The Kradle Will Not Fall...

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Thanks you NO Sugar. Thank you Gardner. :l The only positive regarding Bi-Polar Gardner is I have a partial answer as to what the hell is wrong with me...

I wish I could slice off s section of this peaceful feeling I have at this time of night...heading to bed with out a big glass of Rum and Tonic or Wine.. Not waking up in the night, hammered with that immediate htought, 'Oh shit I drank last night.." :upset:
And then of course getting up the next day, without aches and pains, moving straight to the kitchen for a cuppa and water and then over to the computer to start my work day.

Even if I wake up with a headache (mostly from working to much on this darn computer! ) I don't really care because it's not an AL headache...It's a legitimate headache, earned through hard work!

Peace and Hugs everyone. Bed time :l

[K9Lover]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Kradle-
I am so proud of you...I just am! You have such an inner strength. I hope you know how valuable you are.

I hate that sometimes I still want to drink. What I don't hate is waking up hangover-free and knowing that I made it another day. The stupidity of my drinking was just off the charts, why can't my brain understand that? I'm rambling, but I guess I just want you to know that I understand how you feel.

:h:h

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

I absolutely love THAT feeling too, K9. There really is almost nothing comparable... like breathing untouched air that you might find way up in the mountains or deep in a forest. I read James Harriot and he always talks about breathing the Yorkshire Air and how incredibly sweet it is...Of course that was back in the 30's so... most likely a bit different today

I am copying a post from the Step thread so I have it in my journal here. Hope no one minds.
:l


Husband and Matt took the small boat to check the crab pot...Hopefully it will be Crab for dinner!!

Off to get the girls tomorrow from Choir camp. I truly hope they had a great time. Got a few calls about being home sick and so and so being mean. The hardest was last night when Madiosn called In tears because she didn't get a Solo part in the concert Tomorrow and Sedona did...that was so hard to hear her tears...I told her it was all part of part of being an artist and unfortunately not every voice fit every song. She just...well, you know. I wish I could have been there to hug her.. :l

Matt also has his performance tomorrow. I don't want to go. Found out today he has been smoking weed...Jesus Mary & Joseph! Fricken 14 for God's sake.. WTF ANd to top it off, there's a rap arist in Tacoma with a label who wants to audition him...NO WAY ! I listened to this man's work....all pussy and the N word.. Yea right, just what matt needs. Boy Howdy !

Anyway. Trying to stay level tonight. It's super hot here.

hugs and heart. Stay close every one. Here we go into...FRIDAY!!

[playland]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Hi Dear Kradle, it's Play here. I tried to send you a PM but your message box was too full. I have something to forward to you if you will PM me with your email address, I think you will enjoy it. If you don't want to give out your address that's ok too:h

Much Love and Hugs from Play!

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Oh my Goodness, Play! You have been on my mind lately as I am progressing thru the Hypno CD's...I really love them and they are not as easy as I thought they would be...a lot of self work involved there that's for certain! She makes you write down all your reasons to stop drinking so I went and just printed off the 'You Know You're an Alcoholic when...' Thread...That's pretty much all me in there except maybe for the one about the ducks floating past...

So sorry I didn't call up my thread sooner. Discombobulated lately.... :nutso:
I will PM you my email. Thank you again for thinking of me. Bit of a struggle these days...But I would be...I would be...well...I'd probably be divorced or dead or living with a relative (shudder..) by now if it weren't for you & MWO..:h

[playland]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Oh, Dear Kradle,
You are so beautiful!! I'm happy you continue to explore with the hypnosis program, our mind is so powerful that it can create to solution to things just as it created the issues in the first place

I have recently experienced a miracle that has released me from the AL merry go round, a lot of personal work went into it but now it is so easy, I can have a drink or not and have absolutely no craving, just a normal person relationship to AL. I've been AL free now for some time and also have had a beer or wine when out with friends or family. It is such a huge burden lifted off my shoulders and I am thanking the Universe every day.

Check your email as I will be sending you some of the things that have made this possible for me, the concepts were initially introduced to me by a therapist who is very non traditional.

Love,
Play

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Oh Play, I just am seeing this post!

I feel like I miss people's responses to my posts all the time as I can't call them up...or I don't understand how to access it..
Anyway, this is important and amazing and mind blowing news!!! :yay::yay::yay:

Sorry I lost the original info...I am battling this god awful head cold that Madison came home from camp with..see, I can blame it on the kids! :H

Still I just feel like rotten garbonzo beans... I will write more and PM you soon.
Love, hugs and more hugs Ms. Play, :l:l

You are the Kwan!

[Byrdlady]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Kradle, under your personal settings here (CP user?) you can have email alerts sent to you whenever a response has been made to a thread you've responded to, it helps me see what happened after I posted, and keep up with the thread. Things can move so quickly here sometimes the threads get lost. Just go thru and change those settings to send you an email when a response is posted and you'll be all set.
Hugs to you! Byrdie

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Wow, Byrdie I was just looking at that CP thing the other day. I though it was just a profile creator. Thank you so much for the tip :l

Well, I'm sorry to say that I am just in the deepest of deep depressions the last few weeks....not drinking but might as well be.
We have one more week till school starts and I just keep thinking about the dreaded, "how was your Summer' question....

I can say unequivocally here this was the worst God awful summer of my life...at least a sober one.

I simply hate my life plain and simple. I really hate it. I can find barely any gratitude at all...I refuse to work on my self because I am almost paralytic with self loathing and despair. I haven't chanted or done daily Gongyo (my Buddhist practice) in Months....

I don't want to DO anything...just ferry the girls around and then hide in my room. I don't even want to make dinner..just eat carbs and watch Star Trek. I am forcing myself to juice though. Can't bare to let all the veggies I grew go to waste.

I think I have just missed the memo on how to have a successful life. I seem to have all the basic ingredients: arms and legs, a good education, a house...2 houses...kids and a dog....

But it feels so empty to me- empty of all my plans and goals, empty of my friends now. And I hate that they are gone. I hate that I see them in the supermarket or the fair and everything is ignored or superficial or worse, we act as though we don't know each other ...it's awful. I want to move.

Truth is I have no gift for relationships and I truly think this is the greatest talent anyone can ever have...creating and keeping good friends. Having dinner parties or going to the movies or just taking weekly walks...I have these moments every now and then ...but the permanence of my buddies , support system is completely gone..

I lay awake at night petrified that if I die and my husnd is gone the kids no longer have anyone to call...the neighbor I guess...the only one who still talks to us on the block, yahoo...actually, I don't even have their number. I saw them playing bad mitten tonight out my living room window. They looked, tan and fit and fun...I took Luna out to the forest...I just couldn't be in my house anymore.

Okay enough about me...if I'm asked about my summer I'll say " it was absolutely great ...I'm so sorry it's over. How was yours? "
:l:h

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

I really do love Bob...

:h

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw&inf_contact_key=9c5184600ca2fa 767ea27896223063e914f63875224310ec4f42c7039038d4d7

:h

[Unwasted]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Kradle, I've gone through this kind of isolation too. Did you lose friends because of stopping drinking? Sorry I haven't followed your story on other threads. I'm about to move and hoping I can find new friends who don't drink.

I can relate to your fear of not having a strong support group too. I'm totally alone except for my husband. It is kind of scary but I'm just hoping to be able to change things in my new place. Can you meet people where you currently live who don't drink?

Sending you big hugs and support.:l

UN

[paulywogg]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

aw kradle,you sound blah,of course i dont know the whole situation about your life,for me looking in,you seem very blessed,the kids have talent,you have a home,you can actually grow veggies(mine died,all of them),i think when we wake up from our alcohol comas we tend to over analyze things,wonder how different things would be if we never wouldve drank,i dont know,maybe youre just in a funk right now,they usually pass,time to appreciate the small things ya know?hugs to you my friend

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

This journey is about so much MORE than simply putting an end to the drinking... in many ways, just not drinking is so simple compared to...compared to...well...compared to becoming or being alomst an entirely different person...

I wrote somewhere a long time agao that I would have been a complete success...if I had just been someone else...at the time I wrote that, it was a dark thought but maybe it's not so dark after all. Maybe it's closer to the truth of moving forward here than I thought...

Just rambling....Unwasted, Pauly- love you both. I'll swim through this....I promise.
Back to cleaning...

:l

[Kradle123]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

PS:

Unwasted, I downloaded the book you took your Avatar from...I think I should start reading it ASAP

PPS: Pauly, did you try growing zucchini ? You can't kill Zucchini even with a flame thrower...:l

[NoraC]

The Kradle Will Not Fall...

Hey Kradle - I am so sorry that you are so down. I am so very sorry. Depression is just such an awful place to be in. I do understand.
I just want to tell you that I think you are an amazing person. You might not feel like it right now but you are. I look forward to your posts. I always look for you. You are special.

Please hang in there. Talk here......let it out.....you don't have to hold back. I also have a therapist that I see. It really helps (I'm the one that could never see myself doing that). I also take medication. But, the main thing is - know that we are here and we care. :h:h:h