Inchys journal

[InChains]

Inchys journal

is gone up alot in the last couple of months, about 12-13 units daily, the majority in a 3 hour period late at night. sometimes less, most days about that.

and I don't get sick after, but then I also nearly died because drinking about double that didn't make me vomit so it stayed in my system. I do feel ill though, been waking up with stomach pains sometimes lately.

[K9Lover]

Inchys journal

Do you still WANT to stop? I know it seems IMPOSSIBLE...but seriously, it is NOT! You have GOT to change your routine. You are stuck in a cycle that keeps you drunk. There has to be something you can change. Leave the house at night...is there anywhere you can go?

[InChains]

Inchys journal

K9 I'm not drinking tonight, i'm trying to get help some time soon.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

a day in the life

today is day one, time to change. I wanted to share my life now, as a way of, I guess explaining where I'm coming from and venting how I feel, and how things are.

wake up, small hours, head hurts, throats dry, down a pint of water to relieve the dehydration which only draws attention to the nausea. I lie back, close my eyes, nothing feels right, sleep takes along time to come, I have already resolved to drink again that night - I convince myself I feel ill because I have not had enough sleep, it is not the alcohol. I doze off. The alarm goes, maybe 2 hours later. Feel much the same, by now my stomach hurts. I dress, go downstairs and survey the lounge, hoping nobody else has been in there before me as the floor and table are covered in empties. I take a couple upstairs, leaving 2 to seem 'normal'. 2 cups of strong coffee and an attempt at breakfast later I am ready to head out for the day, on a good day I have packed for work the previous night, on a bad day I have not and am subsequently late. By this point I have been up an hour, and have already spent alot of that time thinking about drinking.

I get through work, on lunch I may go and buy the nights supplies (this depends on where I bought my last batch from, I alternate two stores, if I buy in the town I have to sneak the cans in in my work bag, thus hiding the fact i have had to buy alcohol 2 days in a row.) Some days i finish at 2 (by this time my stomach has probably stopped being an issue, alon with the nausea and headache), I go home and have an afternoon beer. If I work all day I simply think about this. I eat dinner, starting to think about whether its 'reasonable' to open another. I don't - because I know once I start I have to continue until I sleep, and I will not be asleep for some time yet. I try and do other things, nothing works.

Eventually at 9 I settle to my first drink, in the next 3 hours I will consume roughly 10 units, sometimes in addition to the earlier beer. I am now incapable of drawing or writing, and have started to say some very dumb things. I will probably go out for at least 2 cigarettes before bedtime at around 1am. I will likely argue with my fiance about the fact i have been drinking again in this time. I then crawl into my bed, close my eyes, and am usually out within seconds. 4-5 hours later I will be awake again - and thinking about my next drink.

so, is that living? I don't think so.

[K9Lover]

Inchys journal

I understand Inchy. My whole life was either spent planning to drink, drinking, or recovering from drinking. Throw in a full time job and a daughter to the mix, and you can probably guess that my life was pretty messed up. I did the bare minimum for my job and my daughter, but I gave drinking my ALL.

Now that I am sober, I cook real food, I make lunches the night before, I exercise over an hour a day, I read books! I watch movies and remember the ending. I get up early on Saturdays and actually enjoy my day off.

I know you know all of this is possible for you too Inchy. Distract yourself between 9pm-12am. Maybe you should just go to sleep early!!

[InChains]

Inchys journal

I can't sleep, I never have been a good sleeper, drinkings about the only thing that puts me out apart from illness.

so feeling pretty much like hell now anyway, really really want to keep sober and see where this goes though, got alot of hard times to do first I guess.

[K9Lover]

Inchys journal

I slept horribly WHILE I was drinking too. Now that I'm sober, I can go to bed at 9pm and sleep a solid 8-9 hours. That NEVER happened while alcohol was in the picture...ever! Even when I had the worst hangover ever, I still couldn't sleep. Get the alcohol completely out of your system, and I bet things will be different for you too!

[InChains]

Inchys journal

Just wish I knew how long this was going to take before i started to feel in some way good about it

[sugarbeat]

Inchys journal

Inchy hello, sending you a bit of virtual strength here...

You need to detox from alcohol.....

The physical removal of alcohol from you system is your priority at the moment, with that comes emotional crap but most of it is an illusion, a non reality, the addiction fighting back for its survival

Then you can move onto the next step, the emotional sobriety stuff, and that's knocking the lie that you are not good enough without it..

But step one now is detox safely , seek for guidance on that, and take action

[InChains]

Inchys journal

I dunno about detoxing safely, I'm not drinking tonight, haven't really looked up on it but y'know, I'm still standing so how bad can it be? haha

[InChains]

Inchys journal

and theres the depression... yay.

[InChains]

Inchys journal

feeling crappy, nobody about, going to bed, won't sleep.

[K9Lover]

Inchys journal

Try reading a book or listening to soothing music at a very LOW volume. Have you ever considered relaxation CD's? I listen to them every night...I swear I am asleep by the 3rd minute.

[mama bear]

Inchys journal

they DO work Inchy
there are relaxation videos on YouTube , too

[sugarbeat]

Inchys journal

Feckit Inchy you gotta want this and you got to put it into action, it needs work. You seem like you haven't got a clue what you're at, and that's normal for where you're at, I was a fully qualified trainwreck but thought I was kinda still ok, so how's about you just say effit and go to a doctor or someone who might guide you a bit in real life and get the Inchy show on the road, you're goin round in miserable circles, maybe take a different turn at the end of this spin