Inchys journal

[InChains]

Inchys journal

Sugar: You seem to be reacting very... oddly to a plan that essentially involves me being sober for longer than I have been in years. I don't fully understand why.

Paul: many of my heroes died young, I'm here because I don't want that to happen to me. Alot of great people also recovered (randy blythe, anthony kiedis, james hetfield, corey taylor etc) and I intend to take their example

Ann: That's why I'm quitting, because I can't write drunk and I'm a better artist and musician sober. And I actually control my drinking significantly better at festivals, I am not a big drinker at these events because alcohol is too expensive in the arena, once you're up there, you're in the crowd, you don't even really get time to drink - least I never do. I drink a little more than usual, but not much - my priority is seeing as many bands as i possibly can.

[sugarbeat]

Inchys journal

Strangely maybe... just been there done that, (been to festivals as an active alcoholic and the consequences and comedown is not worth it) 42 days sober and back to square one, where I'm coming from, from my living experience, its not progress, you're not thinking straight, maybe I'm wrong, I'll bow out of this and stop intruding on your journey

[InChains]

Inchys journal

As I say, I behave differently at festivals than you would expect because I'm in a social situation and surrounded by what I love - I get high from the music, I don't need alcohol. I might not even drink at the festival, but it will be my choice.

[K9Lover]

Inchys journal

Inchy -
I don't think that you drinking or not drinking at the festival is even the issue at this point. If I've read this thread correctly, you haven't stopped yet...so there's really no debate.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

I'm stopping on wednesday for 42 days

[mama bear]

Inchys journal

I completely support your plan Inchy, but why not take it one day at a time???
then one week at a time???? and so on
and keep talking to us....we are here for you

[InChains]

Inchys journal

I think I mentioned earlier, odaat makes every day seem like a really long time to me, saying 42 days makes it seem shorter. I like having something definite like that, it worked last time (40 days, culminating in Download, 2011)

[mama bear]

Inchys journal

gotcha!
whatever works, right?

[InChains]

Inchys journal

Being ready?

A few people have commented on my plan, or my behavior, about whether i'm 'ready' to stop drinking. I guess now I'm wondering - am i? I still enjoy drinking alot of the time, its the morning after, or when I can't drink I suffer the most. Sometimes I don't want to drink and I do. I cannot imagine much of my life without drinking, I guess I'm asking, or wondering, will that change? Can I go into this unready and become sober and happy?

[Struggles 106]

Inchys journal

The answer would be not likely

ONLY MY OPINION---but I think getting and staying sober takes a lot of determination and energy. And a 100% commitment. There can be no waffling.

So no I don't think you can. I think you have dipped your toe in the water of sobriety, and on some level you know it is the way to go, but you are simply not ready to face a life without alcohol.

NOT judging-it's all good. WHerever you are in your journey is where you are. At least you are thinking, considering and possibly hoping. That is more than some people ever do Inchy

[red67]

Inchys journal

My feeling is you have to hate drinking more than you like/love it to be ready. Once you are ready it still takes lots of work daily to stay stopped at first. It does get MUCH easier the longer you are away from AL and if you are truly honest with yourself about why you quit. Some people allow their brains to trick them into thinking they can drink "normally" once they have quit for awhile. That's where it takes true honesty with yourself to stay quit. I still get thoughts of drinking after 2 years sober but I can pretty easily think it thru to the end and know that it is not going to be any different if I drink. Honesty about your drinking is the key, at least for me. The first step is to get the AL out of your system and then work on you thru therapy or coming here daily or whatever you need to stay focused and honest.

I say "honest" alot because without honesty about AL and what is has done or is doing to you, I dont know how you will stay sober long term.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

thank you ann for your honesty, I hope of course that we're both wrong about me, but if not, I guess I hope you're here when I finally decide to take the plunge

[InChains]

Inchys journal

so a little fact about me, in the spirit of honesty. Maybe the reason I'm not ready to stop, I wanted to be a drug addict as a child. It seemed like a great idea to me. Now, I have an addiction, and sometimes I hate it, but sometimes if I hear somebody else drinks more than me? It doesn't make me glad, I want to drink more than them. I want to be in the worst place imaginable. I know that that is wrong, to look at all I have and only see how low I can be, to simultaneously aim for the greatest I can be, and total self destruction. I'm guessing thats gonna offend some people.

[red67]

Inchys journal

That is not offensive at all Inchy. In some degree I think all addicts are looking for a way to be self destructive. Addiction itself is destructive. When I was drinking, I was the most disgusting person in the world in my mind. When i drank I wanted to do more and more to myself to prove how disgusting I was. This only got better after getting alcohol out of my life. It takes time, it will not happen overnight. Just recently have I started to understand that I am a good person and I do deserve a healthy happy life. I grew up with an alcoholic father who put us down all the time. I now realize it wasn't his fault, he didn't understand what that did to us. A lifetime of self hate that will take a very long time to reverse. But you cannot work on that with alcohol in the picture. I was a teenager mentally when I finally quit drinking at age 43. I have grown more in 2 years than I did in 30. You are so young and it sounds like you are leaning in the right direction, keep asking questions. I am positive you will get there soon.

[Struggles 106]

Inchys journal

Hey Inchy

No it doesn't offend me at all. I can actually understand it. I guess that makes me weird too LOL