The Kradle Will Not Fall...

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Hey Pauly!

The butter and poop is right up there with the nutshells and hamburger :H

It is amazing how some people live....reminds me of that TV show Horders!

:l

PS Matt just called and said he had a wonderful time...really??????

[4thekids]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Kradle: I was thinking about what you said about your mother...don't you think that years ago parents weren't expected to be as involved with their kids. That is to say, things weren't as organized. You weren't in 17 scheduled activities - moms and dads weren't expected to manage their kids schedules and be so heavily involved in their every day activities! I just feel like we have so much pressure these days to "get it right" and do it perfectly and have the perfectly mannered, perfectly dressed, most well educated children. It is too much!!! On top of it, we are all supposed to be culinary cooks and have an emmaculate house.

I did have a high powered job that recently quit after my last child. It has been an adjustment to say the least, but to be honest...I am much happier now than I was at work. I will say though that I do sometimes feel like I have less "control" than I was able to at work. That is difficult for me!!

I wonder how your mother managed to function for all those years. Did you know about it? Did she hide it or was she open about it?? Your father??

Your husband did not repeat any sort of cycle with you. My guess is that your drinking as is the case with most people has accelerated since you have been married and had kids. That is not something you can predict when you are dating... You shouldn't blame yourself or be down about it. Don't over think your issue. You drink a lot - as do many many people. And, perhaps, because of your husband's experience and your experience with your mother, you are much more aware of your drinking! You should not be held to a higher standard just because the formative people in your life had the same problem. In fact, it is more likely that you will have the same problem and it makes it all that much harder to quit!!!

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Hi 4, Good Morning- I am so sorry I am just reading your post
Mathieu has kept me hopping over here and it's hot as hell all of a sudden--- Also the period is gone on my keyboard so I guess I have to use comma's??? or get a new keyboard!

I think that pressure you spoke of has always been there in one form or another, it's worse perhaps now because of all the 'conveniences' we have so expectations shot way up as to what we all can and can not due, One of the reasons I wasn't checking in here regularly these last few days is Matt is an an enuretic so I have accidents all over the place to clean up every day on the couch, the beds he crawls into, the floor sometimes, i can not keep my house clean and tidy as I want
I spent all Friday just shampooing everything and doing Laundry, I was pretty angry needless to say, He's in my bed right now as I type because I know he's had another accident upstairs, He will clean all this,,,,believe me,,

Anyway, I got way off track there! Sorry :h

So my mom drank at night, late and dad was so un involved he might as well have been embalmed in the house

And my mom was the opposite of keeping up with the Jones really, Despite their being physicians we had crappy clothes and crappy cars and my mom never did ANYTHING with us and i mean zilch, I was thrilled if she came to see a play we were in! When I went to boarding school 3 hours a way in 10th grade, she dropped me off at the dorm and told me she had to get back home 'for a meeting'--- WTF???

So, I guess I don't know if the pressure is really keeping up with the Jones's pressure the horrible Martha Stewart crap (man my sister bought into that big time) or more that we (me) are trying to do it differently, create our own families in the image we never got as children so to speak, I feel pretty certain that's what I am doing,,,

With my husband recreating his home,,,,I don't know- I think I drnk alot even before I met him, I think I thought he would save me, 4- awful thing to admit but,,,there it is

Okay so,,,

Today is Monday, July 1st and more importantly---the first Day of Crabbing Season- And though I am boatless still and Kristin and Larry still have my crab pots (may the giant sea Stars invade every pot and eat all their bait! ) I refuse to give up, I won't I won't I won't :boxer: It Is my Day One again,

So Sorry but you are all just stuck with me until I get this fricken thing right---
Now off to get Matt out of my bed and down to the Doctor for his permanent cast uch:

:l

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Good morning everyone:

I was thinking right as I woke up this morning how absolutely, 110 percent wonderful it feels to awaken without any AL in my system or without having to say to myself even before I open my eyes: ' Damnit! I can't do this again today....'

I just feel...lighter...more quiet in my head. To package this feeling and wear it everyday....I don't think anyone would ever drink again!

Still Hot as Hashmeal over here and still on the boat hunt.
Can't live on Puget Sound without a boat by heavens! And I have already missed the first day of crabbing season!!

:shocked:

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Long day. Bought a small boat...should feel happier but I don't.

I do not like holidays....everyone is gone, now...
oh well. I did make this bed didn't I?

Will try to be more upbeat tomorrow.
Sleep well everyone,

:l:h

[paulywogg]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

i dont like holidays either kradle,for me they were always an excuse to get hammered,before,during and after! trying to change my thinking,its hard stay strong my friend

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Hello my friends. Such a sad time for me.

I've written about it in my other thread so don't really want to repeat myself...

Hugs to all, Stay safe.

:l:h

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

:no!:I'm home tonight. I'm definitely not drinking...

I have come to realize that the only reason i have found it so difficult to stop drinking was I'm not dead yet.
I know that sounds Callous but My cousins death is as though someone has sheered off a section of my brain and thrown it in the trash.
Though we lived far apart and didn't see other regularly, still, her existence, her past present and future were completely intertwined with my family. Since there was a me...there has always been a her...

What has struck me hard, like a crowbar, is the unimaginable BS waste this is- just an utter load of bull shit, down the drain, waste waste waste waste......:no!:
She had such distinction, such presence even while she was struggling with it all. Now I'm not saying she was famous or revered or such but she was unique...if only to our family and her close friends and that made her...well, indestructible in mind which I've obviously lost because clearly she wasn't indestruble at all...

And neither am I as it turns out which is why if I think of drinking I see my beautiful cousin, withered and slumped and completely alone...
That just isn't worth a rum and tonic anymore...even on a hot day with a lemon twist.

Forget it.
Day 7 and still here.
Sleep well all,
:l

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Have felt terribly surreal the last week...a bit Floaty and Non-Compus mentes

Trying to just breath and check in. Dogs doing well...Still need to change the Avatar...need to do a lot of things.

Still I wouldn't trade this detached semi conscious feeling for buzzed or wasted anyday of the week .
There's a thread called not worth it out there on the boards and it is sooooo true.

Sleep well everyone. :h

[paulywogg]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

kradle,i always have that weird foggy feeling a couple of weeks af,it does feel weird but itll pass,you are doing good,im proud of you

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Good mornings Pauly and thanks. I actually feel more alert and grounded in the mornings now...
What a reversal!!

I'm working hard these days to learn Options trading. I absolutely love it and it's so much more fun than equities though much more intense.

I think though that it is taking me soooo much longer to grasp simple concepts because I have lived such a vague, hap hazard life for so long. Thank heavens for Paper Trading!!
Hubs and I are really having an adversarial time of it lately mostly due to my beloved son.

It was suggested to me that I send him away for a month this summer (son not hubs...:H) and lord knows I want to but I have no where to send him. There's simply no one in my family or Mr. kradle that I would want him to be with....the camps are way to expensive. Seems my best solution at the moment is the skate park where I had to break up a near fight between Matt and a group of nasty little boys on bikes....If we deny him access to this park....I don't know...at least he is getting exercise. And that's so key for him as he just eats and eats and eats no matter how little food I keep in the house. I would have thought that the social aspect of being borderline obese as he is would have stopped the overheating but......no go.

Still not drinking and am okay really. A roughish time the other night but mostly stress...seems my October Grace period to pay federal Taxes was no Grace a period at all and they are all ready levying penalties against me. I guess Obama needs another weeks Vacation in Martha's Vinyard...

Well back to the Markets. I love working at home but it is tougher in the Summer with the Munckins. oh Well...slow and steady wins the race...

Happy Hump Day to my people
:l:h

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Feeling completely invisible but not drinking....
Safe in bed with Sedona and Voyager.
Hope everyone is good.

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Still navigating lots and lots of dark waters these days...nothing new here actually...the forever joys of being Bi-Polar...
But what is new is I am swimming in them sober....I am actually at this point sad in knowing that no amount of AL is going to make any of this awfulness better.... I just have to creep along and try to pull myself up and out.....damn....:durn:

Sometimes enlightenment is not all it's cracked up to be...

Happy August everyone.:l

[NoSugar]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Hi, Kradle

I'm sorry you are struggling but so glad for you that your are not drinking. Even though it may not seem that way, it is easier to deal with life without alcohol because really, with it, we just don't deal.

Maybe you could join us on the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ust-78476.html thread. We'd love to have you there.


:h NS

[Gardener]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Hi Kradle - Sorry to hear you're not feeling well. My daughter is bi-polar and struggles as well. I can understand what you are going through, just know that you have a lot of support here, if you ever want to vent, I'm here.