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    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

    Tonight Mathieu told me he loved me because i was his mother...but he absolutely hated me as a person. He was counting the days till he could leave and plans on not having any contact with me for a very long time...
    Super tough not be be self loathing at times likes these....

    I don't think I am going to handle this well....
    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

      Oh Kradle...that is devestating. Kids say mean things. I bet you he will regret that he said that to you, even if he never tells you.

      Hugs to you my friend :l:l
      :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

      Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

        Oh Kradle - :l:l:l I agre with K9. Kids do say mean things. I think they know what to say that will hurt. Hang in there dear friend. :h
        "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
        ..........
        AF - 7-27-15

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          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

          Kradle - I'm so sorry!!! That makes me want to cry!

          My daughter has said some things that have made me pretty sad at times too. I have hated just about everyone close to me at one time or another. But the "LOVE" will overcome the other fleeting emotions..

          I'm sorry some rough stuff has been happening! Take care of yourself...and be proud. You're making huge changes in your life and you will be rewarded. I truly believe that!

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            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

            Kids are kids. I had a go with one mine this weekend....he said he could not wait to leave....and I lovingly asked him where he wanted dropped off at

            I don't know all the history....but, I do think it is natural to want to rebel and leave.....otherwise they never would.....some don't. I certainly do not plan to have 40 year old children living with me. So I see it as part of the process.

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              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

              Well, sorry to say its just getting worse and worse...husband is now telling-me what a shitty mom I am and not a person of character and I'm obnoxious...oh...and I take everything as an attack....

              I don't think I am smart enough to maneuver inside my life...
              Mayumi coming over to chant this morning. That's hard to do when you are feeling so low. My fundamental darkness is so strong.
              And I know it's coming to the surface now because I am freeing myself from AL....
              But right now my anger is wrapped sixty million times around the planet...my worst enemy is my anger ...at least I'm smart enough to see that I guess..

              Okay, venting again...
              :upset:
              On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
              *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                Hi Kradle - Sorry things are getting worse instead of better but life is like that sometimes. It sounds like you're in a really painful place right now. I am so sorry!! Maybe try to remember that nothing is permanent and this will pass. I have a lot of "crappy mom" moments. Some are imagined and some are real. I beat myself up for not being a perfect, loving, smart, wonderful mother 100% of the time. But I don't think that mother exists...anywhere! As far as not being smart enough? I doubt that and have to remind you of your own tag line *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.

                While I don't know you personally, I can very clearly see that you're an intelligent person. So please don't allow that negative thinking anymore space in your head. Use your anger as fuel to move forward and make changes that are good for you and your family.

                Hugs to you! Again, I am really sorry you're having such a rough time and truly hope it gets better soon. Amber

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                  The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                  Ditto what Sake said...and a few more of these :l:l:l

                  K9:h
                  :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                  Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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                    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                    Doing somewhat better...been reading that reclaiming my life website Mr. G. Provided on FD's thread.
                    He talks for a fair bit about willingness...the willingness to do what you know you have to do in order to get healthy...stay alive...be happy...

                    He was a school guidance counselor for many years and spoke ofcallbthe kids who sat in his office with there parents, sullen, unspeaking and he knew that there was no hope for that family unless the kid had 'willingness' to change...until that small shift in the kids thinking happened everything else was just window dressing...
                    Been thinking ALOT about this lately...
                    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
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                      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                      Hi Kradle :l

                      I was reading that link yesterday too...lots of good stuff on there. It's so true that nobody will change until they are willing to. You just can't force it. And even for ourselves we have to be willing to do whatever it takes. Just hoping for things won't make it happen.

                      How are the kids doing? I hope you're feeling better.

                      Love you!
                      :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                      Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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                        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                        Hi Kradle - Really glad to hear that things are getting even a bit better. These are good things! All relationships need 2 willing participants. you can only keep being the best person you know how to be. Continue to learn and do your best; others will start to see changes and make changes themselves in the relationship. People can repair damage and learn how to cohabitate in healthier ways. It all takes time but there IS hope!!

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                          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                          Kradle - sorry that I didn't see this until now. I am so sorry for what you are going thru. I am grateful that you are feeling a little bit better.
                          Ditto what Sake and K9 said. I have to say that I think you are a wonderful person. I truly wish that we lived closer to each other so that we could connect. I have thought that many times. :h:h
                          "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                          ..........
                          AF - 7-27-15

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                            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                            I really wanted to buy that big bottle of rum today at Costco...but I didn't ...then I thought I'd stop at Albertsons on the way to pick up the kids...but I didn't ...then I thought I'd say screw it and pop into Safeway on the way back from this recording session with the kids...but I didn't ...
                            I hope I can do the same thing tomorrow.
                            Love to you all especially those struggling...
                            ...I'm right there with you :l :
                            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                              NoraC;1569416 wrote: Kradle - sorry that I didn't see this until now. I am so sorry for what you are going thru. I am grateful that you are feeling a little bit better.
                              Ditto what Sake and K9 said. I have to say that I think you are a wonderful person. I truly wish that we lived closer to each other so that we could connect. I have thought that many times. :h:h
                              Me to sweet Nora but now we have Skype which helps. And I am going to go to San Diego come hell or high water. I think the kids need to see the zoo...
                              :l:h

                              PS and you too!! :h
                              On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                              *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                                Kradle,

                                :goodjob: on not giving in. See it as exercising your sobriety muscles.

                                Stay strong, please?
                                14 October 2013 was the first day of the best days of my life!

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