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    #1

    27 Years Ago Today ...

    I believe that when I had my stillborn daughter I truly began my downward spiral towards dependence on alcohol to soothe, numb and console me. Today she would be 27 years old. Last year, I chose this date to marry a very loving man. I chose this date to add a happy memory to March 21st. So today is also my wedding anniversary.

    Here I am again, back at MWO, wanting to stop the insanity of my evenings, the interrupted rest of my nights and the self-recrimination that fills my days.

    My hat goes off to all those that have managed to succeed in freeing themselves of this viscious cycle that is the life of a problem drinker.

    It is a huge undertaking that seems easy at first, never really becomes difficult because it sneaks back with no forewarning or pre-thought. In order for me to beat this I have to over-come a huge obstacle: how to stop the crazy moment of taking that offered drink without a second thought. It seems that if I have a plan in place for those moments, I would be 3/4 the way there.

    Any suggestions?
    Tipplerette

    I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

    "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
    ? Lao-Tzu
    Tags: None
    #2
    27 Years Ago Today ...

    Hi Tipps!

    For starters, I am very sorry for your loss :l That must be so hard, even still. I can't imagine the pain.

    You've got to see alcohol for what it really IS, not for what you want it to be. It's a beast that steals your time, money and self-esteem. When you can change your thinking from "I can't drink" to "I don't HAVE to drink" you will experience a newfound freedom. I know it's not easy. Fast forward from the first drink to the morning after...it usually isn't pretty.

    Please hang in there my friend and accept another :l

    K9
    :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

    Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

    Comment

      #3
      27 Years Ago Today ...

      Thanks, K9.. always one of the first encouragers..

      I really see no benefit in drinking and LOVE waking up before I have to bright eyed and bushy tailed. This hardly ever happens. I am envisioning this day next year when I can report that not only is today the 28th anniversary of Dana's stillbirth, my second wedding anniversary AND the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY SOBRIETY. What a joyful day that will be.
      Tipplerette

      I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

      "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
      ? Lao-Tzu

      Comment

        #4
        27 Years Ago Today ...

        Hi Tipp,

        Would just like to say that i too am very sorry for the loss of your daughter:l

        I dont know what to suggest for you as it seems we all tackle this beast in our own way, but having a plan on avoiding taking that first drink seems like a good start. Reading around this site also offers me much insight and seems to keep me on track.

        Hope to be here this day next year to congratulate you on one year sobriety best wishes for your journey xx

        Comment

          #5
          27 Years Ago Today ...

          :l I'm glad you are back here with us and I'm so sorry for your loss! :h It is the first full day of spring with all it's promises of renewal. Alcohol nearly killed me and I finally realized that I needed meds to give me the power to say NO. I take baclofen and I have Antabuse. The baclofen gives me an indifference to alcohol. I still have a choice to drink if the insanity hits me so I have Antabuse. I would force myself to take it before I would allow alcohol back in my life. That's what has worked for me for the last (nearly 6 months) and that's my life plan for the future.
          Sober since Sept. 24th 2012 This time 4 SURE!
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-3162-30074.html Newbies Nest
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html Tool Box
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/what-plan-how-do-i-get-one-68554.html How to get a sobriety plan

          Comment

            #6
            27 Years Ago Today ...

            Tip-
            You have my thoughts and my prayers.
            When someone offers the drink, I simply say, no thanks, I'm trying to get in shape for my summer bike riding (or, winter snow shoeing). It seems to stop right there. My good friends figured out I don't drink any more, some of them have even said, congratulations.
            Find something that you want, something that is more important than AL; and focus on that.
            Let me know if I can help in any way.
            BHOG
            PS sent you a PM.
            BHOG

            ?Alcohol removes inhibitions - like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: "Now bring on that damn cat!"-Eleanor Early

            Comment

              #7
              27 Years Ago Today ...

              I am so sorry for your loss.
              Come on girlie....you know the drill. We are all here for you sweetie.
              I love my family more than alcohol.:h
              Live in the Solution....not the problem

              Comment

                #8
                27 Years Ago Today ...

                Oh, wow, Tipp!! I don't know what to say except that I am so sorry that you have carried this burden for so many years. I can not imagine the pain you have gone through. I am so happy for you that you are taking positive steps to care for yourself by marrying on such a special date and making a choice to start a new sober life today.
                You have already gotten some great advice. I think a very important thing, besides formulating your plan is to stick real close to this site. Someone is ALWAYS here for support. You are loved and cared for here and we all want the best for you!! You deserve to be happy, Tipp!!!
                :heartbeat:

                Star:star:

                08-13-15

                I am only one drink away from never being sober again.

                Comment

                  #9
                  27 Years Ago Today ...

                  Tipp, My beautiful friend. Love and hugs for baby Dana :l always in your heart, I know.

                  As usual your posts can bring tears to my eyes but always a stronger resolve to not be beaten by this. I always hear your strength, Tipp even if sometimes you can't hear it yourself.

                  I love what K9 said about seeing Al for what it IS, not what we WANT it to be.
                  When I am stressed and those tiny teeney thoughts come knocking, when I think of that ahhh relaxing first drink and maybe even the ahhh second- that's me seeing it for what I WANT it to be...
                  Then (as she says) fast forward to it stealing your time, your money and your self esteem...That's what the little shit really IS

                  Jesus I've dated people like that!

                  Love you and will pm tonight. Have to get Matt to school :l

                  PS: Man I'm glad you are back! :yay:
                  On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                  *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

                  Comment

                    #10
                    27 Years Ago Today ...

                    Hi Tipps.......good to see you back.

                    I was so sad when you left and have kept checking to see if you had checked in. i so want you to be truly happy

                    Is hubby on board with you this time? I remember he got impatient with the sober you before, have you discussed??

                    Comment

                      #11
                      27 Years Ago Today ...

                      :flower:To Dana, a beautiful little soul:flower:

                      Tipps, hang in there my friend. Remember alcohol has nothing good to offer. It's a bastard in a bottle!
                      :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                      Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        27 Years Ago Today ...

                        so sad tipperlette,i cant even imagine going through that pain im sorry,im glad youre back though ive thought of you often wondering how you are good "seeing"you
                        I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

                        I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
                        Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          27 Years Ago Today ...

                          Thanks all. I got lost on the boards and even thought Kradle had dissappeared.. went looking everywhere for her. Sometimes, even when sober, I can't seem to think straight.

                          I am still here and plan on remaining a/f and taking it day by day. There is nothing to say that hasn't been said a million times before. I am surrounded here on the boards by amazing, supportive, encouraging friends and will stick close by to keep resilient.

                          Don't mind me as i use this as my daily update. I will keep this thread alive for my personal accountability. Hugs and Kisses to All.

                          OK now down to business.

                          Reasons Why I Don't Drink Alcohol

                          I can't stop at one and always have more than the recommended amounts.
                          I am a little obnoxious when I drink although at the time i think I am hilarious but in reality i step on toes and hurt people's feelings
                          Drinking makes me sluggish and tired and that's not including the morning after
                          My liver and kidneys can't take this dehydration and nutrition blocking much longer without throwing a curve ball like cancer at me
                          I have one grandchild and TWO MORE on the way; I have a raging river beside my little home and a deep lake by my other house ... need I say more.. one major tragedy in my life is enough
                          I have much spiritual reading and exploration to do and it's impossible to do it while zonked out on wine
                          There is NOTHING TO MISS !! Not the taste, not the dizzyinness, not the added calories, not the dry mouth, not the stupidity it brings out in me, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

                          Enough for today. Happy SPRING everyone... new beginnings....
                          Tipplerette

                          I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                          "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                          ? Lao-Tzu

                          Comment

                            #14
                            27 Years Ago Today ...

                            POWERFUL post Tipps
                            Welcome Back Sweetie!!
                            I love my family more than alcohol.:h
                            Live in the Solution....not the problem

                            Comment

                              #15
                              27 Years Ago Today ...

                              I had 'THE TALK' with hubby last night. Now granted, he had had three beers just prior to our discussion but he was listening.

                              We started out talking about cold, stark fear and agreeing that besides losing one of our kids or grandkids, we aren't terribly frightened of anything. Then I back-tracked and said, "Yes, I do have one cold, all-consuming fear; ALCOHOL and it's effect on me. He went on to tell me that he does not have that fear. i had to bring him back to MY problem with alcohol and my family history and how I watch the wine bottle when I am drinking a glass of wine, etc. I went on to say that this is the reason i abstain sometimes and warned him that I am not drinking presently and to expect me to get quiet and that he will just have to put up with it. He was supportive, a little bewildered and very proud of his ability to take it or leave it. That exaggeration is part of his journey... not mine.

                              I WILL have to remind him of my 'problem' because he will misinterpret my quietness as something that it isn't.

                              Hopefully, he will continue to be supportive and eventually cut down his consumption but... I can only change myself.
                              Tipplerette

                              I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                              "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                              ? Lao-Tzu

                              Comment

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