The Kradle Will Not Fall...

[NoraC]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Hey Kradle. Dropping in to give you big hugs. :l:l:l

[Siren136]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

NoraC;1520656 wrote: Hey Kradle. Dropping in to give you big hugs. :l:l:l

Nora, you are such a good person.

Kradle, can you check in and let us know you are OK?

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

I'm sorry you guys. I don't mean to worry anyone. I'm just so ... BEYOND angry and crazed and sad and #%#%#%#+#*^ confused...
I was trying to get a minute to write about the latest weird Matt event but it is now so ugly I am having trouble breathing. It's just fucking endless with this kid. And you know I could take it if it was just him doing stupid stuff but he brings all this crap into OUR HOUSE and I have other kids here-!!!!! And it gets so UGLY and so Hateful and hurtful and I have no fricken idea how it gets that way so fucking fast.! I'm just gardening these days for gods sake And taking everyone to their rehearsals and he just....:durn::durn::durn:

And he won't stop because he can't see. It's like raising a blind child who refuses to use a seeing eye dog when they go shopping in a china store!!

Anyway, I am breathing, venting, venting breathing....and ...leaving the house. I think that's best right now. Take my daughter and the dog and vanish into the forest for a while.

I'm sure I'll be more grounded when I get back.
I'm okay...not drinking...I'm going...to be...okay...

[Siren136]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Kradle123;1520673 wrote: I'm sorry you guys. I don't mean to worry anyone. I'm just so ... BEYOND angry and crazed and sad and #%#%#%#+#*^ confused...
I was trying to get a minute to write about the latest weird Matt event but it is now so ugly I am having trouble breathing. It's just fucking endless with this kid. And you know I could take it if it was just him doing stupid stuff but he brings all this crap into OUR HOUSE and I have other kids here-!!!!! And it gets so UGLY and so Hateful and hurtful and I have no fricken idea how it gets that way so fucking fast.! I'm just gardening these days for gods sake And taking everyone to their rehearsals and he just....:durn::durn::durn:

And he won't stop because he can't see. It's like raising a blind child who refuses to use a seeing eye dog when they go shopping in a china store!!

Anyway, I am breathing, venting, venting breathing....and ...leaving the house. I think that's best right now. Take my daughter and the dog and vanish into the forest for a while.

I'm sure I'll be more grounded when I get back.
I'm okay...not drinking...I'm going...to be...okay...

Thanks, Kra - I'll pm you my mobile number if you need to vent more K?

[NoraC]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Hang in there!!! Good job on breathing!! And good job on getting out of the house for a bit. :h:h

[K9Lover]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

I'm here for you miss K! :l:l

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Okay! I'm back to home base finally!! :yay:

Despite my Matt roll my eyes, I can't believe this is happening again event. I did not loose Myself in Alcohol oblivion and honestly I didn't really want to...
What I truly wanted and craved was for all that to be NOT HAPPENING :upset: I wanted to simply fix on the summer doings and stuff....which I did for the most part and then of course when all seemed to be settling a bit...Matt broke his wrist....okay, I did cave somewhat during all that. No excuses of course....

So, I'm moving forward again, little steps again, staying conscious again (thank you Tipp )

staying close and reading always. THAT never changes. For anyone reading this 'memoir' the most important part of this puzzle is simply to NEVER stop reading or checking in here at MWO. it doesn't matter where or when just be consistent every day. I find that that is the real leverage which is helping me move out from under this fucking rock of my addiction...sorry I spoke French.
:l

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Mick;1481091 wrote: Kradle well done you......:goodjobn the af days..you say you spend lots of time surfing the urges..how are you surfing them?are you challenging yourself at the time...

for instance when I got the urges badly to start with .I would go through the whole litany,

why did need that drink
what good will it do you if you drink it
Can I drink anything else instead..if not why not
do I want to stop drinking
what damage am I doing to my health drinking
will this drink resolve the issue I am stressing about
Could I use the money elsewhere
what could I buy with the money saved
what do my children think about my drinking

go through it all in slow time..even write it down again and again ..doesnt matter how many tiimes ...drink lots of glasses of water..other method..count back really slowly from 600...have a glass/half glass of water at every hundred stop.
Print out and read junkies response over and over again..read characters into it not just skim read
Really put yourself through the mill..do this as many times as it takes to surf that urge....

hope this helps you a wee bit

Re-read this great post from Mick. He's right...I need to SLOW DOWN.....:h

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Did indeed take it slow today. Home and hunkered down...ice cream and star trek! Kiddies all asleep iit beds...well, my bed...with visions of camping this weekend all through their heads.


Hope everyone is safe and sober tonight. Sending good healing thoughts for your toes K9!
And so glad you're back Ms. Tipp! :l

:h

[4thekids]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Kradle: reading your post is soooooo helpful. I haven't gone back to the earlier ones but I have twin boys... One almost 7 who really loses it occasionally and can tip the whole family off balance. Well, school just ended (he did wonderfully with his k teacher because she was tough and took no bull) and the gd woman gives him some f'n fruitcake who is moving down from 6th grade and supposedly is " angry and sometimes scary". Well, anyway I just lost it last night. Drank way more than I should have and was a total wreck.

I had stopped for close to 40 days this winter and had been pretty good since. Needless to say, I feel like such a jerk today. I am so disappointed in myself and sad. I mean this is only f'n 1 st grade and I need to be this crazy?

I sort of don't know where to begin today but would appreciate anyone's advice!

Free: it is so good to see you are here and doing so well. I often think about you with your job and how hard it must be to manage....I am very impressed!

Anyway, I would really welcome some guidance. I feel out of control and lonely!

4thekids

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Hello my Sweet 4!!:l

Ive been trying to get to you all morning! I have to rundown to Gig Harbor and take Matt to his doctor as he broke his wrist skateboarding last Saturday. :upset:

I want to get back to you and tell you about the awful teacher the twins got for 5th grade this year! Fruitcake in deed
We are in The same boat but the biggest help is the other parents feel the same way and are a big support system.

So much more to say but have to get ready. Please don't worry about last night. That always makes it worse. You've just started out on your journey and all these steps need to happen...man I hate that part...

Will check back later,
:l:h

[4thekids]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Kradle: Thank you for the sweet words. Certain it is part of the journey....sux that it has to happen. Just looking forward to the day where I am happily sober.

A life with 4 kids is challenging enough...getting yourself blitzed and then trying to manage all of them on the dreary start of summer is almost more than anyone can handle!

I really welcome your support and I am now going to sta posting regularly to keep myself vigilant.

Write when you have a chance.

4

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

I think all of our setbacks and steps forward and sideways are definitely part of our individual tapestry 4.
My mom had 4 of us, all girls. She was also a physician as was my dad. Very high stress, critical - household. I think my parents thought once they had clothed, feed and educated us, their job was done...each day that is.
My mom drank almost every night but I have no idea when that little secret started.

You sound as though you also have a high powered position. My mom NEVER admitted any weakness or any problem or any way she might have done things Different than status quo.
I completey applaud you for not going that route. No matter what setbacks pop up along the way, you are way further down the road.

You asked me last march if my husband drank and I apologise I didn't get back to you. It's hard to find posts for me sometimes. I think I'm on top of conversations and then they get lost...I can't find the title thread. Having this one helps. Keeps it all in one place

Mr kradle drinks hardly at all but that said he is the ault child of an abusive alcoholic...his dad (now deceased) I think by marrying me he recreated some of his own trauma though he certainly doesn't see it that way.
He is supportive...he's still here but I am often lonely in this marriage: a situation I am trying to make right.

As for the teacher...there is NOTHING more button pushing than someone fucking with our children. No matter how subtle those efforts might be. And of course, the person spending hours a day with our munchkins..well...:blah:

Still our coping mechanism for these things need revising at least for me! :H

Love that you are here. Twins are tough tough but fun fun fun!!!

Stay close 4. I'll try to be checking in every day,
:l:h

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Good morning everyone- home all alone for me...which feel incredibly weird...twins off camping and Matt over at a friends house, who incidentally when I dropped him off looked like this friend was living in a meth lab! I had not met him...odd that this 'house' was smack (no pun) dab in the middle of a wealthy, lakeside community.

I have no idea what the hell he is thinking....

will need to stay vigilant while hubs is away. ...



PS- its not a meth lab I know but man oh man was that place junky! Still - I remember as a kid going over to a very wealthy friends home for the first time, looked gorgeous on the outside- and walking into an absolute health department nightmare- trash and crap 4 feet deep. I can still hear the sounds of the hundreds of walnut shells cracking under my tennis shoes as i walked through the living room....This little girl even put her cat inside the friidge to 'clean up' the blood leaking from the package of hamburger meat :wow:
You just never know...

Ok I digress....

[paulywogg]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

eww gross! i remember when i was a kid we briefly lived in this apt complex,i was friends with the girl next door and i spent the nite once you had to walk tippy-toed to avoid the dog poop everywhere! and we put butter all over the kitchen floor to slide around on and the parents didnt even care,amazing how some people live,yuck