Self Worth

[kuya]

Self Worth

I'm Strong and in Control;1479859 wrote: I see that I am not alone in my constant criticism and judgment of myself, how terrible I am, lazy, undependable, a drunk, unattractive, fearful, socially inept, yada yada yada. We all do this to ourselves and we are our own worst enemy. No wonder I'm depressed - I'm always telling myself what a jerk I am! AND IT JUST ISN'T TRUE! I'm funny and vibrant and actually quite lovely - but how often do I tell myself that? What if today all you did was tell yourself the good things about you instead of the bad?

Better yet.......make an extensive list of ALL the good and bad faults and attributes......stand back, read them, laugh and humbly accept that you are just a normal, cuddly, loveable, annoying, etc etc HUMAN BEING.

You gotta love yourself first, my dears

there is NOTHING wrong with you, there never was........... you have just been brainwashed or brainwashed yourselves into thinking badly of yourself.

[ATLThrash]

Self Worth

Em-- I see time hasn't helped your point of view at all on this issue. You really are determined to believe something is wrong with the baby. This is going to be a distressing pregnancy for you, there is no way around that-- but not because you drank-- because of the stress you are putting on yourself and the child. You really need to work with a professional to put this behind you. If you can't derive comfort from the numerous stories from women here who drank early in pregnancy -- and often so much more than you-- and had normal babies I'm not sure that you are capable of being rational about this. As the previous poster said, the umbilical cord was likely not even formed at the time you drank the most ( that is true by the way) , there are just so many odds in your favor that you aren't taking into account. Please try to focus on getting ready to become a mom-- your baby is going to need you to be a strong mommy and spending 40 weeks beating yourself up is not going to help things :-)!!

[Wagoneer]

Self Worth

ATLThrash;1479877 wrote: Em-- I see time hasn't helped your point of view at all on this issue. You really are determined to believe something is wrong with the baby. This is going to be a distressing pregnancy for you, there is no way around that-- but not because you drank-- because of the stress you are putting on yourself and the child. You really need to work with a professional to put this behind you. If you can't derive comfort from the numerous stories from women here who drank early in pregnancy -- and often so much more than you-- and had normal babies I'm not sure that you are capable of being rational about this. As the previous poster said, the umbilical cord was likely not even formed at the time you drank the most ( that is true by the way) , there are just so many odds in your favor that you aren't taking into account. Please try to focus on getting ready to become a mom-- your baby is going to need you to be a strong mommy and spending 40 weeks beating yourself up is not going to help things :-)!!

ATL I agree. Em, we cannot reassure you any more. As I posted to you on the last thread, you are looking for something that we cannot help you with. You need to talk this out to a therapist. Rehashing it a million times, in different words and posts, will not give you what you need. The crazy stress you are creating yourself will harm your baby more than the alcohol you drank early on. You are missing everything with this pregnancy. You are looking for problems and I don't think you will ever be satisfied until someone tells you something IS wrong, then you can beat yourself up more. You need to get past this self-loathing and gulit and focus on the JOY. You are having a BABY. There is nothing more wonderful, in my opinion. If I was not 48 I would have three more. It is a gift and you need to focus on that.

[free at last]

Self Worth

Strong and Kuya, read your posts and agree it would be helpful to change the tenor of this thread. So, Emwv, I will describe myself and maybe you can follow suit.

I am bright, energetic, passionate about what I believe in, caring, generous, engaging, and "not bad" for a frumpy middle aged lady (according to my dear, sweet H). When I drink, however, these qualities do not shine brightly.

EMWV, You stopped drinking when you learned you were pregnant. That's responsible, committed, strong, thoughtful, among other qualities you possess.

May I suggest a yoga class -- it helps me stopping thinking about myself, and focus on my breathing. Something I am told is very good for pregnant women.

[Sunbeam]

Self Worth

What Kuya said I will repeat for emphasis: you need to forgive yourself, move on into your new life.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Self Worth

emwv712;1479229 wrote: I am about six weeks sober, and I find myself struggling with feeling worthless, like I am a weak person for being unable to quit drinking sooner and that I am a disappointment to my family and friends, etc.

Just wondering if anyone else went through this feeling.

how funny - this morning I created a thread in the Newbies Nest called "Do you matter?" and now I find this . . .

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Self Worth

I'm Strong and in Control;1480267 wrote: how funny - this morning I created a thread in the Newbies Nest called "Do you matter?" and now I find this . . .

duh - is there such a thing as a non-drinking blackout??? (its called menopause! even when sober I wake up and wonder how my TV program ended!!!) I was reading this thread yesterday! Maybe its what triggered my "Do I matter" 'conversation . . .

[emwv712]

Self Worth

The problem is that the baby was not a one hundred percent surprise. My husband and I had talked about having kids and decided to try this year. I charted my fertile days for January, which all fell when I was out town for work. We barely saw each other that month, and we definitely missed the ovulation window, but the baby still happened.

I took a pregnancy test a few days before my missed period, and it was negative. So, I kept drinking, which included the night that I had two bottles of wine and a beer on my own. When my period failed to appear a few days later, that's when the bottom fell out for me.

This is not just as simple as an accident that I should forgive myself for. I was being a drunk and didn't think it was my time to have a baby. I was wrong, and I should have known better. I jus couldn't stop drinking heavily until after it was too late.

[kuya]

Self Worth

emwv712;1480555 wrote: The problem is that the baby was not a one hundred percent surprise. My husband and I had talked about having kids and decided to try this year. I charted my fertile days for January, which all fell when I was out town for work. We barely saw each other that month, and we definitely missed the ovulation window, but the baby still happened.

I took a pregnancy test a few days before my missed period, and it was negative. So, I kept drinking, which included the night that I had two bottles of wine and a beer on my own. When my period failed to appear a few days later, that's when the bottom fell out for me.

This is not just as simple as an accident that I should forgive myself for. I was being a drunk and didn't think it was my time to have a baby. I was wrong, and I should have known better. I jus couldn't stop drinking heavily until after it was too late.

You have been reassured AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

ENOUGH !!!!!

[emwv712]

Self Worth

kuya;1480561 wrote: You have been reassured AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

ENOUGH !!!!!

I'm not looking for reassurance about the health of the baby. Honestly, as my doctor said, nothing can really provide reassurance about the baby until after he or she is born, until we can see if he or she is developing normally.

What I am hoping to find are some tools for forgiving myself for being selfish and drinking, and drinking heavily because I thought I enjoyed it at the time. The worrying about the baby is its own category of what is going on. The self loathing for my lack of control is something else, and I want to face it down.

[kuya]

Self Worth

emwv712;1480572 wrote: I'm not looking for reassurance about the health of the baby. Honestly, as my doctor said, nothing can really provide reassurance about the baby until after he or she is born, until we can see if he or she is developing normally.

What I am hoping to find are some tools for forgiving myself for being selfish and drinking, and drinking heavily because I thought I enjoyed it at the time. The worrying about the baby is its own category of what is going on. The self loathing for my lack of control is something else, and I want to face it down.

You are not drinking and didn't have a drinking problem.

You came on for reassurance about drinking in early pregnancy , got that reassurance, but continue to bring up the pregnancy again and again.

I think you should be getting counselling for your anxiety/ self esteem issues ...... Whilst we talk about things other than alcohol here, your constant harping back to your pregnancy is, frankly, irritating me and others who have reassured you.

[NoSugar]

Self Worth

emwv712;1480572 wrote:
What I am hoping to find are some tools for forgiving myself for being selfish and drinking, and drinking heavily because I thought I enjoyed it at the time. The worrying about the baby is its own category of what is going on. The self loathing for my lack of control is something else, and I want to face it down.

Hi, emwv

I think just about everyone here, and certainly I, have found self-forgiveness to be a big sticking point in all of this. You can, and should, stop drinking even if you still are filled with all of this anger toward yourself but to be free of the addiction, you will need to do whatever it takes to get past your self-loathing and blame.

For one thing, it is doing harm, not good, for you and the baby. I think it was in this thread that I previously mentioned stress hormones. They are surging in your blood when you are beating yourself up. The baby's amniotic fluid composition mirrors your blood's. You don't want your developing baby bathed in cortisol and adrenaline. You have gotten the alcohol out of your bloodstream, now you must relax and allow all the fluids in your body to be healthy for you and the baby. Don't give yourself something else to feel guilty about in the future!

If you are a religious person, perhaps you could find help there. Other practices such as meditation have helped some people. Or perhaps talk to a mental health counselor. I read this thread one day when I was really down on myself and found a lot to think about that helped:
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ead-71728.html. Maybe it would help you, too.

Or maybe you could just decide to let it go. You made a choice that was bad. Now you've made a good choice. You have a lot of work to do to stay AF - agonizing over this is going to make it all the harder, I think. You have to be very focused on this goal and I think feeling mad at yourself or hating yourself could be an excuse to drink.

NS

[ATLThrash]

Self Worth

I'm with Kuya-- you don't have a drinking problem or at least it does not appear that way to me. You drank too much on a few isolated occasions, came to a drinking site to ask people who you figured had probably drank during pregnancies about the effect of that, and having gathered that information you've chosen repeatedly to reject it. We are not doctors-- we can only provide you information from our own experiences in pregnancy -- which should have been overwhelmingly reassuring to you. Nevertheless you've decided that we are all wrong, there's very little chance that your baby is okay and that you are a horrible person unworthy of forgiveness because of a few bad drinking binges. This type of thinking is horrible for the baby but moreover it's really beyond the scope of this forum in my opinion. I hope a therapist can help you because you have spent about a fourth of your pregnancy engaging in this self flagellation . It's useless . I wish you luck

[emwv712]

Self Worth

I should have given up drinking before I even thought about trying to have children. But I continued to drink. And frankly I felt "better" because I was drinking. What does it take exactly to have a drinking problem?

I was drinking on almost a daily basis and had heavy binge episodes on occasion. The pregnancy has forced me to get sober, but I am dealing with underlying issues that are tied to the drinking.

I cannot slip back into drinking again because I am pregnant. But I do worry about how I will be able to handle how I feel about myself without alcohol. I am realizing that it was a crutch and I am disgusted with myself.

I'm sorry if you don't think that I was AL dependent enough to be in this board. I only mentioned the pregnancy because it is why I stopped drinking and have made it over a month without drinking. Without it, I would still be drinking and thinking I was fine. Clearly I wasn't.

[myhappyplace]

Self Worth

Kuya and ATL, you seem a tad irritated. Might I suggest worming tablets...I hear they do wonders.


EMW, I wish you luck in your search to find your way out.