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    #301
    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

    Kradle try to remember some of the stuff we talked about. The kids do out grow this oppositional period and that they make it their job to make you miserable. One thing you can do (both me and my sister who lives in WA have done this) is call the police on Matt if you know he's breaking the law. It teaches them what the end result to being a rebel is before they are old enough to have a permanent record. Both my son, daughter and nephew were scared straight by police involvement.

    Text me tonight before 10 pm my time if you are up for a chat.

    Xxxx
    "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
    Lao-Tzu

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      #302
      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

      Been I bit since I rambled here as I seem to be rambling on other threads these days...

      I was thinking ths morning how almost impossible it is to let my child wander away into oblivion after he puts on his shoes and says I'm going to walk the dog...the dog and his new found addiction- that's the pair he's really walking.

      But that's what I'm supposed to do for now as his due date draws near: one week today my guy will be standing on the porch of a southern AZ Cattle ranch, most likely with every blood cell draining out of his face when my husband backs down the driveway in the rental car and drives away... The RAGE my child is about to be hit with...holy shit..:upset:

      Letting go. I'm supposed to let this go...I'm supposed to spend this week lying low...not reacting to his descent into that crap. I'm supposed to watch my 14 year old poisening himself like a guy at a kegger, or an all night frat party and keep a long leash out, a vigilant eye but no hammer Falls. I'm supposed to let this go...and just wait........

      REALLY!       :no:
      I have so much to say...but I think it will come out in dribs and drabs.
      Still not drinking...
      Hugs to all:l
      On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
      *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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        #303
        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

        Wow, so we'll put, Kradle. You are asking the universal questions all parents must eventually ask of themselves. Is the discipline really worth all the upheaval the fortunate, disciplined child will experience in the course of the lessons learned? Is the crime worth the punishment? Go with your gut, not your head or your heart. Your soul resides in your gut. I truly feel that your actions and reactions so far are rational and common sense. Trust your decision, Kradle. It was made with the knowledge you have and for the love of your Matt. Xxxxxx
        "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
        Lao-Tzu

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          #304
          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

          (((((((((((((((((((((((KRADLE))))))))))))))))))))) ))))

          Hang in there friend. Stick close to us for support. We love you. :h
          "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
          ..........
          AF - 7-27-15

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            #305
            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

            Thank you SS, & Nora. :l

            I spoke tonight to another family whose son graduated from Arivaca last June. It was an Amazing conversation. They where incredibly open with their experience and their sons struggle. Spoke to the mom and the dad. They're from Southern CA so it's nice to be in the same time zone.

            They really made me understand how much of this experience involves my whole family...the girls as well whom I have been ferociously frightened for all this time. But they set me at ease that not only we will be getting our son back but my girls will be getting their brother back. They have a daughter only a few years older than the girls who said she would take to Madison and Sedona when it was time. She sounded like a wonderful young lady...I am beyond grateful for that kind of generosity ...

            I have one week to go before he leaves. I will lay low for the week...My family told me to do this as well...just get him there...that's the TOTAL OBJECTIVE...whatever it takes...okay. I'll do this. Yuk...

            Don't want to think to far ahead but you guys are my family to in a way and so I think you should be kept appraised.

            Yes, I have had some drinks...nothing crazy....I know in the end it's a lie, it's not what I need ...and the odd thing is , I don't really want to..I really don't ......but I don't want to feel this way either and I think that if I do what I really need to do to not feel this way than I will be screaming and screaming and screaming....that's what I imagine anyway...
            Instead I'm chanting, exercising , concentrating on chaufeuring the girls and hugging Mathieu when it doesn't look to suspicious...

            Will keep everyone updated.
            Hugs and heart.
            :l:h

            PS- I've been reading a lot of the 100 day thread, trying to get a grip on the whole             ....Sober, my gut is definitely telling me I am making the right decision and my gut also tells me that whatever it is over there in the 100 day thread I'm looking for , I better find it to get through this in the best way possible....

            See, I'm rambling again...
            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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              #306
              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

              Kradle123;1583659 wrote: Yes, I have had some drinks...nothing crazy....I know in the end it's a lie, it's not what I need ...and the odd thing is , I don't really want to..I really don't ......but I don't want to feel this way either and I think that if I do what I really need to do to not feel this way than I will be screaming and screaming and screaming....that's what I imagine anyway...
              This is my normal. Hugs, baby!
              Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

              Comment

                #307
                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                Thank you so much Siren. :l I feel so much stronger knowing I'm not alone :l

                I'm so tired today....another long day with the girls...and worrying about Matthieu ...six days and counting...
                :l:h
                On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                  #308
                  The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                  I guess it's been awhile since I've caught up on your posts. So sorry for all you're going through! How sad the things Matt and hubby said to you. Very hurtful. You are doing much better than I think I would under the circumstances! You are stronger than you think! I agree with some of the other comments here, that Matt has to say mean things to you to push you away. He'll come around, he will! Hang in there. I'm going to follow this thread now. Just know that we are here for you.

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                    #309
                    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                    (((((((((((((((((Kradle)))))))))))))))):l:l:l:h:h: h
                    "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                    ..........
                    AF - 7-27-15

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                      #310
                      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                      We're all here for you Kradle :l I know these next 6 days are going to be HARD, but stay strong and know you are doing the right thing, for all of you, especially Mathieu. Lean on us when you need to dear friend.
                      :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                      Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                      Comment

                        #311
                        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                        Hi Liz. Thanks for checking in. My husband is completely on board. In fact I couldn't be getting through this without him. Hes also desperatly upset...
                        Matt said awful things to be sure...but the people who I know can help him help explain his behavior. I see that he doesn't hate me. He is so confused ....

                        I always love your words of support k.9 I think about them when I feel down, struggling, you know...having a WTF moment.. :l:h

                        4 days and counting. ...
                        On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                        *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                          #312
                          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                          I just wanted to say that I didn't drink tonight even though along with all te fuse are having with our Matthieu... :nutso: I discovered my PayPal and Amex account had been hacked AGAIN...I couldn't make this crap up..
                          :egad:

                          I need to chant more- get back in rhythm - I'm just uncentered... Have a toso tomorrow- about an hour of chanting straight through with lots of my Buddha buddies ..

                          Love you all
                          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                            #313
                            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                            Oh Kradle - I just can't believe it. :upset:
                            Great job on not drinking. :l:h:l
                            "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                            ..........
                            AF - 7-27-15

                            Comment

                              #314
                              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                              Oh kradle! You can do this without drinking.

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                                #315
                                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                                Kradle I tried to PM you, but your inbox was full

                                I basically just wanted to say that I know you're very, very stressed right now, but you're doing the right thing, and if you ever doubt your parenting skills, remember that it takes a strong, very loving parent to take the suffering on herself to make sure her kids are OK in the long run.
                                Matthieu will look back on this, probably in the not too distant future and realise it was the best thing you could have done.

                                hugs sweetie :l :h :l :h :l
                                There's two ways of looking at the holes in your shoes
                                You can dig the ventilation... or you can sing the blues

                                I didn't come this far to only come this far.

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