Inchys journal

[JackieClaire]

Inchys journal

Oh my goodness me. Got a project for our friends across the pond. A nice apple crumble.

Traditional British Apple Crumble Recipe

Photos will be required and marking will be done on goldenness.

I'm not a big fan of apple juice meself Inchy. I likes water. Now I never thought in one million years I'd hear me say that.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

i like apple juice, but it is not what i wanted haha

i like the baking project jc, yes we shall have the americans make crumble!

[K9Lover]

Inchys journal

Ok...my mom makes that...but we just call it pie! Us dang boring Americans.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

end of day 1

Ok, end of first af day in a long time. very, very tired. physically fine, mentally... cycling around through hate everything angry angry, hate myself depressed and then absolute nothing. So that's been real fun. work tomorrow, then drinking, then back to this on sunday - but it is easter so there will be chocolate this time! which I am sure will make things way better. Would say more, but thing I'd better rest. Thanks to everybody for helping me tonight and keeping me going.

-Inchy

[K9Lover]

Inchys journal

Good job Inchy!!!

[InChains]

Inchys journal

ok so since writing that my brain has somehow decided to dive into a state of hideous despair. This is great, as I simply cannot see the point of anything at all, including moving, drinking, eating and sleeping. To accompany this my brain frequently suggests great reasons why I should simply walk into moving traffic, which is exactly the kind of thought that aids restful sleep.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

I'm going to bed though i doubt i'll sleep, stone cold sober and something inside me seems to have just snapped. Everythings hard, moving is hard, thinking is hard. I'm alive, I will not hurt myself - because I have my fiance. The temptation now is to drink, to make this, whatever this is, go away. I so need it to go away. I feel hollow, drained, on the point of tears and I don't know why? if anybody, at all, can give me advice on dealing with this before I try another af day, I need it. I'm going to bed now, I will speak to you all Sunday. Thank you again.

-Inchy

[Blossoms]

Inchys journal

InChains;1485064 wrote: I'm going to bed though i doubt i'll sleep, stone cold sober and something inside me seems to have just snapped. Everythings hard, moving is hard, thinking is hard. I'm alive, I will not hurt myself - because I have my fiance. The temptation now is to drink, to make this, whatever this is, go away. I so need it to go away. I feel hollow, drained, on the point of tears and I don't know why? if anybody, at all, can give me advice on dealing with this before I try another af day, I need it. I'm going to bed now, I will speak to you all Sunday. Thank you again.

-Inchy

Go to bed and cry.
There are tears inside you, there is pain inside you. Alcohol just seems to take it away but doesn't.

[Doggygirl]

Inchys journal

InChains;1485064 wrote: I'm going to bed though i doubt i'll sleep, stone cold sober and something inside me seems to have just snapped. Everythings hard, moving is hard, thinking is hard. I'm alive, I will not hurt myself - because I have my fiance. The temptation now is to drink, to make this, whatever this is, go away. I so need it to go away. I feel hollow, drained, on the point of tears and I don't know why? if anybody, at all, can give me advice on dealing with this before I try another af day, I need it. I'm going to bed now, I will speak to you all Sunday. Thank you again.

-Inchy

(((Inchy))) Hope you made it through the night OK and got some sleep. Withdrawal can cause some crazy scary stuff to happen. And it's dangerous. So please please please get some help from the hospital if you need it due to withdrawals, or if you need it for support. This is hard - no question about that. Don't be afraid to ask for help locally if you need it. AL is NOT worth giving up your life over. Do whatever it takes, OK?

:h:l

DG

[InChains]

Inchys journal

i don't drink enough to have withdrawals, I don't know what happened. I laid awake until 2am in a state of total despair, I kept thinking I would like to die. But I didn't die and now there is wine and I don't want to die anymore. I cannot be sober again until I know what happened last night, most of the day I yelled at myself. I thought about doing stupid things. I am confused.

[RunningCourage]

Inchys journal

Hey Inchy,

First of, good job on last night - it's far from easy, and you stayed the course, despite everything you were thinking and feeling.

I really agree with molls... Medical stuff aside (i don't know this part either), whenever I tried to have a night off the booze (before I found MWO), it was always a struggle, with perpetual thoughts of "what's the point in this? where's my interest in anything? the only interest i have, the only love i feel just now, is for booze"... But that recedes, subsides, diminishes - it really does, but you gotta get a few days under yer belt first.

Not easy - but it does get easier.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

See, alcohol did not enter the thought except as a possible way of ending the negative, it was not, 'nothing but alcohol makes sense' it was simply 'nothing makes sense, nothing is worth it' I don't know if thats some form of mental withdrawal, or my natural mental state. I am genuinely confused, do i try again tomorrow, spend another 3 hours in semi-catatonic despair, do I drink tomorrow with all that brings with it? I feel at this stage, I begin to wonder, do I need help with that or not? will it pass? can somebody somewhere have the knowledge to help it pass. I don't know.

[Struggles 106]

Inchys journal

Hey Inchy

I agree with Molly--a day here and there is not going to allow you to feel the benefits of not drinking. Maybe you're not ready to quit. Maybe "harm reduction" is OK for you.

I'm no expert but abstaining from alcohol has many many benefits. Aside from the obvious health considerations there are others.

I became terrified to drink. I knew I was out of control, and I could not kid myself anymore. One drink led to more and that was never good.

I hope you can find your way and give yourself the chance for a sober life

[InChains]

Inchys journal

Dilemma

So, do I drink tonight? I drank last night, alot, about 14-15 units at a guess. I felt better. But tonight, I don't want to carry on as I have been but I'll be honest - I scared myself. The way i felt was, without exaggerating, dangerous. I considered ending my own life. I was lying in the dark considering it for hours. Do I risk that again? but then, is there a way of avoiding that risk and still getting sober, or close to sober? I don't know. I don't want to keep drinking, I definitely don't want to risk a serious situation though.

[Hippyman]

Inchys journal

InChains;1485437 wrote: See, alcohol did not enter the thought except as a possible way of ending the negative, it was not, 'nothing but alcohol makes sense' it was simply 'nothing makes sense, nothing is worth it' I don't know if thats some form of mental withdrawal, or my natural mental state. I am genuinely confused, do i try again tomorrow, spend another 3 hours in semi-catatonic despair, do I drink tomorrow with all that brings with it? I feel at this stage, I begin to wonder, do I need help with that or not? will it pass? can somebody somewhere have the knowledge to help it pass. I don't know.

Maybe some words from Wayne Dyer can help you. Change your thoughts and your whole World changes! It worked for me and it can work for you too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yar023enYEA[/video]]Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, With Dr Wayne Dyer - YouTube