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    #121
    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

    Oh dear K9: you always give me perspective. :l

    I thought about your words all day. Sometimes I do actually like me and your right, the people I attract bring out the best...I thought the others did as well, in some ways, those I've left behind did that...but it wasn't complete as s evidenced that they are gone now.

    It is a new beginning...old town, new connections...thank you, my friend. :h

    Well, the Matt episode was completely miserable and I'll fill in the blanks tomorrow. I am still exhausted from so little sleep and so much stress. But I don't cave. I kept myself full of food and water all day, chanted wonderful daimoku with my dear friend and actually got some cleaning done. Good times...

    Time or bed, :bedtime:love and hugs to all.
    :h:l
    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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      #122
      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

      Hugs back to you Kradle, last night was the extreme of temptation but went to this site to read and was able to not succumb to the evil fluids.
      Stay strong and together we can do this.
      FT
      AF with a few speed bumps during 2014 & 2015 but will succeed.
      As of 4/12/2014 I have not smoked at all and feel great.

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        #123
        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

        Awesomely done FT. I think of you in your travels. YOu inspire me...:h

        And speaking of travels I am headed up to Port Townsend WA this weekend with the girls. They are performing in an international children's Choir Festival.

        We are so excited especially since we have choir coming from Kenya also and my family will be hosting 2 of teh singers!!

        What an incredible experience for us. I love the music word- despite you know who... - opens such great stuff for everyone.

        Wanted to thank everyone here before I go because you know if I didn't have all of you to help me I would be obsessing about drinking and worried I would drink while we have our Kenya kids. :l
        Now I could care less. More obsessed with cleaning my house and what to fricken cook!!

        Back on SUnday.

        Love you all
        :l:h
        me
        On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
        *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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          #124
          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

          Wow! It has been a mind blowing last several days starting with the ver fun loving trip to the RE with the Gang..:upset:
          I can't eve think about that right- seems a zillion years ago to be honest.

          This memorial day I went down to Fort Warden -a spectacular park way always form me. The girls participated in a huge choir festival there. It was incredible. The music was just mesmerizing , the guest director was ...
          Darn, Matt's home

          Will be back...:l
          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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            #125
            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

            So I get through all of this craziness- the concerts the travel- hosting the kids and all the stuff that went through that....and i truly had nary a thought to drink..

            and then we get everyone off, say goodbyes and i got home and just fell apart...

            just cried all afternoon. Cancelled my dentist appointment (my crown fell out for God's sake...) and just about pulled it together for the girls Irish Dancing performance last night...and then I caved. :upset:

            This is just ridiculous. I feel like I am hiking along a mountain range, always keeping those peaks in sight, very close, can almost touch them. But every time i get to a ridge top, it's as if the mountain tops have moved. Or worse. I haven't really been moving at all! It's all an illusion...
            Sorry that doesn't make sense. It's early. I am reading so many success stories today. Such strength and comraderie.
            Alot of great post about having all those buried emotions hit us like bullets today. I think that's a lot of it for me. I just have NO IDEA what to do with all those feelings.... and it is soooooooooo easy to just smooth the jagged edges for awhile.

            Shit...
            Anyway. Checking in. Still here. Trying not to cry beacause everyone's getting up...
            Oh, and the dentist today! Ugg...

            Sorry to sound so self absorbed this morning....i know everyone here is loving and understanding.:l
            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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              #126
              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

              :lKradle:l

              I KNOW how you feel. Sometimes things just seem sooo overwhelming and we think to ourselves "Who really cares if I drink or not anyway??" or "what's the point of being sober"...yes I've had all of those thoughts, some recently! Sometimes it feels like it would be so nice to just say F*CK it!!! BUT...we have to remember that drinking for us (alkies) is not a good, fuzzy time. Bad things happen. We say and do things we regret. The problems we were drinking AT are still there when we come to the next day. We have children that see and understand what we're doing. And most of all, we don't WANT to live like this anymore.

              So you caved...get up and dust off and start over. That's the beauty of each new day, it's a chance to start over.

              I'm here if you need to talk.

              Sending you love!

              K9
              :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

              Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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                #127
                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                Everything you say...as usual...K9 is completely true and air tight. :l

                Have my 2 little ones sleeping in the big bed next to me and getting ready to start the day..start over start start over....:fingers:

                :l:h

                PS- don't know your new job status but will search and rescue that info! :H
                On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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                  #128
                  The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                  we luv ya kradle
                  I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

                  I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
                  Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

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                    #129
                    The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                    To save you the trouble of searching...I interviewed on the 23rd and haven't heard anything yet....keeping my fingers crossed but also being mentally prepared to stay where I'm at.

                    Having your little ones next to you is the best feeling ever isn't it? I remember back in the bad old days when my daughter would go to her dads and of course I'd binge the whole time. All I wanted was for her to get back home so my world could be right again....if that makes any sense. LOL

                    The other night I must have slept in a crazy position because I woke up with a pounding headache and neck ache, and it reminded me so much of waking up hungover...and I thought to myself "How the HELL did I survive feeling like this (and worse) every single day?" Ugh.

                    Well I've rambled incoherently long enough. I hope you have a great Friday! :h
                    :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                    Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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                      #130
                      The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                      Right back atcha Ms. PW! :h loved you remembering the age thing...you're right age, weight, religion and politics...off limit topics according to our moms ....but talikning about Sex is Okay! :H

                      Boy I hope you get ths job K9. It sounds like a perfect fit for you! Fingers toes and eyes all crossed for uou. :l

                      And yes, it is the best feeling in the world sleeping with our little ones. :h

                      Big lazy day today. Spent way too much $ on yard sales and stuff I probably don't need!
                      On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                      *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
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                      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                        #131
                        The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                        Were we going to talk about sex then or what?
                        Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

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                          #132
                          The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                          :H:H
                          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
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                            #133
                            The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                            Kradle123;1512798 wrote:

                            Sorry to sound so self absorbed this morning....i know everyone here is loving and understanding.:l
                            Telling us how you feel is not self-absorbed. I want to know how you're doing!

                            And, yup, we love and understand you.:l
                            "Remember, you are responsible for creating your life by every thought, action, choice. Choose well." Oprah Winfrey

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                              #134
                              The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                              Just saw your post, Juja. Thank you so much. Not getting a lot of love and understanding here at home lately :l

                              I think I will fly over to the Nest for a bit. Velcro my self to a tree trunk. Feeling very fragile and confused as of late. I can see those 'Gates Of Hell' Mr. G described a few days ago, yawning in the near distance.
                              I don't EVER EVER want to go there again...
                              :h
                              On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                              *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                                #135
                                The Kradle Will Not Fall...

                                Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

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