The Kradle Will Not Fall...

[mama bear]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Kradle...you sound depressed.
Have you talked to a doctor?
I am worried about you

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Mama, Pauly :l Believe it or not I have actually been doing beter these days- This latest just erupted from an ongoing property dispute my sisters and I find ouselves in...well, I have no dispute- I have no problem with my Godparents daughter building on some of the land my parents and her parents owned jointly and now belongs ot both families after my parents passed...I mean we have all been friends with this family for fifty fricken years...You can't give her one fucking piece of teh property so she can build a house...?
You should see these increasinly crazy, BS emails the three of them send ot each other and then cc me.. - 'I have contacted an attorney regarding ### right to simply take any plot she wants...' or *** is just acting like a spoiled child! And my favorite 'Even though she sent us her requests over TWO years ago complete with maps and a letter...because 'I' can't find said maps or letter...I guess none of those conversations we had TWO fricken years ago really happened........' REALLY

I wrote a very straightforward email yesterday to all three of them (The toxic Triangle...) stateing my position to simply give her the land she wants...I have the map and the letter...she did connect with us in a timely manner...I will not sacrifice our family relationship for a piece of property....

I have lost so many relationships- some to AL- some to immaturity-some to just-----well, who the hell knows..and I refuse to sacrifice this on eas well to basically a peice of dirt and misplaced sense of entittlment...
And like any of us are going to go build a house on my parents old Farm property. If we haven't done this by now, I doubt we will later.
So...Sorry to vent out. I am going to shake it off and get ready for the Super Bowl...GO HAWKS!

PS: Mama teh Arbinger books don't have 'authors' perse but if you go to the Arbinger site or just look the books up, it will become clear.

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

This is such a powerful experience I'm not really clear on how to even talk about it...
Haven't seen Matt yet but one of the staff had a p,I true of him on his phone...Og my God- I didn't even recognize him. He was smiling deeply and holding one of the ranches baby lambs. I wish I could post it but it's on on my phone and I don't know how...

The dinner last night with everyone was fantastic. I clearly have stumbled into one of the most unique groups in this country. The depth of understanding and love and compassion and all those soppy words is bottomless from these guys. We all hugged and talked as though we had known each other for years. Honestly it reminded me a bit of this place.

The sons of the other parents all came to Arivaca about the same time. It was wonderful to be able to get out all those feelings and fears about those first few weeks with other people. I finally met Mathieu's therapist and she is just how I pictured her! An older lady, super sharp, warm and funny. We will be having out family therapy today with her and Mathiue.. We also had 2 of the older boys at dinner with us last night. They were just....incredible to say the least. Incredibly articulate, humble, grateful for everyone there and the raw honesty of their stories, which they told us, was incredibly hard hitting and I was so grateful to hear it. They really helped me almost be in Mathieus skin for the time he has been there and gave me a glimpse into what I can expect.. oh...and they really liked my son- really LIKED him. Not that Bullshit I used to hear form the kids back home....I'm truly speechless about these young men...

And the day is pretty well planned out and I'm looking forward to riding with Matt...I very been doing my stretches! I hope I don't get up tomorrow hobbling around the room.

After breakfast we are meeting up with the group and caravan in got the Ranch. Apparently the buys have a big procession with al
L their horses lined up and they will come riding in to meet us. I am already tearing up. I just know I'm going to fall to pieces when I see him.

Better go now and keep it together at least through breakfast. We are at a wonderful bed and breakfast in Aramodo just about 45 minutes from Arivaca. I watched the sun rise over the Arizona desert this morning. I was magical ..I hope I have time to chant before we all meet up.

Hugs to everyone. :l:h

[FlyAway]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Kradle I'm so happy to hear that Matt is doing well and is so accepted there. Positive vibes to you. I can't wait to hear how he's doing. :l

[Glass Half Empty]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

I'm so happy for you Kradle. This has been so hard for you and it's lovely to know it's all been worthwhile. :l

[NoraC]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Oh Kradle - I started crying as I was reading your post. I am so happy for you. I love you friend. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. :l:l:l

[lead366]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Kradle123;1480071 wrote: Well after months and months (since last May) with 30 days here, 60 days there, 15 and 3 days everywhere, I simply must get a hold of my big picture.

It's still incredible to me that so many of the failures in my life were obviously due to Alcohol. I had a vague notion of it but nothing concrete.
Can't believe I missed that. uch:

Then I find MWO again, and as Mr. Gru says so well , 'L-eye-ght Bulb! ...' or more accurately, 'L-eye-ght Bulbs...'

I'm 16 days today again and it's still a struggle. I feel sometimes that I am urge surfing all bloody day: The world's biggest wave. If I were a Tsunami, I would have wiped out half the West Coast by now...

And it's almost all stress driven-My new nemesis because let's face it, my tools for coping with stress were/are pretty flimsy: drinking to cope, bitching to cope, blaming to cope, eating to cope, shopping...

Today thank heavens I have my new Hypno CD's (thank you again Ms. Play:h); I have my
I pad which keeps me connected here; I have my Buddhist practice-this is quite big actually and always been my best tool but not used nearly enough; And of course my family-the double edge sword of comfort and chaos.

So I'm going to follow in our dear Nora's footsteps (and so many others :l) and start my very own 'Big Picture' thread which of course is made up of all the snap shots I can take along the way. Maybe I should think of this as my new Family Album since really, in many ways, you guys are a lot like family...:shocked: just kidding :l

It is such a comfort and honor to be here. No matter what, I will never give up and I will always believe...

Trite but true :h

Well, here I go. Wish me luck !

Hey Kradle:

We are twins...lol...identical.....I started last may and went the 30-60- 5 on 6 on yadda yadda yadda

Now I'm at 19 and feeling sooo much better...MWO helps a lot.

yes---clutch those discs and grab onto anything that will provide you traction.

For me?...I get traction from a careful diet, mindfulness every hour or so...gratitude every hour...supplements..light daily exercise...reading and posting.

When I changed my mindset last month to'''Oh darn--I CANT drink...to WOW....Im free of AL"...my world changed.

Now?....All I want to do is chersish clean living and help others get off this bullshit alcohol....the demon that seduces you at first....and then attacks your every muscle, organ, sense of well being and god given gifts.

All we have to do now?....is not pick up the first drink...kinda simple.

ONWARD!

[mama bear]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

sending you so much love Kradle. I am so happy for you and Matt and your family

[lucky 2.0]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

K-

I have been following with interest this situation. Do you have an update? I think M's experience now will be one of the greatest and most enriching in his life. And I am so glad you liked his therapist.

Best regards,
lucky 2.0

[K9Lover]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

I LOVE YOU KRADLE!! :h:h

Soooo happy for you and of course for Matt...I got a little teary eyed myself. Can't wait for the next update! :l

[SoberSoul]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

So sorry I haven't been there for you, Kradle... and so happy that you are finally reaping the rewards of all the self-doubt, agony, terror and fear that goes into applying tough love. I wish I had had your strength of character when my kids were teenagers.

I honestly don't know how you did it without succumbing. You have to admit that not using alcohol for long periods during this chaotic time is a measure of your dedication to your family and your self-preservation.

You are well loved by so many and after all the support you've given us all, I can say you are very deserving of all this love. You have now helped your son begin to become the man he is meant to be. The cycle has been stopped and it's all to your credit (and Matt's too!)

xoxo

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Well... I just lost a very long post I'm afraid.....

So I will post some of Mathieu's Email to us which we recieved when we got home Tuesday: I think all in all he says it best:
__________________________________________________ __

Hey mom and dad,
It was fantastic seeing you over the weekend. I loved it. The entire weekend I was kind of
having a battle inside of me, but that was only because you were actually there. Now that i'm back
in the regular groove of things, its a lot easier to think about the rest of my stay here, so thats good.

I love you guys so much, it was so hard watching you guys drive off but I fealt SO good afterward
knowing all the progess I've made with myself and with you guys, I cant wait till this sunday so I
can talk to the girls!!! If everything goes as planned, I'll be graduating by my 8*10 month mark,
because as much as Dena will tell you that she expects me to be here for a minimum of a year, I
think she's wrong.
Its not because I think she does'nt know what she's talking about, (although it may seem like it at
times) but its because I honestly whole*heartedly believe that I can and will do it. I've realized that
doing things with your life doesn't have to be hard. I used to look at doing work like a barrier that I
had to climb over, and now I'm looking at it more as just how I spend my time. Every day there is
the same amount of hours, minutes, and seconds in it, and what I do with it is up to me.
I love and miss you guys, and the girls, and luna, and I can't wait to meet Olly and Ginny. I hope
Luna has puppy's so I can have one ! Well I'm out of time, school is out and gotta go eat lunch.

Love you guys!
Bye!
I am really sorry I lost that post. I will write again about what a truly inspirational and rock hard weekend this was. But I have no doubt whatsoever that Mathieu is in one of the best programs in the country.

SS, Please don't ever think that you were not there for me. It wa syour sharing of your own struggles with your daughter that inspired me to help Matt like this. :l

I did have 2 beers the night we left Arivaca. I think it was more from sheer shock than any desire to get drunk - which I didn't and didn't want to . I just fell asleep in the car - three hours back to Pheonix.

Love you all. Heading to bed soon :l:h

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

PS:
That picture is me and Matt and his pet horse...

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

You know I feel like a total Ninny! I 've been reading back over my thread and I realized that I went form dropping Mathieu off and getting a few emails to the PARENT WEEKEND...

The Parent weekend was HUGE! None of us had seen our children in 3 months and we all only had limited contact. Some of the parents there had to have their sons 'transported' which means hired Arivaca Staff called Wranglers as well as a police officer took the boy away in handcuffs- and there were no goodbyes, especially since some of them took off the minute they saw a cop.

I must say that much of the weekend with these parents reminded me so much of the bonds we all share here- I can't tell you what a relief it was to FINALLY talk to other parents with the same type of kid as I have. Sharing our stories was like...well...like finally coming home, finally being able to talk and be understood. No one there was a stranger.

That Ranch is simply incredible- they know these boys inside and out and they are all superb at what they do. I had absolutely no complaints whatsoever. Even the food was good and 'Mr. John' who really is a Chef was a funny, no nonsense guy who simply loved to cook and loved to be with the boys.

And that's really the secret to Arivaca. Besides an outstanding sense of professionalism, you just Know that these people caring for our sons have complete love and respect for these boys. And it's not military, boot up your butt style- Some how, some way, through the Equine Therapy, their teaching the Arbinger Philosophy, combined with clear boundaries, consequences and these kids gradually come to wanting to do the right thing...wanting to please their parents and the people they are now living and working with and their sense of accomplishment in all this is undeniable.

We were fortunate enough to be there the weekend one of the boys graduated...Well, he was a boy when he came in, but the person I saw standing up there last week, talking with raw honesty about where he had been a year ago and where he was now was definitely a young man of immense decision and direction. I couldn't believe it...and when his mom got up to speak and told us how she had brought her son there three days after he OD'd...well, not a dry eye in the house. I'm getting teary again just thinking about it...

I swear this Ranch and these boys would send shivers down your spine....I told Mathieu that I saw more soul searching, more self examination in these young men in one year than most adults do in their entire life. He is truly blessed to be there.

Mathieu is now eligible for extended family visits- I can come every month if I want...to be honest, I don't. I want him to work without using daddy and I as a distraction or perhaps a reason not to do the hard things he needs to do, He's made a boat load of progress but you may have been able to tell from the e-mail he still has a ways to go. Sorry but Dena's right on the money. I'd say a year...maybe 11 months...That's Okay, really. It's such a small chunk of time compared to the rest of his life.

Oh boy, did I ramble! But I just wanted to put that post into context. We hadn't seen Mathieu for over 3 months so you can imagine the emotional reunion. Oh, and the boys came riding out on their horses to meet us. Galloping up to the group of us parents, all holding our tissues and our cameras.....

Will check in Later. Mathieu?s Sunday calls start this weekend. I'm looking forward to that.
:l

[lucky 2.0]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

K,

This place sounds like it should be required for all of us!

I continue to wish you and your family all the best. Thanks for sharing with us.