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    #376
    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

    You really have a gift for putting pen to paper. I feel like I was there with you at the ranch.. your bravery and love really paid off, Kradle. Matt will never forget the lengths you and his Dad went to to save him from himself. When my kids talk about their childhood they only speak in admiration for the little bits of tough love we used on them. They all turned out to be functional adults but, i believe that with more discipline and direction, they could have become more secure, confident adults. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say.

    Very happy to see your family working together towards a common goal.

    xoxo
    "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
    Lao-Tzu

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      #377
      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

      Wow Kradle I don't know you at all but that was an amazing post. I'm not completely sure of the trouble with your boys but my sister had trouble with both of her boys and had to have them "kidnapped" at different times and taken to a ranch. This was a few years ago and it was mostly drug related but obviously other misbehavior goes with that. Both boys are over 18 now so she can't do much. The older one is doing really well but the younger not so much. It is awful for her because she doesn't want to enable him but she loves him. Anyway I just know how brave you are and how much you must love your son. I have spent countless hours on the phone with her and I just wanted say how much I admire you for finding a program for your son and following through. It is one of the toughest things a parent has to do. I hope he continues to do well. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

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        #378
        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

        Kradle,

        What wonderful posts to read this morning. Your son sounds so...well changed and he looks happy on his horse. Happy's not quite it--like his soul is happy. What a change from how he was before he went. And you sound calmer and more grounded. Wow. I don't have the words I want to express how much of a lesson this is for me.

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          #379
          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

          Kradle I was checking MWO several times a day looking for your update. It sounds better than you could have hoped for. I am very happy for you and your family. :l

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            #380
            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

            You guys are tops! :l

            Lucky I totally agree! I want Equine therapy ! :upset:

            Sober- Stopping that cycle has been so much 'harder' than I ever thought possible. I have always thought of that phrase as a bit of a clich? ...until now. Love you.

            KK- I can't tell you how happy I am to see you ! And I yes, the stories of those buys inspires me too.

            Fly- So happy to see you too. I try to follow you on other threads. Yes, he is trying...very hard...and with that thought...

            UPDATE: Well, never a dull moment there on the Ranch...Last night I got 'the call' that Mathieu had been in an altercation with another boy, older and has a very tough past (orphan from Kazakhstan- no joke)
            A shoving match broke out in the dinner line with Mathieu and this young man and the young man hit Mathieu in the mouth and knocked out his front tooth....:upset:

            So many emotions hitting at once as you can imagine. Lots of back and forth last night and this morning with the therapist and Ron the head of the camp. The specter of charging this young man is looming large- I don?t want to . Mathieu and his Dad do?I just don?t think this is the going to move this kid forward but?well, lots of differing onions on that!!!

            Anyway, Mathieu is OK and Ron told us that he was very proud of him of how he handled it. Very strong- I said that I was proud too but still?lets give this time to sink in. They moved Matt to another bunk where the boys are older and less agitated?so to speak.

            I spoke to Matt last night and this morning. He is in good spirits but in pain. They may take him to Green Valley for emergency dental visit but apparently the tooth was knocked out clean (well as clean as a tooth can be sucker punched out of ones? mouth) and to boot?Matt swallowed it! I was goggling permanent tooth knocked out and they all said keep the tooth moist and try to get it back in immediately. Well, that?s not an option obviously.

            We are talking to his parents this afternoon. They are good people, truly. I met them at the parents weekend. They have adopted these 2 boys form Kazakhstan when they were six. The older son is doing well, the younger son. Well?not so much. They already said they would pay for any work not covered by insurance. NO IDEA what this will cost. Someone said 10,000.00 dollars. God I hope not!

            OK the bad news is a did drink 2 drinks last night. Stopped right after the second one (they were small) I know this is my trigger- My way highs and my way Lows.
            But here is the good news: My husband and I despite thinking differently about what to do here really have been talking well- no screaming BS stuff that would have erupted had been drinking glass after glass after glass feeling justified and put upon.
            We are truly applying the Arbinger Principles together. This is giving us a HUGE canvas to work from and it feels so different.

            Life goes on despite my best efforts to stop it all dead in its track and I knew that I didn?t send my son to a boy scout camp?.I want him to be safe though and I think what I would like to see happen is for this young man to find another program- From what I understand, he threatens kids a lot?Matt just pushed his buttons big time-

            Oh and I must comment that it has always been Matt?s mouth which has gotten him into the most trouble?so the intense irony of his loosing his tooth is not lost on me. In some ways I am grateful to this young man as I don?t think Mathieu will forget this lesson very easily and will keep his mouth closed next time?.I now that sounds awful but I would rather he loose a tooth at Arivaca than an eye or his life out here in the real world?

            Will keep you posted.
            Hugs
            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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              #381
              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

              Good point about a lesson learned with no severe damage done. I am glad my son had a DUI as it has impacted his decisions in the years since it happened.

              It never really seems to be over with kids, does it? If it's not one thing it's another but that's what we have to accept. Hang in there, I am sure you'll make the best decision about charging or not charging; whatever is best for all especially Matt.

              Take care, Kradle, stay moderate girl.. love you lots too.
              "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
              Lao-Tzu

              Comment

                #382
                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                I wrote this in The Steppers thread but wanted to update Mathieu here as we'll.

                Mathieu has a hell of a procedure in front of him but Little can be done until he turns 18....he's still growing so...the dr will be putting in something called a Flipper tomorrow which make him cosmetically look exactly as he did before. ...and the Ranch has done everything with absolute grace and efficiency. I am never out of touch with them and they have been incredible to Mathieu. The young man is going to another program more suited to his challenges right now but he will be back at Arivaca in about 2 months and I'm glad. These guys are all facing incredible challenges and I know that he didn't hit Mathieu because he's some crazed Maniac. He hit him because he's a kid and impulse control is not these boys forte...at least not yet! Mathieu told us yesterday that he had written this boy a long, heartfelt letter, apologizing for his role in the incident and saying how he was looking forward to going on trail rides with him, I am so impressed with my sweet Mathieu!

                He lost his front tooth, Nora. He swallowed it I'm afraid but he is in excellent hands. I thought about bringing him home for treatment, one because my insurance won't cover Matt out of state which completely sucks and 2 because the procedures are painful and I would want him home for that...but an implant can't be done for several years yet so he will only have his other tooth repositioned and a Flipper made so...these are all relatively simple painless procedure.

                I'm not drinking but I'm eating like there's no tomorrow. What the hells bells up with that!!!
                On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                  #383
                  The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                  Kradle..I finally had tine to stop and read and I am amazed this place exists. That's so good to know. And your troubles help put all my silly issues into perspective.
                  You DO write beautifully, and I feel honored and inspired to share this journey with you.
                  I am glad no extensive surgery is needed, and that the other boy is going elsewhere, poor soul.
                  And I am really happy that you and hubs are getting through this as a strong couple. This could wreck some marriages.
                  Impulse control........that has me thinking about myself, my kids and some of my employees!
                  Much love and strength
                  I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                  Live in the Solution....not the problem

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                    #384
                    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                    and good on you for not drinking.....your other babies need you!
                    I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                    Live in the Solution....not the problem

                    Comment

                      #385
                      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                      Thank you Mama for your beautiful and kind words. :l
                      My other babies do need me...even though I want to leave them both on the side of the bleedin' highway in a paper bag today..... uch:

                      And I really really want to drink....big time. And I have no idea why...... I'm tired, that's for sure and I know that's one of the HALT alerts. Still....I don't know. I think it's what Glass said in the Steppers the other day about wanting to Simply CHECK OUT.....

                      I'll try to stay firm. I see that some others are struggling tonight too. Wish we could all meet up in Dottie's RV and just fricken go                       somewhere....preferable warm. :beach:

                      And Mama I love your posts ! :h- they are like perfect little missiles of wit and wisdom and you know what they say about brevity.....
                      On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                      *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                        #386
                        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                        Stay strong my dear friend! Take it from someone that knows firsthand what it's like to cave....just....UGH. :yukko:

                        You are way better than AL!!! :h
                        :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                        Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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                          #387
                          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                          Kradle I vote for someplace warm too...beach and sand and sunshine...
                          The battery is charged in the RV so we are ready to go....
                          Dottie

                          Newbie's Nest

                          Tool Box
                          ____________
                          AF 9.1.2013

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                            #388
                            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                            Please, remember to pick me up!!! Or come to my house!!!!
                            "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
                            ..........
                            AF - 7-27-15

                            Comment

                              #389
                              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                              Home now from skiing with the kids...long, satisfying day though. Almost finished off Caroliyn Knapps book- Drinking - a love story....made we really want to drink...isn't that just ....idiotic?

                              In bed with Madison curled up with Netflix.. What is it with all of us and Netflix ?
                              I think it's becoming a dual addiction

                              :l:h
                              On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                              *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                                #390
                                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                                I really really really want to drink Tonight....... I feel like shit- I have a huge headache and I feel like i cant breath...the girls are being absolute little shits and corralling them in is like moving through a rain forest- overgrown, soggy Crap everywhere ....

                                Matthieu made Drover today....:no:and I am so proud of him but I am empty...my mommy heart is just...standing still. It hurts so so much. I miss him. I want to hug him when he makes a good progress leap and all I can do is write a fucking email which I can't even send until Friday :upset:
                                I'm sick of everything...I'm sick of everyone...
                                I just don't feel well"......:no::no::yuk::yuk:
                                On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                                *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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