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    #91
    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

    Going to bed soon. Incredibly tired. :bonkers:Just checking in on myself. Made it through May Day without a May Day. ..

    Hugs to everyone,

    :l
    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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      #92
      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

      Congrats, Kradle - it's all about small steps and breaking bad habits!
      Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

      Comment

        #93
        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

        Dear Kradle,

        I was hoping I'd have time to talk with you, but am so far behind. Maybe later in the wk, or tonight.

        I also lost, should I say chose to let go of a friend of over 35 yrs. Nearly every time I spoke of her over the last yr my heart hurt, angry, & sometimes I'd cry. :upset:

        I've set her free.... Still wish her well! Time takes time. It's like a death. Time is our gift, not a threat.

        I have mixed feelings if you should tell hubs. If it starts swirling in your head, then share it with him, cause ya likely will anyways.

        Good job on May Day. Hope today is a grrt day for you. Member to flip your thoughts, turn them around. Schedule your appt ( Member discussion ? ) with Dr. G. No not that one plz...... No spooking me. Halloween is to far off. Mr. Wilde is always teasing me about how close we are to "Chrimbo".... It must be still fun for you with kids, or at least twins.

        Ta ta ta. I have grrt news in Wildflower Land.... )))

        I need an allergy pill as keep getting sinus headaches.... Feck I'm logged into a few servers. To many windows, e-mails, phone calls. I'm glad I watered this am....... :l

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          #94
          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

          Shit!

          Madison just had a complete melt down: screaming at the top of her lungs to shut up and I hate you..Jesus Mary and Joseph where the hell did that come?

          Tried to send her to her room...completely refused...told her computer is gone for two days..I don't care- :lalala:.told her if she didn't move I'd swat her tush...was told very loudly as in shut the windows so the neighbors can't hear loudly... DONT YOU TOUCH ME!!!
          :stomper::

          I want to :headbanger: then, I want to ull

          And I have to take Matt to B- Ball practice....:damn: See these are the EMOTIONAL EXTREMES I can not fricken handle...

          I want to drink. I really do... Or maybe I just want to sleep...actually that sounds incredibly good...
          Thank Heavens the other 2 are staying out of it...

          Anyone one want to drive Matt over to practice ?
          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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            #95
            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

            OMG

            The coach JUST called and cancelled practice. thank ya Jay-sus!! :wd:

            I'm getting in my pj's now. Don't care that it's 6:30...

            PS - Madison's up in her room reading, snuggled up with the dog...told I was here to talk when she wanted... Geez I missed the memo at the hospital about all this....

            IBUPROFEN...........
            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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              #96
              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

              Geeeez Louise... Kradle, you have your hands full. With three kids there's always an unhappy one and as parents, we're only as happy as our saddest child.

              So glad you are not resorting to a rum and coke or whatever it was you drank... it is so counter-productive to drink away our emotions. Short term gain for long term pain. And I am even doubting the short term gain lately.

              You've got no where to go but up so it shouldn't be long now. The weather is beautiful in your part of the U.S. of A so let's get out and really enjoy it. xx
              Tipplerette

              I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

              "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
              ? Lao-Tzu

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                #97
                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                Fell...somewhat...nothing major but not what I want.

                Don't want to talk about it.
                Exhausted. Sad....seeing Dr. G on Saturday.

                Sleep well my friends, :l
                On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
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                  #98
                  The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                  Hey Kradle, you did not fall; you HICCUPED... You're excused .. now get back on the wagon if you're up for it.

                  Self-forgiveness is the key to success in being happy. This is where your zen practice comes in. Just think about the moment you are in; not what you did last night or what you plan on doing next week.

                  I am no expert but every time I 've slipped, I have went away for weeks which only proved to make the problem bigger by the time I came back to try again.

                  So glad you posted. Waiting to hear from you.

                  xxxxx
                  Tipplerette

                  I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                  "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                  ? Lao-Tzu

                  Comment

                    #99
                    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                    Whew!

                    Home again, home again...jiggly jog...or something like that...

                    Still safe and Sober Tipp and dusting off, dusting off. Just buried under the children and my asshole husband who has quit smoking (good thing) but is so unpleasant to be around that there is an evil part of me that wants to go to the store and buy him a pack... :choc:

                    I've been reading. And reading..I try not to go far from here when I am down ; I try not to be out as well.

                    I have come to fairly cemented conclusion however. In going over many of my months laced with stickers its pretty obvious that 2-3 days each month don't have a sticker and they are always clustered...not one here one there for the most part.
                    Well this month same thing only when I woke the hell up -so to speak- and examined the pattern, Voila! These days are exactly                     the same time or days that i am de- evolving as I put it or Menopausing as some might say

                    This is definitely a triple whammy for me. It's not a panic time or an anxiety time- it's a total AGITATION time. I can't focus, I can't sit down, I Vant To be alone....and if you talk to me I will tolerate you only up to a point...:hallo:

                    Well this combo may work on a sandwich but truly sucks here at home with three kids and an asshole husband (sorry to all you are stopping smoking- I know it's awful and I am trying hard to walk away....:upset

                    Anyway, thankfully the sun is shinning here in sunny Seattle so I am on landscaping and ruining my back to take my mind off of crawling out of my skin.

                    Thank heavens for this forum. :l

                    :h
                    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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                      #100
                      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                      And you're posting !!! My sister lives close to Issaquah. She was in Issaquah and now bought a hobby farm about a 15 minute drive from there. I can't remember the area but the weather has been spectacular for gardening. You Nor'Westerner's have the best climate for gorgeous foliage and flowers.

                      Dealing with someone else's bullshit when you are going through your own is more than awful. I guess all you can do is try to support one another but in long term marriages it's sometimes better just to stay out of each other's way...

                      Will keep checking for updates. Damn PMS, Pre-menopause and Menopause. They all cause us to turn into needy, insecure, angry witches ... very tempting to curb that ferocity with a nip of something... not a good idea but tempting.

                      xxxxxooooo
                      Tipplerette

                      I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                      "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                      ? Lao-Tzu

                      Comment

                        #101
                        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                        Checking in. I know I've been lax in keeping up with this journal of mine. Still I am posting and reading in other places ...for better of worse.

                        Not drinking but sad. Sick of myself and still Trying to get out from the la Bria tar pits of my past.

                        Nothing exciting really going on over here though: sports, work, sports and work...that's about it.

                        Love to all,
                        :l
                        On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                        *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                          #102
                          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                          PS:

                          Sorry I didn't reply about your sister Tipp. I would love to meet her someday. Carnation is a bit away from me but very beautiful as is issaquah. We almost moved there last year.

                          :l
                          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
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                            #103
                            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                            Hey Kradle, a special shout out to you for helping me achieve my first and last 30 day milestone. Without your unending support I never would have even come back here. So a heartfelt thanks.

                            Kradle, this is one of those times in your life when it's really important to take it hour by hour. Try to find contentment in little calm moments in your day. With the busy family, the grouchy husband and the hectic schedule that's all you can do. Remember "if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" If you can't pamper and care for yourself for YOU, then do it for your wonderful kids. Do one thing today that you would consider extravagent ie: long candle-lit bath, shopping spree, decadently eating chocolate, walk in the bush, whatever it is that you dream of when you allow yourself the luxury of doing so.

                            Love ya lots.

                            xxx
                            Tipplerette

                            I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                            "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                            ? Lao-Tzu

                            Comment

                              #104
                              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                              Sweet Kradle,

                              I told you once that you don't seem very dysfunctional to me, and I mean that. Don't let your childhood define you. I struggle with it everyday, too, and strive to unlearn the things I was taught about myself, and life. We're okay, and doing the very best we can. I'm sorry you're feeling sad, but it will pass.

                              Do something nice for yourself, please. One little thing.

                              I wish I could visit all you underoos. What a lovely bunch you are.

                              Sincerely, and with the best hug I can offer,

                              Juja
                              "Remember, you are responsible for creating your life by every thought, action, choice. Choose well." Oprah Winfrey

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                                #105
                                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                                Your Words mean SO much to my Juja :l

                                And they are right smack on time for me time this morning !!

                                Matt (who is 14) has become interested in this young lady and watching them together yesterday after school brought up waves and waves of my own first romance- all the feelings, images, good times and regrets. Hit me like baseball in my throat... I even had one of those rugged, exhausting dreams about it last night. Woke up feeling wretched and...hungover even though I wasn't .

                                I will stay close here and vigilant against seeing myself in that childhood limelight . That's mainly what kills me every single solitary time...

                                I will repeat over and over and over to myself: Don't Define! Don't Define! Don't Define!
                                Build up - Not Down...

                                Going to put that on my Budtsadan (Buddhist alter) and make it a part of my prayer every day because you are right: getting out from under that crappy, critical voice is a daily battle.

                                :l
                                On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                                *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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