Inchys journal

[satz123]

Inchys journal

InChains;1495115 wrote:
Today I had to clear out the holdall I've been using to hide my empties in in my living room, I can't even put them out in the rubbish incase somebody notices that the one or two cans I leave around of a night to appear 'normal' is less than half the story. It's pathetic, how secretive I'm becoming, I hide myself in this room, I close the door whenever I'm anywhere else. I have no excuse to carry on as I am, people who drank much more, much longer can stop so why do i keep going back to this? I torture myself constantly, thinking about what I'm missing out on, half memories of bad things I've done, or trying to recall those hours spent in what I can only assume is black out.


-Inchy

Inchy
You are too young , too talented & too good for this life to let it slip away into nothingness through alcohol. To have that horrible guilt hanging over you.
YOU are worth so more - you were born to be happy and alcohol and all related behaviour is not making YOU happy !:l
- please take the number you were given & ring it now !

[InChains]

Inchys journal

Erik: it is 5.30pm where I am! I can relate to not wanting to lose your other half, my fiance is a great reason to stop, even though he's a large part of why is started drinking in the first place (to quote you, another looooong story no one wants to hear, or I don't want to tell xD) I've stopped for 40 days before, I know I have it in me to do it again, whether I have the balls to get help in that? thats another matter haha. much love dude

satz: you are so kind to me. I will try and call them, they're closed now apparently but wednesday. I know i have to change.

-inchy

[free at last]

Inchys journal

Ok, Inchy, just checking in on you today.

[satz123]

Inchys journal

free at last;1496140 wrote: Ok, Inchy, just checking in on you today.

Hi Free -Inchy is away today but is under starters orders for tomorrow :H to make that 'phone call !!

[K9Lover]

Inchys journal

Hi Inchy,
I am checking in on you too. I just want you to know I always read but don't always respond because sometimes I feel like you just need to vent in your journal. But I AM here. I hope you're doing ok.
K9

[InChains]

Inchys journal

Trying to phone but house is jam packed full of my brothers idiot friends, hard to call when you could be overheard by people you don't even trust in the first place. Urgh.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

finally picked up phone to be told that, despite having a phone number open 9-5, they actually don't want you to call them, they will only help you if you drop in 10-12 monday to friday. so all that shaking, chest hurting f*cking fear and effort to call them as worthless. And I still don't have help, and I feel more like drinking because I'm f*cking upset and no better off than I was before.

[red67]

Inchys journal

Inchy, I understand how you feel. When I finally got up the courage to go to my first AA meeting, i went and waited in the cafeteria of a local hospital because the book of meetings said there was one there. I waited for a half an hour and no one showed up. I was devastated! At the time I finally thought I could do it, the book was wrong. That meeting had disbanded months before because of lack of interest. I was so distraught by the whole situation that I went and bought my alcohol and spent the rest of the night drinking. Another attempt I made was to reach out to a long time (7 year sober) member of another group to get help and advice. I was crying on the phone to her and she basically blew me off and said I would be alright and that we all cry. When I told my counselor, who was the one who gave me her number, how upset i was, she told me that the woman called her to say that she was drinking again and to not give out her number anymore. Well, again, devastating and I got drunk right after that.

What I am trying to say is, dont give up! I finally found what worked for me and now i am over 2 years sober. It is hard when you are trying to reach out for help and you cant seem to connect with the lifeline. Keep trying. Can you make it at the times they accept the walk in appts?

Keep your head up, you can do this!

[K9Lover]

Inchys journal

Hi Inchy,

Sorry you are having such a hard time getting help. If you don't mind me asking, what is your living situation? Who all lives with you? You don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable. Did you end up drinking last night?

[InChains]

Inchys journal

I haven't been sober in nearly 2 weeks K9, I live with mother, sister and brother, brother usually has at least 4 friends in so its a crowded house.

[Guitarista]

Inchys journal

Gidday Inchy,

A big warm wave from Australia. Thinking of you mate. You sound like a remarkable and gutsy woman. Do what you have to do. :l

G bloke.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

spoke to a client drunk the other night, now having to tell all customers i'm 'ill' and 'can't work right now' all down to drink. feeling humiliated, disappointed in myself. Just convinced my other half not to talk to me online tomorrow because i want to drink and he'd object. I can't seem to get myself sober, I try, I fail, I drink and its worse than before.

[mama bear]

Inchys journal

Oh Inchy love...we are all here for you....
I wish I could get there and find someone to help you.....they don't want to deal with a mad mama....
can you confide in your mother?? I can't imagine her not wanting to help, but I don't know the family dynamic

[InChains]

Inchys journal

my mother has serious mental health problems, she needs me to be strong, I can't tell her anything right now

[K9Lover]

Inchys journal

How much alcohol are you drinking daily Inchy? Are you getting physically sick after?