Self Worth

[emwv712]

I am about six weeks sober, and I find myself struggling with feeling worthless, like I am a weak person for being unable to quit drinking sooner and that I am a disappointment to my family and friends, etc.

Just wondering if anyone else went through this feeling.

[Blossoms]

Self Worth

Oh yes!
And as I read that I thought "I bet most of us feel like that"....

[Glass Half Empty]

Self Worth

Yep - absolutely!
I imagine a lack of self-esteem is one of the more common contributory factors in alcohol abuse. Why else would we treat ourselves like that?

Please try not to listen to those negative thoughts. You've done a wonderful thing in finally taking this step and you deserve to feel proud of yourself! :l

[Kradle123]

Self Worth

emwv712;1479229 wrote: I am about six weeks sober, and I find myself struggling with feeling worthless, like I am a weak person for being unable to quit drinking sooner and that I am a disappointment to my family and friends, etc.

Just wondering if anyone else went through this feeling.

Every bloody day Em...

Have a look at my sig line. We have to distance ourselves from the AL to be able to distance ourselves from the self loathing...

:l

[Persephone1]

Self Worth

Hi Emvw,

I am right around the same time frame AF as you are. Feeling a bit of arrested development these days, super aware of the mistakes/wasted time/embarrassments and yes, disappointment. However, I know it is important NOT to slip back into the thinking that got me drinking to begin with. I find that what helps most is trying to find the same compassion for myself that I try to offer others, particularly my daughter. If she were to come to me with all those feelings about herself that I just listed, what would I say to her? That is actually what would nourish me the most to hear. So what does the hurt and wounded part of yourself need to hear? You deserve to give that gift to yourself. :l Self LOVE & forgiveness does so much more toward growth and healing than berating yourself will.

All the best, P

[kuya]

Self Worth

emwv712;1479229 wrote: I am about six weeks sober, and I find myself struggling with feeling worthless, like I am a weak person for being unable to quit drinking sooner and that I am a disappointment to my family and friends, etc.

Just wondering if anyone else went through this feeling.

This is a common effect when we quit alcohol. Self esteem is badly damaged by alcohol and any drug.

As the weeks roll on you will start to heal physically and these emotions will lessen.

Forgive yourself, you are only human.

The longer you drank the harder to quit soooooo.......it follows that you CANNOT be a weak person because you HAVE quit.

I read somewhere ' quitting alcohol ain't for sissies'. We are not weak.........we are VERY, VERY BRAVE.

[emwv712]

Self Worth

Thanks for responding! My feelings of worthlessness have been complicated by the reason WHY I quit drinking-- I found out I was pregnant. I have really struggled with the knowledge that I drank, at times heavily, during my pregnancy, before I knew. I talked about this issue when I first joined My Way Out, and several women were very reassuring and told me about their experiences with drinking before they knew.

Still, I find it hard to wake up and feel like I am human garbage, for not quitting the drinking sooner and for drinking up until a positive pregnancy test. I used to be a fairly motivated person who liked to drink in the evenings or at parties on weekends. Now, I completely question what I have to offer anyone, since I put my child at risk.

[kuya]

Self Worth

emwv712;1479378 wrote: Thanks for responding! My feelings of worthlessness have been complicated by the reason WHY I quit drinking-- I found out I was pregnant. I have really struggled with the knowledge that I drank, at times heavily, during my pregnancy, before I knew. I talked about this issue when I first joined My Way Out, and several women were very reassuring and told me about their experiences with drinking before they knew.

Still, I find it hard to wake up and feel like I am human garbage, for not quitting the drinking sooner and for drinking up until a positive pregnancy test. I used to be a fairly motivated person who liked to drink in the evenings or at parties on weekends. Now, I completely question what I have to offer anyone, since I put my child at risk.

Enough already! You are starting to sound like a masochist.

I drank all the way through my last pregnancy, my daughter is fine, highly intelligent and I have totally forgiven myself....as should you.

Too much of this just starts to sound like you enjoy beating yourself up. Please stop now and get on with enjoying your pregnancy.

[Mick]

Self Worth

Instead of beating yourself up about things that you cant change...we all have "I wish and should have scenarios in the background...be proud that you did and can give up ..take a look at everyone next time you are out..and tell me how many you see enjoying themselves...how many people have you heard saying wish I could give up ,wish I could cut down...you have respect not punish yourself for that!

[Balboa45]

Self Worth

emwv712;1479378 wrote: Thanks for responding! My feelings of worthlessness have been complicated by the reason WHY I quit drinking-- I found out I was pregnant. I have really struggled with the knowledge that I drank, at times heavily, during my pregnancy, before I knew. I talked about this issue when I first joined My Way Out, and several women were very reassuring and told me about their experiences with drinking before they knew.

Still, I find it hard to wake up and feel like I am human garbage, for not quitting the drinking sooner and for drinking up until a positive pregnancy test. I used to be a fairly motivated person who liked to drink in the evenings or at parties on weekends. Now, I completely question what I have to offer anyone, since I put my child at risk.

I'm not trying to be funny here em, congrats on your 6-weeks sober!!!! Most of us know AL can be responsible for reproductive issues. The way I look at it is I think AL causes a lot of reproduction.

That said I know my mother drank (and smoked) heavily all through having myself, brothers, sisters...she still does, and will be 89 in 2 weeks.

Don't beat yourself up, keep up the good work!!!

[emwv712]

Self Worth

Thanks, Kuya. I start to ease up on myself, and then I feel like I am kidding myself for thinking that my child could still be okay, despite my heavy drinking. Or I feel like I am letting myself off easy for being reckless.

If you don't mind me asking, how did you get to the point of forgiving yourself? That's the part that I am really struggling with.

kuya;1479383 wrote: Enough already! You are starting to sound like a masochist.

I drank all the way through my last pregnancy, my daughter is fine, highly intelligent and I have totally forgiven myself....as should you.

Too much of this just starts to sound like you enjoy beating yourself up. Please stop now and get on with enjoying your pregnancy.

[NoSugar]

Self Worth

emwv712;1479453 wrote: less.

If you don't mind me asking, how did you get to the point of forgiving yourself? That's the part that I am really struggling with.

Don't feel like you are alone, emwv! I think this is the key sticking point for many of us. We have to get past it, though, to fully heal and go on to be the best people we can be. MWO is providing me the tools and guidance so now I'm trying to give it time and not be so hard on myself. The stress hormones generated when you feel like you do right now aren't good for you or your developing baby. Anything you can do to relax will be beneficial for both of you. And really, self-flagellation changes NOTHING. We have had a lot of pointless days thanks to AL -- it really is time to move on. Good luck and strength to both of us and others!!

All the best to you! NoSugar

[Blossoms]

Self Worth

I drank the first few weeks of my daughters pregnancy - and she was long awaited and I had had 3 miscarriages before that.
I was actually undergoing testing at that point to try and find causes and for the first time in 3 years wasn't trying to get pregnant... And wasn't supposed to get pregnant. I had some pretty hard party nights, enjoyed the time with my husband and had to slink back to the fertility doctor and embarrassedly tell him I was pregnant.

But you know what.... I had been so good in my pregnancies before but it didn't make a difference in the end - because actually there are a lot of things that can go wrong that have nothing to do with what the mother did or not do, and I knew if I listened to every fear and "what if" I would go absolutely crazy. I ended up ripping up my "What to expect" book because they annoyed me so much with the fear mongering

Listen - 6 weeks is so very early. It's 6 weeks measured from the date of your last menstruated period so the embryo is actually only about 4weeks old.
The placenta doesn't actually form until between 7- 8 weeks which is when you first can detect a heartbeat.

I gave up drinking as soon as I found out I was pregnant .... As you did.
Now that baby is 9 years old and healthy as anything. She hardly ever gets sick and when she does, she's over it really quickly.

You can't change the past, but you can change the future.... So just do the best you can from now on in.... And put those worries and fears into that.

[kuya]

Self Worth

emwv712;1479453 wrote: Thanks, Kuya. I start to ease up on myself, and then I feel like I am kidding myself for thinking that my child could still be okay, despite my heavy drinking. Or I feel like I am letting myself off easy for being reckless.

If you don't mind me asking, how did you get to the point of forgiving yourself? That's the part that I am really struggling with.

I think your problem runs far deeper than this pregnancy. Your desire to punish yourself for being a normal human being seems to be quite unhealthy IMO.

You have been reassured time and time again by people here and yet you persist in this self flagellation.

Am I right in suspecting a very critical and judgemental upbringing???.

In answer to your question though......I forgave myself almost at once since the real life hell of alcoholism meant any further self inflicted punishment was unnecessary and unwarranted.

Even had my daughter been harmed by my drinking I believe I would still have forgiven myself in time.

You stopped drinking as soon as you knew......do yourself and your baby a favour and chill the feck out woman ! :l:h

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Self Worth

I see that I am not alone in my constant criticism and judgment of myself, how terrible I am, lazy, undependable, a drunk, unattractive, fearful, socially inept, yada yada yada. We all do this to ourselves and we are our own worst enemy. No wonder I'm depressed - I'm always telling myself what a jerk I am! AND IT JUST ISN'T TRUE! I'm funny and vibrant and actually quite lovely - but how often do I tell myself that? What if today all you did was tell yourself the good things about you instead of the bad?