have times where we still don't get it right, but the apologies come quick.

As you know the more people we live with, the more stress there are going to be on all parties. It wouldn't matter if they were your best friends either. Rent free or minimal rent is great to save money, but peace can be better a much better option! I hope yours is coming soon!

I hope you talked to your parents while on Spring break about possibly focusing on a new start as well. Focusing on a sober life, putting you, & your education first. Just something to consider....

Hope your feeling well!!! Check in only, when you have a little time left over, or when you want to. No pressure ever!!! You look after you first!!!...

Love, :h

Wildflowers :l