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    #31
    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

    Well the girls are writing their cards to Arihn. She's leaving tomorrow and Sedona is having such a hard time. It's almost impossible to explain to my children who awful and cruel some people can be. That teacher turned their friend against them. They just cant grasp it really. I myself ave hard a hard time...obviously....We can't really protect these kids of people, just help them shape a lesson from it and hold the while they cry....

    Not drinking...really want to...
    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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      #32
      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

      Dear Kradle,

      I'm sorry you & the girls are feeling hurt, loss, betrayal & rejection. Yes, it's hard to explain to kids, let alone for us to understand. Yet, we to haven't always been perfect angels in life. Hopefully, your loses & sadness will ease with time.

      Try & look elsewhere, hand it over somewhere besides the poison of alcohol ( which you know isn't healthy, mind, body & spirit, cause you are so bright & witty).

      Comfort them & yourself the best you can! Don't be to hard on yourself plz!!! You are such a wonderful & loving Mom!!!... You will all meet new friends to.... You are so good, kind & beautiful!!!... :-)

      What I do & it's only a suggestion is I ask for something positive for those who've harmed me, along with the release of pride from my heart & mind. It takes time, but usually it works with practice. It's how I find internal peace. The longer I stay sober & in RECOVERY it gets easier.

      The longer you stay sober, the easier it will be to face people, situations without anxiety, fear.... Trust us who've crossed over & had to deal with uncomfortable & even scary situations. )

      I think it's the twins Birthday today or soon. :bday7: :bday2: Hope despite whats happened they & all of you have a great one!!!

      Love, :h

      Wildflowers :l

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        #33
        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

        Hiya Kradle!

        You mentioned this might be a sort of 'head thread'. Well, why not? Letting our feelings out with the written word is a centuries old contributor to healing.

        I hear you on the no-one rings, texts anymore. It happened to me mainly because I reached the alcoholic stage of isolating myself big time, not nurturing friendships or answering the phone for a few years, so those friendships dropped off. I'm hopefully reclaiming some of them now though. I can't change my past, but for me, the only way way is to live as truly and as honourably each day as I can. Be as true to myself each day as I can.

        You can only do your best friend, and I bet that is a lot anyway. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to change my past, BUT, I can begin to live again today, and be the best that I can be. Maybe old friendships/relationships can be repaired one day, but only when I am being my best, and taking care of myself before anybody else, can repair begin to happen in many cases. People may gossip and talk behind my back, or they may not. I don't know, and I also don't care. I can't control what people think of me or say about me, but I can control how I react and feel about it. It hurts, yes, but what can I do?

        What I can do, is leave the gossip to the gossiper's, and rise above that stuff and lead myself and my family to the Stars! :h

        'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

        Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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          #34
          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

          Mr. G. You always make me feel so much better about myself. :l Thanks for the perspective.

          I had an interesting experience the last 2 days. The girls had their Twin friends over Friday for a sleepover. It was their Birthday and let's face it. A hell of a lot cheaper than The great Wolf Lodge! Anyway, it was good to see them again. August is a long time for my girls not to be with their best friends but..well.

          So When their dad (whom I love- he has been so generous and understanding about this situation poor thing) came to collect them, we ALL had a really good Talk. I had printed out a little 'book' of what I consider some of MWO's best, most powerful posts and I put them together for their mom with a little note form me saying I am open to talking about what happened, I love her and miss her...

          I mean lets face it..we have all done shit we would pay good money to get erased form the books or at least have someone go and bury in some desolate field deep underground...never to be retrieved. I know I do!

          I know they miss us too.. May be this is a start to come back to together with some of the people I have lost. Very Karmic how I finally admitted to my intense unhappiness over loosing so many people and then, I may get one back!

          Big Easter egg hunt at the local park yesterday. Made me want to drink for some reason. Maybe it was because so many people were there with their families and my husband rarely does anything with us...granted, he turned form this happy go lucky social guy I married into this...big, boring grump....

          He may have always been that though. I have to remember that I met and married him while I was drinking a lot so...

          I also didn't make his life a bed of roses either...so...

          Ah, so many regrets...so little Time!

          Happy Easter everyone. Sunny and warm here in the Land of the Evergreens. :h
          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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            #35
            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

            My dearest WF,

            I am So sorry!! :upset: I did not mean to not akknowledge your lovely words and especially your Happy Birthday to the twins. :l

            Madison threw up 4 times last night and Sedona was all stuffed and congested so I am The Walking Dead Mom today..

            They are all sleepy bye right now (thank God they were awful crank pusses all same day!! ) I am finding my comfort in their sleepy faces right now.

            I am getting some distance from that awful experience and I truly think that will be my best strategy. I have done some pretty crappy things in my life but never so premeditated and cruel as this woman...that is a whole nother kettle of perverbial stinky Fish

            Love you,you Wild Flower woman :l

            :h
            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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              #36
              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

              I am so incredibly pissed off at all my children right now I can barely breathe!!!! :bang

              They are turning into the most Back biting little shits I simply don't know what to do. Stuff is coming out of my mouth!!! I do not want to be this kind of mother...I do not want to be this kind of person. fuck...

              I'm changing my avatar to the Dog..oh shit...here they come. :upset:

              So much for sleepy faces...
              On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
              *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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                #37
                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                Kids calmed down and so grateful but then got hit by the text from hell....completely sucker punched...blindsided..

                Damn..back to day one tomorrow... 30 days too.. April Fool indeed.......
                On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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                  #38
                  The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                  Kradle.
                  You were able to keep yourself strong for 30 days. OK, so you slipped on the ice. Doesn't mean you don't know how to walk.
                  Here, take my hand, let me help you up and back on your feet. Brush the snow off your bum and let's walk down the street. Get your legs and feet working again. I'm not going anywhere, I am right here to help you.
                  BHOG

                  ?Alcohol removes inhibitions - like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: "Now bring on that damn cat!"-Eleanor Early

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                    #39
                    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                    Kradle,
                    BHOG will take one hand and I will take the other. Let us help you up, dust yourself off and start over. Sometimes life sucks. Alcohol makes it worse. We're here for you my friend!
                    K9
                    :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                    Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                    Comment

                      #40
                      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                      modifiing one of my favorite tunes.
                      Go and put your hands with some friends, one and one and one is three times more than you.
                      We are here for you, Kradle.
                      (With apologies to GS & PK.)
                      BHOG

                      ?Alcohol removes inhibitions - like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: "Now bring on that damn cat!"-Eleanor Early

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                        #41
                        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                        Last of The Mohicans...

                        My hands are out and my butt is up off the floor. I am definitely walking right between you both.

                        I am Okay, truly. I am not hung over but I am incredibly PISSED :bang I am so angry that I let another friken deluded person knock me out of my journey, get under my skin and caused me pain?especially when it was someone I cared for deeply and had ALWAYS tried to help, be there, cover up, you name it?Fuck her! (sorry wrong thread)

                        I can?t believe I wrote this a mere few days ago:
                        Kradle123;1485700 wrote:

                        I had an interesting experience the last 2 days. The girls had their Twin friends over Friday for a sleepover. It was their Birthday and let's face it. A hell of a lot cheaper than The great Wolf Lodge! Anyway, it was good to see them again. August is a long time for my girls not to be with their best friends but. Well.

                        So When their dad (whom I love- he has been so generous and understanding about this situation poor thing) came to collect them, we ALL had a really good Talk. I had printed out a little 'book' of what I consider some of MWO's best, most powerful posts and I put them together for their mom with a little note form me saying I am open to talking about what happened, I love her and miss her...

                        I mean lets face it. We have all done shit we would pay good money to get erased form the books or at least have someone go and bury in some desolate field deep underground...never to be retrieved. I know I do!

                        I know they miss us too.. May be this is a start to come back to together with some of the people I have lost. Very Karmic how I finally admitted to my intense unhappiness over loosing so many people and then, I may get one back!

                        Well, hells Bells...I got the most messed up text from the twins mother yesterday (5 messed up ones actually-all sent at about 2am... ) accusing me of being so insensitive or incompetent...feeding her kids too much candy and cake and nothing else and then how awful I am for taking them to the Easter egg hunt (She?s a relatively new J. Witness now?has been descending into that for some time) or That PAGAN Holiday as she texted.. The kids came back home after the sleep over and had a headache and Bella threw up and she just had to ?speak her mind?! I have no respect for her beliefs, blah blah, her twins had headaches, blah blah blah?..Are you fucking kidding me??!!
                        :wow:
                        Last August she sent my girls home after a sleep over with her fucking hand print bruised into my girls arm                         and apparently was so drunk she cornered them at some point on the couch and told them Santa doesn?t exists (thanks for that?) and I?m a bad mom because I am keeping THE TRUTH about fucking Jehovah God from them!! I just could not believe her gall!! I am so sorry I didn?t fucking call the cops on her ass now. I feel completely suckered punched, betrayed, an idiot? :egad:

                        She is so very sick and deluded. I see that BIG TIM E now and though I am so angry with her, I am more at myself for letting her deluded sick self control my life, my journey.
                        That?s what I have allowed all my bloody Life! And I am DONE DONE DONE!!! :boxer:

                        Alcohol needs to get the hell out of my picture if I am going to have any shot at reclaiming the life I am supposed to be living. I feel like some giant, scaly hands just reached out yesterday , grabbed my shirt and started dragging me back in to that Old, useless, painful life?

                        This woman is pretty much the Last Mohican of my circle here?I loved her and her children so much. We shared many wonderful moments. I have NO IDEA who this fucking crazy ,deluded, religious zealot is?that is NOT The person I became best friends with 5 years ago?.

                        I don?t think anything could have prepared me for how intensely difficult getting Alcohol out of my life would be. But I am in the think of it now?No going back?.

                        Fell on the ice, perfect description Mr. B. Cracked my head pretty badly but I have my helmet on now and am way ready to go again! Bring it Fucking ON!
                        :licked:
                        On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                        *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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                          #42
                          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                          Used my smiliey quota in last post...


                          I am so grateful for and to you guys...

                          :l:l:h:h
                          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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                            #43
                            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                            Oh, I almost forgot...

                            As I was typing this, this morning, I looked up at my Calendar, the one where I put up all my progress stickers and one of the kids had turned the calendar to April and on April 1 she had pasted a little wow sticker....

                            I am leaving it up there as proof that I have everything to live for and I will not be a Fool anymore?

                            ?it is a little creepy though?
                            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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                              #44
                              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                              Kradle-
                              Wow you have the bit*h from h*ll to deal with.
                              It is very important for your children that you remain strong. Not only for them, but for yourself. You cannot be the parent you want to be if you are not the person you want to be.
                              We're here. We will be here to help you.
                              BHOG

                              ?Alcohol removes inhibitions - like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: "Now bring on that damn cat!"-Eleanor Early

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                                #45
                                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                                Oh Kradle, I am SO sorry. It's probably less her Religion talking than the Alcohol talking. Because honestly it doesn't sound like she's really living up to it...nobody in ANY religion should act like that and then profess to be so righteous! I'm just sorry you're being treated so badly.

                                Look at that sticker your little one put up and remember that when she thinks of you she thinks "Wow!" She's proud of you and so am I! Stay strong despite what others do...I know you can do this. :l
                                :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                                Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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