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    #241
    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

    Hi everyone- boy that's why I come here...for the love and support and perspective of you smart, compassionate people. :l

    Nora, she did leave bruises on my children's arms when I left them with her a year ago. I knew her drinking was escalating.and felt guilt that I left them there...know I shouldn't... Denial...can't be anything else. Gosh I showed her the photos..

    Sake, you have articulated it perfectly. :l I am mourning the loss and thank you for saying I should let the kids continue their friendship. I wavered on that this evening. You're right, they have every right. They, me ...we didnt. Do anything wrong. :h

    NoSuar thank you so much for the link. I was rereading The Life of the Buddha today and so much of his work is critical to our getting better..to becoming more fully human. In fact after listening to Madison today, I realized I have to combat this through calling up that deep compassion.
    I have to figure out through my practice how to extinguish the anger and the guilt and the shame. The Buddha called these emotions..'unhelpful' you gotta love that. :l

    Well, safe in bed with mash potatoes. And gravy. Comfort food.
    Love to you all. Will check in tomorrow .
    :h
    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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      #242
      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

      Mr Vervill;1561588 wrote: Yes, I'm sorry indeed, for all involved. For you, Kradle, for the kids, and for Kristen.
      I just think Kristen is just projecting her failures onto you. She feels so guilty of her own behaviors, that she just can't reconcile them with herself. She must blame someone else. I'm sorry this has to be you, Kradle. Hopefully she'll be able to see what's happening before long.
      So sorry, Hang tough.
      I did think about that tonight. She has to tell herself, her kids something. even if it's so out there... I'm sorry it has to be me as well! But at least it's not me all by myself. :l
      :h
      On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
      *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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        #243
        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

        Wow,that's some story! How sad that Kristen is treating you this way and telling her kids about it. Perhaps she was drunk when she had the conversation with them. You should be proud you've identified and are dealing with your problem, clearly she's not there yet. Take the high road and in time the truth will come out. It is hard to lose a friend!

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          #244
          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

          Thanks Lizann...I agree- she's just not there yet. I don't think she is drinking but who knows...
          :l
          I have eaten so much tonight I'm about to break apart! On day 4 of my challenge and certainly am having some challenges.

          Thanks so much for everyone's unwavering support. I still feel ferociously alone in my group but I am trying to stay positive and busy...

          Love to everyone. :h
          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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            #245
            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

            Dropping by to give you some hugs. :l:l:l:l
            "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
            ..........
            AF - 7-27-15

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              #246
              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

              Thank you sweet Nora. I know I'm a bit of a gloomy Gus these days on my thread. I just need a place to collect my sadness. I am trying not to be so down in the 3D world. Too much to keep up with out here.

              I should pop over to your thread and say hi to everyone.

              Love you, :l
              Sleep well.
              On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
              *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                #247
                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                hugs Kradle...you are doing the right thing by distancing yourself from here...it's one of the first steps of recovery, love.....but I know it hurts
                I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                Live in the Solution....not the problem

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                  #248
                  The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                  mama bear;1562115 wrote: hugs Kradle...you are doing the right thing by distancing yourself from here...it's one of the first steps of recovery, love.....but I know it hurts
                  Mama..I don't understand. do you mean NOT distancing from here or do you mean distancing from what is causing you the problems.
                  "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                  ..........
                  AF - 7-27-15

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                    #249
                    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                    Wow Kradle! Took me 3 nights but I finally got through your entire thread. Great job!
                    I crack up every time I think of this scene that came to me: all the MWO peeps in a dark alley w Kristen.... Just kidding of course but it cracks me up all the same ..... I can just see the glares

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                      #250
                      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                      Well, I have to to tell ya, ICan...I have a few images of my own regarding our dear Kristin...:fitmonkey: ...

                      Thank you so much for taking time to read the thread. I do feel a lot like the gloomyvgus but I have to remember that on eof my important goals here is to share my story so that even one person can read it it and feel 'not alone' that is incredibly important to me. :l. I think it's that profound sense of aloneness that drove most of us in the arms of AL to begin with :l

                      Nora I think Moma meant to say 'her' not 'here' that damn autocorrect!

                      Okay so here's a chuckle which reminds me that being married is a abor of deep tolerance...So my husbands LP collection has been sitting under a tarp, outside by the tool shed nearly all Summer....The Summer has been unusually warm here but now it is pouring rain and has been for many days...so I suggest this morning that we take the records and store them under the house...
                      ...to which he replies with complete vigor, ' I can't do that. It's too damp under there ...'
                      On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                      *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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                      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                        #251
                        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                        Checking in with myself tonight. I should have a lot to say but I'd rather roam. Rind the other threads talking and greeting than hearing myself echo over here.

                        Bed time,
                        Love you all,
                        :l
                        On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                        *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                          #252
                          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                          Hey Kradle - came over to give you a great big hug. I LOVE your thread. :h:h
                          "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                          ..........
                          AF - 7-27-15

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                            #253
                            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                            Had sometime on my hands today and started perusing some of these threads. Hugs to you!

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                              #254
                              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                              :h Kradle :h

                              Hope you're well today my dear friend! :l
                              :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                              Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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                                #255
                                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                                Hi Kradle - Just swinging by to see if life is treating you a bit better. Hang in there!!!

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