Inchys journal

[InChains]

Inchys journal

So have made a decision to cut down slowly instead of going cold turkey, the depression was just too much for me, I genuinely felt I was a danger to myself and that this is a better way of dealing with things.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

okay this is day one of tapering off, on beer number 2 of 2, definitely craving more but gonna be a good girl, stick to my word and not give in. In terms of not drinking this is definitely harder, the cravings n thoughts are more centered around booze but I feel safe and secure, I don't feel depressed. I'd like to be able to stop, cold turkey but it didn't work for me, it was too dangerous and I hope that people can respect that. If I fail then this is my only chance at reduction and I will simply have to go af, but if this works my life could be better in a matter of weeks. Fingers crossed.

-Inchy

[Doggygirl]

Inchys journal

I am rooting for you Inchy.

DG

[InChains]

Inchys journal

day 2 of tapering off, sticking to 2 beers, a lot of will power involved and not nearly enough sleep. Excited to be stopping real soon, scared too, temptation is everywhere and I'm really hoping I can stick to my plan. Excited for tomorrow, shipping t-shirts to my first customers and arranging accommodation for uni. Big day ahead

[InChains]

Inchys journal

Midnight here, gonna go pretend like I'm still capable of sleep. love to all.

-Inchy

[mama bear]

Inchys journal

thinking of you Inchy
you really are an inspiration, believe it or not!

[Doggygirl]

Inchys journal

Hi Inchy! Sounds like you had a good day. Very happy for you. That's all we can really do is take each day as it comes. No worries about yesterday or tomorrow. Hope you are able to sleep. And if you aren't able to sleep, I hope your head is filled with pleasant thoughts. Congrats on your T-shirt sales!!

:l:h

DG

[Kradle123]

Inchys journal

InChains;1486391 wrote: Midnight here, gonna go pretend like I'm still capable of sleep. love to all.

-Inchy

You are WAY capable, Inchy! :l

Sleep tight :bedtime:

[BHOG]

Inchys journal

Inchy-
I was not online over the weekend, so I have just read back and caught up with you. In my experience, yes, the feelings of desparation, lack of value, lack of any motivation, all were real to me on the first few days of drying out. It does get better. What I found, was that no matter how long I "quit drinking" for, every time I lifted a glass, the next dry day I had the same feelings and depression.
Maybe tapering off will work for you, I could not do it. You put 1 in front of me, you better have more available.
Question: Is there any counseling available to you? I found that an impartial ear, one that I did not have to owrry about offending, was very helpful, becuase I had a lot to say, and it was not pretty. But it felt good to get it out, look at it, then kick it to the curb and let it go. Just a thought.
You can do this. I know you can. The question is, do you know you can?

[InChains]

Inchys journal

will reply to everybody tomorrow, just a quick stop by whilst my fiance makes tea. I don't think I can do this anymore, the idea of sober living is... huge. terrifying. horrifying? I don't know how else to put it. I have been keeping lid on it, controlling myself, living through the sleep deprivation n the cravings and physically its possible, its liveable but how do I do things sober? how do I work sober, live sober, do normal things and not sink back into the old way. I hate it but I don't know if real life is much better, its so new and strange and just... unfathomable. a life like this? I don't know anymore, if i want it, or if i want it enough. How much does it solve, if sober i still cannot face living in my own skin?

[BHOG]

Inchys journal

Inchy-
I'm going out on a limb here. And if I get too close, or you become uncomfortable with my words, just move on, and forget I said anything.
If I remember your conversations, you have spent the past what 7-8 years in a wasted state. Now you have spent what 1-2-3- days -maybe- sober in the past year?
All you are doing, in my opinion, is comparing what you know (the devil you know) with what you don't really know yet (the devil you don't know). Here is what happened to me (and yes, I am a person who writes, observes, comments often).
At first, I could not figure out what to do with my time. And I could not get my arms around writing, studying, creating, as nothing was "normal" to me anymore. This phase lasted probably a month, then slowly got better. I became, over time, less frightened by the world outside. OK, yes, there were problems I needed to work on; money, relationship with wife, with children, with friends; I needed a better self-image, and better work ethic; and I needed to write more. BUT- and it is a big BUT-sober I was able to break each problem down into manageable, controllable portions, work out a plan to resolve them, then work the plan, thereby resolving the smaller issues, and moving on to the larger ones. Each time I saw progress, I was quick to point it out to myslef, and to my wife. Pretty soon, she started pointing out the positive changes she was seeing.
LOng story short: Inchy, you cannot expect the whole change thing to happen at once. Yes, it is scary...you are giving up the control Alcohol had on you for so long. That means, Inchy, that YOU will be in charge of your life, rather than alcohol. You will not be going to the package house, or whatever the term is, as a matter of course. You will be making the decision to draw, write, create as only you can, not what the booze tells you to do.
Alcohol is a very mean and nasty master, Inchy. Very mean. It will cost you your relationships, your family, finally it will take your life. You are the only one who can say no for you. No one else can be in charge of your consumption.
I'm here if I can help.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

BHOG: cannot thank you enough, that is exactly what i needed to hear right now. I expected, somehow, that when i stopped drinking it would be that i would suddenly be able to get on in life and not want to drink and not think about the way I lived before. That's obviously ridiculous. change is happening, slowly, and thats how fast it's probably going to happen for a while, but if i keep doing this I might just be able to look back on this place in a years time n say y'know what? I did the right thing and that place I was in is a million miles away, even if it took tiny steps to get there.

-Inchy

[BHOG]

Inchys journal

InChains;1487159 wrote: change is happening, slowly, and thats how fast it's probably going to happen for a while, but if i keep doing this I might just be able to look back on this place in a years time n say y'know what? I did the right thing and that place I was in is a million miles away, even if it took tiny steps to get there.

-Inchy

Good for you, you heard what I was trying to explain. Now the big question is: Yes, you understand, but what are you going to do with it? Will you take the time to write down a series of goals, plans, steps to take?
I know you can. Do you?

[mama bear]

Inchys journal

Brilliantly said BHOG and so true.....I have practically a year sober....not completely but almost....and I am still a work in progress.
In fact, hubs has some fraternity brothers in town tonight and they want to meet for dinner. They are dear friends of mine, as well....BUT.....I am not going. Hubs understands.
It will be too hard for me to sit there and watch them drink, so I have chosen to have a "bad cold
and stay home with Netflix. And I am ok with. More importantly, my hubs is too!!

[K9Lover]

Inchys journal

Hi Inchy,
BHOG made some great points, he's a wise man, you should listen to him.
When I first thought about getting sober, it was so overwhelming, I just couldn't imagine NEVER drinking again. But I took it day by day and slowly changed my routines, my habits...and now I can't imagine how I had the time to sit around and drink myself into a stupor every night. Don't look at the BIG picture right now, just change one thing...then later change another thing...etc, etc. It CAN be done and I truly think you want it. Keep trying my friend!
K9